Been meaning to launch this one for while now.
Props to our favorite propane delivery man for the title idea.
Share your tales from growing up or just something stupid you did lately. We're all friends here. No one will tease you.
The Screened Porch, The Cats, and The Rocket
Fireworks always remind me of many incidents from my youth.
There was the dud firecracker that went un-dud when I picked it up, and my brothers, scared shitless that our parents would find out, had me shove my burning throbbing hand into a jar of mayonnaise to ease the pain and reduce the swelling.
There was mom's cast aluminum spaghetti pot that was filled with water and then had a M-80 dropped into it. We just thought there would be a cool splash. We didn't expect the damned thing to fragment into a million pieces, sending shrapnel in all directions. Cool way to learn physics, but that poor woman looked for that pot for weeks before finally realizing that whatever her four little angles had done with it, it wasn't coming back.
The classic, however, by far, is still one of the most awe-inspiring wildest and funniest scenes I have ever witnessed.
We had another batch of illegal fireworks. There was a guy we knew. Old bastard had a shed behind his house and he was THE underground go to fireworks man for our small town. All the kids knew it. If any adults did they never let on.
We had to shoot our contraband during the day, while the parents were working.
We were working our way through this assortment of rockets, roman candles, and explosives when we got to this particular rocket, with colorful fireballs, that fucking would not light.
After numerous failed attempts with matches, the decision was unanimously come to that more heat was needed.
A page of newspaper was brought forth and lit ablaze.
This little rocket, that shoots colorful fireballs, had a plastic tripod base. We were so focused on getting that fuse started that we didn't notice that the base was melting, and the rocket was tilting as the fuse was brought up to ignition temperature.
We lived in a tiny house, and there was an equally tiny screened porch off the kitchen. There were a couple of cats that liked to hang out in there on the hotter days, or maybe they just thought they were safe in there?
They were not. Not this day.
As the rocket laid over for the perfect trajectory the fuse finally ignited. Well sure, we noticed there was an issue about a second before lift off, but we'd already been through the only jar of mayonnaise we had, and besides, this was shaping up to be epic!
WHOOOSHHHHH!
The little rocket sped towards that porch like a bullet, and slammed into the screen wire like NASA has fucked up some metric conversions big time!
The projectile wedged halfway though the screen wire and the booster burned itself out.
Now the fun part....
That porch was at best 10 feet by 6 feet, and all Hell was being unleashed on the other side of the screen!
We'd see cats and fireballs flying around in alternating sequences as if choreographed by a higher power. We thought about making a rescue attempt, but between the laughter, amazement, and raw fear, those poor felines were just going to have to use up some of their reserved lives and try to get through this.
It was quite a thing to behold.
Of course, none of us knew how to repair screen wire, so alibis, per SOP, had to be developed, refined, and agreed upon.
The standard answer, "I dunno?" would suffice.
Was I the shit in those suspenders or what?!
Cats not pictured. [IMG2=JSON]{"data-align":"none","data-size":"full","src":"https:\/\/i.imgur.com\/OEq3QE6.jpg"}[/IMG2]
Props to our favorite propane delivery man for the title idea.
Share your tales from growing up or just something stupid you did lately. We're all friends here. No one will tease you.
The Screened Porch, The Cats, and The Rocket
Fireworks always remind me of many incidents from my youth.
There was the dud firecracker that went un-dud when I picked it up, and my brothers, scared shitless that our parents would find out, had me shove my burning throbbing hand into a jar of mayonnaise to ease the pain and reduce the swelling.
There was mom's cast aluminum spaghetti pot that was filled with water and then had a M-80 dropped into it. We just thought there would be a cool splash. We didn't expect the damned thing to fragment into a million pieces, sending shrapnel in all directions. Cool way to learn physics, but that poor woman looked for that pot for weeks before finally realizing that whatever her four little angles had done with it, it wasn't coming back.
The classic, however, by far, is still one of the most awe-inspiring wildest and funniest scenes I have ever witnessed.
We had another batch of illegal fireworks. There was a guy we knew. Old bastard had a shed behind his house and he was THE underground go to fireworks man for our small town. All the kids knew it. If any adults did they never let on.
We had to shoot our contraband during the day, while the parents were working.
We were working our way through this assortment of rockets, roman candles, and explosives when we got to this particular rocket, with colorful fireballs, that fucking would not light.
After numerous failed attempts with matches, the decision was unanimously come to that more heat was needed.
A page of newspaper was brought forth and lit ablaze.
This little rocket, that shoots colorful fireballs, had a plastic tripod base. We were so focused on getting that fuse started that we didn't notice that the base was melting, and the rocket was tilting as the fuse was brought up to ignition temperature.
We lived in a tiny house, and there was an equally tiny screened porch off the kitchen. There were a couple of cats that liked to hang out in there on the hotter days, or maybe they just thought they were safe in there?
They were not. Not this day.
As the rocket laid over for the perfect trajectory the fuse finally ignited. Well sure, we noticed there was an issue about a second before lift off, but we'd already been through the only jar of mayonnaise we had, and besides, this was shaping up to be epic!
WHOOOSHHHHH!
The little rocket sped towards that porch like a bullet, and slammed into the screen wire like NASA has fucked up some metric conversions big time!
The projectile wedged halfway though the screen wire and the booster burned itself out.
Now the fun part....
That porch was at best 10 feet by 6 feet, and all Hell was being unleashed on the other side of the screen!
We'd see cats and fireballs flying around in alternating sequences as if choreographed by a higher power. We thought about making a rescue attempt, but between the laughter, amazement, and raw fear, those poor felines were just going to have to use up some of their reserved lives and try to get through this.
It was quite a thing to behold.
Of course, none of us knew how to repair screen wire, so alibis, per SOP, had to be developed, refined, and agreed upon.
The standard answer, "I dunno?" would suffice.
Was I the shit in those suspenders or what?!
Cats not pictured. [IMG2=JSON]{"data-align":"none","data-size":"full","src":"https:\/\/i.imgur.com\/OEq3QE6.jpg"}[/IMG2]
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. Most of us survived unscathed, took our share of whoopings, learned, and turned out just fine.
