Bartenders are idiots

Mike

Mike

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Aug 8, 2001
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Beneath Mount Etna
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#1
I have taken out and dusted off the my original copy of "Mr. Boston: Official Bartender and Party Guide and I am going to bitch slap every bartender that does not know how to make a drink.

I am absolutely sick of bartenders asking me what kind of Vodka would I like in my martini. Maybe the pole smokers they share an apartment with like a "Vodka Martini" however a traditional martini, the drink that has been around for over 100, years is made with GIN...Do you hear me you dumbass bartenders GIN!!!

Ian Fleming is rolling over in his grave.
 
#7
Re: Bartenders are idiots

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mike</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Captain Kick-Ass</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Snoop Dog likes it with juice. </div></div>

Laid back with his mind on his money and his money on his mind? </div></div>

With my nuts on ya tonsils
While ya on stage rappin at your wack-ass concerts
And I'ma snatch your ass from the backside
To show you how Captain Kick-Ass pull off that who-ride
 
#8
Re: Bartenders are idiots

I always though gin tasted and smelled like pine, I would imagine thats due to the juniper in it. I worked on a christmas tree farm for two years in high school, it was hell, total slave labor lol, to this day the smell of gin brings back bad memories.

I'd prefer to either have some old single malt scotch, or if I'm going with a mixed drink a jack and coke or a manhattan, 3 shots of whisky, one shot of vermouth and a cherry, just like my grandpa makes them, 10 times a day lol.
 
#11
Re: Bartenders are idiots

GinAndJuice.jpg
 
#14
Re: Bartenders are idiots

The ones that irritate me are the ones that think when I order a Jack and Coke that I want 99% jack and a splash of coke.

If I want to get drunk ill slam shots, its about the flavor.
 
#16
Re: Bartenders are idiots

Martini shaker with crushed ice. Add vermouth to the shaker and give a good shake. Let the liquid drain out and add Plymouth gin that has been kept in the freezer, to the shaker. Shake until the shaker becomes so cold you can no longer hold it. Pour into a chilled Martini glass. Add a couple bleu cheese stuffed olives and enjoy. Splash of liquid from the olives to make it a little dirty.

Instead of olives, add some pickled okra.. and little bit of juice from the okra jar
 
#17
Re: Bartenders are idiots

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Mike</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Captain Kick-Ass</div><div class="ubbcode-body">maybe because Gin tastes like embalming fluid </div></div>

I'm not going to argue with you. But it keeps the mosquitoes away. </div></div>

Someone say embalming fluid...
wink.gif

I'll have one. 36 index, up, dry, and an extra olive.
 
#18
Re: Bartenders are idiots

Green Soju , Now thats some shit that tastes like embalming fluid , mainly because it IS .

I am not a big Martini fan Gin , Vodka or otherwise but I can feel your pain when bartenders don't know what the heck they are doing . What really kills me is when I go out drinking with my 20-something co-workers who all drink shit like "Purple Nurples" and "Chili-Bombs" . What the heck kind of weak shit is this . I work in construction , I drink Bourbon and Beer and if I feel the need for a mixed drink I will ad some coke to my Bourbon .
 
#21
Re: Bartenders are idiots

Good gin has many flavors and there are several nuances that dance upon the palate when favoring a clean, lime twisted martini with Junipero gin. I have sampled the blue cheese olives, the pickled okra in the finest of martini's but still go for that slight twist of lime.
Gins are one of th eworld's liquors that have multiple ingredeints as well as
Only a cretinous asshat would put anything like Vodka, or that apple candy crap into a cocktail glass and call it a martini.
 
#22
Re: Bartenders are idiots

The ones that agrivate me are the ones that insist on serving my stout nearly frozen.

Single malt shall only be served neat, to do otherwise is akin to slapping the pope in front of your grandmother.
 
#23
Re: Bartenders are idiots

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Rhys</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The ones that agrivate me are the ones that insist on serving my stout nearly frozen.

Single malt shall only be served neat, to do otherwise is akin to slapping the pope in front of your grandmother. </div></div>

Damn, we could be soul brothers.
 
#24
Re: Bartenders are idiots

I had one martini and I thought I was going to die, the ONLY thing I can stand gin with is a tom collins. Other than that it is whisky, knob creek or pendelton. Pisses me off you go somewhere pay $8 for a drink they put 1% whisky and 99% water, if I wanted water its what I woulda fuckin ordered, I ordered a fucking whisky so mix it how its supposed to be made 75 whisky and 25 water, if your mixing.
 
#25
Re: Bartenders are idiots

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Rhys</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The ones that agrivate me are the ones that insist on serving my stout nearly frozen. </div></div>

YES!!
 
#26
Re: Bartenders are idiots

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Texagator</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Finally....someone who gets it. I'm tired of telling bartenders that I want something "neat" and have them say, "No ice? Just straight up?" Yeah dumbass....that's what "neat" means.
</div></div>

Got to watch the scolding of the bar tender or server lest your drink arrives with a free loogie
sick.gif
 
#27
Re: Bartenders are idiots

Can't drink beer that you need to run through an oil filter first.

On the other hand agree with you 110% on the single malt.
 
#28
Re: Bartenders are idiots

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: shankster</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Rhys</div><div class="ubbcode-body">The ones that agrivate me are the ones that insist on serving my stout nearly frozen.

Single malt shall only be served neat, to do otherwise is akin to slapping the pope in front of your grandmother. </div></div>

Damn, we could be soul brothers. </div></div>


You've just redeemed yourself. I was begining to lose faith that you were anything more than a deviant into fat chicks.
 
#29
Re: Bartenders are idiots

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: packratt</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Can't drink beer that you need to run through an oil filter first.

On the other hand agree with you 110% on the single malt. </div></div>



Any beer lighter than a good amber ale is like making love in a canoe....

It's F---'n close to water.
 
#31
Re: Bartenders are idiots

I always thought gin tastes like perfume. I can only drink it with orange juice. If I have too much it makes me angry and violent and I forget things. I prefer scotch and/or stout. Having said that I couldn't agree with you more. Martinis are made with gin NOT vodka.
 
#32
Re: Bartenders are idiots

As a former bartender, you get tired of explaining that to customers, they all wanted "Cosomo's" after that stupid Sex in the City show came out. Then you get the just back from the beach jackasses who want the Passion fruit flying squirrell drink they had in Barbados. Bartenders are people, and if you actually talked to the guy who asked you "gin or vodka?" you'd probably make a new friend. And, a bartender friend is a good thing to have! I broke down drinks int color catagories for idiots. Red drinks: fruit juice, rum, a crap load of Grenadine and a fruit salad on top. Blue drinks: Tequila, blue Cuacsoa and what ever else I threw in it. Green drinks: juice Midori and cherries. And then the rest you just make up. If they asked why it tasted different from what ever house drink from somewhere else, I would tell them that everybody makes their drinks a little different.A good martini only needs the gin to be shown the vermouth, you don't actually put it in your mouth. Little bit of olive juice and Bombay Sapphire in a frozen glass. Getting mad about bartenders asking "gin or vodka?" is like the 83 million questions about "which rifle should I buy to shoot long range?" questions that get posted here daily. People in this wonderful modern age have Master's degrees and PhD's, which just means that the general knowledge base is getting narrower every day. They disdain spending brain capacity on most anything outside their own personal sphere.
Probably more information than you wanted, but I spent 10 years behind a bar before becoming a cop and you wouldn't belive the shit you get asked to mix together in a glass and still pretend to like the dumbass in hope of a tip. Courvosier and diet Coke was a common one here in Jackson. Still makes me shudder to think of it.
Patrick
 
#33
Re: Bartenders are idiots

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Courvosier and diet Coke was a common one here in Jackson. Still makes me shudder to think of it.
</div></div>

Re-education camps for them...
 
#34
Re: Bartenders are idiots

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: queequeg</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Courvosier and diet Coke was a common one here in Jackson. Still makes me shudder to think of it.
</div></div>

Re-education camps for them... </div></div>

That's too funny.

That's the one statement in that whole post that just jumps out. Its the meeting of new money and the trailer park.
 
#35
Re: Bartenders are idiots

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: queequeg</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Courvosier and diet Coke was a common one here in Jackson. Still makes me shudder to think of it.
</div></div>

Re-education camps for them...</div></div>

Why, they obviously don't seem to be 'educatable'....
 
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