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do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
- Thread starter 1shot2kill
- Start date
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
not a lawyer but my ex has been filing shit against me for 12 years and its costs me over 30 grand to defend myself. whats your situation.
not a lawyer but my ex has been filing shit against me for 12 years and its costs me over 30 grand to defend myself. whats your situation.
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
we are civil ideally what we want is she takes her stuff i take mine and i send money for the kid and we go our separate ways we are civil with one another and would like to do mediation vs divorce court
we are civil ideally what we want is she takes her stuff i take mine and i send money for the kid and we go our separate ways we are civil with one another and would like to do mediation vs divorce court
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
Im not a lawyer but since I have had this procedure performed on me before and I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night I can say.....Dont trust what she says.
As soon as she goes out and has drinks with her girlfriends and tells them that the 2 of you are going to be civil and come to terms on your own and work it out, they will blast her with bullshit and get her brave enough to go to a lawyer to take 1/2 of everything and block you out. Your are doing the right thing by asking for a lawyers advise. She will try and make you feel sorry for her and your kid meanwhile cleaning you out.
Good luck with the situation. Hope it works out in a civil way.
SP
Im not a lawyer but since I have had this procedure performed on me before and I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night I can say.....Dont trust what she says.
As soon as she goes out and has drinks with her girlfriends and tells them that the 2 of you are going to be civil and come to terms on your own and work it out, they will blast her with bullshit and get her brave enough to go to a lawyer to take 1/2 of everything and block you out. Your are doing the right thing by asking for a lawyers advise. She will try and make you feel sorry for her and your kid meanwhile cleaning you out.
Good luck with the situation. Hope it works out in a civil way.
SP
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: 1shot2kill</div><div class="ubbcode-body">we are civil ideally what we want is she takes her stuff i take mine and i send money for the kid and we go our separate ways we are civil with one another and would like to do mediation vs divorce court
</div></div>
State laws vary far too much to ask questions on the internet. However, you've got to CYA (cover your ass) especially with kids in the equation. Go meet with a few attorneys and retain the one you like the most but keep it secret. Who knows you might not need him/her but the simple act of retaining an attorney early on could give you access to sound advice as well as save you the headache if/when she does drag you to court.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: 1shot2kill</div><div class="ubbcode-body">we are civil ideally what we want is she takes her stuff i take mine and i send money for the kid and we go our separate ways we are civil with one another and would like to do mediation vs divorce court
</div></div>
State laws vary far too much to ask questions on the internet. However, you've got to CYA (cover your ass) especially with kids in the equation. Go meet with a few attorneys and retain the one you like the most but keep it secret. Who knows you might not need him/her but the simple act of retaining an attorney early on could give you access to sound advice as well as save you the headache if/when she does drag you to court.
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
Plus ten thousand on what Stacy said.
My ex said she wanted to do the quick and civil thing. Three years later and she is still uncivil...
Get everything in writing, Keep all e-mails and texts.
If she starts arguing, don't engage.
Plus ten thousand on what Stacy said.
My ex said she wanted to do the quick and civil thing. Three years later and she is still uncivil...
Get everything in writing, Keep all e-mails and texts.
If she starts arguing, don't engage.
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
Get a lawyer, preferably one that either specializes in divorces or who does a pant load of them. The cheapest lawyer may not be a bargain.
Get a lawyer, preferably one that either specializes in divorces or who does a pant load of them. The cheapest lawyer may not be a bargain.
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
Perhaps something like this:
<object width="425" height="350"> <param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-rziE39JWfs"></param> <param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param> <embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-rziE39JWfs" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"> </embed></object>
Perhaps something like this:
<object width="425" height="350"> <param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-rziE39JWfs"></param> <param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param> <embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-rziE39JWfs" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"> </embed></object>
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: 1shot2kill</div><div class="ubbcode-body">we are civil ideally what we want is she takes her stuff i take mine and i send money for the kid and we go our separate ways we are civil with one another and would like to do mediation vs divorce court
</div></div>
I am by no means a lawyer but my parents did this about ten years ago. Although there were bad feelings they were civil about it so they didn't give the lawyers a bunch of money. What they did is sat down with a lawyer and discussed who was getting what in writing and it went to court. It would be great if you could go this route, a good friend of mine just went through a divorce and they had to use lawyers for everything and they are still talking about going back to court four months after the divorce is final.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: 1shot2kill</div><div class="ubbcode-body">we are civil ideally what we want is she takes her stuff i take mine and i send money for the kid and we go our separate ways we are civil with one another and would like to do mediation vs divorce court
</div></div>
I am by no means a lawyer but my parents did this about ten years ago. Although there were bad feelings they were civil about it so they didn't give the lawyers a bunch of money. What they did is sat down with a lawyer and discussed who was getting what in writing and it went to court. It would be great if you could go this route, a good friend of mine just went through a divorce and they had to use lawyers for everything and they are still talking about going back to court four months after the divorce is final.
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
Like a few guys said before, state laws vary too much. Go around and meet with the best attorneys and the biggest family law firms in your area. Show up for the initial consultation but keep it all confidential. Then when your soon to be ex tries to lawyer up she will be left with some washed up attorney with questionable Bar credentials to handle her side of things. The reason being, you have already had a potential client profile created at all these places and those firms will not be able to legally retain her because it will be a conflict of intrest since you have already visited them in advance. Just thought I would help a brother out....
Like a few guys said before, state laws vary too much. Go around and meet with the best attorneys and the biggest family law firms in your area. Show up for the initial consultation but keep it all confidential. Then when your soon to be ex tries to lawyer up she will be left with some washed up attorney with questionable Bar credentials to handle her side of things. The reason being, you have already had a potential client profile created at all these places and those firms will not be able to legally retain her because it will be a conflict of intrest since you have already visited them in advance. Just thought I would help a brother out....
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: stacyp</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Im not a lawyer but since I have had this procedure performed on me before and I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night I can say.....<span style="font-weight: bold">Dont trust what she says.</span>
As soon as she goes out and has drinks with her girlfriends and tells them that the 2 of you are going to be civil and come to terms on your own and work it out, they will blast her with bullshit and get her brave enough to go to a lawyer to take 1/2 of everything and block you out. <span style="font-weight: bold">Your are doing the right thing by asking for a lawyers advise. She will try and make you feel sorry for her and your kid meanwhile cleaning you out.</span>
Good luck with the situation. Hope it works out in a civil way.
SP </div></div>Bold for emphasis of the truth.
From someone who has also been through the "civil" divorce, get yourself representation, don't make any concessions you're not fully comfortable with, and if it isn't in writing, it doesn't exist.
In a divorce nice guys finish last but honorable men sleep well at night. Good luck...
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: stacyp</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Im not a lawyer but since I have had this procedure performed on me before and I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night I can say.....<span style="font-weight: bold">Dont trust what she says.</span>
As soon as she goes out and has drinks with her girlfriends and tells them that the 2 of you are going to be civil and come to terms on your own and work it out, they will blast her with bullshit and get her brave enough to go to a lawyer to take 1/2 of everything and block you out. <span style="font-weight: bold">Your are doing the right thing by asking for a lawyers advise. She will try and make you feel sorry for her and your kid meanwhile cleaning you out.</span>
Good luck with the situation. Hope it works out in a civil way.
SP </div></div>Bold for emphasis of the truth.
From someone who has also been through the "civil" divorce, get yourself representation, don't make any concessions you're not fully comfortable with, and if it isn't in writing, it doesn't exist.
In a divorce nice guys finish last but honorable men sleep well at night. Good luck...
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: 1shot2kill</div><div class="ubbcode-body">we are civil ideally what we want is she takes her stuff i take mine and i send money for the kid and we go our separate ways we are civil with one another and would like to do mediation vs divorce court
</div></div>
Not an attorney, but I have seen plenty of protracted matrimonial actions, get a lawyer.
I know ONE couple that successfully did mediation, and in their case it worked out ideally.
These folks had moved past the anger, and truly wanted the best for the kids.
If you and Mrs. think you can reach a deal without the attorneys, it's not impossible to make it work.
Maybe you're lucky, but remember that the worst time to call a lawyer is when you NEED one.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: 1shot2kill</div><div class="ubbcode-body">we are civil ideally what we want is she takes her stuff i take mine and i send money for the kid and we go our separate ways we are civil with one another and would like to do mediation vs divorce court
</div></div>
Not an attorney, but I have seen plenty of protracted matrimonial actions, get a lawyer.
I know ONE couple that successfully did mediation, and in their case it worked out ideally.
These folks had moved past the anger, and truly wanted the best for the kids.
If you and Mrs. think you can reach a deal without the attorneys, it's not impossible to make it work.
Maybe you're lucky, but remember that the worst time to call a lawyer is when you NEED one.
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
get some legal advice, what seems all well and good now probably will not be. what happens when she finds a new stud horse and he is telling her you know what honey lets keep ole 1 shot out of the deal, ya know its kinda a pain seeing him come around ya know. funny my ex suggested similar "civil" arrangement when we split. she has been anything but civil to me and is still bitter and still costs me legal fees even now. its been 11 years ago we divorced. I have 3 more years until I don't pay child support anymore and believe me we are going to have a freaking week long celebration once the last check has been sent. hell I may even dump a wheel barrow of change on her door step for the last payment if I can get away with it.
the best advice I can say is imagine a worse case scenerio imagine she isn't civil and you must plan for the worst. protect your rights!!!!! make sure you have visitation the way you want. your divorce can include anything you want. any loans that have your name on them, get her to refi them or put in there you have the right to deduct this from child support. make sure you get the tax exemption each year. put in there you don't pay child support while you have the kids. although that can bite you if the kids decide when they are teenagers to stay with their mom more. but I am sure some wording in there can be put in for that.
get some legal advice, what seems all well and good now probably will not be. what happens when she finds a new stud horse and he is telling her you know what honey lets keep ole 1 shot out of the deal, ya know its kinda a pain seeing him come around ya know. funny my ex suggested similar "civil" arrangement when we split. she has been anything but civil to me and is still bitter and still costs me legal fees even now. its been 11 years ago we divorced. I have 3 more years until I don't pay child support anymore and believe me we are going to have a freaking week long celebration once the last check has been sent. hell I may even dump a wheel barrow of change on her door step for the last payment if I can get away with it.
the best advice I can say is imagine a worse case scenerio imagine she isn't civil and you must plan for the worst. protect your rights!!!!! make sure you have visitation the way you want. your divorce can include anything you want. any loans that have your name on them, get her to refi them or put in there you have the right to deduct this from child support. make sure you get the tax exemption each year. put in there you don't pay child support while you have the kids. although that can bite you if the kids decide when they are teenagers to stay with their mom more. but I am sure some wording in there can be put in for that.
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
+1 what they said but here's a SMOOTHER way to handle it.
"OK Tell ya what, it has to be legal, I'll get a lawyer to draw this up, we sign and send off to the judge".
In reality that is how it goes, if she signs, you are set.
DO YOURSELF A FAVOR - make sure there is a "Moving out of state" claus (Been screwed by that), and a "Denial of visitation" claus...
Basically keeps her from just packing up and leaving state without written permission, court permission, and a 90 day waiting period for you to contest it.
Denial of visitation, simple, file a contempt of court. My judge said if he saw one more of these SHE would be asking for visitation - and she has NEVER crossed that line again...
+1 what they said but here's a SMOOTHER way to handle it.
"OK Tell ya what, it has to be legal, I'll get a lawyer to draw this up, we sign and send off to the judge".
In reality that is how it goes, if she signs, you are set.
DO YOURSELF A FAVOR - make sure there is a "Moving out of state" claus (Been screwed by that), and a "Denial of visitation" claus...
Basically keeps her from just packing up and leaving state without written permission, court permission, and a 90 day waiting period for you to contest it.
Denial of visitation, simple, file a contempt of court. My judge said if he saw one more of these SHE would be asking for visitation - and she has NEVER crossed that line again...
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
Get the lawyer but keep things in perspective.
Fight for your kid, but don't worry about your 'stuff'. Everything you fight for will cost you more in lawyer time than it's worth (unless you own a lot of gold plated stuff
), and every battle makes you and your ex just that much more bitter toward one another making the real compromises harder.
You can't "win" this, the objective should be to get the hell out doing as little damage to your sanity and your kid as possible.
Get the lawyer but keep things in perspective.
Fight for your kid, but don't worry about your 'stuff'. Everything you fight for will cost you more in lawyer time than it's worth (unless you own a lot of gold plated stuff
You can't "win" this, the objective should be to get the hell out doing as little damage to your sanity and your kid as possible.
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
First find out if you are in a no fault state...if so, just represent yourself otherwise you get two in the butt instead of just one.
In a no fault sate whoever makes more money pays...dearly.
First find out if you are in a no fault state...if so, just represent yourself otherwise you get two in the butt instead of just one.
In a no fault sate whoever makes more money pays...dearly.
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
Expect to come out of it with your balls and your toothbrush and still feel you won and you'll have aquired the correct frame of mind. That "lets be civil" talk generally only lasts until her first sit down with a lawyer. That's when she will learn what she is "entitled to".
Expect to come out of it with your balls and your toothbrush and still feel you won and you'll have aquired the correct frame of mind. That "lets be civil" talk generally only lasts until her first sit down with a lawyer. That's when she will learn what she is "entitled to".
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Invstr21</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Like a few guys said before, state laws vary too much. Go around and meet with the best attorneys and the biggest family law firms in your area. Show up for the initial consultation but keep it all confidential. Then when your soon to be ex tries to lawyer up she will be left with some washed up attorney with questionable Bar credentials to handle her side of things. The reason being, you have already had a potential client profile created at all these places and those firms will not be able to legally retain her because it will be a conflict of intrest since you have already visited them in advance. Just thought I would help a brother out....
</div></div>
Pay attention...
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Invstr21</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Like a few guys said before, state laws vary too much. Go around and meet with the best attorneys and the biggest family law firms in your area. Show up for the initial consultation but keep it all confidential. Then when your soon to be ex tries to lawyer up she will be left with some washed up attorney with questionable Bar credentials to handle her side of things. The reason being, you have already had a potential client profile created at all these places and those firms will not be able to legally retain her because it will be a conflict of intrest since you have already visited them in advance. Just thought I would help a brother out....
</div></div>
Pay attention...
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: The_Surgeon</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Invstr21</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Like a few guys said before, state laws vary too much. Go around and meet with the best attorneys and the biggest family law firms in your area. Show up for the initial consultation but keep it all confidential. Then when your soon to be ex tries to lawyer up she will be left with some washed up attorney with questionable Bar credentials to handle her side of things. The reason being, you have already had a potential client profile created at all these places and those firms will not be able to legally retain her because it will be a conflict of intrest since you have already visited them in advance. Just thought I would help a brother out....
</div></div>
Pay attention... </div></div>
If you go this route be prepared to pay a hefty fee for your consult. We are well aware that some consults are meant as preemptive strikes. Understand though that what you are attempting to do not only limits the soon to be ex wife's choices but also limits the customers that attorney can take. My partner that practices domestic relations law routinely charges $750 for the consult. If he is retained the consult fee is applied to the final fee. Depending on the number of competent domestic relation attorneys in the area this tactic can become expensive in a hurry.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: The_Surgeon</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Invstr21</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Like a few guys said before, state laws vary too much. Go around and meet with the best attorneys and the biggest family law firms in your area. Show up for the initial consultation but keep it all confidential. Then when your soon to be ex tries to lawyer up she will be left with some washed up attorney with questionable Bar credentials to handle her side of things. The reason being, you have already had a potential client profile created at all these places and those firms will not be able to legally retain her because it will be a conflict of intrest since you have already visited them in advance. Just thought I would help a brother out....
</div></div>
Pay attention... </div></div>
If you go this route be prepared to pay a hefty fee for your consult. We are well aware that some consults are meant as preemptive strikes. Understand though that what you are attempting to do not only limits the soon to be ex wife's choices but also limits the customers that attorney can take. My partner that practices domestic relations law routinely charges $750 for the consult. If he is retained the consult fee is applied to the final fee. Depending on the number of competent domestic relation attorneys in the area this tactic can become expensive in a hurry.
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: stacyp</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Im not a lawyer but since I have had this procedure performed on me before and I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night I can say.....Dont trust what she says.
As soon as she goes out and has drinks with her girlfriends and tells them that the 2 of you are going to be civil and come to terms on your own and work it out, they will blast her with bullshit and get her brave enough to go to a lawyer to take 1/2 of everything and block you out. Your are doing the right thing by asking for a lawyers advise. She will try and make you feel sorry for her and your kid meanwhile cleaning you out.
Good luck with the situation. Hope it works out in a civil way.
SP </div></div>
Soooo right on the money.
Record every converstion and talk to her like every conversation is recorded.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: stacyp</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Im not a lawyer but since I have had this procedure performed on me before and I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night I can say.....Dont trust what she says.
As soon as she goes out and has drinks with her girlfriends and tells them that the 2 of you are going to be civil and come to terms on your own and work it out, they will blast her with bullshit and get her brave enough to go to a lawyer to take 1/2 of everything and block you out. Your are doing the right thing by asking for a lawyers advise. She will try and make you feel sorry for her and your kid meanwhile cleaning you out.
Good luck with the situation. Hope it works out in a civil way.
SP </div></div>
Soooo right on the money.
Record every converstion and talk to her like every conversation is recorded.
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DP425</div><div class="ubbcode-body">This shit scares me out of the idea of marriage- like bad. I would not handle a woman whom I put enough trust and faith in to marry trying to screw me over </div></div>
Read this
http://dontmarry.wordpress.com/
To the OP. I work in the Fire/EMS/LE world. Divorce rates through the roof. I would gladly give up my pension in a heartbeat to just have the cash that the last 5 guys I know spent on legal fees for their "civil" divorce.
I can easily name 20 or 30 coworkers/friends of both genders who started out with the "civil" attitude who have been financially ruined by the resulting assbanging they took in what was ultimately a bloody divorce.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DP425</div><div class="ubbcode-body">This shit scares me out of the idea of marriage- like bad. I would not handle a woman whom I put enough trust and faith in to marry trying to screw me over </div></div>
Read this
http://dontmarry.wordpress.com/
To the OP. I work in the Fire/EMS/LE world. Divorce rates through the roof. I would gladly give up my pension in a heartbeat to just have the cash that the last 5 guys I know spent on legal fees for their "civil" divorce.
I can easily name 20 or 30 coworkers/friends of both genders who started out with the "civil" attitude who have been financially ruined by the resulting assbanging they took in what was ultimately a bloody divorce.
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
I'm going through this right now. Dude, get the best lawyer you can afford, seriously....
My 'Civil' negotiations lasted right up to the point where she found out how much power the female/mother unit has, then the claws and teeth came out...
Please, please, get a fucking lawyer.
Barn Door
I'm going through this right now. Dude, get the best lawyer you can afford, seriously....
My 'Civil' negotiations lasted right up to the point where she found out how much power the female/mother unit has, then the claws and teeth came out...
Please, please, get a fucking lawyer.
Barn Door
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
protect your rights the civil part will last until a new stud horse takes up residence.
protect your rights the civil part will last until a new stud horse takes up residence.
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: smokshwn</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DP425</div><div class="ubbcode-body">This shit scares me out of the idea of marriage- like bad. I would not handle a woman whom I put enough trust and faith in to marry trying to screw me over </div></div>
Read this
http://dontmarry.wordpress.com/</div></div>
Wow... that site really has some stupid crap on it:
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Does it really pay to work hard anymore and apply oneself to his full potential?</div></div>
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: smokshwn</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DP425</div><div class="ubbcode-body">This shit scares me out of the idea of marriage- like bad. I would not handle a woman whom I put enough trust and faith in to marry trying to screw me over </div></div>
Read this
http://dontmarry.wordpress.com/</div></div>
Wow... that site really has some stupid crap on it:
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Does it really pay to work hard anymore and apply oneself to his full potential?</div></div>
Re: do we have a divorce lawyer in the house?
Retain the best lawyer possible, get your seperation agreement signed ASAP, offer to pay for the lawyer fees and have the agreement signed ASAP. Have I stated, Get the agreement signed ASAP, if she gets a lawyer before your agreement is signed, you will be up the creek without a paddle. Give till it hurts, if it goes legal, you will wish you would have given more up front to make it worth getting her to sign the agreement. This was the best advise my lawyer gave me, and it was done quickly and was done in a civil manner. Good luck....
Retain the best lawyer possible, get your seperation agreement signed ASAP, offer to pay for the lawyer fees and have the agreement signed ASAP. Have I stated, Get the agreement signed ASAP, if she gets a lawyer before your agreement is signed, you will be up the creek without a paddle. Give till it hurts, if it goes legal, you will wish you would have given more up front to make it worth getting her to sign the agreement. This was the best advise my lawyer gave me, and it was done quickly and was done in a civil manner. Good luck....
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