Time to play How Fucked am I

[Alphatreedog]

So my daughter who is 21 in a few weeks was caught with marijuana about a year and a half ago . She was given ARD and an out parient treatment program . She did quite thoroughly fuck that up . So moving forward to trial for posession she get's probation ; court ordered out patient again and mental health counseling . Wow great right . Oh wait there's more . I'll take fucked up surprises for 500 Alex . Ding ding sing ding . It's the daily double .
When on probation in this State the individual can have no firearms in the home . What is I'm fucked .
I have had family who is law enforcement do some recon , checked out the statutes myself and am waiting on two lawyers to get back to me . The tea leaves says that I either move my firearms to another location surrendwring my right to self protection or my daughter cannot reside in our home .
I am not discounting my daughters actions and have strong opinions on drugs due to the loss of two family members to abuse and yet it seems that I'm being punished for her transgression . Wife says she does not expect me to give up the one thing I do for myself and yet will be heart broken if daughter has to leave . My daighter has real clinically diagnosed mental health issues , cannot hold a job and is a royal effin pain . I on one hand think that she should deal with the consequences and yet societally , religiously amd morally queation what would you so for your children ?

 

[david walter]

She finds a place to live.

Not conjecturing. Had a similar situation and now that child is doing fine.

Making them grow up is scary and rewarding when it works.

 

[Dirty D]

I would lock my shit up in a safe and if anyone asked me if there were firearms in the house I would tell them to go pound sand.

 

[thejeep]

What exactly is another location?

Build your daughter an apt (shed in the yard).

 

[kriller134]

Man I feel for you. I hope you get it figured out and your daughter get the help that she needs. With that being said, there’s a fine line between being supportive and enabling your daughter.

 

[Kadams1563]

Why is a 21 year old still living at home? It’s not your responsibility to keep her out of trouble. You raised her until she was 18.

That might sound heartless but it was very understood in my house hold that when you turn 18 and you become and adult you find somewhere to go. The thought of still being at home once I was able to work a full time job wasn’t even in the realm of possibility.

 

[camotoe]

Time to grow up alittle. The worlds not all peachs and cream

 

[kl3309]

Let her go, you've got too much (and not just your guns) to lose letting her stay. Things only go downhill from here.

 

[jcm331]

Maybe compromise and give your daughter 6 months then she has to find her own place. Then you can say you did something if she ever says you chose guns over your daughter

 

[isofahunter]

Each family has to choose their line in the sand and where the battle will occur. It will either be on your terms or her's, ultimately it is her choice to get her shit together and you should protect yourself. There is no easy answer to this, I wish you the best.

 

[Blue Sky Country]

I would lock my shit up in a safe and if anyone asked me if there were firearms in the house I would tell them to go pound sand.

Exactly... Think for your own interests first.

"Do you have firearms in the house?"

"No".

Because you have not broken the law. You are not a fugitive from the law. Therefore it is not their fucking business whether there are guns in the house or not.

Your own interests come first and foremost when dealing with others. Remember that. If doing or saying something does not hold benefits or rewards for you, don't do it.

 

[W54/XM-388]

To answer your question... TOTALLY

My daighter has real clinically diagnosed mental health issues , cannot hold a job and is a royal effin pain .

I don't want to sound mean, but she is 21 and it sounds like from your statement it does not look like there is any hope she is going to be "getting better" any time soon.

You have to have a home where YOU can live in comfortably and be safe and have a bit of peace and quiet.
IF home is crazytown, eventually it will get to you and ruin your life.

My advice to you is that unfortunately you have to have her live on her own and that's all there is to it.
Otherwise you will be destroying your own life and your wife's life to try to be her personal servants.

Work hard to get her on every possible government benefit she can get on and then figure out how to get the cheapest apartment possible for her to live in or such and if you have to, add in funds to help cover it.

Chances are she is only going to get worse and probably won't ever change till she hits rock bottom and runs smack into reality that nobody can save her from. You don't want that going down in your own home or it may take you down with it.

Sometimes hitting rock bottom is the only way it goes.

The son of a co-worker went downhill despite the best attempts of family & friends to help them. They wound up doing a 5 year stretch and actually came out decent and responsible and ready to work hard to put their life back together.

 

[PD DUMPER]

When I turned 18, I lived in my parents basement for a little while till I moved out. Paid a board and room, worked, and my address was ****and 1/2. My residents. Work the problem with the wording of the law.

 

[Snipe260]

That’s a tough one. I would do all I figured I could do in the way of discipline and if that didn’t work, I would make her leave! Like I said, it would be tough to do but if she stayed, she would have to live by my rules!

 

[Foul Mike]

Can you farm her out to Grandpa and Grandma who cut no slack, kick ass and take names?

If close to me I will take her and she will learn like a draftee at basic training but I won't give up my guns, I'll stick to them.

 

[MtnCreek]

I would lock my shit up in a safe and if anyone asked me if there were firearms in the house I would tell them to go pound sand.

That’s exactly the way I see it.


Don’t want to sound preachy, just think this helps. Ask God for His wisdom and help.

 

[Snipe260]

Can you farm her out to Grandpa and Grandma who cut no slack, kick ass and take names?

If close to me I will take her and she will learn like a draftee at basic training but I won't give up my guns, I'll stick to them.

My uncle did that very thing with his daughter! Sent her to our house with my ole man! She didn’t last long! Thank god, I caught her putting massengile douche in that chainsaw cut of hers at the age of 8. Still burnt in my mind!

 

[CuTm]

So my daughter who is 21 in a few weeks was caught with marijuana about a year and a half ago . She was given ARD and an out parient treatment program . She did quite thoroughly fuck that up . So moving forward to trial for posession she get's probation ; court ordered out patient again and mental health counseling . Wow great right . Oh wait there's more . I'll take fucked up surprises for 500 Alex . Ding ding sing ding . It's the daily double .
When on probation in this State the individual can have no firearms in the home . What is I'm fucked .
I have had family who is law enforcement do some recon , checked out the statutes myself and am waiting on two lawyers to get back to me . The tea leaves says that I either move my firearms to another location surrendwring my right to self protection or my daughter cannot reside in our home .
I am not discounting my daughters actions and have strong opinions on drugs due to the loss of two family members to abuse and yet it seems that I'm being punished for her transgression . Wife says she does not expect me to give up the one thing I do for myself and yet will be heart broken if daughter has to leave . My daighter has real clinically diagnosed mental health issues , cannot hold a job and is a royal effin pain . I on one hand think that she should deal with the consequences and yet societally , religiously amd morally queation what would you so for your children ?

all over weed ..

 

[seansmd]

Sorry for your recent boating accident where all your weapons fell overboard. I'm glad everyone is safe.

In all seriousness, I empathize with you but agree you can't fix her. It's tough to hear.

 

[Zeroit]

What I would not do is give up my rights. Doubt that helps your situation. I would wait until you hear from the lawyers before you do anything you would regret. I would also think that you are not expected to lose your rights because of what someone else did unless you agreed to that condition. There's got to be a way for you to help her and not be subjected to losing your security. Talk to your states attorney general and have them clarify on paper. By you giving her a place to stay saves them a lot. Good luck tough situation let us know how it turns out?

 

[CuTm]

I would shut the hell up about what you have and keep it locked up .

 

[diverdon]

I've heard of a case similar to yours where the father had his house rezoned as an apartment building then had a lease made up which defined which rooms the daughter was allowed into. As the other rooms were his the firearms there did not matter to his kids parole. In the case of I'm talking about the father did make sure that the kid could physically not get at the guns. But the key to making it work was rezoning the house. It was ok to allow the kid to use the kitchen/living area not but after the first bedroom the kid was not allowed. So you may want to talk to your attorney about getting your house rezoned.

Good luck and prayers with your daughter.

 

[UNRL Ghandi]

My brother-in-law has issues. My wife and I had him move up from FL to MD when he was 23 thinking him living with us would help him get straight. We forced him to get a job and his GED, taught him to drive, got him his license, then bought him a car (that he paid us for - he didn't have credit to buy himself). We tried to get him into the community college. All he had to do was go to the orientation and fill out some paperwork and didn't. We told him he could only live with us if he was working to better himself and he decided to join the Army. Took a year and six months to get to this point. He lasted two weeks in Basic and they discharged him. He came home thinking he could stay with us. I took him to find an apartment the Saturday he got back. He didn't like that and decided to move into a co-workers house. Didn't talk to us for over a year until was getting kicked out of that house and was fired from his job, so he decided to try to commit suicide. Failed at that too. My wife and I had bought a farm 3 hours away and he thought he wanted to move to the rural area because it was cheaper to live there and he needed a change. We ended up buying a rental house and he's been staying there for another year. Things have been good and bad. Sometimes he pays rent, sometimes he doesn't. He's lost one job already but the one he has now is good and he likes it.

Family members with issues are hard to deal with and my wife and I have thought that after all we've done it may have been better had he just stayed in FL to begin with. Ultimately we don't know if that's true or not. He may be dead by now if he was still there and maybe there will be some good come out of this yet. We keep leaning on Galatians 6:9.

Tough situation man. I'd be inclined to put her out on her own. If you can help soften the landing all the better.

 

[LawnMM]

Time for the little bird to leave the nest. The real world has consequences and helping her deal with them to your own detriment will only enable further stupid behavior.

 

[Blue Sky Country]

Shit like this is why I do not talk about guns or shooting related subjects with anyone except friends who are also staunch RKBA supporters and serious shooters. Because if something awkward happens in the course of interpersonal relationships, people who know that I have guns and want to fuck my life up, even temporarily, can now do it in a myriad of ways. The less motherfuckers know about my personal stuff, the better. Forget about a few cards up my sleeve, I prefer to have the whole deck if possible.

It is a fucked up state of affairs that we are dealing with in this current political environment but we indeed are living in "interesting times" and our safety is more important than anything else.

 

[Alphatreedog]

So I psoted this and near immediately get a call from Veer . He made some very good points and suggestions . It was good to catch up with him also . So the call ends and I go back to the Pit and Holy Cow . Thanks for all the responses .
Gonna check out Galatians 6:9 as well .

 

[DarnYankeeUSMC]

You need to find out what Rights you will be giving up by housing her.
Let's just say that because you agree to house her and she's on probation does the state have the right to enter your house without a warrant? There may be crazy legal shit that you are opening yourself up to.
I don't know what state you live in and am not any kind of lawyer. Just saying that you need to cover your ass. It would suck for some parole officer to barge in and find her drugs. Then you find out that they are kicking you to the curb and auctioning your house.

 

[Alphatreedog]

You need to find out what Rights you will be giving up by housing her.
Let's just say that because you agree to house her and she's on probation does the state have the right to enter your house without a warrant? There may be crazy legal shit that you are opening yourself up to.
I don't know what state you live in and am not any kind of lawyer. Just saying that you need to cover your ass. It would suck for some parole officer to barge in and find her drugs. Then you find out that they are kicking you to the curb and auctioning your house.

Yes no warrant.required.

 

[Soulezoo]

Good luck to you and hope things work out.
Everyone's situation is different and the responses above didn't seem to factor in your wife.
I don't have a good answer for you so I will refrain.
I am glad Veer was able to help.

 

[Vodoun daVinci]

All of this over marijuana? Possession or distribution?

Can't believe we still go nuts over a kid having a joint or two but the Dark Times are upon US so....

My condolences for the strife.

VooDoo

 

[DarnYankeeUSMC]

That sucks. I feel for you and the family situation. It's a shit sandwich for sure.
I know it's family but no way in Hell is anyone coming across my threshold without an invite.

Yes no warrant.required.

 

[_Windrider_]

Exactly... Think for your own interests first.

"Do you have firearms in the house?"

"No".

Because you have not broken the law. You are not a fugitive from the law. Therefore it is not their fucking business whether there are guns in the house or not.

Your own interests come first and foremost when dealing with others. Remember that. If doing or saying something does not hold benefits or rewards for you, don't do it.

Key word, in the house......build a detached garage and put them in there. No longer “in the house”

 

[DannC]

What I am about to say is critical and harsh, but the truth. If you raised her for eighteen years to the best of your ability and she is now for a second time involved in drugs and broke probation what chance is there that you can now find all the answers.

The Judge who put her in your care should have known that.

The mental health issues are not a short term fix. I applaud Trump for suggesting the reopening of mental health facilities to help someone like your daughter. It will raise our taxes but will be worth it. Some people need 24 hr. professional care.

May even prevent another mass shooting and our 2A rights.

I am truly sorry.

 

[WeiserBucks]

It's time for some tough love , if you let her stay it'll only get worse. It's only weed now , but with mental health issues and a complete lack of personal discipline what's next ? Meth ? Heroin ?

If she goes all the way down the wrong road you won't have to worry about the guns , she'll arrange for them to be stolen along with the rest of your valuables .

I feel for you man , I've seen many families wrecked this way . Feel free to PM me and have a chat .

 

[Sean the Nailer]

Your home is your castle. Time she started thinking about the future, and building her own castle. In no way, shape, or form should she or anyone be wrecking your castle.

Simple as that.

Do what you can to help her get the help she needs. You're not the doctor, so you're not the 'help'. Just the assist.

NOT the enabler.

 

[NY700]

I would like to say I am surprised by the general nature of the responses “tough love” 18 your out and all that stuff, but I am not.

The OP clearly indicated that his daughter has clear diagnosed mental health issues, not “slacker can’t liver in her own syndrome”

This is the shit the go get their guns left is trying to shine a light on.

Here is my take on it as some one who grew up in a household with someone with significant mental illness and who also has a disabled son, who not to stress this point is highly unlikely to be able to just “get out at 18”

First, regardless of the last as an indicator donyou believe firearms in the house with your daughter is safe for her and others?

You need multiple attorneys to clarify what the requirements are with the probation status.

Would a secured out building satisfy for your firearms?

Would a converted garage as an apartment possibly a legal mother daughter gone satisfy requirement and provide some responsibility, separate utilities, modest rent, but still keep her close to keep an eye on?

If you found a secured place “gun club” for instance for your firearms, could you leave a secured fire arm in your vehicle or is it considered an extension of your home?

For those that say let them pound sand, probation comes with the potential of home inspections. And they have to be let in.

Can you create a safe room in an attic where they can be hidden and locked up but still available ( mindful that this will be in violation and put her at risk)

 

[Maggot]

Exactly... Think for your own interests first.

"Do you have firearms in the house?"

"No".

Because you have not broken the law. You are not a fugitive from the law. Therefore it is not their fucking business whether there are guns in the house or not.

Your own interests come first and foremost when dealing with others. Remember that. If doing or saying something does not hold benefits or rewards for you, don't do it.

Thats really bad advice. If she's that screwed up you dont know what else she might pull and un?intendingly? bring cops into the home for some reason, or even tell them you have guns to punish you if you have to draw a line in the sand in the future. I dont know what the penalties are in Pa. but its sure to cost you a lot in many ways.

-Either remove the guns:

or

-Remove the daughter.

No one can make that choice for you but it sounds to me like she needs some tough love. You cant hold her hand for the rest of her life. Maybe a 6 month visit in the local lock up would be a wake up call.

Good luck, brother, and make a WISE choice.

 

[Blue Sky Country]

Thats really bad advice. If she's that screwed up you dont know what else she might pull and un?intendingly? bring cops into the home for some reason, or even tell them you have guns to punish you if you have to draw a line in the sand in the future. I dont know what the penalties are in Pa. but its sure to cost you a lot in many ways.

-Either remove the guns:

or

-Remove the daughter.

No one can make that choice for you but it sounds to me like she needs some tough love. You cant hold her hand for the rest of her life. Maybe a 6 month visit in the local lock up would be a wake up call.

Good luck, brother, and make a WISE choice.

You have a valid point. During the last week we have already seen several honest men lose their guns because of dumb shit that their kids wrote on social media. Now, I am sure those kids did not "red flag" their fathers intentionally, but simply saying something that triggers another party these days can invite the man into your life. @TacticalDillhole has made an excellent statement regarding a detached garage for storage of guns. However, what if something dire happens and you need a firearm immediately, ie., home invasion? Damn, tough choices here with this one.

 

[Snipe260]

I’ll be sending prayers for your situation treedog!

 

[EddieNFL]

so he decided to try to commit suicide. Failed at that too.

That's because he didn't want to die.

 

[brianf]

First step is to move weapons out of the house.
That’s takes 1-2 days.
Rent a storage facility for 200 bucks a month
Then make the decision about living arrangements after that
For a few weeks with out your weapons at your side you are securing them for future
Last thing you need is to have them confiscated, because you daughter is followed home by a cop
Or they find pot laced with fentnyl and now it’s a controlled substance etc
Or a red flag law comes out in 2-3 months and now you are considered a problem because you lied etc
Once you make a plan, they come home


We all know the song...

I fought the law and law one

 

[oneshot86]

type into the u tube, co-dependency.
many nationally recognized doctors giving speeches about it, really worth the time for anyone who doesnt know about it.
i pray for you.
sidenote, i, ALSO, worry about the trash that they hang around with.
someone you dont know may show up for whatever, jerry springer, reason at any time

 

[david walter]

Which is why you should NOT surrender or give up your firearms while she is in the house.

someone you dont know may show up for whatever, jerry springer, reason at any time

 

[TheGerman]

I need pictures of the 21 year old daughter to better determine punishment.

 

[Rant Durden]

So...
If she is on supervised or unsupervised probation, and all your guns are locked up, and completly secured with no chance of her gaining access/control she can go to the supervising PO and they may allow her to stay with you and yer guns. If you leave something unlocked and unsupervised, and some LEO is there, she's totally screwed.
It would help if you could mention the state.
Throwing a 21-year old to the wolves when she is completely unprepared for said wolves is likely a bad idea. The best way to predict the future mistakes is to look at past mistakes.
That said, it's time for some double secret probation shit to go down. You need to drug test her, set a curfew, and basically treat her like she's 13. A significant investment in mental health care is likely in your future. Everyone in the house. If she doesn't like it, she can then decide to fight the wolves.

 

[acudaowner]

you could always rent a storage locker for the firearms unless you have thousands of them , that could be an option so not to have to sell your stuff .quick and not in the house she would never have to know where they went . while you are dealing with her issues . How ever you decide to deal with it I will pray for you and your family and I wish you good luck .

 

[Veer_G]

So I psoted this and near immediately get a call from Veer . He made some very good points and suggestions . It was good to catch up with him also . So the call ends and I go back to the Pit and Holy Cow . Thanks for all the responses .
Gonna check out Galatians 6:9 as well .

I could never have said what I really wanted to without going into details, so I reached out. A lot of us have had challenges with kids, me included.

 

[Rearden Steel]

There is a metric ton of bad advice given here.

My daughter will not be kicked out because she is some random age. She is my daughter.
My daughter will not be relocated to the yard or grandmas house. She is my daughter, Effin pain or not.
My adult daughter, if she lives in my house, will understand tha I own firearms and the firearms are in a safe.
My daughter would get what resources I could provide for her to be well. If weed was the worst of it, I’d move to Colorado.

 

[UNRL Ghandi]

That's because he didn't want to die.

Exactly. He's tried twice now. I know he doesn't want to do it. He just wants his problems to go away and fixing them takes too long and are too much work. Hard to be right when you're chemicals are all jacked up.

 

[BoilerUP]

There is a metric ton of bad advice given here.

My daughter will not be kicked out because she is some random age. She is my daughter.
My daughter will not be relocated to the yard or grandmas house. She is my daughter, Effin pain or not.
My adult daughter, if she lives in my house, will understand that I own firearms and the firearms are in a safe.
My daughter would get what resources I could provide for her to be well. If weed was the worst of it, I’d move to Colorado.

Your adult daughter may understand that...the courts may not be so understanding.