Maggie’s BBQ Rules

[Duc]

We all know this is a Chicks list;


 We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime
outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man
will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and
makes dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....

(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:

(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine....

(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's
just no pleasing some women....

Now wheres She at with those Beers.....

 

[chris223]

Re: BBQ Rules

thats how it works right?

 

[junglejim23]

Re: BBQ Rules

when she complians that the meat is burning on the grill ask her if she would rather your meat on her grill

then duck as the beer bottle comes at you faster than you thought possible

 

[riverguide2001]

Re: BBQ Rules

This reminds me of the old saying: "Honey. I never realized how much I loved you until I saw you filling out those papers at the Courthouse..."

 

[Grump]

Re: BBQ Rules

Paul Harvey time, time for "the REST of the story".

Here's the true story with that sequence of events:

(1) The woman buys the food.
NO REAL MAN TRUSTS A WOMAN TO BUY FOOD FOR THE BARBECUE. He often does it the same time he gets the propane or more charcoal. I don't see any women fighting for their equal rights to buy the propane or charcoal. Do you?

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and
makes dessert.
NOBODY ASKED FOR ANY RABBIT FOOD!!! Barbecue salad is a pound of that stuff they sell at the Deli, for crying out loud!

VEGETABLES?!?!? WHO ORDERED VEGETABLES?!?!? IT'S A BARBECUE--THE *ONLY* VEGETABLES ALLOWED ARE *EITHER* CORN ON THE COB OR A CAN OF BUSH'S BAKED BEANS SERVED COLD. *IF* there's going to be corn, a real man shucks it before ever going outside to the grill. If the woman can't handle putting it in a pot and just boiling it for the right amount of time, she needs about four more beers and a helpful 8-year-old. Mine are 9, 12, 15, and 18, and any one of them can do it.

Dessert--it's ice cream! Already prepared. I don't hear any women fighting for their equal rights to make the home-made ice cream, do you? Didn't think so. If that happens, it's assigned to the brother-in-law.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces,
EXCUUUSE ME??? WHO ASKED HER TO DO THAT???? If you're going to be loving and helpful to me with those preparatory activities, then DON'T GRIPE ABOUT DOING WHAT I WAS JUST FIXING TO DO MYSELF!!!!

*MY* wife trusts me to prepare the meat for the barbecue. Any woman who gets all busy-body like that or doesn't trust her man to do a good job here either has serious trust issues, or serious control issues.

(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
BARBECUE!!!! PAPER PLATES AND PLASTIC FLATWARE RULE!!!!

Again, who *asked* her to do THAT?!?!?

(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
CONTROL AND TRUST ISSUES AGAIN. Isn't this the same woman who whines when the meat bleeds when cut? "It's too rare!!! Why do you always cook it this way?"

The meat is not burning. She's freaking out over the drippings getting scorched.

(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

Because she's standing there with the serving platter giving him the stink-eye, tapping her feet impatiently, and thrusting the platter at him while saying something like "hurry up already!"

Wait three minutes and you'll hear something about the meat not being done. "Eeeuuuu, it's too rare!"

(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.
Uhh, I *told* the kids to take care of that, and asked YOU to make sure they got around to it before tomorrow. Oh, you're playing the martyr and not bothering to enforce what I thought were OUR rules about family helping family. Drag then away from the Nintendo, dear!

(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

See comment about dishes above. At least she got to eat HOT barbecue while sitting down. The man is back outside killing the woman's serving so it doesn't bleed. Then she takes three bites and declares the meal over when he gets back inside, while he's looking at his rapidly-chilling piece of grilled perfection and a bunch of rabbit food he didn't want.

Some women just don't know how to take it easy.

*MY* wife does. Barbecue day is all mine. She's relaxed without a beer!

As soon as we get that outdoor picnic table, it's cleanup with the high-pressure sprayer on the garden hose!

 

[Ghost3x7]

Re: BBQ Rules

Yeah, what Grump said.

 

[Yorman]

Re: BBQ Rules

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Grump</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
(1) The woman buys the food.
NO REAL MAN TRUSTS A WOMAN TO BUY FOOD FOR THE BARBECUE. He often does it the same time he gets the <span style="text-decoration: underline"><span style="color: #990000">propane</span></span> or more charcoal. I don't see any women fighting for their equal rights to buy the <span style="color: #990000"><span style="text-decoration: underline">propane</span></span> or charcoal. Do you?
</div></div>

Propane has NOTHING to do with real barbeque. Charcoal neither. Mesquite wood is where it is at.