I've suspected for a while that my buddy is the reason we lose touch not me.

AmmoFort

AmmoFort

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Oct 5, 2023
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#1
Been friends with this guy since I was maybe 20 (knocking on 50 here in a bit). And every time we lose touch for a bunch of years I figure it must have been my fault. He's had the same number forever and I seem to get a new one every 5 - 10 years. I figure "shit I must not have given him my latest number, fuck I'm a dick." Well this last go 'round when we reconnected I've caught him a few times being embarrassed about some stupid shit or another. And instead of 'fessing up this motherfucker just falls off the face of the earth! I'll finally get a hold of him a few weeks...more often months later and out he'll come with some fuckery that he didn't want to tell me about. Great guy, love him to pieces. But what the fuck?

This thread is more a bitch session for me because I don't have a ton of friends that I keep in contact with, maybe 6. And only a couple of them get right back to me. Everybody's busy, you all know the drill. Always been more of a loner myself, but I do enjoy shooting the shit with the brothers of my choosing.

Anyhow, call your best bud and tell him you love him and that you appreciate him. Make him feel slightly uncomfortable from me! Fucker deserves it anyway...
 
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#2
There's friends, as in trusted family.

Then there's "everybody else".

"Everybody else" may, or may not have SOME degree of trust (or none whatsoever). However nothing compared with friends (as in trusted family).

A friend (as in trusted family) will bring a shovel when needs be. Or jump in the hole with you.

Many folks consider a bunch of "everybody else" as friends. They aren't...
 
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#3
Camelfilter said:
There's friends, as in trusted family.

Then there's "everybody else".

"Everybody else" may, or may not have SOME degree of trust (or none whatsoever). However nothing compared with friends (as in trusted family).

A friend (as in trusted family) will bring a shovel when needs be. Or jump in the hole with you.

Many folks consider a bunch of "everybody else" as friends. They aren't...
Click to expand...

Most are nothing more than an acquaintance. It's easy to figure out who your friends are when you need help. I cut almost all of those type of people out of my life years ago.
 
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#4
I have one guy I’d call a real friend if I needed some help and if he could he’d come. I was that guy for years jumping every time someone called and needed help from yard work to helping rebuild boats or whatever month long project, I need an extra hand holding something off and on for a few hours while I pop a few screws in or something real easy and crickets. I used to do a shit ton of volunteer and charity work too, I don’t even touch that shit anymore lol.

If I can’t do it alone, I’ll just pay someone to do it for me.
 
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#5
I’m fortunate. I have two very capable younger brothers. One owns two businesses and I manage one of the businesses for him. The other is a machinist/tool grinder @Makinchips208. I can call either one of them anytime of the day or night and they would be there and I’d do the same for either of them. Then I have at least 20 guys that are good friends that I could call right this minute and get all the help I could want. They all know I’d do the same for them. I feel for the OP and don’t mean to sound like I’m thumbing my nose. Like I said-I’m very fortunate, and I know I’m in a rare minority group
 
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#6
Unfortunately.. in my small group of friends.. I’m that guy. I’m just not much of a talker and I dislike sharing my problems. I’ve gone more than a year without talking to my own brother. If one of my three friends needs something though… anything.. it doesn’t matter how long I’ve been MIA they know I’ll be there or give it to them. My three friends are such good friends that I would have no hesitation giving them a large sum of money if they truly needed it without an expectation of repayment. While they aren’t in a position to do that, they have shown over the decades that they will do anything they can to help me.
Please don’t judge us solitary types too harshly. We just don’t fit the mold
 
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#7
I have a core group of what I call real friends of about 4-5 guys most I have known since high school one guy I have known since we were 4yrs old I am knocking on 50 myself. Out of those guys I am the only hardcore shooter/hunter they all come to me when they want recommendations on shooting or hunting related stuff.

We mostly stay on top of each other via a group text it's as close to social media as most of us get.

We started a tradition about 20yrs ago to have "gentleman's dinner" (we use the term lightly...LOL) once a year the weekend before Christmas most of us have made it for the last 20yrs or more. We usually start off with a few drinks at someone's house or a small bar then go to a real nice high-end steakhouse after that we end up at some bar with a bunch of twenty-year-olds we got no business being at to look at a bunch of young hot ass we pretend we can still get if we wanted to.... 🤣 By midnight I am usually ready to raise the white flag and either Uber home or have my wife come pick me up.
 
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#9
It’s tough to find and stay connected to people who see things the same way; especially if you have moved through several careers. Moving a few times and the crew gets very small. It’s not that they dislike, mostly they just don’t care. As I age I find there are more male friends/acquaintances younger than myself that reach out for occasional psychological high fives.
 
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#10
I've got a smaller circle now that I live in the middle of nowhere. Thanks to things like FB, I keep in touch with quite a few guys
that I ran with at various points in my career...however they are simply acquaintances that I can occasionally call and chat with. Only two do I routinely see anymore.

It sucks, but as we get older I think our circle gets smaller.

Not to mention that I've had five buddies die of natural causes already before the age of 50, and two of them were this year.
 
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#11
I'll be 50 in about a month. I had a "best friend" since high school that turned out to be a real piece of work years later. I won't go into details, but we basically rarely even see each other or speak anymore.

On the flip side, I have a friend group of guys I've never even met in person, but got started on an RC car forum, and we played video games together. We have a group text that is active every day, and if one of us doesn't respond your phone is ringing just to make sure you're OK. A couple of us have been through some rough shit the past couple years, and it's those guys that will call and make sure you're OK, talk you down off the ledge, if you need anything, etc. The internet can be full of bad things, but sometimes it's amazing also.
 
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#12
Almost without exception it's always been me that would pick up the phone to call guys I knew to see how they were doing. Or that I invited them and their family over to the house for a get together. That's always bothered me a LOT. I thought friendship was supposed to be reciprocal? I make allowances for them - they have families; they're busy with work; this that or the other thing. But the fact of the matter is I have (had) those same things too in my life but I always found time for them. I never expected anybody to reach out to me but I always hoped they would.

I had a friend...had a friend, loved him like a brother. We ran around together, pulled pranks, had a lot of late night talks as teenagers. I was his best man at his wedding. Then things began to change. When his dad died, he never mentioned a thing to me, I found out 3rd hand. I knew when he got married we'd never be close again and I accepted that. I try calling him and all I get is his answering machine; never a call back for years.

Then, one day (probably 15 years later) he calls me right out of the blue. I said "Joe, why don't you ever call or at least answer my calls all the times I've called you?" His response - "We were never really that close." Man that hurt....a lot. I was his f'n best man at his wedding and we were never really that close? Just exactly how does that work?

I can count my "friends" on one hand with fingers left over. Everyone else is an acquaintance or an associate.
 
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#13
diggler1833 said:
I've got a smaller circle now that I live in the middle of nowhere. Thanks to things like FB, I keep in touch with quite a few guys
that I ran with at various points in my career...however they are simply acquaintances that I can occasionally call and chat with. Only two do I routinely see anymore.

It sucks, but as we get older I think our circle gets smaller.

Not to mention that I've had five buddies die of natural causes already before the age of 50, and two of them were this year.
Click to expand...
I hear you’re a big hit on grindr though
 
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#14
People come in/out of life. My brother is still my best friend and always will be. I have a couple of friends I can count on, but I talk or chat with them about 1/3 of what I do with my Brother. Almost everyday! We have moments where we piss each other off, but it only last a few days at most. When I was married, I could even count on him more than my spouse!

Every man should have brother. Parents that have a boy and don't have another are assholes!

I hear people talk about their brothers, and talk about how they don't communicate. I can't even relate to that.
 
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#15
My wife and in-laws are my closest friends and I’m more than content with that.

My one real friend that I’ve had since the 6th grade got married a few years back and his wife won’t let him out to play anymore. We talk every once in a while and make plans I know won’t come to fruition.

I also have a couple guys through work and church that I wheel and shoot with. We have similar interests, hobbies, beliefs and politics. Nothing beats the friendships you made from when you were a kid though, if you’re lucky enough to still have them. These are the people you can always count on and never question their authenticity.
 
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#17
Most everyone you know would come to a cookout at your house or meet you for a beer, especially if you're buying. I refer to those as "acquaintances" Some others might even help you out occasionally, but won't really go any extra distance. Maybe that't the friends folks are referring to.

My core group of 2 AM friends is the group I value. I have a few, probably more than I deserve. That's the folks who will answer the phone at 2 AM and ask what you need, then show up prepared. I don't have any blood family in this class except for one uncle, but my chosen family is sufficient.
 
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#18
I'm running out of friends and honestly fuck them. One buddy I've had for 20 years bailed on me after a New Mexico Oryx hunt. He brought his Elmer Fudd faggot fireman buddy and they hunted together and basically told me and another guy to fuck off.

He shot a nice big male Oryx and let it wander off and die. No effort to track it because he saw a bigger one. Then he missed that one. I tagged a nice female with 38" horns and he demanded half the meat, rudely. His questionable ethics reached there limit on this adventure.

I've helped this piece of shit move three times and hauled is heavy ass out of the woods when he slipped a disc. Never a fucking thanks. Much like Tampon Tim he was a CSM who made it to the top by kissing the bottom. Once he topped out he became a real piece of shit.

So when we got off the plane he was done. Most people disappear from your life for a reason.
 
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#19
I just heard from my daughter that an old friend died last week. He had mental problems ever since I met him 35 years ago which got progressively worse. He was a super nice guy though which I always liked about him. However it was a one sided relationship and he eventually just quit calling 20 years ago.
A funny story about him. I ran into him in town one day around 15 years ago, and I said hey you want to go shooting, so we decided to go that afternoon. He said he wanted to follow me out which was fine. I'm ahead of him on I-40 and look back to see that he keeps going off over to the side to stop then back onto the highway again, over and over. I'm thinking he must be having vehicle problems so I pull over and back up slowly. I asked him what was wrong and he said that he felt uncomfortable being that far out of town which was maybe 5 miles if that, LOL???!!! I didn't say it out loud but I'm thinking to myself, man bro, you poor guy, you've really lost it bad. I was able to talk him into going out the other 5 miles and we had a great time.
I ran into him once more about 10 years ago and we talked for a few minutes which was the last time I saw him.

Had some friends when I was in my mid 20's to late 30's which I thought were good guys but it turned out half of them were a bit odd and the others liked my slutty wife, well ex wife, way more than they liked me. It's really weird when you go to pick up your kids, knock on, what was your front door two weeks before when you lived there, and your wife(not divorced yet) and best friend are now beddy besty's! That hurt but after a while the realization that I was free from Jezebel turned out to be totally awesome. She's on her 5th or so man now, or I should say that I know of, and still causes trouble to this day.

Going back to high school/HS and for a few years afterwards I decided to quit partying and doing stuff that was going to land me in jail but my friends didn't so ties were mutually cut and we lost contact. All of sudden one shows up at my door last year which is 43 years later. He'd banged his head real bad in a motocross accident 24 years ago and he isn't quite all there anymore which is sad, and I can only hear his same stories so many times, so I kinda dread when he calls, lol. Not to mention his wife is a little "off" herself. It's a bit draining but I like him and we hang out occasionally nevertheless.
He got me in touch with a couple other HS friends but we pretty much don't have stuff in common anymore. One married a wife half his age and has young kids at 65 years old so he's occupied, lol. The other lives in Taiwan and is still partying.

I have acquaintances now but that's it. One has cancer and limited as to what he can still do, which is super sad for me, the others we don't exactly see eye to eye on things. Ones last name is Berger and sometimes he gets moody and acts like a A-hole and that's when I say his ASSBERGERS has kicked in, lol. Gotta watch out for those old single guys that have, RC planes, guns, reloading equipment, targets, bows, motorcycle's', a pool table, basically crap everywhere, also pictures of neked lady's, all in their living area.

My direct family, Mom, Dad, brother and sister are dead. Being holiday season I miss them even more.

I do have a fantastic wife of 19 years now though so I'm good there.

The only control we have is on our end so try to treat others the best you can muster. Some people are flat out not worth being around at all and even God himself knows this so don't feel bad about it and go on.
But we need to forgive them too or we end up with that particular monkey of unforgiveness on our back.
 
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#20
i've realized over the years that i put more value in a friendship than most of the people i considered a friend. started weeding them out.
but i am still fortunate....both my sons are incredible, my nephew (who i had a big hand in raising) is a wonderful young man, i am very close with my brother, and i have 6 guys that are solid. six don't sound like much, but i am very thankful for them.
i am a rich man.

best thing i can say is something someone said above....people get weeded out for a reason.
 
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#21
myronman3 said:
i've realized over the years that i put more value in a friendship than most of the people i considered a friend. started weeding them out.
but i am still fortunate....both my sons are incredible, my nephew (who i had a big hand in raising) is a wonderful young man, i am very close with my brother, and i have 6 guys that are solid. six don't sound like much, but i am very thankful for them.
i am a rich man.

best thing i can say is something someone said above....people get weeded out for a reason.
Click to expand...

Amen, Brother!

I used to miss friends when they checked out, but not any longer. I realize what my time is worth.

My wife had an issue recently with her relatives being shitty. I told her then - The best thing someone can ever do for you is to show you exactly how much they do or don't care about you. From then on, you know exactly where you stand.
 
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#22
Bullfrog08 said:
People come in/out of life. My brother is still my best friend and always will be. I have a couple of friends I can count on, but I talk or chat with them about 1/3 of what I do with my Brother. Almost everyday! We have moments where we piss each other off, but it only last a few days at most. When I was married, I could even count on him more than my spouse!

Every man should have brother. Parents that have a boy and don't have another are assholes!

I hear people talk about their brothers, and talk about how they don't communicate. I can't even relate to that.
Click to expand...

I've went years without talking to my brother. We've never been that close and I've had friends be more like a brother to me than he will ever be.
 
#23
Bullfrog08 said:
People come in/out of life. My brother is still my best friend and always will be. I have a couple of friends I can count on, but I talk or chat with them about 1/3 of what I do with my Brother. Almost everyday! We have moments where we piss each other off, but it only last a few days at most. When I was married, I could even count on him more than my spouse!

Every man should have brother. Parents that have a boy and don't have another are assholes!

I hear people talk about their brothers, and talk about how they don't communicate. I can't even relate to that.
Click to expand...
I have a friends (as in trusted family), however my brother was my best friend. The last words he said to me were "keep going" Feb 27th 2012. He passed that night Feb 28th, in the townhouse he & I shared. Our folks by his side. Had setup our living room for home hospice. Aggressive cancer.
 
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#25
AmmoFort said:
Been friends with this guy since I was maybe 20 (knocking on 50 here in a bit). And every time we lose touch for a bunch of years I figure it must have been my fault. He's had the same number forever and I seem to get a new one every 5 - 10 years. I figure "shit I must not have given him my latest number, fuck I'm a dick." Well this last go 'round when we reconnected I've caught him a few times being embarrassed about some stupid shit or another. And instead of 'fessing up this motherfucker just falls off the face of the earth! I'll finally get a hold of him a few weeks...more often months later and out he'll come with some fuckery that he didn't want to tell me about. Great guy, love him to pieces. But what the fuck?

This thread is more a bitch session for me because I don't have a ton of friends that I keep in contact with, maybe 6. And only a couple of them get right back to me. Everybody's busy, you all know the drill. Always been more of a loner myself, but I do enjoy shooting the shit with the brothers of my choosing.

Anyhow, call your best bud and tell him you love him and that you appreciate him. Make him feel slightly uncomfortable from me! Fucker deserves it anyway...
Click to expand...

I organize getting my core/wayback friends together every couple months. It's like herding cats sometimes, but I'll do it 'til I can't.

Keith
 
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#27
My HS buddies who I did everything with even thru college and after college all live within 5 miles of me. We rarely get together anymore. All have families and kids and basically do all that. I see them now and then. But I just go solo much of the time in my own hobbies. I have my own family that occupies my time but it’s not that time consuming that we couldn’t get together more often.
 
#33
I know a guy. We met in 10th grade and became good friends. I was his best man for his first wedding.

Jobs separated us by sometimes thousands of miles but I always made the effort to call once in a while. Sorta settled down and had the same phone number and I realized that he never called me. I chalked it up to it not being the custom. Then I moved to a town shortly after marrying my first wife and he ended up in the same town as he was now divorcing his first wife. We got together once, maybe twice but I noticed that he still never called.

So..I quit calling.

One day we see each other at the store and he says, "Hey, man! How come you never call?" I replied, "My fucking phone rings, too." He took the hint for a while and we hung out or at least stayed in contact.

Then I moved to Alaska (again) and he quit calling. I started working in the oilpatch and moved around a bit, no phone calls. I bought a house in our hometown and he would call or stop by once in a while. Now...I've moved away (forever this time) and no more calls.

Oh well....my phone still rings and until it does, his won't.
 
#34
Aftermath said:
I know a guy. We met in 10th grade and became good friends. I was his best man for his first wedding.

Jobs separated us by sometimes thousands of miles but I always made the effort to call once in a while. Sorta settled down and had the same phone number and I realized that he never called me. I chalked it up to it not being the custom. Then I moved to a town shortly after marrying my first wife and he ended up in the same town as he was now divorcing his first wife. We got together once, maybe twice but I noticed that he still never called.

So..I quit calling.

One day we see each other at the store and he says, "Hey, man! How come you never call?" I replied, "My fucking phone rings, too." He took the hint for a while and we hung out or at least stayed in contact.

Then I moved to Alaska (again) and he quit calling. I started working in the oilpatch and moved around a bit, no phone calls. I bought a house in our hometown and he would call or stop by once in a while. Now...I've moved away (forever this time) and no more calls.

Oh well....my phone still rings and until it does, his won't.
Click to expand...
I always say friendship/relationships and communication is 50/50. I'm a bit of an over achiever, so I'll do 60/40, but nothing past that. I'll call/text 6 times out 10, but if you can't call 4 out of 10, then I assume it to be an unbalanced relationship. I'll let that shit slide, and if it never returns, then so be it. Life goes on.......

People always have the excuse of family, kids, work, blah, blah, blah. It takes about 15 seconds to text someone and maybe 5 minutes for a short conversation. If you don't have time for that, I don't have time for you!

Maybe this is why I can count my friends on one hand, with some fingers left over!

Dogs make great friends. You want a real friend, get a dog! A dog will always want your attention!
 
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#35
I don't have the OP's problem. I don't like people. So no friends old or new. So no problems.

I like turtles though.

Wyoming is full, stay out. Fewer people to make friends with this way. Fewer problems.
 
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#36
Emerson0311 said:
And not just who will answer, but who has the capacity to solve the problem.
Click to expand...

I wouldn’t call someone at 2AM unless I knew they would at least try to help me solve the problem.



IMG_6293.jpeg
 
#38
ON THE FLY POLL:

Associate a song that summarizes this thread.

  • Eleanor Rigby (Beatles)
  • Imagine (John Lennon)
  • Cats in the cradle (Harry Chapin)
  • We are the world (A.I.D.S benefit song)
  • Brokeback Mountain: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
  • Highway to Hell (ac/dc)
 
#43
Tried the friend thing several times, didn't work out, even reached out via a phone call, realized maybe I am the asshole, just
an observation not judging. Now it is just two dogs, it works they listen sometimes.
 
#44
I'm a friend to someone who is just like the OP describes. I found much peace when I accepted he had no interest and let it go. There's no one worth the headache of a one way friendship. Kick it to the curb and move on.
 
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#50
Camelfilter said:
There's friends, as in trusted family.

Then there's "everybody else".

"Everybody else" may, or may not have SOME degree of trust (or none whatsoever). However nothing compared with friends (as in trusted family).

A friend (as in trusted family) will bring a shovel when needs be. Or jump in the hole with you.

Many folks consider a bunch of "everybody else" as friends. They aren't...
Click to expand...
This is the truth. I've got 5 friends and and a couple family members that would bring a shovel and that's good enough for me. There are plenty in my own blood family I don't bother calling too. In my book, blood doesn't make you family.

I used to have tons of friends in high school and college. A couple years after college I started cleaning house - anyone that didn't have a reciprocal relationship got cut from the team. Over the years that has ended up being almost everyone, disappointing but i dont have time for bullshitters. Totally fine, quality over quantity.
 
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