The Telephone Hour

[Foul Mike]

We all need some levity while cooped up and I thought about putting this in Maggie's but thought fuck that so here it goes.

This will certainly go over the heads of many members here as they are young and have all grown up after Party lines and NO Caller ID existed, but there are a few Old Farts around.

What were some of your best telephone pranks you pulled when you were a "Ute?" before Caller ID existed?

I know all about Prince Albert in a can and"Is your refridgerator running." Those don't count.

When I was young, many years ago, my Partners in Crime and I would gather together when the weather was bad and we couldn't play outside and pull off some very daring do pranks on the telephone, much to the consternation of the people on the other end of the line but for the most part all in good fun. There were a few bad ones too, but we enjoyed them.

Now there is Caller ID and much of the fun we had back then is no longer possible. Give it a shot.

 

[EddieNFL]

We would take turns dialing the same number and ask for Jimmy. After the third or fourth call, they would immediately hang up or start swearing. Once we had them spun up pretty good, one of us would call and say, "This is Jimmy. Any calls for me?"

 

[EddieNFL]

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[Icallem]

Is your roof leaking?

"No"

How did a drip like you get in?

 

[Alphatreedog]

About two years ago I called a local tire center . This place is a serious fixture of our community , been here forever . So I call and get the same old lady that was answering phones and running the front desk 30 years ago . I don't know what the e# came over me but I start tellin her I'm looking for an off brand Japanese tire . Do you carry Bukake . Well I can hear her yellin " do we have Bukake ? Has anyone ever heard of Bukake ? " With fuckin tears in my eyes I hung up . Surprisingly never got a call back .

 

[Expert684]

Well I got one but it was my answering machine!
The Waco raid had just gone down, my kid had a toy M60. So my message on the answering machine was the M60 going full blast and I was too busy to come to the phone, sound like a full blown fire-fight at the house.
So one of my buddies at Ft Polk called and heard it! Thought it was funny as shit, got like 42 hang ups from the JRTC on post! Guys laughing their asses off. Then I get one from our Church! Father was calling to make sure junior was going for his confirmation! Father’s last comment suggested I change my message, didn’t think it was funny??

 

[Bender]

There was a radio show down in Denver where the host would call two separate Chinese speaking restaurants and third-party call each other, they would each answer the phone in a heavy Chinese accent thinking the other was mocking them asking for a food order and they would argue with each other until one got frustrated enough to hang up. I would laugh so hard tears would roll down my face as I struggled to stay on the road!

 

[Bender]

Ther was a radio show guy that would call a random hotel in France on Veterans Day, he would ask a heavily French accented lady that answered if they spoke German. When she replied No, he would yell “you’re welcome from American Military!” Then hang up! Lmaoooooo

 

[ubettcha]

Hey tough guy lol The Jerky boys had some great pranks

 

[Maggot]

We used to look in the phone book for the strangest foreign name, like 'Abaluscinski' or something. When they'd answer we'd say "Is this Mr. Abaluscinski?" When he'd say "Yes it is." We'd hoot and laugh and say something like "Abaluscinski!!! Bwahaahah thats not a name its a curse." then slam the phone down/

Then at Christmas we'd call random numbers and ask " Can I come over and light your Christmas tree on fire?". One day I played a trick on my buddy and gave him the name of the meanest MoFo in school. When Dave answered the phone he recognized my pal's voice and said ..."Sure, Hawkins, come on over."

Now days, when I get a bullshit call from China or India telling me its the IRS and Im in trouble I ask if I can ask one question before I give them my SS# and info. The question is something like "Can I fuck you in the ass and cum in your mouth?" Ive gotten some strange answers.

 

[Foul Mike]

Roy goddamn Mercer was the master at these calls. He was on a radio station in Oklahoma I think.
You can find it on Youtube.
We came up with our own shit and being in a very small town we knew who worked where so came up with some very creative schemes.
Many times we used to call the bar downtown when it was busy as hell and ask if Jack Mehoff was there.
The bartender, being busy, would holler out Jack Mehoff, Jack Mehoff ,and when everyone was laughing would holler back in the phone, "Fuck you bastards," and hang up. We would rinse and repeat a week or 2 later when a different bartender was working, and always when one of us was inside to see the hilarity. The calls were made from a payphone across the street from the bar.
We had a lot of other pranks that only worked if you knew who you were calling.

 

[Snipe260]

Roy goddamn Mercer was the master at these calls. He was on a radio station in Oklahoma I think.
You can find it on Youtube.
We came up with our own shit and being in a very small town we knew who worked where so came up with some very creative schemes.
Many times we used to call the bar downtown when it was busy as hell and ask if Jack Mehoff was there.
The bartender, being busy, would holler out Jack Mehoff, Jack Mehoff ,and when everyone was laughing would holler back in the phone, "Fuck you bastards," and hang up. We would rinse and repeat a week or 2 later when a different bartender was working, and always when one of us was inside to see the hilarity. The calls were made from a payphone across the street from the bar.
We had a lot of other pranks that only worked if you knew who you were calling.

Love Roy damn Mercer !

 

[Waorani]

 

[kenny1773]

Ah yes, the days when everyone in your area rented the same stupid phone from Ma Bell, there was no caller ID, and police needed like 20-30 minutes to trace a call lol.

We would do stupid shit like call a restaurant and ask for Mike Hunt or Connie Lingus or Dick Hertz
Call a bar and ask for Al Coholic

or just call the same person over and over and ask them some dumb question to the point they were ready to lose their shit, like pretend they were the operator or information and have like 5 different voices call and ask them to look up a phone number

My phone number growing up was similar to someone elses number that an older lady would call by mistake all the time, she thought I was her grandchild by mistake, I would play along and then just start saying insane shit to her. She would call a couple times a month, it was really funny.

I am trying to think, we would call the local hardware store and ask if they had made up shit. Hi I need a closet extender, do you have those in stock? they would usually reply a what? and I would explain, you know a closet extender for when your mom is so fat her clothes don't fit in a normal sized closet and you need to extend it, then hang up.

Too many to remember...

 

[Redmanss]

My older brother and I had much fun on the phone back in the 70s.

We called in to the live PBS telethon and made huge donations in our friends' names, laughed our asses off when we could tell what guy in the background had answered our phone call and was all excited about the $1000 donation call he just received.

Ordered pizzas to friends' houses. We're part of the reason pizza joints were some of the first with caller ID.

We once cranked called the operator and she cut off our phone line for several hours, probably to the end of her shift is my guess. We were home alone over the summer (6 & 8 years old...) and our parents were at work, luckily the phone came back on about five minutes before our mom got home so we never got caught for that one. Last time we ever called the operator, don't fuck with the lady who holds the controls to your phone.

We were a couple devious little shits, that for sure. We still laugh about those when we get together.

 

[Bender]

Tom Mabe was a grandmaster at this.

 

[ubettcha]

One thing about that time was the pervert calls. I grew up halfway between Boston and Providence so pretty rural. One of the guys who worked with the company would get these calls or his wife did more accurately. He happened to have one of those freon boat horns in his hand one day and blasted it into the phone. He then ran to the hospital to find a kid with a blown out eardrum. Never got another call after that.

 

[EddieNFL]

Scribble a note with a funeral home number and the name Myra Maines. She called why you were out. Something about a drawing you won.

 

[MrSmith]

Early '70s. There was a phone number that when dialed, you would always get a busy signal. As did all others that had dialed and remained on the line. But everyone was on the same line, and connected. Maybe 6 to 10 people at one time, and constantly changing. Any conversations were one word at a time out between the "beeps" to everyone else. The usual task was to convince some perceived sweet young thing to provide a phone number (one digit at a time, between the beeps) so she could be contacted in a more private call. Never really knew just who you might be calling back. We called it the Beep Line.

Thank you,
MrSmith

 

[DustBun]

Remember when we had those "While You Were Away" message pads before answering machines? I would leave a note for someone that they missed a call from Mr. Lyon and give them the number to the zoo. The caller would say, "Could I speak to Mr. Lyon?" or "This is (name) returning a call from Mr. Lyon". The first few times the zoo was "huh?". But the look on the callers face was great.

 

[Redmanss]

Standing Duty NCO at the barracks was always a good place for fielding crank callers and other drunks, but would also get some female barracks trollers calling from time to time. Would get a call for some dude, dude not there, she wanted the dick and would take the first one available. Too bad abandoning your post is against the general orders, but I hooked up a couple buddies that way with some fast and loose women with a reminder to check their ID for underaged as well as their daddy’s car for too many rockers or stars on the base sticker.

 

[Foul Mike]

In the town I lived in, E Colorado, it was a crew change depot for the railroad.
There was one railroad brakeman that his wife was so unsure about her husband stepping out, and she should have been, but he had cooled his jets a lot. He was really trying to be good and faithful.

We lived across the street from them and I would get my smooth talking, sexy voiced girl friend, who was just a member of the bunch of assholes doing this shit to make a call.

"Ring, ring, Hello?, 'Is Johnie there?' 'No.' 'Well when he gets there have him call Suzie because we had so much fun Saturday night and I wanted him to not forget me.'
"Who is this?" 'Suzie, and I love him.' Bang, down went the phone. We would all laugh and giggle

Poor Johnie H. would get off of the train,all tired and worn out, and go home to be met at the door by a pissed off Wife with broom in hand yelling at the top of her lungs,"You dirty bastard, you told me you wouldn't step out on me again but Suzie is calling wanting to talk to you." "Get the hell out of here."

In the mean time, we were all lined up at the window across the street watching this fight take place, laughing and giggling and watch Johnie H. walk back to his car and head on over to his parents house. No pussy for him that day.

They eventually patched things up and stayed together but we didn't help anything along. Other calls were made to keep it going.

At the time there was a gal in town named Suzie who was known to be an easy lay and a place to get crotch crickets etc.

I feel a bit bad about that one but Johnie was an asshole and not nice to others so there is that.

 

[1moaoff]

Used to call hardware stores that were chains, ask them if they had metric adj wrenches... no one ever said yes. They always said they could order them though

 

[ubettcha]

Used to call hardware stores that were chains, ask them if they had metric adj wrenches... no one ever said yes. They always said they could order them though

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[sirhrmechanic]

Does putting raw oysters in pay phone change return slots count?

Because that stuff used to be funny right there!

Sirhr

 

[uffduh]

Sold my brother on a radio show in Springfield, IL that had a classifieds once for an Atari game or anything else that I could gather. Only thing that really made it funny at the time was holding the mic from the recorder up to radio that was playing it. My kids just don't get how hard it was to dub stuff in the day...or what dubbing actually means!

This one always kills me...

 

[Alpine 338]

We would get new guys in, first duty assignment, and leave a message up for them that was generic... call (phone number) about scheduling your appointment.

The number was for the base mental health clinic.

 

[308pirate]

About two years ago I called a local tire center . This place is a serious fixture of our community , been here forever . So I call and get the same old lady that was answering phones and running the front desk 30 years ago . I don't know what the e# came over me but I start tellin her I'm looking for an off brand Japanese tire . Do you carry Bukake . Well I can hear her yellin " do we have Bukake ? Has anyone ever heard of Bukake ? " With fuckin tears in my eyes I hung up . Surprisingly never got a call back .

You're going to hell for that one, you know that don't you?

LOLOLOLOL

 

[308pirate]

Does putting raw oysters in pay phone change return slots count?

Because that stuff used to be funny right there!

Sirhr

You're going to hell too

LOL

 

[308pirate]

Roy goddamn Mercer was the master at these calls. He was on a radio station in Oklahoma I think.
You can find it on Youtube.
We came up with our own shit and being in a very small town we knew who worked where so came up with some very creative schemes.
Many times we used to call the bar downtown when it was busy as hell and ask if Jack Mehoff was there.
The bartender, being busy, would holler out Jack Mehoff, Jack Mehoff ,and when everyone was laughing would holler back in the phone, "Fuck you bastards," and hang up. We would rinse and repeat a week or 2 later when a different bartender was working, and always when one of us was inside to see the hilarity. The calls were made from a payphone across the street from the bar.
We had a lot of other pranks that only worked if you knew who you were calling.

LOLOMFG I remember listening to him on the Bob and Tom Show when I was in college...........

 

[308pirate]

 

[Sieg]

The good old days for sure. Here's 50+ of R. D. By God Mercer's pranks....

 

[Foul Mike]

Sirh, we didn't have any oysters but I can tell you about a drop of superglue in the coin return in the pop machine across the street from our shop.
The local Hobo made his rounds checking coin returns about 8:30 every AM.
Our parts man put a drop in there about 8:20 and caught old Bill. Horrible screaming and vile cussing, we all learned new words that day.

 

[forrestgump01]