Maggie’s Funny / interesting work stories

[seanh]

After posting a work story about goats I realized that it pretty much distracted from the thread so I thought it would be great to start a different one.

Let's hear you're funny oh, interesting, outrageous work stories dot-dot-dot g, r, x rating doesn't matter let's hear it.

Regarding goats...
Several years ago I worked for a company that built trade show exhibits and did corporate signage / Interiors. My job was procurement and product research. Additionally, they wanted me to use my negotiation skills to review and modify contracts.

So, after a couple of months I realize there was this one company that was screwing us over on pricing. To be honest several companies were. So of course I Cole arvinder and talk to the manager and say " when was the last time we updated our contract?". Come to find out we never have. Of course the next thing I did was review the contract and send over my changes.... which prompted and on-site face-to-face meeting.

Had some language that needed to be changed in addition to pricing. Really, no issue there at all. Basically, I got everything I wanted. At the end of the meeting..." well, is there anything else you want?" My response.. yes, I want a goat".

There was a few moments of dead silence, the look on her face was a bit of a shock and confusion. We're of course I was asked why I wanted a goat. So I explained to her that the people in the back are pretty much all Hispanic/Latino and explain how hard these people work for us, don't ask for anything, will give you the shirt off their back and that without them just business wouldn't survive. Given their culture, they love goat. She then asked did you want a live goat or dead / processed?... I told her it didn't matter, they'd work it out.

So she goes back to the office that work on the contract in a couple of days later I get a call from another manager... Did I hear this right, you want a goat? ... yep.

Couple of weeks later I called to check on the location of my goat and if I was going to get one excetera. Turns out they had zero problem with it they just had to figure out how to do it legally. What we found was they couldn't specifically right goat in the contract but what they could do is a choir said goat and then have a customer appreciation day...

A side note... The owner of the company was such a douchebag that on Thanksgiving instead of providing dinner for us we were allowed to have an extended lunch for which we could do potluck... Seriously multimillion-dollar company can't afford a Thanksgiving appreciation dinner...

Bossman had got wind of what I was doing and told me that he won't be outshined... LOL. Okay. So I proceeded to continue working on getting the goat... LOL

Due to the fact that I really don't care what other people think or say, because I'm a grown ass man, I was not intimidated in the least. So, they started working get rid of me...

Word got around that I was working on getting a goat which prompted a few office visits with the customary handshake pat on the back thank you. But of course I was eventually let go ... the story behind that's actually funny to but get into that later.

So I'm gone in about a month or so later I get a phone call from the HR manager, a few other former employees explaining how the customer appreciation day went.

Keep in mind every single person in the shop and in the offices knew exactly why where and how this day came to be. The little pipsqueak owner got up and took all credit for it expecting everybody to stand up and cheer... Nope

You know how I am when somebody gives a speech that is boring, stupid, lawn lended or unproductive where there's a few slow "wow" customary claps... That.

Oh, why I got fired dot-dot-dot I made the owner look incompetent, his assistant looking confident, the director informant of my department looking confident. Additionally I shipped and the owners contract, save them $60,000. Rest of that year, improved I can track inventory down to the screw, nail, even literally drop of paint.

Moral of the story... if you're not going to be willing to fight for your team who's going to be willing to fight for you. Never be afraid to take a bullet for your team.

 

[BigTex]

I have a lot of funny/interesting stories but they would all be HIPAA violations. Life in a level 1 trauma center.

I did have a nurse send me a piece of birthday cake in a bio bag once.

 

[Jigstick]

I anesthetized a patient to remove a fabrege egg from their ass

 

[Trigger Monkey]

I don't have many funny work stories, I deal with morons most everyday and not fun morons, morons that try to suck the lifeforce from your soul.

That being said I was in the office one say when one of the other project managers got a call. He was expecting an installer to be at a federal facility to finish a job.

Hey where's your guys at?

He's supposed to be there now, let me call and find out what's up.

The PM finds out the guy is running behind but he's at the main gate about to go through vehicle check in. PM calls the contractor and says his guy is at check in, he's probably 10 minutes out. 30 minutes later he gets a call...

Your guy still isn't here.

Our PM tries calling but no answer so the contractor calls the main gate and then the fun started. It turns out this guy pulled up to vehicle check in at a federal facility with some weed in his work truck. He couldn't answer his phone because he'd been detained at security awaiting Sheriff's deputies. It's a little hazy whether he got arrested or just sited but the long and short of it is that he's now permanently banned from that facility and probably on a list.

 

[seanh]

Not my story, one that was told to me by a doctor friend that I used to shoot with.

This is at Ben Taub...

Dr. Standing there next one nurse at the check-in desk. Have people coming in with typical emergency injuries General illness, broken bones, typical. Nurses barely look up to acknowledge that people coming in just sign in fill out paperwork blah blah blah

Dude walks in with a knife in his head... the nurse doesn't even look up simply tells the guy to sign in handsome another board for his insurance information... Guy asks how long is the wait... A couple of hours. Dude says I'll be back in a little while when it's less busy, I'm going back to the party.

Doctor friend had to intervene and tell the nurse I think we need to see this guy now... nurse proceeds to start to argue with the doctor... Who finally points at him nurse looks up and then starts doing your job.

He had plenty of stories about things that had to be removed from people's asses.

 

[hankpac]

After posting a work story about goats I realized that it pretty much distracted from the thread so I thought it would be great to start a different one.

Let's hear you're funny oh, interesting, outrageous work stories dot-dot-dot g, r, x rating doesn't matter let's hear it.

Regarding goats...
Several years ago I worked for a company that built trade show exhibits and did corporate signage / Interiors. My job was procurement and product research. Additionally, they wanted me to use my negotiation skills to review and modify contracts.

So, after a couple of months I realize there was this one company that was screwing us over on pricing. To be honest several companies were. So of course I Cole arvinder and talk to the manager and say " when was the last time we updated our contract?". Come to find out we never have. Of course the next thing I did was review the contract and send over my changes.... which prompted and on-site face-to-face meeting.

Had some language that needed to be changed in addition to pricing. Really, no issue there at all. Basically, I got everything I wanted. At the end of the meeting..." well, is there anything else you want?" My response.. yes, I want a goat".

There was a few moments of dead silence, the look on her face was a bit of a shock and confusion. We're of course I was asked why I wanted a goat. So I explained to her that the people in the back are pretty much all Hispanic/Latino and explain how hard these people work for us, don't ask for anything, will give you the shirt off their back and that without them just business wouldn't survive. Given their culture, they love goat. She then asked did you want a live goat or dead / processed?... I told her it didn't matter, they'd work it out.

So she goes back to the office that work on the contract in a couple of days later I get a call from another manager... Did I hear this right, you want a goat? ... yep.

Couple of weeks later I called to check on the location of my goat and if I was going to get one excetera. Turns out they had zero problem with it they just had to figure out how to do it legally. What we found was they couldn't specifically right goat in the contract but what they could do is a choir said goat and then have a customer appreciation day...

A side note... The owner of the company was such a douchebag that on Thanksgiving instead of providing dinner for us we were allowed to have an extended lunch for which we could do potluck... Seriously multimillion-dollar company can't afford a Thanksgiving appreciation dinner...

Bossman had got wind of what I was doing and told me that he won't be outshined... LOL. Okay. So I proceeded to continue working on getting the goat... LOL

Due to the fact that I really don't care what other people think or say, because I'm a grown ass man, I was not intimidated in the least. So, they started working get rid of me...

Word got around that I was working on getting a goat which prompted a few office visits with the customary handshake pat on the back thank you. But of course I was eventually let go ... the story behind that's actually funny to but get into that later.

So I'm gone in about a month or so later I get a phone call from the HR manager, a few other former employees explaining how the customer appreciation day went.

Keep in mind every single person in the shop and in the offices knew exactly why where and how this day came to be. The little pipsqueak owner got up and took all credit for it expecting everybody to stand up and cheer... Nope

You know how I am when somebody gives a speech that is boring, stupid, lawn lended or unproductive where there's a few slow "wow" customary claps... That.

Oh, why I got fired dot-dot-dot I made the owner look incompetent, his assistant looking confident, the director informant of my department looking confident. Additionally I shipped and the owners contract, save them $60,000. Rest of that year, improved I can track inventory down to the screw, nail, even literally drop of paint.

Moral of the story... if you're not going to be willing to fight for your team who's going to be willing to fight for you. Never be afraid to take a bullet for your team.

Voice to print sucks. At least review and edit before you hit "Post".
All those people looked "Confident".
Casts a shade on what would otherwise be a pretty fair story.

 

[hankpac]

Working as a student at a mjaor medical center ER in Reno, NV, many, many years ago.
Quiet evening only about 10-15 cases and only about 3 of them critical.
I walk past the Nurse's station, and the Triage RN hangs up the phone.
She looks up at me and the other student, and says, "Prank call. Said there was a guy shot in the head just walked into the lobby!"
I start to ask her if she is sure that was a prank, and she finishes her thought, "We've been getting a lot of that lately."
The phone rings again, and the senior nurse picks up.
She listens, then points at me, and my partner, and at the RN who took the previous call, covers the mouthpiece, and whispers, "Get a guerney or wheelchair and get your asses up to the Lobby.
The lobby is upstairs, the ER is in the basement (street level on one side). We haul ass upstairs and there is a young skinney guy Sad-Sack, type, standing there patiently, with a trickle of blood coming from his right ear.
My partner sticks him in the wheelchair, Spins him around and starts running back to the elevator.
We go straight to the "trauma" table, which is actually a padded X-ray table, next to a door, with a stocked trauma surgery suite, brand new, hadn't been used yet. C collar, O2, vitals stable, but now that he is supine with head and upper body slightly elevated, his neck is swelling.
His story, is that he was despondent, placed a .22 pistol in his ear, and pulled the trigger.
When that didn't even knock him off his feet, he pulled the trigger again. When he saw that this was going to take a little more effort,
He changed his mind, and drove to the hospital and walked into the lobby.
X-Ray showed a .22 round nose projo that had split, one shard lying against his opposite Carotid, and the other lying between C-3/4, but not penetrating the spine, just resting alongside. Didn't see the other round, and no exit wound, so no telling at that point exactly where the round went.
The trauma surgeons showed up, and he was wheeled in.
I went off duty.
Wasn't the last gun shot wound I'd see, nor the first (not by a darn sight).

 

[D1gger]

Tells prior poster to review and edit before posting-has typo in first sentence-Classic LOL

 

[seanh]

Thanks for catching the errors with voice to text. Most of the time I catch it but apparently in this case I was looking with the brown eye.

 

[John_in_WYO]

Cole Arvinder.
Great alias!


1977 Basic Police Academy.
The next Instructor was introduced as a local FBI Agent. He pulled out a softball for everyone to pass around. I noted 3 threaded holes in it as I passed it on to the next guy.
After everyone had examined it and passed it back to the front, the Agent announced he was to teach us about sexual deviancy. He mentioned that the softball had been self-inserted in a guy’s ass and had been removed at an ER.....

 

[brianf]

I anesthetized a patient to remove a fabrege egg from their ass

at least they had the money to pay the hospital bills ..lol

 

[seanh]

Softball? I'm more impressed than am disgusted

 

[Unknown]

Someone I know well used to work as a Parole and probation officer.

As part of his duties, he would often have to be the "Duty Officer". Duty officer has to take any calls that the front desk can't otherwise figure out what to do with. It also means he had to deal with any of the random urinalysis testing people (same sex only) that show up at the office when their assigned officer is gone.

For the chain of evidence to be complete and reliable, every UA has to be observed as it exits the person's body and goes into the bottle to insure that they aren't pouring some urine they brought into the office in the bottle. This requires males to also insure that a fake penis isn't being used. For those who don't know, they actually make and sell prosthetic penises in order to get around urinalysis. So, it requires a close look at the person's penis, and observing the entire time the urine is put into the bottle. It may surprise folks, but desperate convicts will put stuff on their fingers, under their fingernails in order to bugger up the tests..so they have to be watched very closely.

So the front desk calls him and says "John Smith" is here for a UA. When he gets to the waiting area, all he sees is some large breasted person wearing a tight low cut sweater, in a mini skirt.
So he figures John Smith is outside having a smoke, and calls out "JOHN SMITH?" The person in the sweater and mini skirt stands up and says "Thats me." Thinking that his co workers are trying to play a trick on him, he asks for ID. Smith produces proper identification. He then checks the computer logs, and sure enough Smith is scheduled for a UA, and smith is a transexual with breasts, but still has a penis.

So he accompanies Smith into the rest room where the door is to remain unlocked so as to avoid accusations of impropriety. Smith is cooperative, walks up to a urinal, lifts the mini skirt and produces a genuine human penis. The parole officer has to lean over the privacy shield attached to the wall that is between the urinals so he can keep a good watch.

As Smith is urinating in the bottle, and the officer is leaning over the privacy shield for a good view, another convict opens the bathroom door, and takes in the scene. All the other convict said was "I don't even want to know" and left. Smith and the officer just looked at each other, and Smith started to laugh first and said "Yeah, I guess this would look kinda funny..good luck with the rumors that will be coming your way."

 

[Kir]

Was the bar manager at the World Famous Stagecoach Bar (Greyhound Bus Depot-since demolished). Hired a new bar maid and on her first day as I was showing her some of her very easy duties, two guys came in, in the early morning. She was very cute and naturally they tried to make a date with her. I had to leave for my other work and said I would be back at noon. When I came back those two guys were still there hitting on her. I said, "Are you guys still here?" then turned to her and said, "Haven't you told them yet?"
She said, "About what?"
I said, "About your sex change operation!"
One of the guys stood up on the brass rail and yelled, "SEX CHANGE OPERATION, YOU HAD A SEX CHANGE OPERATION?"

The next morning I was there to open up and get her started and two different guys walked in. Naturally they started hitting on her...she really was very cute.
I took off for work and said I would see her later.
When I came back the same two guys were there and as I walked in they all looked at me and I said, "Are you guys still here?" then I turned to her and I said, "Haven't you told them yet?"
She thought she would beat me to the punch and said, "About what?, MY SEX change operation?"
Then I quickly said, "Sex change operation? YOU had a sex change operation?"
I tried to look as dumbfounded as the two customers...

 

[Kir]

As bar manager, I invited the office staff to the bar on Sunday morning to have Bloody Mary's. Earlier the bar maid on duty had asked me to trim her very long hair straight across as it had gotten longer then she could manage. After cutting her hair, I kept the scissors nearby. My bar maid prepared the drinks for everyone and when she made mine last, everyone noticed she was pouring extra Tasbasco sauce into my drink. My boss exclaimed, "...whoaaa!"
My barmaid replied, "It's o.k., he likes it this way." She brought me my drink then moved to the other end of the bar to help another customer.
I quickly got out the scissors and cut my straw very short and dipped it back into my drink, then I called her back.
"Renee, I think you poured too much Tabasco into my drink." as I lifted the short straw out of my drink.

 

[whatsupdoc]

Seem like a good thread to bring back to life, so here goes.

Im 19, my uncle has to take care of some stuff overseas and asks me to run his dry cleaners for
4 weeks. The store was in midtown Manhattan NYC.

One day two people come in and ask if we could dry clean 400 articles of clothing and
deliver them to the Pierre Hotel the next day. I call the plant and my contact says
yes sure that many pieces they will keep the crew on overtime so I take the clothes.

Next day I pick up the items with the delivery guy drive to the hotel, leaving him in the van I go in the hotel
looking for my two contacts (days before cell phones). After finding one of the contacts she walks me to the area
where the clothes are to go.

I go in and there are literally two dozen gorgeous women in various stages of nudity being dressed or undressed
by other people, it reminded me of a insect colony. It was a modeling show and it was insane, nobody gave a crap that there were hot nude women everywhere. It was like workers at the food court at a baseball game during the 7th inning stretch, pure pandemonium.

The original plan was to go up get paid by the customer then have the delivery guy bring up all the clothes, but being that the delivery guy was very religious I decided that I would bear the burden and perform the manual labor saving his eyes and possibly his soul from the sin of lust.

 

[Maggot]

I was building a huge stone chimney and had a three black guys working for me. Just before lunch I put my food on a pallet to let it warm up and went up a 40' scaffold to do something. About the time I reached the top I saw an all black Labrador retriever grab it, my lunch, so I leaned over and without thinking yelled "Hey you black son of a bitch." Three pair of eyes cut skyward and as I realized my mistake I pointed at the mutt and yelled "The dog, the dog." Fortunately I knew them all well and we had a good laugh.