The History of the the M14.....
1. In the beginning there were wooden stocks, and after rain and ice thine brothers complained mightily of shifting zeroes, and of compressed wood under trigger guards. And it came to pass that the Uncle Sam did God's work and brought synthetic stocks into the world, and these were proof against rain and ice and compression, and it was good, and there was much rejoicing.
2. Treat thy sights as thou wouldst treat thy wife: with care and understanding and frustration. Zero thy sights, Locktite thy screws, and be not rough with the front sight nor the rear sight lest thee shootest thy neighbor's target.
3. Meddle not in the affairs of God nor the M14's gas system, for they are one and the same and are not meant to be understood by man. Verify that thy gas piston moves freely when tilting the rifle and leave it be. If the gas piston does not move by its own will, thou mayest remove the gas plug, clean the gas piston, dry it completely and reinstall it, taking care to tighten the gas plug only finger-tight and not with the torque of stars, for the plug will tighten more with time and accumulate carbon. Likewise, thou shalt not clean thy rifle unless it is upside-down, lest the demons CLP and Hoppes take residence in thy gas system, and then there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Thou shalt most certainly not introduce oil, or solvents, or toad urine, or whatever else the gun rags advise doing, into the gas system, for if the Lord, the Uncle Sam, and the prophet Garand wanted this to be, it would be writ upon the very sky or at least within a technical manual.
4. USGI magazines are the true magazines of the Lord; all others are from Satan and do his work. Beware the deceiver Check-Mate, for though he be USGI, he is a false prophet.
5. Tuck not thy strong elbow downwards when shooting the M14, for the M14 harks to a simpler, earlier era when men were still fearful of God, and held their strong elbows high when shooting in His name. Plant thy rifle's butt firmly in thy shoulder and thy face firmly upon the stock, lest one be sternly rebuked by His might, and suffer from bruises and split lips and laughter.
6. Fuck not with thy handguard, lest ye be fucked with. The handguard resides in its place joyfully and departs it only with much effort and damage. The prudent man keeps two or three replacements, in case he fails to heed this commandment.
7. In the beginning there were canvas slings and they were good; but in the jungles of southeast Asia they did rot, and they chafed mercilessly the hands and arms of good men, and thus did the Uncle Sam bring nylon slings into the world, and there was much rejoicing.
8. Satan's hand is upon the flash suppressor, and it sometimes causes bullets to go awry. The wise man watches his flash suppressor for streaks of purest gilding metal and services his rifle upon finding these. If they are not there, Satan's hand is not present, and the wise man leaves this alone.
9. Thou shalt not place thy fingers in the operating rod channel, lest ye be dealt a stinging chastisement from the Uncle Sam and the prophet Garand.
10. Thou shalt learn the ways of the M14 in detail; thou shalt use thy combi-tool to strip the rifle, and clean the rifle, and strip the bolt, and load the magazine. Thou shalt learn the width of the front sight and how to find ranges with it. Thou shalt learn to strike the butt upon a soft surface to free a stuck casing, or to kick the charging handle if need be. Thou shalt become proficient in field stripping and reassembling the weapon again, including the demon Springfield Armory's twist-out charging handle, which is the work of Satan. Thou shalt aquire a USGI chamber brush and learn its use, and use it frequently. Thou shalt heed the words of the prophet Garand and use only grease on the action, or heed the words of the Uncle Sam and use CLP if grease cannot be found. Thou shalt not bed thy rifle, for thy rifle was forged in the heat of battle and not the calm of the KD range, and bedding is expensive and troublesome. Thou shalt know the rules of a fixed gas system and abide by them, and shall not fire bullets weighing more than one hundred and sixty eight grains and not less than one hundred and fifty grains. Thou shalt not use lapping, for thy bore is lined with CHROME, MIGHTIEST of bore linings and king of the battlefield, and CHROME shall only be lapped with the roar of passing bullets and the lamentations of the enemies of the Uncle Sam, and beer cans. Thou shalt procure the manuals of the Uncle Sam, for he is mighty and he knows much in the ways of the M14, and thou shalt seek out his parts and accessories where they may be found, for the demon Springfield Armory favors Chinese knock-offs and these have been the downfall of many a man.
I thought this was pretty good =). Hope you enjoyed it.
Jason
1. In the beginning there were wooden stocks, and after rain and ice thine brothers complained mightily of shifting zeroes, and of compressed wood under trigger guards. And it came to pass that the Uncle Sam did God's work and brought synthetic stocks into the world, and these were proof against rain and ice and compression, and it was good, and there was much rejoicing.
2. Treat thy sights as thou wouldst treat thy wife: with care and understanding and frustration. Zero thy sights, Locktite thy screws, and be not rough with the front sight nor the rear sight lest thee shootest thy neighbor's target.
3. Meddle not in the affairs of God nor the M14's gas system, for they are one and the same and are not meant to be understood by man. Verify that thy gas piston moves freely when tilting the rifle and leave it be. If the gas piston does not move by its own will, thou mayest remove the gas plug, clean the gas piston, dry it completely and reinstall it, taking care to tighten the gas plug only finger-tight and not with the torque of stars, for the plug will tighten more with time and accumulate carbon. Likewise, thou shalt not clean thy rifle unless it is upside-down, lest the demons CLP and Hoppes take residence in thy gas system, and then there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Thou shalt most certainly not introduce oil, or solvents, or toad urine, or whatever else the gun rags advise doing, into the gas system, for if the Lord, the Uncle Sam, and the prophet Garand wanted this to be, it would be writ upon the very sky or at least within a technical manual.
4. USGI magazines are the true magazines of the Lord; all others are from Satan and do his work. Beware the deceiver Check-Mate, for though he be USGI, he is a false prophet.
5. Tuck not thy strong elbow downwards when shooting the M14, for the M14 harks to a simpler, earlier era when men were still fearful of God, and held their strong elbows high when shooting in His name. Plant thy rifle's butt firmly in thy shoulder and thy face firmly upon the stock, lest one be sternly rebuked by His might, and suffer from bruises and split lips and laughter.
6. Fuck not with thy handguard, lest ye be fucked with. The handguard resides in its place joyfully and departs it only with much effort and damage. The prudent man keeps two or three replacements, in case he fails to heed this commandment.
7. In the beginning there were canvas slings and they were good; but in the jungles of southeast Asia they did rot, and they chafed mercilessly the hands and arms of good men, and thus did the Uncle Sam bring nylon slings into the world, and there was much rejoicing.
8. Satan's hand is upon the flash suppressor, and it sometimes causes bullets to go awry. The wise man watches his flash suppressor for streaks of purest gilding metal and services his rifle upon finding these. If they are not there, Satan's hand is not present, and the wise man leaves this alone.
9. Thou shalt not place thy fingers in the operating rod channel, lest ye be dealt a stinging chastisement from the Uncle Sam and the prophet Garand.
10. Thou shalt learn the ways of the M14 in detail; thou shalt use thy combi-tool to strip the rifle, and clean the rifle, and strip the bolt, and load the magazine. Thou shalt learn the width of the front sight and how to find ranges with it. Thou shalt learn to strike the butt upon a soft surface to free a stuck casing, or to kick the charging handle if need be. Thou shalt become proficient in field stripping and reassembling the weapon again, including the demon Springfield Armory's twist-out charging handle, which is the work of Satan. Thou shalt aquire a USGI chamber brush and learn its use, and use it frequently. Thou shalt heed the words of the prophet Garand and use only grease on the action, or heed the words of the Uncle Sam and use CLP if grease cannot be found. Thou shalt not bed thy rifle, for thy rifle was forged in the heat of battle and not the calm of the KD range, and bedding is expensive and troublesome. Thou shalt know the rules of a fixed gas system and abide by them, and shall not fire bullets weighing more than one hundred and sixty eight grains and not less than one hundred and fifty grains. Thou shalt not use lapping, for thy bore is lined with CHROME, MIGHTIEST of bore linings and king of the battlefield, and CHROME shall only be lapped with the roar of passing bullets and the lamentations of the enemies of the Uncle Sam, and beer cans. Thou shalt procure the manuals of the Uncle Sam, for he is mighty and he knows much in the ways of the M14, and thou shalt seek out his parts and accessories where they may be found, for the demon Springfield Armory favors Chinese knock-offs and these have been the downfall of many a man.
I thought this was pretty good =). Hope you enjoyed it.
Jason
