As the Father of a now-49 y/o Daughter growing up in the '70' and '80's, I will simply share that no matter what Spock (Dr, that is) says; there is no guidebook for raising
your child.
At that time, I was also standing in loco parentis to many multiracial teenage young men in an Inner City Scouting Troop, defined as being over 50% composed of single parent families, and it ain't the Dads.
All of it helped, none of it helped; and I'd be sorely constrained to describe how any of it worked. Good instincts...?
I was very mindful of my own Dads comment that kids grow up, many of them despite their parents. I can see his point, in retrospect.; and that's the problem. Hindsight is not as bright as many think, and one's experience is very often disastrous advice for others.
As a very deeply trained Scoutmaster, one key training block covers counseling. First; it tells us that we aren't counselors. Second; it admonishes to NEVER give advice. It goes on to direct that counselors elicit the subject's own options as they can discern them, and help them balance their choices among those.
Counselors' kids have no advantage, they can read their parents like books and the subtlety is thoroughly wasted. You can't sneak up on yourself, nor on your own slightly blurry younger carbon copy.
Fageddaboudit. Counselors kids need
other counselors, and it cannot be a Jap Attack; or you just busted something irreparable.
Softly, softly, catchee monkey, and when you have; leave the strap in plain sight, but never mentioned. Use it at the peril of losing your kid forever. Reward-based psychology earns well deserved disrespect. They are not your Buddy until they have kids of their own; maybe...
One of the truest; they hit 22, and consider it amazing how smart you actually got in the last year or two. Doesn't matter; it's too late for a touchup by then. Some never get that insight, either.
Their friends and their friends' parents raise them; as did mine; so it's not such a terrible idea to help their friends. That's actually what happened
for me when I became a Scout.
Alone? I'd rather handfeed sharks. If you want to know how so many minority youth got ruined; look for the fathers. You'll often need to look harder, and usually,
that problem is already generations deep.
This is an excellent answer in such situations; few better. They helped my Scouts back in the '70's, and I assume it's safe to say that they still do. But a hundred was always too few.
'It takes a Village..." is trite and smarmy self service. But it does take a number of decent thinking folks to offset the effects of a cautiously long crafted malevolent society. You can't go it alone.
Greg
