Excerpts of shit that was said over the last 2 days while having a visitor

[TheGerman]

"You look like a fucking Mexican with a 3 piece couch in your truck bed."

"I have no fucking idea where that LMT upper and 5k rounds of ammo you sent to my house went."

" I'm more of a Meowth, myself."

" Hey Grrrrrrllllll, whats up?"

" I don't care what happens to you. Just don't fuck up my couch."

" Wheres my big titty wife at? What day is today anyways?"

"Ive never really visited the Orient before. Other than those 3 asian chicks."

" Im too drunk. You're in charge of my Tinder profile."

"Try not to die".

" We call his girlfriend Snacks."

"You faggots can't hit this glow stick."

" I'm leaving town tomorrow ladies, so I'm on clearance right now!"

"The cat wants more ham."

"Maybe I should start dating white girls."

"Because. The Reasons."

" That chick looks like a playing card". (This was a response to a women who thought she was hot by having a sleeve tattoo on her left arm and a sleeve tattoo on her entire right leg)

" I would have died and gone to Heaven and would just be like, fucking Brandon did this!"

" Put your arm in the blood pressure machine. I need a picture of a healthy blood pressure."

"You actually have to hit the target, peasant."

"Im telling you. It tastes better with this $600 steak knife."

"Here, throw this flashbang at him while hes in the porta potty."

"You look like a budget Mia Khalifa"

" Is something important and life changing going on? Otherwise, why are you on your fucking phone while I'm up here talking to you?"

" So nobody says shit about me being 2x faster than everyone and perfectly clearing these drills in the dark. But someone throws an airsoft grenade at me and that shits on YouTube."

"Nevermind. She's poor."

"That's fucking Fobbitt Camp."

"Here, drink this BANG! before heading to bed."

"Did you know about this machine gun on the floor?"

"FOB Couch! FOOOOOOBBB Couch!"

"Off to the garage to drink!"

 

[tomcatmv]

"You look like a fucking Mexican with a 3 piece couch in your truck bed."

"I have no fucking idea where that LMT upper and 5k rounds of ammo you sent to my house went."

" I'm more of a Meowth, myself."

" Hey Grrrrrrllllll, whats up?"

" I don't care what happens to you. Just don't fuck up my couch."

" Wheres my big titty wife at? What day is today anyways?"

" Im too drunk. You're in charge of my Tinder profile."

" I'm leaving town tomorrow ladies, so I'm on clearance right now!"

" That chick looks like a playing card". (This was a response to a women who thought she was hot by having a sleeve tattoo on her left arm and a sleeve tattoo on her entire right leg)

" Put your arm in the blood pressure machine. I need a picture of a healthy blood pressure."

"Try not to die".

" Is something important and life changing going on? Otherwise, why are you on your fucking phone while I'm talking to you?"

" So nobody says shit about me being 2x faster than everyone and perfectly clearing these drills in the dark. But someone throws a fucking airsoft grenade at me and that shits on YouTube."

"Nevermind. She's poor."

"Did you know about this machine gun on the floor?"

"FOB Couch! FOOOOOOBBB Couch!"

"Off to the garage to drink!"

 

[tomcatmv]

WTF? Can I come over and party and smoke or drink what Ya'll are having?

 

[Makinchips208]

No 911 calls? Boring…

 

[Jgunner]

Hmmm. I hang out with the wrong crowd.

 

[HiDesertELR]

Sounds like you and @clcustom1911 had a grand ole time...

No one got "stabby" ?

 

[TheGerman]

Sounds like you and @clcustom1911 had a grand ole time...

No one got "stabby" ?

Yep.

But there were also quite a few other people involved along the way.

 

[HiDesertELR]

Yep.

But there were also quite a few other people involved along the way.

You should film some these escapades, do a PPV in the UGPX, could probably fund the generator transpo 2x over

 

[Marinevet1]

I'll bring a big kitchen knife for any of the stabbys, some bourbon for the regular people, and a bong for anyone who might need it.........sounds like a party.............

Who is bringing the plastic sheets, and the crisco?

 

[RUTGERS95]

"You look like a fucking Mexican with a 3 piece couch in your truck bed."

"I have no fucking idea where that LMT upper and 5k rounds of ammo you sent to my house went."

" I'm more of a Meowth, myself."

" Hey Grrrrrrllllll, whats up?"

" I don't care what happens to you. Just don't fuck up my couch."

" Wheres my big titty wife at? What day is today anyways?"

"Ive never really visited the Orient before. Other than those 3 asian chicks."

" Im too drunk. You're in charge of my Tinder profile."

"Try not to die".

" We call his girlfriend Snacks."

"You faggots can't hit this glow stick."

" I'm leaving town tomorrow ladies, so I'm on clearance right now!"

"The cat wants more ham."

"Maybe I should start dating white girls."

"Because. The Reasons."

" That chick looks like a playing card". (This was a response to a women who thought she was hot by having a sleeve tattoo on her left arm and a sleeve tattoo on her entire right leg)

" I would have died and gone to Heaven and would just be like, fucking Brandon did this!"

" Put your arm in the blood pressure machine. I need a picture of a healthy blood pressure."

"You actually have to hit the target, peasant."

"Im telling you. It tastes better with this $600 steak knife."

"Here, throw this flashbang at him while hes in the porta potty."

"You look like a budget Mia Khalifa"

" Is something important and life changing going on? Otherwise, why are you on your fucking phone while I'm up here talking to you?"

" So nobody says shit about me being 2x faster than everyone and perfectly clearing these drills in the dark. But someone throws an airsoft grenade at me and that shits on YouTube."

"Nevermind. She's poor."

"That's fucking Fobbitt Camp."

"Here, drink this BANG! before heading to bed."

"Did you know about this machine gun on the floor?"

"FOB Couch! FOOOOOOBBB Couch!"

"Off to the garage to drink!"

never visited the orient except the 3 asian chicks....classic but not as good as 'I'm gonna fk your eyes straight' haha

 

[Blackcreek]

I'll bring a big kitchen knife for any of the stabbys, some bourbon for the regular people, and a bong for anyone who might need it.........sounds like a party.............

Who is bringing the plastic sheets, and the crisco?

Would a tarp and some olive oil be a suitable substitute.
If so I'll be right over.

 

[sirhrmechanic]

Not a single marsupial was raped? And you call that a party?

Sheesh… amateurs.

Sirhr

 

[diverdon]

You've got a cat?

 

[The D]

Who’s got the big tittied wife? And can I, I mean my friend, see some pics?

Other highlights include; “Because. The reasons”. I love that excuse

 

[clcustom1911]

You should film some these escapades, do a PPV in the UGPX, could probably fund the generator transpo 2x over

@TheGerman getting banged from behind

 

[clcustom1911]

You've got a cat?

Pumpkin is old cat, but best cat

 

[clcustom1911]

" Is something important and life changing going on? Otherwise, why are you on your fucking phone while I'm up here talking to you?"

Well, when I drive about 270 miles to deliver the fucking FOOOBBB couch they're sitting on, and teach TCCC medical magic, I expect people to, like, not be on their phone. So, so swift, corrective vocabulary was needed to unfuck the situation.

 

[clcustom1911]

Would a tarp and some olive oil be a suitable substitute.
If so I'll be right over.

Silicone based lube. Wet Platinum is the preferred brand.

 

[clcustom1911]

WTF? Can I come over and party and smoke or drink what Ya'll are having?

He literally has his KAC with a Gucci sling.... and my poors LMT 10.3 upper I'm glad he didn't sell after I had it sent to him while I was in Iraq this last time.

 

[clcustom1911]

Sounds like you and @clcustom1911 had a grand ole time...

No one got "stabby" ?

I TRIED TO GET A STABBY. Tinder sucks in MormonLand

 

[clcustom1911]

Well, hello, fellow normal people traveling down the roadway...

 

[n2ishun]

Not one word about explosives.
I. AM. DISAPPOINT.

 

[TheGerman]

Not one word about explosives.
I. AM. DISAPPOINT.

You must have missed it where I literally got legit flashbanged due to fobbits being mad that I was superior to them.

Also, explosives R&D on 'how much explosive material can we put on targets while people are shooting at them while running drills and not have it fragment and kill them' is tomorrow.

 

[clcustom1911]

Who’s got the big tittied wife? And can I, I mean my friend, see some pics?

Other highlights include; “Because. The reasons”. I love that excuse

Yes. No. Because. The Reasons.

 

[TheGerman]

You've got a cat?

She eats ham.

 

[akmike47]

I TRIED TO GET A STABBY. Tinder sucks in MormonLand

You can get your dick wet you just can't thrust, have a soak.

 

[D̷e̷v̷i̷l̷D̷o̷c̷A̷Z̷]

Things to say this weekend
-cumdumpster
-twat waffle
-donkey punch
-cock holster

 

[TxWelder35]

This sounds like quite the love affair

 

[akmike47]

This sounds like quite the love affair

Heterosexual life partners

 

[TheGerman]

Things to say this weekend
-cumdumpster
-twat waffle
-donkey punch
-cock holster

That's like a Tuesday conversation between me and my wife (my wife and I?) when she comes home from work.

 

[UKDslayer]

Pumpkin is old cat, but best cat
View attachment 7846474

Poor thing has cataracts.

 

[TheGerman]

Poor thing has cataracts.

I think its the camera angle/flash/phone because her eyes dont look like that in the light if I look at her. She also can see fucking everything all over the house that I dont even see.

She's 15 but other than losing a bit of weight a year or two ago and then staying at the 'new' weight for no reason whatsoever, thats really all thats wrong. Put her through thyroid tests, ultrasounds, blood work, nothing wrong. Cat literally eats her weight in ham and ambushes me around the house for surprise snuggletime.

 

[D̷e̷v̷i̷l̷D̷o̷c̷A̷Z̷]

That's like a Tuesday conversation between me and my wife (my wife and I?) when she comes home from work.

Give her the old helicopter cock for good measure

 

[AMGtuned]

Well, when I drive about 270 miles to deliver the fucking FOOOBBB couch they're sitting on, and teach TCCC medical magic, I expect people to, like, not be on their phone. So, so swift, corrective vocabulary was needed to unfuck the situation.

I have to use this tactic often. I usually asked the bums on the jobsite, "is that the fucking president?"

 

[HiDesertELR]

You can get your dick wet you just can't thrust, have a soak.

There's always the jump fuck...

As if the magic underwear thing wasn't weird enough FFS

 

[clcustom1911]

That's like a Tuesday conversation between me and my wife (my wife and I?) when she comes home from work.

Literally. He's not exaggerating.

 

[HiDesertELR]

I TRIED TO GET A STABBY. Tinder sucks in MormonLand

 

[clcustom1911]

View attachment 7846672

 

[akmike47]

There's always the jump fuck...

As if the magic underwear thing wasn't weird enough FFS

That's a good friend to do that for you, the fat friend comes in handy then.

 

[akmike47]

That's a good friend to do that for you, the fat friend comes in handy then.

"Call fat Tammy in here, you don't bounce me enough"

Lots of dummy's think anal isn't real sex, get with the times mormons lol

 

[HiDesertELR]

Literally. He's not exaggerating.

Hey, if you can't walk up behind your wife, grab her hair, bend her head backwards and tell her your going to savage her lady parts that night...

You married the wrong chick.

 

[HiDesertELR]

View attachment 7846674

That chick has a moustache

 

[akmike47]

That chick has a moustache

Maybe It'll tickle your balls when you 69

Guy I knew dated this chick with a big pointy nose, and I asked him if it tickled his asshole when they 69'd he didn't laugh but the rest of the room did.

 

[TheGerman]

Give her the old helicopter cock for good measure

Depending on the day, she's Jennifer Anniston from Horrible Bosses.

 

[TheGerman]

Hey, if you can't walk up behind your wife, grab her hair, bend her head backwards and tell her your going to savage her lady parts that night...

You married the wrong chick.

Harassment at my house is a 2 way street.

 

[clcustom1911]

Reference the 3 piece couch... and I roll up to his house blaring Mexican Banda music loud as fuck and he's outside

 

[TheHorta]

That's like a Tuesday conversation between me and my wife (my wife and I?) when she comes home from work.

Your wife works? Damn dude… and to think I had you on a pedestal.

 

[clcustom1911]

Your wife works? Damn dude… and to think I had you on a pedestal.

His wife cures cancer.

 

[TheGerman]

Your wife works? Damn dude… and to think I had you on a pedestal.

Yeah, why wouldn't she?

I mean, not only do I have to not deal with any of her shit for the entire day while I'm at home, but she then returns with a metric ton of money.

 

[HiDesertELR]

He literally has his KAC with a Gucci sling.... and my poors LMT 10.3 upper I'm glad he didn't sell after I had it sent to him while I was in Iraq this last time. View attachment 7846478

What's that sling mount?