Cancer Advise

[jmb1911]

All-

I don't share personal information for many reasons, but since I enjoy anonymity on here, I feel compelled share with you something that happened to me a few hours ago and ask for advise.

I've been married for nine years. I married an ex collegiate athlete who has many ex college athlete friends. One of her best friends from her college days is also our sister-in-law. My wife is how they met. We found out she has breast cancer. The prognosis doesn't sound good. They live 900 miles away.

Anyhow, my wife called me sobbing from work and gave me the news. This is new strata for us. I am devastated, but not to the level my spouse is.

Helping my brother and sister-in-law out is going to be a family decision that we'll handle together and I'm sure we'll be fine.

My question for ya'll is how have you handled similar situations with your spouse dealing with such a fresh tragedy? Do you have any advise? Anything will help fellas. Thanks.

 

[tomthebaker]

Re: Cancer Advise

Well, it is very important that you go the distance to help your inlaws. Not only does it show love for your wife, and that you value what is important to her, but it sets the stage for the way emergencies on your side of the family will be handled.

 

[Early Cuyler]

Re: Cancer Advise

I remember when my dad gave my mom the news that her mom (my grandmother) had renal cancer with a prognosis of less than 3 months. My dad and my grandmother were very close, and while it tore him up he had to be strong for my mom. My mom still struggled (still does every now and then 3 years later) but it really did help havong my dad take the lead for her when things had to be done. One specific thing he did was help organize the transition to hospice as my mom and her sisters didn't want to make those arrangements.

As Tom said, go the distance as it will help your wife in the short run and will show her the respect you have for your family- blood or in-law.

 

[Tac22]

Re: Cancer Advise

First letme just wish youall the best..
With that said, i lostmy dad and grandmother both to cancer 3 months apart. my mother currently has it and has had it for atleast 10 years now.. Depending on the type it is either really deadly or just something you can live a normal life with. My dad was healthy and fit and always had alot of energy.one morning he woke up and had lots of blood in his urine and 1 month later he was gone.. ( Renel Cell carcenoma) On the other hand my mother has had thyroid cancer since 2000 and she is perfectly fine now as it is in remission..
About the tragedy of it. I will say this. Spend time with them. Clear any issues you may have with them and make everything right. if not you will have regret your whole life.. As far as dealing with losing a loved one. You'll learn to cope but as far as it getting better. It wont. You'll always miss them and you'll always think about them on holidays or when your kids do something special or when you have a Birthday party.. My dad passed away a few years ago now and sometimes I still will see him in my dreams and not be able to sleep that night. i enjoy the time I spend with him in my dreams though...

 

[Bryan27]

Re: Cancer Advise

The best thing you can do is just be there for them. My dad had cancer and while the prognosis wasn't good, it wasn't terrible either. He's been cancer free for 6 years now so miricles do happen.

 

[Switchblade]

Re: Cancer Advise

First, condolences. Panty 6 lost her aunt to breast cancer, even after a bi lateral mastectonomy. I lost my mom to cancer in 2003. When Panty 6's Dad had a bi lateral stroke, we were right there for her(and so was the Hide during her trip, THANK YOU ALL AGAIN).

Being there for one another is the most important thing. During these times, one or the other may not think financial things all the way through, so YOU have to be the one to do that. When it's 'your turn' she will be righ tthere for you. Family is family is family, it matters not who's side they are on. We call it 'Ohana' and our's is huge. Whatever she needs, you make sure she gets it. You get to be the stong one and provide the chest or shoulder to lean on. It is also up to you to remember that that particular bottle isn't going to help, and no matter how much one feels like drinking, it one, doesn;t fix the problem, adn two, well it;s still there regardless of the next morning, however, sometimes it does feel good..after everything is done. Simple things will give her a break, like doing a little laundry, cooking some food, and stuff like that.
She will of course want to 'get there' to show support for the sis in law, but this must be done smartly and well planned. The basic thing is to just be there and be the one to be able to think with a clear head. Life has some times, and sometimes those times will kick your ass, but we get through them just fine. We never get more than we can handle either, but it may feel that way.
You have prayers and thoughts from both of us

 

[Intrepid4576]

Re: Cancer Advise

Gerson therapy

http://www.youtube.com/movie?v=wvzDHGLEUyw&feature=mv_sr

essiac tea / treatment

miatake mushrooms > Shiitake mushrooms > reishi > general mushrooms

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mjv8Zj1ABAc

dont just take what the allopathic doctors tell you as the end all be all --- do your own research --- there is more out there than just what i have posted here --- this is just to inspire you and show you a healthier way

best of luck

 

[ZLBubba]

Re: Cancer Advise

I lost my father to colon cancer about 18 months ago. It's easily one of the most difficult things I've ever endured. Being dependable and reliable will be critical in ensuring the well-being of your family. All families have to re-shuffle their priorities to cover down when tragedy strikes like this.

I'd also seriously recommend counseling for your wife if she wants it. It's a little pricey but it may help her discuss what's going on in her life with an unbiased party. There are also cancer support groups affiliated with hospitals and hospice care that could be an excellent resource for your loved ones in these difficult times. Hang in there.

 

[mulletchef]

Re: Cancer Advise

www.pdq.com this web site offers two products that absolutly work, plus grab Ty Bolingers book[Cancer step outside the box]it has many treatments and cures up to 96 percent effective that have been supressed or outlawed by the FDA at the request of the international corprate drug companys.

 

[427Cobra]

Re: Cancer Advise

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: tomthebaker</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Well, it is very important that you go the distance to help your inlaws. Not only does it show love for your wife, and that you value what is important to her, but it sets the stage for the way emergencies on your side of the family will be handled. </div></div>

Major +1, I have been married for 25 years, I have followed this advice even when I didn't like the person, family is family, like it or not.

 

[jmb1911]

Re: Cancer Advise

I appreciate the imparted wisdom guys.

Thank you.

 

[spaniel]

Re: Cancer Advise

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MULLETHEAD</div><div class="ubbcode-body">www.pdq.com this web site offers two products that absolutly work, plus grab Ty Bolingers book[Cancer step outside the box]it has many treatments and cures up to 96 percent effective that have been supressed or outlawed by the FDA at the request of the international corprate drug companys. </div></div>

First of all, "being there" does not include pushing false hope like snakeoil salesman above. If such things were effective they would have been vetted in real trials. I know ONCOLOGISTS who have died of cancer, if such cure-alls really existed, they would have used it on themselves.

Support, listening, helping to get more information when needed. It can be hard for the affected and those immediately involved to take in all that is happening and what they are being told, as their mind is partially in shock. So extra ears at appointments etc can be helpful.

My uncle recently died of cancer. It was hard to watch from a distance, because it was clear my aunt did not know he was going to die until the last couple days even though their doctors should have prepared her. Noone in their treatment team would deliver the hard news to her in a way she could understand, they kept giving her false hope. Now she's left wishing that she had had the opportunity to say goodbye while he was still coherent.

I have more than a little experience in oncology, if access to information or options becomes useful PM me and I'll do what I can. Start with www.nccn.org.

 

[Greg Langelius *]

Re: Cancer Advise

First, may the Good Lord and St Peregrine watch over you all. I am a two time lymphoma survivor.

Second, learn to say the word 'yes'. Much of what you will be agreeing to may make no sense or even go against your grain, but a 'no' will be remembered until you're in your grave, at very least. It's not about being right, it's about standing firm among your family members. No family can both weather the approaching storm and bicker amongst the fold. This is that time they were talking about when they were saying things like 'extra miles'.

Decisions are for immediate family members; you role is to backstop them, help them with the details of their lives so they can devote their attention and energy to their stricken relative. Answer when asked, hold your water when not.

The patient will determine whether they can stay the course with their treatment. So, in a big way, a lot of their outcome hinges on ther own resolve. Do everything you can do to help them stay the course. Nobody is a cancer victim until they lose their fight completely. Until then they are patients undergoing treatment.

Conveying bad news and dubious opinions is not your job. There are lots of doctors for that task. When you speak with the patient, smile all the time, they need that positive environment as much as anything else. If they ask you about bad news you already know, you simply don't know. Actually, that's the truth, only the Doctors know, and even they don't know everything with absolute certainty; the patient's attitude makes that much real difference. So help them keep that positive attitude.

I don't believe in asking The Lord for every little this and that; I save that for the big stuff. This stuff is as big as it gets.

Cancer treatment is a matter of percentages. Each manner of treatment has a method and a survival percentage. Doctors select treaments based on what kinds of cells they are treating, where they reside, which treatment has a higher success rate, and how well thr patient's overall health level can sustain them through the treatment.

People get sicker before they get better, and most of that is from the treatment. It's to be expected and it's to be accepted.

The treatment is designed to go after the cancer so aggressively it almost, but doesn't quite, kill the patient. Anything less would be pulling the punch, and one does not win such fights by pulling punches.

Once a treatment has been completed, the patient will continue to get sicker before they get better. This is to be expected and is to be accepted. They will look back one day and suddenly realize they have turned a corner. The process is that subtle. Recovery is usually very slow and gradual, but it is also effective. Encourage the patient to keep on stretching that envelope; they really can accompish much more than even they expect. Only they can set the limits, and only by trying a long time and plateauing out. Think in terms of months, maybe years before recovery levels off. In my own two instances, full recovery took about five years, each time. Sometimes it all comes back, sometimes not; either way is a solid victory.

There are terms; recovery, remission, and cured. Recovery is about overcoming the effects of treatment. Remission is about beating back the cancer so it's undetectable. Cured is a term that folks who are ignorant of the entire process actually believe has a real meaning. It does not; at least not for at least a full decade after full remission.

I am living proof that good treeatment and good attitudes can overcome some really scary pronouncements. There is always fear with cancer, and rightly so. Have faith, it is victory's sword.

Prayers.

Greg

 

[Timo Turl]

Re: Cancer Advise

Man, I wish you all the very best. My mum had breast cancer and the day she went into hospital for a mastectomy she told her dad (my grandad) and he died that morning of a hear-attack.

It is a wicked wicked evil but with faith, good doctors and a positive outlook you will do the very best that you can. Asking for help on here is great, asking for help from experts who deal with this daily might also help.

Wishing you and the family all the very best.

 

[ubet]

Re: Cancer Advise

You are going to have to step up to the plate. Be there for your wife to cry on. Be strong, give her your FULL support, cook for her or if you burn water, take her to supper. Whatever you do, be sure that its reassuring her, thats the most important thing for you two right now. YOU be the one to make all travel arrangments, take the lead on things and let her do what she needs to do. Good luck and Godspeed.