Joke Of The Day

[BullGear]

Thought we needed some jokes other than my last match score.... Share them if you have them.


Have you heard about the new pillow on the market made of corduroy?

It's making headlines.

 

[Sean the Nailer]

Oldie but goodie:

So it has been scientifically proven that the toothbrush was invented and patented in Alabama!

True.

If it had been invented ANYWHERE else in the world, it'd been called a "teethbrush."

 

[Bender]

Why did the witch fall off the swing?



because she was dead.

 

[Dingodog]

How do you know when your in Alabama? When the shitter burns to the ground and the house is untouched.

How do you know when your in Alabama? When there is more appliances in the front yard then there are in the house.

What does a redneck girl say when she is having sex? Get off me Pa your crushing my smokes.

 

[candyx]

Why don't witches wear panties ?

So they can grip the broom.......

 

[BJames]

What does Iowa stand for?
Idiots
Out
Wandering
Around

 

[MtnCreek]

Why was the two year old african kid crying?

Midlife crisis.

 

[Dingodog]

Why was the two year old african kid crying?

Midlife crisis.

Omg that is horrible. Horrible but funny.

 

[JbBooks]

Why are urban kids so fast?

They spent the first nine months of their life dodging a hanger!

 

[10ring'r]

Why do Low Riders have chain steering wheels??
So their owners can drive with handcuffs on!
Mac

 

[MtnGhost]

Why do Low Riders have chain steering wheels??
So their owners can drive with handcuffs on!
Mac

And so they can look cool and pick lettuce at the same time lol

 

[long range sponge]

Did everyone hear that Apple is going to start building houses?
Only catch is they have to use artificial lighting because Apple doesn't use Windows.

Met a man that got hit by a tractor trailer. He said it was a memorable experience but not very fun. He was only semi impressed.

How many kids with ADD does it take to... OOOOHH! Look at that!

 

[Davo308]

What did the pony with the sore throat say?

Im a little hoarse.

 

[Jscb1b]

What do you call a Polish prostitute?

A dumb fuck.

 

[MacMan48]

Why is an extra large pepperoni pizza better than a drummer?

An extra large pepperoni pizza can actually feed a family of four.

 

[Davo308]

A drummer came into a shop and asked for a Gibson telecaster and a Fender Les Paul.

The woman at the counter said "You are a drummer, aren't you?"

While chewing his gum he smiled and said "yeah, how did you know?"

She responded "This is a travel agency".

 

[Jscb1b]

Why do drummers and bass players get drunk when writing songs?

That is all they can do.

 

[MacMan48]

What do you call a drummer in the back seat?

Under arrest.......

 

[mattharper]

Ya know how geese fly in a V and one side is always longer than the other? Why do you think that is?



Cuz there's more geese on that side...

 

[406Eric]

What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison

A small medium at large.

 

[Maggot]

Nope, DThomas would ban me.

 

[TheHorta]

What do you call an abortion in Prague?

A canceled Czech.

 

[Not a Sniper]

Two cannibals sitting around eating a clown, one turns to the other and says: "Hey does this taste funny to you?"

 

[Sgt47]

Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?
A tiny part of me says yes.

 

[Nik H]

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?'

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?!!'





Man: 'I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody!’

 

[DarnYankeeUSMC]

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Earth quakes in Australia

 

[DarnYankeeUSMC]

What do you call a female midget with children?
Minimum

 

[Animal357]

A psychic midget broke out of prison. The police put out an ABP for a short medium at large.

 

[long range sponge]

One of my faves.

 

[forrestgump01]

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb in the kitchen ?

None , let the bitch cook in the dark!



Why did @Bender cross the road ?

Because his dick was stuck in the pigeon!

 

[beretta_man11]

Did you know there is a restaurant on the moon? I hear the food is pretty good but the atmosphere is terrible!

 

[Sean the Nailer]

How many liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one.

Just to stand there and hold the bulb, so they can wait for the world to rotate around them.

 

[Plinker 73]

Do you know why scuba divers fall backward fron the side if the boat into the water ?
Are you ready ?
If they fall forward they will still be in the boat

 

[Jscb1b]

What is green and red and sitting on the toilet?

A girl scout doing her duty.

 

[The D]

What’s blue and yellow and eats nuts?


Gonorrhea

 

[jcam]

....

 

[10ring'r]

Sooooo....back in my H.S. days, I was kinda a "Class Clown", parking-lot, kinda guy. Once in Biology class, we were discussing the human body. The teacher went into the the chromosome/hormone, thing. So I raised my hand and asked, Teach, how do you make a hormone? He then started to explain how the human body works. Me, being the smartass that I was, said..."Teach, wouldn't it be easier, just to give her fifty dollars?". The class must of laughed, the rest of the period.
This took place in the early 70's, so go figure. Mac

 

[Jscb1b]

What is black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?










A nun falling down the stairs.

 

[Franko]

Whats the difference between a dead skunk and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road? There are skid marks where people tried to avoid hitting the skunk...

 

[Maser]

Yo mommas so fat that she may not be funny, but the ground sure cracks up!

 

[Snipe260]

Jimmy worked at a local funeral parlor! His boss mr James ran the place. Jimmy was working on 97 yr old Mrs. Johnson prepping her for funeral. Mr James heard jimmy screaming and yelling and rushed in the room with him. He asked jimmy what the fuck was wrong. Jimmy said Mrs Johnson had a jumbo shrimp in her pussy. Mr James looked closely and said” you dumbass, that’s no shrimp, that’s her clit. Jimmy looking all puzzled said” well it sure as hell tasted like shrimp”!

 

[Bender]

Yo mama so hairy she looks like she has Don King in a headlock.

 

[NCHillbilly]

So, little Johnny hears some strange noises coming from his parents bedroom. He slinks down the hall and peeks in the room. After his bewilderment subsides, he motions his sister to come and look. Johnny says to his sis, "can you believe that shit, she grounded me for sucking my thumb"!

 

[tinytigers]

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?


I don't pay $20 to have a lentil on my face.

 

[Not a Sniper]

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Duuuuuunnnnnggggg!!!!

(Python forever)

 

[Maser]

What's the best thing about 25 year old girls?

There's 20 of them.

 

[vh20]

What do you call someone who hangs out with a group of musicians?

A Drummer.

 

[Lange Carabine]

Yo mama so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

 

[killbilly]

What has 7 arms and sucks?
Def Leppard!

 

[vh20]

What has 7 arms and sucks?
Def Leppard!

Boo!