If you’re sitting here in your undies eatin cheetos tonight, it means you want answers. You’re here on your own time because you care about this site—and you want to make sure I care about it as much as you do. You want to make sure I’ll bring real solutions with me to office, not just bandages, or buttplugs. Well, I’m not going to waste any of your time. My main focus today is your retards.
“Retards are our future.” It’s a phrase we hear often, but it is often used without a full understanding of the implications. “Retards are our future” means that retards are our priority. Right now, we have some of the lowest test scores in the entire internet. Not only that, our math and science scores were around 20 points lower than the internet's average. That is not making retards our priority. That is not securing their future or the future of this site. No one wants to move to a new forum or stay in a forum that has, to be frank, a lousy retard policing system.
When I was a child here, our forum was actually renowned for its stellar members, so what changed over the last thirty seconds? For one thing, an exorbitantly high percentage of the site's time and resources have been allocated to policing, banning, and damage controlling retards. Not to say that time was wasted—we have an extraordinarily gorgeous forum—but pristine posts won’t help our members compete at a national interwebs level when it comes time to picking a forum.
On top of that, we have a staff that is rife with teachers who have been offered tenure despite a long track record of under-performing members. During my time as grand Moff Tarkin 10 years ago, I tried to push for a merit-based tenureship. It didn’t go through, and I’ve been pushing ever since. I think the most valuable change we can make as a group of awsomes is ensuring that our moderating staff is filled with individuals who strive for perfection rather than settling for what’s merely acceptable. And what better way to motivate our retards than to give them a more appropriate moderator Czar? More badassery invested in our forum means a lower retard-to-mod ratio, which means retardst will be getting the attention they need and will have a better chance of fulfilling their true potential.
The Office of the Grand retard slayer/Moderator should be held by an individual who can actually bring solutions that will change the forum for the better. This category needs a drastic new approach before it’s too late. If we do things the way that they’ve always been done, then things will remain the way that they’ve always been. And that, at this point, means a continued increase of retard dipshit prescence. Not meeting intergalactic internet standards is gross negligence and completely unacceptable. Don’t let it get any worse.
If you will elect me as your public servant, will serve this forum and the needs of its people. Those needs will change over time, but right now, as of today, the top priority is eliminating and destroying the souls of all internet commando fuckheads. Vote VJJ and you’ll be voting a promising new future for this forum and its non retarded residents.