I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest 'member' she had ever laid her hands on.
I said "You're pulling my leg."
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!
At least I presume she was poor – she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend, yet.
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back.
He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You're obviously not listening."
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I went back to the thrift shop and got all of her clothes back.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point:
The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair?
Apparently the correct answer was Africa.
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook.
I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!"
Next thing I know 4,000 Muslims have added me as a friend.
The Red Cross have just knocked at my door and asked if I could help towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said I would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
I said "You're pulling my leg."
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!
At least I presume she was poor – she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend, yet.
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back.
He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.
She said she would like to come back as a cow.
I said, "You're obviously not listening."
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I went back to the thrift shop and got all of her clothes back.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point:
The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair?
Apparently the correct answer was Africa.
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.
Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook.
I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!"
Next thing I know 4,000 Muslims have added me as a friend.
The Red Cross have just knocked at my door and asked if I could help towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said I would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
