Enjoy!
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Gerard Nolst Trenité - The Chaos (1922)
Dearest
creature in
creation
Studying English
pronunciation,
I will teach you in my
verse
Sounds like
corpse,
corps,
horse and
worse.
I will keep you,
Susy,
busy,
Make your
head with
heat grow dizzy;
Tear in eye, your dress you'll
tear;
Queer, fair
seer,
hear my
prayer.
Pray, console your loving
poet,
Make my coat look
new, dear,
sew it!
Just compare
heart,
hear and
heard,
Dies and
diet,
lord and
word.
Sword and
sward,
retain and
Britain
(Mind the latter how it's
written).
Made has not the sound of
bade,
Say-
said,
pay-
paid,
laid but
plaid.
Now I surely will not
plague you
With such words as
vague and
ague,
But be careful how you
speak,
Say:
gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak ,
Previous, precious, fuchsia, via
Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;
Woven,
oven,
how and
low,
Script,
receipt,
shoe,
poem,
toe.
Say, expecting fraud and
trickery:
Daughter,
laughter and
Terpsichore,
Branch, ranch, measles,
topsails,
aisles,
Missiles,
similes,
reviles.
Wholly,
holly,
signal,
signing,
Same,
examining, but
mining,
Scholar,
vicar, and
cigar,
Solar,
mica,
war and
far.
From "desire":
desirable-
admirable from "admire",
Lumber,
plumber,
bier, but
brier,
Topsham,
brougham,
renown, but
known,
Knowledge,
done,
lone,
gone,
none,
tone,
One,
anemone,
Balmoral,
Kitchen,
lichen,
laundry,
laurel.
Gertrude,
German,
wind and
wind,
Beau, kind, kindred, queue,
mankind,
Tortoise,
turquoise,
chamois-leather,
Reading, Reading,
heathen,
heather.
This phonetic labyrinth
Gives
moss,
gross,
brook,
brooch,
ninth,
plinth.
Have you ever yet
endeavoured
To pronounce
revered and
severed,
Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul,
Peter, petrol and
patrol?
Billet does not end like
ballet;
Bouquet,
wallet,
mallet,
chalet.
Blood and
flood are not like
food,
Nor is
mould like
should and
would.
Banquet is not nearly
parquet,
Which exactly rhymes with
khaki.
Discount,
viscount,
load and
broad,
Toward, to
forward, to
reward,
Ricocheted and
crocheting,
croquet?
Right! Your pronunciation's OK.
Rounded,
wounded,
grieve and
sieve,
Friend and
fiend,
alive and
live.
Is your r correct in
higher?
Keats asserts it rhymes
Thalia.
Hugh, but
hug, and
hood, but
hoot,
Buoyant,
minute, but
minute.
Say
abscission with
precision,
Now:
position and
transition;
Would it tally with my
rhyme
If I mentioned
paradigm?
Twopence, threepence, tease are
easy,
But
cease, crease, grease and
greasy?
Cornice, nice, valise, revise,
Rabies, but
lullabies.
Of such puzzling words as
nauseous,
Rhyming well with
cautious, tortious,
You'll
envelop lists, I hope,
In a linen
envelope.
Would you like some more? You'll
have it!
Affidavit, David, davit.
To
abjure, to
perjure.
Sheik
Does not sound like
Czech but
ache.
Liberty,
library,
heave and
heaven,
Rachel,
loch,
moustache,
eleven.
We say
hallowed, but
allowed,
People,
leopard,
towed but
vowed.
Mark the difference, moreover,
Between
mover,
plover,
Dover.
Leeches,
breeches,
wise,
precise,
Chalice, but
police and
lice,
Camel,
constable,
unstable,
Principle,
disciple,
label.
Petal,
penal, and
canal,
Wait,
surmise,
plait,
promise,
pal,
Suit,
suite,
ruin.
Circuit,
conduit
Rhyme with "shirk it" and "beyond it",
But it is not hard to tell
Why it's
pall,
mall, but
Pall Mall.
Muscle,
muscular,
gaol,
iron,
Timber,
climber,
bullion,
lion,
Worm and
storm,
chaise,
chaos,
chair,
Senator,
spectator,
mayor,
Ivy,
privy,
famous;
clamour
Has the a of
drachm and
hammer.
Pussy,
hussy and
possess,
Desert, but
desert,
address.
Golf,
wolf,
countenance,
lieutenants
Hoist in
lieu of flags left
pennants.
Courier, courtier, tomb,
bomb,
comb,
Cow, but
Cowper, some and
home.
"
Solder, soldier! Blood is
thicker",
Quoth he, "than
liqueur or
liquor",
Making, it is sad but
true,
In bravado, much
ado.
Stranger does not rhyme with
anger,
Neither does
devour with
clangour.
Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but
aunt,
Font,
front,
wont,
want,
grand and
grant.
Arsenic, specific, scenic,
Relic, rhetoric, hygienic.
Gooseberry, goose, and
close, but
close,
Paradise, rise, rose, and
dose.
Say
inveigh, neigh, but
inveigle,
Make the latter rhyme with
eagle.
Mind!
Meandering but
mean,
Valentine and
magazine.
And I bet you, dear, a
penny,
You say
mani-(fold) like
many,
Which is wrong. Say
rapier, pier,
Tier (one who ties), but
tier.
Arch, archangel; pray, does
erring
Rhyme with
herring or with
stirring?
Prison, bison, treasure trove,
Treason, hover, cover, cove,
Perseverance, severance.
Ribald
Rhymes (but
piebald doesn't) with
nibbled.
Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,
Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw.
Don't be
down, my
own, but
rough it,
And distinguish
buffet,
buffet;
Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,
Worcester, Boleyn, to
impugn.
Say in sounds correct and
sterling
Hearse, hear, hearken, year and
yearling.
Evil, devil, mezzotint,
Mind the z! (A gentle hint.)
Now you need not pay attention
To such sounds as I don't mention,
Sounds like
pores, pause, pours and
paws,
Rhyming with the pronoun
yours;
Nor are proper names
included,
Though I often heard, as
you did,
Funny rhymes to
unicorn,
Yes, you know them,
Vaughan and
Strachan.
No, my maiden, coy and
comely,
I don't want to speak of
Cholmondeley.
No. Yet
Froude compared with
proud
Is no better than
McLeod.
But mind
trivial and
vial,
Tripod, menial, denial,
Troll and
trolley,
realm and
ream,
Schedule, mischief, schism, and
scheme.
Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely
May be made to rhyme with
Raleigh,
But you're not supposed to say
Piquet rhymes with
sobriquet.
Had this
invalid invalid
Worthless documents? How
pallid,
How
uncouth he,
couchant, looked,
When for
Portsmouth I had booked!
Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite,
Paramour, enamoured, flighty,
Episodes, antipodes,
Acquiesce, and
obsequies.
Please don't monkey with the
geyser,
Don't peel 'taters with my
razor,
Rather say in accents pure:
Nature, stature and
mature.
Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly,
Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly,
Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan,
Wan, sedan and
artisan.
The
th will surely
trouble you
More than
r,
ch or
w.
Say then these phonetic
gems:
Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.
Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,
There are more but I
forget 'em-
Wait! I've got it:
Anthony,
Lighten your anxiety.
The archaic word
albeit
Does not rhyme with
eight-you
see it;
With and
forthwith, one has voice,
One has not, you make your choice.
Shoes, goes, does *. Now first say:
finger;
Then say:
singer, ginger, linger.
Real,
zeal,
mauve, gauze and
gauge,
Marriage,
foliage,
mirage,
age,
Hero, heron, query, very,
Parry, tarry fury, bury,
Dost,
lost,
post, and
doth,
cloth,
loth,
Job,
Job,
blossom,
bosom,
oath.
Faugh, oppugnant, keen
oppugners,
Bowing,
bowing, banjo-
tuners
Holm you know, but
noes, canoes,
Puisne,
truism,
use, to
use?
Though the difference seems
little,
We say
actual, but
victual,
Seat,
sweat,
chaste,
caste,
Leigh,
eight,
height,
Put,
nut,
granite, and
unite.
Reefer does not rhyme with
deafer,
Feoffer does, and
zephyr,
heifer.
Dull,
bull,
Geoffrey,
George,
ate,
late,
Hint,
pint,
senate, but
sedate.
Gaelic,
Arabic,
pacific,
Science,
conscience,
scientific;
Tour, but
our, dour, succour,
four,
Gas,
alas, and
Arkansas.
Say
manoeuvre, yacht and
vomit,
Next
omit, which differs from it
Bona fide, alibi
Gyrate, dowry and
awry.
Sea,
idea,
guinea,
area,
Psalm,
Maria, but
malaria.
Youth,
south,
southern,
cleanse and
clean,
Doctrine,
turpentine,
marine.
Compare
alien with
Italian,
Dandelion with
battalion,
Rally with
ally;
yea,
ye,
Eye,
I,
ay,
aye,
whey,
key,
quay!
Say
aver, but
ever,
fever,
Neither,
leisure,
skein,
receiver.
Never guess-it is not
safe,
We say
calves,
valves,
half, but
Ralf.
Starry, granary,
canary,
Crevice, but
device, and
eyrie,
Face, but
preface, then
grimace,
Phlegm,
phlegmatic,
ass,
glass,
bass.
Bass,
large,
target,
gin,
give,
verging,
Ought,
oust, joust, and
scour, but
scourging;
Ear, but
earn; and
ere and
tear
Do not rhyme with
here but
heir.
Mind the o of
off and
often
Which may be pronounced as
orphan,
With the sound of
saw and
sauce;
Also
soft, lost, cloth and
cross.
Pudding, puddle, putting.
Putting?
Yes: at golf it rhymes with
shutting.
Respite, spite, consent, resent.
Liable, but
Parliament.
Seven is right, but so is
even,
Hyphen,
roughen,
nephew,
Stephen,
Monkey,
donkey,
clerk and
jerk,
Asp,
grasp,
wasp,
demesne,
cork,
work.
A of
valour, vapid vapour,
S of
news (compare
newspaper),
G of
gibbet, gibbon, gist,
I of
antichrist and
grist,
Differ like
diverse and
divers,
Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers.
Once, but
nonce, toll, doll, but
roll,
Polish, Polish, poll and
poll.
Pronunciation-think of
Psyche!-
Is a paling, stout and
spiky.
Won't it make you lose your
wits
Writing
groats and saying "grits"?
It's a dark
abyss or
tunnel
Strewn with stones like
rowlock,
gunwale,
Islington, and
Isle of
Wight,
Housewife,
verdict and
indict.
Don't you think so, reader,
rather,
Saying
lather,
bather,
father?
Finally, which rhymes with
enough,
Though,
through,
bough,
cough,
hough,
sough, tough??
Hiccough has the sound of
sup...
My advice is: GIVE IT UP!
