Maggie’s Jail Tales Past n Present

[1J04]

I've been asked numerous times to espouse upon the shenanigans I've personally dealt with, past n present, during my 20+ yrs and counting as Keeper of the Key. I'm not planning on pulling the plug anytime soon so I'll have to keep it kinda generic. I'll do it for the entertainment factor for ya from time to time, but more so to bring to your attention that regardless of where you are you are most assuredly surrounded by people that are not only capable, but willing to do things you can't even imagine.

Don't shoot the messenger. Having dealt with Offenders for a total of 28 yrs now I can tell you I'm still surprised from time to time, and shouldn't be. But there's always the exception.

We'll start with some recent events to break the ice. Kinda Present, then a Past/Present scenario I've touched on in the past that is a hot topic right now.

There's this guy we've dealt with since 92. He's basically fried himself from Drug and Alcohol use. Likable enough clown but just can't seem to keep his shit to himself. He's been to our little facility alone right at 30 times. So ya, he's some what habitual. He's in to all kinds of shit regarding crimes and just not very good at not getting caught, but then again we always say, we never get the smart ones..........

So last night he apparently makes his way into some relatives humble abode out in the country, because everything around here is out in the country. He enjoys some of their grub and booze and he's really not welcome there nor anywhere for that matter. Burned too many Bridges. So I get here this morning to "Hey 1J04, you here about 'Jimmy'?" Oh shit, soon as I hear the name I know it's good. So it's no, what the hell'd he do now? (You ever see the Blue Knight or read the Book? That's what it reminded me of) "He was found Duct Taped out in a pasture this morning". Noice. Serves the turd burglar right.

Apparently someone 'close' to him got tired of his shit. Took care of it "Country Style". As I understand it 'they' got fed up, took him down, Duct Taped the shit outta him, and took him out to where his yelling and screaming couldn't disturb anyone other than the Cattle in the field. 'Someone' called in a tip of a man in a field this morning, that's not hurt, to Dispatch and our finest trudge out there and find Jimmy laying in the pasture a tad outta sorts. Last I heard it's being blamed on the Russians.......... Life is good.

Oh, and that pasture? I just happen to have a pic of part of it........

See, this isn't so bad. There's a little lighthearted story to start off with that everyone can laugh at, hopefully. The next one, not so much. Ya know what? This one, due to it's ongoing foray and a very personal attachment I have with it, I'm just gonna provide a recent article regarding this. It's amazing this is still playing out and the "way" it's being played out. I know everyone associated with this very well and leave it at that. I will say it's Bullshit on an "Epic Level". I wish I could say more on it, but maybe later I'll be able to.

 

[MtnCreek]

This one time, at prison camp...

 

[1J04]

This one time, at prison camp...

Shouldn't you be fucking a relative...............

or a Goat?

 

[168BTHPM]

1J04 getting ready for work.

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[1J04]

1J04 getting ready for work.

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Fucking Amateurs...................

 

[168BTHPM]

Fucking Amateurs...................

I guess you have to be able to hang on to the treasure once you find it.

 

[oneshot86]

give us more, give us more...
give us the good secret shit, that no one else should know...
i cant respect you guys and your job enough, my god, the scum you all must see

 

[Alphatreedog]

I cop I knew some 20 years ago was relaying a story about a gay domestic call . In his words he was tellin me these two gay def mutes took a break from packin each others shit ta beat the shit outta each other . He said they arrested them and locked them up . All the while hands and arms flyin while in their individual cells arguing back and forth def mute style . He told the story great and had a bunch of us pissin ourselves laughin when he asks. , " you know how to stop two quleer def mutes from arguin in lock up ? Turn out the fuckin lights " .

 

[Slash0311]

I work 3 years in a state pen, 2 years super-max. Here's a story that'll crack you up.

A small guy had a rough time. As a self defense system to keep repeated unwanted sexual encounters from occurring, he would crap himself. Months and months by himself in the super max got boring so any object that would fit found its way into a body cavity. Ear piece from his glasses up to his bladder. Broken eye glass lens. Fork handle first surgically removed from rectum. Anything to go out to the hospital for a couple days. This continued while he was on strip cell for months. Finally after good behavior he was granted a phone call. After the call (which was a standard desk phone) he told me a piece was up his ass. Yup, the speaker right up his pooper. Fast forward a few months he was actually getting released and was in gen pop. He saw me in a rec building and said he was going to kick my ass. (More bravado in front of several other prisoners). I told him to jump if he felt froggy. Before he could reply, I asked everyone within hearing if the heard a phone ringing. He stomped off never to bug me again.

 

[DuneBoer]

One time I went by the sheriffs office to pick up some LEDS paper work. When I got there I noticed the main door was propped open as was the interior door. When I got close I smelled shit. I mean the nastiest shit smell I have ever smelled. I walked inside and noticed the door to the jail was propped open and they had a fan blowing in it. I heard some one cussing a freaking back in the Jail so I put my piece in a box and went back. I saw a naked man standing in the holding cell with shit smeared all over himself and shit smeared everywhere even on some of the deputy's. Above the whole scene written in shit was scrawled the word "Injustise" I commented to the assembled deputies that he misspelled injustice. In unison they all yelled "We know"!

probably not that funny but you had to be there I guess

 

[quietmike]

When I was a deputy, we still had a very old jail with doors of open bars. The inmates would occasionally wait, naked, for guards to walk past, and piss on them. Sometimes they got tuned up, sometimes not.
About this time, jailers and deputies started being issued pepper spray.
One guard, who had been a "shower" victim onve too often by the same inmate, was walking the halls, can in hand, when the inmate started pissing again.
With the speed that would make an old west gunslinger proud, the jailer directed a vertical stream of Freeze +P right up the guys naked crotch.
The curses and blood curdling screams were good enough, but a grown man squatting over a jail toilet splashing water on his nethers was too much.

 

[Guest]

Best thread !

 

[1J04]

I just knew some of you knuckle dragging bastards were out there. Past and Present.

Slash: Mad respect to you my Brother, regardless of how long you were there. It's a damn Meat Grinder man. You know it and I know it. It's the best kept secret in America. Hell, the Cops don't even know what the hell really goes on behind the walls. Some have an idea, some see a little bit and leave, but until you actually live it, and I don't recommend it, there's just no way of knowing. The public is so outta the loop on this entire fiasco it sickens me. Hence another reason to start this thread. Most people don't wanna know or care about any of this crap. Outta sight outta mind. I wish I could just let it all out, but I can't. But we can share some stories to a degree and that's fine. Entertaining and educational all at the same time.

These places are all Zoos. You in DOC with large populations just have more Animals in the Zoo and more Top Tier Predators than not, but they ALL come from Jails first. You get that. Most people don't understand the differences or the similarities of Jails n Prisons. That's a shame in my view because the public is footing the bill. And if Joe Citizen knew just how much of their money was pissed away on making Joe Felon comfortable there would be an outcry across the Nation. But no. Why? Because Shhhhhhhhhh, don't stir the pot.

I can't possibly even come close to remembering all the shit I've seen. There's just too much. But you guys posting up are reminding me of soooo much. I appreciate ya piping up. For my benefit and others. The Shit and Piss stories are endless. FUCKING ENDLESS !!!! People eating their shit? Seen it. People stripping down and covering themselves in shit and forcing you to go in and restrain them due to now committing self harm by bashing their heads into the wall or punching themselves in the face so hard and so many times their head looks like a Pumpkin? Done it. Hazmat suit n Cuffs and let's go. Shit smeared all over the walls and plenty of misspelled fecal words? Oh ya, you betcha. Pisser's? Pisser please. Pissing under the door, through the cage, through the Cuff Port, you name it.

So here's one you guys reminded me of.

Darl'n June & The Rhinestone Cowboy

This guy calls Dispatch at like 0300 reporting a Domestic. Frantic as all hell he's sometimes yelling, sometimes slow and coherent in his blow by blow of the events. This guy explains he was sleeping and a gal he had staying at his place came into his room and wanted him to have sex with her. He explained to her he's into men and he's not gonna copulate with her so off she goes to the other room. Next thing ya know she's back, naked, jumping up and down on the bed and pissing all over the place. He's on the phone while this is happening!! Next thing ya know he screams no, no, no, not my spurs, ow ow ow, she's peeing all over the place and she's got my rhinestone spurs and hitting me with them and I think she broke one and they're expensive. Dispatch is right next door to us. This call is going and going and going and I'm in there listening to this trying to keep from having an unprofessional outburst. LEO get there and they both end up coming to Jail. He had felony warrants and they were of course doing Meth, her more than he obviously.

Fast forward to Booking. She gets here first, little thing, like 5'1" 90 lbs of the most hideous looking gal you could ever see. Not 5 teeth in her face and rode hard. She begins acting out and goes straight to padded. He comes in, all 5'3" buck fiteen, long greasy hair, blue jeans and cowboy boots. The transporting Officer sez I think he's got something on him. Great, here goes a strip search. Ok Jimmy, start handing me articles as I ask for them. Alright now your pants. Dude drops his pants and there he stands with a Strippers Thong on adorned with sequence!! I'm like ya, nice thong man. I'm pretty sure I kept a straight face. Really.

Next thing ya know all hell is breaking loose in the Padded Cell. My partner, who's a fucking neat freak and I doubt he ever ate Pussy in his life, goes over there and looks through the slider on the door. This is before we had camera's. My buddy yells over for me to get over there NOW!!! I bolt to Padded just in time to see our nekkid gymnast in the middle of the room in a hand stand pissing all over the place. I'm like she's got great balance man. He's disgusted. Told him dude, we gotta get her outta there and get that cleaned up. She won't cuff up so now we gotta go in for her. My buddy is no pussy. He was a Marine and a DI. He was a squared away sumbitch but had some quirks. So me being me sez Jimmy I'm gonna pop the door at control and you cuff her up. Bzzzzzzz cha kink. Door pops, Jimmy goes for the gusto, and by the time I get over there she's sitting on of the tips of his spit polished boots with her legs wrapped around his leg and arms wrapped around his upper thigh. She's not doing anything, she's just sitting there with her bare cooter on his fresh kiwi lmfao. The look on his face was priceless. So defeated. He turns and looks at me and sez "get her off of me". I'm fucking crying right now. I said buddy, you got her, bring her over to the holding cell, I'll open it up. He walks over to the holding cell with her on his boot and leg where I peel her off of him and get the Padded Cell cleaned out. He goes to the locker room for like an hour showering and putting on a clean uniform.

We only brought it up occasionally from time to time or whenever we wanted to. He doesn't work here anymore, but we still talk about it. And yes, her name really was Darling June *********.

 

[oneshot86]

awesome story, just be careful

 

[quietmike]

We also had a frequent flier who was constantly drunk and causing trouble. Never hurt anyone or stole anything, just your average hell raiser.
Several years back he was dating a Mexican girl whose brothers weren't happy about it at all. They got him shitty drunk until he passed out and laid him across a railroad track. The train came and took off his left leg and arm. The docs couldn't save his leg, and only saved his arm by attaching it backwards.
He was homeless and would do something to get in jail anytime the weather got bad.

One day in late September, he came to the jail and started beating on the door saying let me in dammit it's cold out here. They told him they couldn't just let him stay there he had to have a charge.
A "eureka" look crossed his face and said he'd be right back.
He went across the street to a convenience store that was closed for the night and set fire to the dumpster. He sat on the curb until police got there and arrested him.
He was all happy to have a warm place for the winter until he went to court and the judge, who was tired of his shit, gave him 4 months day for day, but suspended the sentence until May.
He was super pissed and skipped town. Last I heard he shacked up with some rich lady in California.

 

[quietmike]

Might as well tell one on myself.

When I first got on the road after the academy, I rode with the shift sergeant since we didn't have FTOs then.
I rode with him as a reserve for over a year, so we had answered several good calls and trusted and knew each other well by then.
The chief deputy called us to the office and gave us an arrest warrant for "Willie" a paranoid schizophrenic who occasionally "went off".
Willie had slashed a city cop across the face with a box cutter years before, so the Chief told us to be extra careful.
We went to his apartment, a regular shithole. When he came out, he was "off", saying we were from the CIA, and were there to kill him. Several minutes of talking pass, and the sarge signals that he's going to spray him and me to rush him.
The fight ensues, pushing us all back into his place, and the lamp gets broken and the place goes dark. At that time, the unwritten directive for spray was "one can, one man", so everyone was half blind and choking.
At some point during the fight, we upended a coffee table with a bunch of buckets on it. During gasps of breath, choking on the spray was the god awfulest smell ever, with a floor so slick we couldn't stand up.
When we finally got him cuffed, I was on Willie's neck, so the sarge found a light switch. When he turned it on, he looked like he was covered in cottage cheese.
As we caught our breath, and started taking in the scene, the awful reality became clear...
Willie had been puking, pissing, and shitting in those buckets, that had been on the coffee table. The ones we upended and were rolling around in.

You know its bad when the project denizens are out to see the commotion and cops, and take one look (and smell) and go back into their apartments.

I usually have a strong stomach but between the shower, stripping my uniform, and cleaning my gun belt and pouches, I might have heaved once........ maybe twice.

 

[1J04]

We also had a frequent flier who was constantly drunk and causing trouble. Never hurt anyone or stole anything, just your average hell raiser.
Several years back he was dating a Mexican girl whose brothers weren't happy about it at all. They got him shitty drunk until he passed out and laid him across a railroad track. The train came and took off his left leg and arm. The docs couldn't save his leg, and only saved his arm by attaching it backwards.
He was homeless and would do something to get in jail anytime the weather got bad.

One day in late September, he came to the jail and started beating on the door saying let me in dammit it's cold out here. They told him they couldn't just let him stay there he had to have a charge.
A "eureka" look crossed his face and said he'd be right back.
He went across the street to a convenience store that was closed for the night and set fire to the dumpster. He sat on the curb until police got there and arrested him.
He was all happy to have a warm place for the winter until he went to court and the judge, who was tired of his shit, gave him 4 months day for day, but suspended the sentence until May.
He was super pissed and skipped town. Last I heard he shacked up with some rich lady in California.

That's a great story and thx for sharing it. We've had a few like that ourselves and bang, you just reminded me of like 4 or 5 other stories. But I'll just pop this one out real quick. It should be fairly short, but funny.

UNCLE FESTER

There's just two of us working swing shift one night. We get this guy in and as soon as he walks through the Booking Door my buddy and I look at each other with shit eating grins. We're both thinking the same damn thing right off the bat. It's Uncle Fester!!!! He was brought in for being extremely fucked up in public. The guy was a nutcase no doubt about it. Tried to get the basic info outta him over and over and over to no prevail. We're like ok, no choice, Padded. Hell, we don't know if he's a danger to himself or others and if you're not gonna answer the questions and get with the program you're going to get nekkid, one way or the other, go to Padded and Mental Health will be called to evaluate.

We get the suicide smock and blanky and place it in Padded. Uncle Fester is escorted over and we assist him with his new attire. Few hrs go by and I'm walking past the Padded Cell

and there's Uncle Fester, another about 5'5" guy standing there at the window with crumbs on his lips. I'm like WTF? He got here after chow, hasn't been give'n anything but water in a paper cup and he's got crumbs all over his mouth? Hmmmmm. I come back around the corner quietly and take a peeky poo at the window and there he is chomping away at my door.

I go back over to control and tell my buddy "Hey, Uncle Fester is eating the door". He's like what? "Ya man, he's eating the fucking door", "He's got crumbs all over his lips". He's like nah, no he isn't. I'm "Ya man, I'm not shitting ya, he's eating the door, go look for yourself". So he gets up and walks over and comes back with the funniest look you can imagine and sez "He's eating the fucking door". I told you so.

Ya, we kept telling him to stop before he chipped a tooth on the metal underneath, and we fed him plenty of water to get the fiber down, but he kept at for a bit. He was the perfect height to just lean a bit into the door, rest his head at the window, and chomp down on the damn thing. Never seen him again. It's been like 16 yrs now and we think of him fondly.

 

[Mike Casselton]

I think a book is required.
Call it Shit, piss and metal bars.

 

[Guest]

Best line:


I'm like she's got great balance man.

Ohhh mercy, I am dyin here. This is too much fun. Keepem coming

 

[Slash0311]

Another from super max...

Me and a Sgt are escorting a guy back to his cell. (Back in the day, two officers would escort one prisoner. One ahold of the cuff strap (cuffed behind) and one baton officer). I'm holding this guy at his cell door while the Sgt steps in to do a quick shake down. Sgt picks up a milk pouch (all meal items had to be returned with the tray). The prisoner say "be careful with that" just as the Sgt wads it up to throw away. Prisoner went from nice and complacent to roid rage in about half a sec. He was screaming "YOU KILLED MY PET GRASSHOPPER! IM GONNA KILL YOU! IM GONNA KILL YOUR FAMILY". Fast forward a few minutes. We get him in the cell but he refused to let us remove the cuffs thru the cuff port. I literally have my foot against the door to keep him from pulling the strap in. Just as the Sgt gives a nice OC spray warming, he spits on the Sgt. That means play time! Any time a prisoner spits, throws shit or piss on an officer, they are restrained for 4 hours as a cool down. Which usually means cell extraction! I was on the extraction team. At first he complied and was walking to the restraint cell. He got stupid along the way and we got to have our fun. One guy hyper-extended the prisoners knee so bad he still walks with a limp. All was on video. We watched it and it was comical as all 5 of us move the nurse out of our way when the fight started. Plus we kind of got a little slap on the wrist. Brass felt the two escort officers should have dealt with him since he was complying initially. Who cares. We had fun.

Speaking of chemical agents. One of our officers figured out the hard way an "ispra-jet" sprayer is only for outdoors. After an in-cell incident a prisoner won a nice little lawsuit. See, this canister was like a fogger. Fire extinguisher type tank with a ball valve on the end and sprays crystalized pepper spray. Which apparently embeds in the skin if used at the destance equal to the depth of our cells. Literally peeled the skin of this guy. Oops.

 

[oneshot86]

fuck em if he cant take a joke

 

[quietmike]

I was taking a prisoner in to be booked and saw a guy I went to school with in holding. After booking my guy I asked my friend what he did.
He said he burglarized a liquor store that was being remodeled.
He said he slicked his fro back so he could run faster took a good look around and broke in.
The alarms went off right away so he hurried to the back and grabbed the first handy case.
He said the cops were coming up the street when he was running out the back.
He ran for several blocks, the case getting heavier, when he figured he had enough distance, and the thought of a good drink got the best of him.
He said he squatted down in some bushes behind a house, ready for that first pull, opened the box and saw........










I stole a god damn box of floor tiles!

 

[Slash0311]

Here's one for that "pucker factor"

I was an OIC in a gen pop max cell house. Approximately 150 inmate on a left and right side of this house. Recreation was going on so all of them were out of their cells. I was in a control pod at my desk looking at the daily logs when something seemed odd. Too damn quite. I looked to my right and saw all the blacks lined up facing all of the whites. A couple runners were going back and forth with messages. I had my pod officer roll the quick response team and had him pop me out to that wing. I knew the players and tried to talk but had no luck. I took up a spot between the two groups (yup, I'm a dumb ass for that one!) And after a moment or two, things went to normal as my backup arrived.

About two weeks later a prisoner came up and asked me what the fuck I was thinking. I actually didn't know what he was referring to at that moment. He said he didn't know if I did the bravest thing or the stupidest thing he'd ever saw be me standing between them when they were "getting ready to do their business". I told him I was just trying to keep my house from going up. He said it worked. They didn't want to "go over" me to do their business.

Looking back, they knew I was a man of my word. If I said I'd try and get them help for whatever issue, they knew I would. They also knew if I said I'd get a team in there to kick ass, I would. I treated them fair and that saved the day that time.

 

[Dougie308]

Not a LEO, but as a young man I walked at a large state run mental hospital (grounds crew) and saw a number of interesting things.

In particular I remember a guy named Michael who had a number of issues. A couple of those included the uncanny ability to slip out of his ward unnoticed to see his girlfriend in another wing. Michael also tended to keel over cold when he got too excited. One of his favorite tricks was to lead the guards on a merry chase and end of on top of 60 foot watertower on site. Of course Michael woul refuse to come down and they would have to call the cops and fire department to use a hook and ladder to go up and talk him down. I personally saw this happen about three times. Every single time he would pass out and fall flat on the top of the watertower. Among us innocent bystanders it was comon practice to bet a few bucks on whether he would fall off the tower and if so, what the extent of his injuries would be. Believe it or not, that guy never once took the plunge! I probably lost $50 bucks on that guy.

 

[Slash0311]

Blood...

One guy in the super max had mental issues. They all do but this guy was scrambled. One day he tells me "the voices are telling me to hurt myself". He had used a piece of chalk and had drawn a circle on the floor and said if he stayed in the circle, he couldn't hear the voices. I told him to stay in the circle and I got ahold of medical who came and gave him some good stuff and life was grand.

A few weeks later same thing happened while I was off. They didn't listen to his warning. This guy used a disposable razors blade a cut the back of his leg almost an inch deep from the top of his anklel to his ass cheek. To get that deep, he had to cut over and over again. I was told the cell was covered in blood.

 

[Slash0311]

"an inopportune time"

In the super max I worked, at the time prisoners only got out of their cell for medical, showers or rec which was an enclosed pad at the end of the range. A normal day starts and we start going around to move guys to the shower or rec. No one was going and they were refusing the only time out of the cell that day... Odd to say the least. I go to one guy's cell and ask if he wants rec. His reply was " it's an inopportune time". I ask again and get the same response. I tell him I need a yes or no. That's when he pulled his hands out from under the blanket (covered in jack juice) and used the heels of his hands to turn his small TV around so I can see it. The TV was connected to the in-house video system and there on his screen was a hard core porn flick with a guy pouring the coals to some woman.

Supposedly, the recreation staff had a mix up at the video rental place. They'd rent videos on weekends to play and they said the cases must have gotten mixed up. Guy almost lost his job but that was the quietest day we ever had there.

 

[Vargmat]

From the two years I have been working at a Psyciatric ward, there are many storys one could tell.
I try to keep the funny ones in mind and the tough and horrible ones gets worked through.

 

[Kadams1563]

Oh man, I have worked in what is considered on of the roughest maximum security prisons in Texas for going on 13 years. I have so many stories of death, mayhem, and destruction. I will tell you I have seen the true nature of people and we are in fact savages at heart. When we are thrown in a hole everyone becomes a shit bird. I will think of some good stories later on

 

[quietmike]

We had a young guy, preppie little kid who got caught drag racing, drunk, and fought the cops when arrested. He got thirty days. He was putting on this tough guy act, but everyone could see he was scared to death.
A few days went by and he hadn't taken a shower. Some of the older guys told him to go wash his ass cause they were tired of the stink. I guess he thought they were looking for some loving so he didn't go. The next day they told him he'd better take a shower before lunch or he'd pay the price.
Again he didn't. That afternoon five guys jumped him, gave him a few punches, stripped him and held him down, one man on each hand and foot, stretched out on the floor.
The fifth guy got the mop bucket and mopped him head to toe with that nasty jail mop water.

The kid, pride destroyed, puked his guts out, picked himself up, and took that shower.

 

[1J04]

Ya, we did the mop bucket on rollers and wringer and mops with handles, but like everything else they tore it up, used it as weapons, and personal satisfaction devices one to many times. So now it's a 5 gallon bucket, no handle, and sponges. Time for indoor rec pick it up !!!!

We'd put the gear out nightly for House Cleaning and the Mop Handles would come back bare from some cells. Usually the female cell.

They'd use them for Dildo's and usually hide them in the trash thinking we'd never look there for it. No, we're looking 'everywhere' till it surfaces.

 

[2ndamendfan]

Ya, we did the mop bucket on rollers and wringer and mops with handles, but like everything else they tore it up, used it as weapons, and personal satisfaction devices one to many times. So now it's a 5 gallon bucket, no handle, and sponges. Time for indoor rec pick it up !!!!

We'd put the gear out nightly for House Cleaning and the Mop Handles would come back bare from some cells. Usually the female cell.

They'd use them for Dildo's and usually hide them in the trash thinking we'd never look there for it. No, we're looking 'everywhere' till it surfaces.

Girls just wana have fun.

 

[Forgetful Coyote]

Ever seen any sweet irony in action? Like the dude in Breaking Bad trying to move the dead body from under the junk cars and ends up getting his arm severed and bleeds to death on scene from the stack of junk cars' shifting weight...

 

[1J04]

Ever seen any sweet irony in action? Like the dude in Breaking Bad trying to move the dead body from under the junk cars and ends up getting his arm severed and bleeds to death on scene from the stack of junk cars' shifting weight...

Not anything like a whole arm being severed, but if I told you I've seen something like 14 fingers chopped off in doors either accidentally or not over the yrs would that suffice?

 

[Forgetful Coyote]

Hey that'll work!
Also any chance you can share about your run ins with them top tier predators? If not no worries, but sure sounds intense. I got celled up with a bonafide Aaryan brotherhood dude after a stupid mistake few years ago(drinking under age and my folks lemme get a good taste of sitting in the jail for a bit) and he definitely didnt have all his marbles upstairs, but seemed a calm enough person long as ya aint test his patience. GTFO there quick as I could, fuck going on a suicide mission for them retards or otherwise getting mixed up in any a that shit! Shame he couldnt a been more than 30 y/o and already 100% institutionalized, he'd never make it on the outside IMO tho. Like I said, he had some pretty "out there" thoughts on shit lol. I was surprised how much fckn crack was in there. Holy sh!t, broken crack pipes on the basketball court, people getting caught smoking every few days, ridiculous. Also watched as a wheelchair bound old man pretty much got his head knocked off with a mop bucket by the Viper Squad point man LOL that seemed a bit over the top...

 

[1J04]

Hey that'll work!
Also any chance you can share about your run ins with them top tier predators? If not no worries, but sure sounds intense. I got celled up with a bonafide Aaryan brotherhood dude after a stupid mistake few years ago(drinking under age and my folks lemme get a good taste of sitting in the jail for a bit) and he definitely didnt have all his marbles upstairs, but seemed a calm enough person long as ya aint test his patience. GTFO there quick as I could, fuck going on a suicide mission for them retards or otherwise getting mixed up in any a that shit! Shame he couldnt a been more than 30 y/o and already 100% institutionalized, he'd never make it on the outside IMO tho. Like I said, he had some pretty "out there" thoughts on shit lol. I was surprised how much fckn crack was in there. Holy sh!t, broken crack pipes on the basketball court, people getting caught smoking every few days, ridiculous. Also watched as a wheelchair bound old man pretty much got his head knocked off with a mop bucket by the Viper Squad point man LOL that seemed a bit over the top...

Well absolutely. I'll try to make it as short as I can.

3 Arayn Nation Boyz came down from the Tacoma/Seattle area to collect a drug debt. They went to the guys place and found another local whose been in and out since I can remember at the residence. Home Boy wasn't home, yet. The guy that was there was a die hard Meth Head and dealer. In and out of Prison 3 times I know of. They ended up beating him severely and tying him up in a chair waiting for their target to get home. Jimmy arrives and all hell breaks loose with his end of the ass beating. They really did a number on him. Johnny Law shows up after a 911 call and nabs the 3 and off to the Dew Drop Inn they come. Ridiculous tats head to toe. IQ's of a Potato, and not one of them over a buck seventy. 2 outta the 3 were bad to the bone, the 3rd nothing but a follower.

The 2 who didn't give a crap about nothing tried to raise hell and found out in short order this little country pokey don't roll like dat. After much love they towed the line as best they could and everyone was appreciative of their new efforts. Many threats were made, none acted out upon to this point and it's just not gonna happen from those 3 anyhow. Maybe some of their ilk, but I doubt it. We still take it seriously of course. The reason those 3 won't make good on their threats is because they ended up getting bailed out and not a couple months later the 2 bad boys along with another Brother went and picked up the follower and took him for a ride.

Story goes the follower was messing around with one of the groups girlfriend and was told to stop. He didn't. They picked him up, drove him to an alley, and shot'm in the head. Dundy. Ya, they got popped for it and are now down for the long haul. Had plenty of lengthy talks with them one on one to see just what they were really all about and how they think. It's always fun. I'll say they made Potato's look smart. Could never figure out how anyone could make it to their mid 20's early 30's and be that challenged. Pretty amazing.

 

[Forgetful Coyote]

LOL of course, geniuses and winners all

 

[Mike Casselton]

I still believe this would make a great book

 

[Sean the Nailer]

Keep it coming, folks. This is just getting started. There's countless facilities out there, with countless'er inhabitants therein! Somebody's gotta say sumptin!

 

[Unknown]

The duty officer has to take all the calls that the receptionists don't know what to otherwise do with. At a parole and probation office, that also means taking the odd urine specimen when someone gets sent into the office for one. When taking a sample from a male, in order to maintain chain of custody, and insure that the inmate isn't using a prosthetic penis that is made for the purpose of giving a phony urine specimen (they also come with heaters...I shit you not), the officer collecting the sample has to closely watch the urine exit the end of the penis.

So, I am duty officer when the front desk says John Smith is here to leave a UA (urine specimen). I go downstairs, and the only person in the waiting area is someone in a low cut mohair sweater, bit tits, and a mini skirt. I figure John is outside having a smoke, so I stick my head outside and ask for John. The big titted mini skirt stands up and says "Thats me",. Now I figure one of my coworkers is trying to pull a prank, so I ask John for ID. Sure enough, John has the right ID, and I look up his file to find out he is legit. He is also in the midst of sex reassignment, but for now, qualifies as a male.

So I get the collection stuff, rubber gloves, and we go off to the men's room. John steps into the urinal stall on the wall lifts up his mini skirt and whips out his penis. I am leaning over the privacy screen so I can get a good look to insure that everything is kosher. Just as John is whizzing into the specimen cup, some other convict opens the door to the men's room, takes a look at the scene (what appears to be a big bitted woman standing at the urinal, and me leaning way over to get a good look)...second convict, says "I don't even wanna know" turns and leaves. John and I realize how strange the scene must have looked and we both started laughing.

After we leave the men's room and go past the waiting area, we have to go past the guy who walked into the men's room. He gave us a look that said "everything is cool, I won't rat you out". I figured no reason to even try and explain it.