Lies we tell our kids.....

Bender

Bender

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Minuteman
    • Feb 12, 2014
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    Cheyenne WY.
    #1
    This one might come back and bite me in the ass later, you know how most all parents lie to their kids about Santa Claus and the Easter bunny, well I took it one step further.

    My oldest kid, Now 13, figured out at age 5 what a chucky cheese is, he got a birthday party invitation and we went.... he loved it, of course..... but my wife and I hated it, I love my children, but I pretty much hate everybody else’s little snot nose brats because of how disrespectful and mean they are...... anyway, ever since that trip when he was five years old and a single child, he has wanted to return. But now here comes the lie, ever since then we told him we cannot go to Chucky cheese because it is a private club, And you can only go in with an invitation........ to this day, any time we drive by one he comments how great it would be if we could get an invitation to go back. Or asks if we could get a membership, I told him memberships are by Invitation only as well. ????

    I will see you all in hell. I am driving the express bus there in about 30-40 years....
     
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    #3
    Bender said:
    This one might come back and bite me in the ass later, you know how most all parents lie to their kids about Santa Claus and the Easter bunny, well I took it one step further.

    My oldest kid, Now 13, figured out at age 5 what a chucky cheese is, he got a birthday party invitation and we went.... he loved it, of course..... but my wife and I hated it, I love my children, but I pretty much hate everybody else’s little snot nose brats because of how disrespectful and mean they are...... anyway, ever since that trip when he was five years old and a single child, he has wanted to return. But now here comes the lie, ever since then we told him we cannot go to Chucky cheese because it is a private club, And you can only go in with an invitation........ to this day, any time we drive by one he comments how great it would be if we could get an invitation to go back. Or asks if we could get a membership, I told him memberships are by Invitation only as well. ????

    I will see you all in hell. I am driving the express bus there in about 30-40 years....
    Click to expand...

    Well, dunno if this helps or not.....

    At about age 5 or 6, my wife and I took our son to another kid's B-day party @ C/C. Well, the rat was running around stumbling drunk and feeling up any kid he could find. I only witnessed the tail end of it, pretty much as he was being escorted out the back door. Heard later (un-verified) he was a convicted child molester. This was before the internet/online records, so I think lots of them got away with that shit......it doesn't fly today, too easy to get caught. Last time we have been in a C/C.
     
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    #6
    My son asked for a puppy for Christmas a few years ago. He wrote it on his Christmas list and left it on the hearth.

    I left a note, in cursive so he wouldn't recognize the writing, from Santa informing him there is at least a Five year backorder on puppies but his order would be fulfilled in turn.

    Every year since he has asked if it's his year for a puppy.

    So I am not thought of as a total dick both kids have some allergies to dogs, we do a lot of travel and I'm of the opinion the only well adjusted dogs are those that spend a lot of time with their owners socially bonding. I don't think the dog would get the appropriate social time and it would end up being a disaster for the dog.

    Also had a spotted Dalmatian wooden toy dog that you could pull by a leash and he bends in the middle......who doesn't know what I am talking about?

    Anyway when he would pull it I would do the "Look Squirrel" maneuver to get his attention thrown than put an Oreo on the floor behind "Spotty".

    When my son turned his attention back to the dog I'd yell at the Dog for having "pooped" an Oreo on the floor.

    My son and daughter thought that thing shit cookies for a year or so.
     
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    #8
    Bender said:
    This one might come back and bite me in the ass later, you know how most all parents lie to their kids about Santa Claus and the Easter bunny, well I took it one step further.

    My oldest kid, Now 13, figured out at age 5 what a chucky cheese is, he got a birthday party invitation and we went.... he loved it, of course..... but my wife and I hated it, I love my children, but I pretty much hate everybody else’s little snot nose brats because of how disrespectful and mean they are...... anyway, ever since that trip when he was five years old and a single child, he has wanted to return. But now here comes the lie, ever since then we told him we cannot go to Chucky cheese because it is a private club, And you can only go in with an invitation........ to this day, any time we drive by one he comments how great it would be if we could get an invitation to go back. Or asks if we could get a membership, I told him memberships are by Invitation only as well. ????

    I will see you all in hell. I am driving the express bus there in about 30-40 years....
    Click to expand...
    You should tell him the truth. Chuck dropped the membership requirements a couple of years ago and you just didn't find out until today. ;)
    Then offer to take him there. I bet he will find out he had a memorable experience at five because of fun with friends and not because Chuck is a "really cool" place to be. Then, on the way home, stop off at Hooters and get him some wings and a beer!
    LOL
    :devilish:
     
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    #9
    Bender said:
    This one might come back and bite me in the ass later, you know how most all parents lie to their kids about Santa Claus and the Easter bunny, well I took it one step further.

    My oldest kid, Now 13, figured out at age 5 what a chucky cheese is, he got a birthday party invitation and we went.... he loved it, of course..... but my wife and I hated it, I love my children, but I pretty much hate everybody else’s little snot nose brats because of how disrespectful and mean they are...... anyway, ever since that trip when he was five years old and a single child, he has wanted to return. But now here comes the lie, ever since then we told him we cannot go to Chucky cheese because it is a private club, And you can only go in with an invitation........ to this day, any time we drive by one he comments how great it would be if we could get an invitation to go back. Or asks if we could get a membership, I told him memberships are by Invitation only as well. ????

    I will see you all in hell. I am driving the express bus there in about 30-40 years....
    Click to expand...

    Is there a Snipers Hide in hell? I’ll find out and post a review if there is so you know what to expect when you get there? Members only????
     
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    #10
    Chucky Cheese was not a place to go when I was a kid because of Nathan Dunlap killing 5 people in one after he was fired here in Colorado. I never went there as a kid and I will not bring my daughter there.
     
    #11
    No, no Snipers' Hide in Hell; but there is a preferred customers' entrance with the SH logo over the door...

    ...I know I'm gonna burn for that one...

    I went there once when my Daughter's first husband brought the Grandkids there for a B'day party.

    The smell of vomit could not be endured.

    Greg
     
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    #12
    pmclaine said:
    My son asked for a puppy for Christmas a few years ago. He wrote it on his Christmas list and left it on the hearth.

    I left a note, in cursive so he wouldn't recognize the writing, from Santa informing him there is at least a Five year backorder on puppies but his order would be fulfilled in turn.

    Every year since he has asked if it's his year for a puppy.

    So I am not thought of as a total dick both kids have some allergies to dogs, we do a lot of travel and I'm of the opinion the only well adjusted dogs are those that spend a lot of time with their owners socially bonding. I don't think the dog would get the appropriate social time and it would end up being a disaster for the dog.

    Also had a spotted Dalmatian wooden toy dog that you could pull by a leash and he bends in the middle......who doesn't know what I am talking about?

    Anyway when he would pull it I would do the "Look Squirrel" maneuver to get his attention thrown than put an Oreo on the floor behind "Spotty".

    When my son turned his attention back to the dog I'd yell at the Dog for having "pooped" an Oreo on the floor.

    My son and daughter thought that thing shit cookies for a year or so.
    Click to expand...

    Oh, you rotten bastidge!...........:whistle:
     
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    #13
    You have a long life in a third rate assisted living facility to look forward to.

    1526670775488.jpeg


    On the other hand...


    IUfkqUMWyXZoEsM30OQtldnmuSB8yqEm5uPuKsBpMQg.jpg
     
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    #14
    buffalowinter said:
    You have a long life in a third rate assisted living facility to look forward to.

    View attachment 6905142

    On the other hand...


    IUfkqUMWyXZoEsM30OQtldnmuSB8yqEm5uPuKsBpMQg.jpg
    Click to expand...

    The one on the right is hot.........She's got the "gummin' it" thing going on......Where's D ?......She's a little young for him, but she's gettin' there. :cool:
     
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    #15
    shoot4fun said:
    You should tell him the truth. Chuck dropped the membership requirements a couple of years ago and you just didn't find out until today. ;)
    Then offer to take him there. I bet he will find out he had a memorable experience at five because of fun with friends and not because Chuck is a "really cool" place to be. Then, on the way home, stop off at Hooters and get him some wings and a beer!
    LOL
    :devilish:
    Click to expand...

    Forget Hooter's and take the kid to a good titty bar. Get both of you a lap dance. Think of the bonding experience. But then there is the cost of the divorce if the wife finds out. Can he keep his mouth shut?
     
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    #17
    Maggot said:
    Forget Hooter's and take the kid to a good titty bar. Get both of you a lap dance. Think of the bonding experience. But then there is the cost of the divorce if the wife finds out. Can he keep his mouth shut?
    Click to expand...

    You know you've arrived as a parent, when the kid takes YOU to the titty bar........When the kid foots the bill for everything, he's sussing' up his "inheritance"......
     
    #19
    Well, I can you that I have NEVER EVER been to a chuck-e-cheese. Nor have my kids. We’ve been to a few places similar, but never that one.

    I was just reading to OP to my daughter. She told me that she heard a parent tell their kid that when the ice cream truck has the music playing, that means that he is out of ice cream. Now THAT’S a going to hell lie right there.
     
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    #33
    My first wife wanted to go honeymoon at Niagra Falls, I told her it was damned up,shutdown and a huge rubbish pile all dried up, she believed me for twenty years until one evening on tv ,there was Niagra falls in all its glory. I could be the navigator on that " going to hell " bus.
     
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    #34
    When my daughter was in the monsters-in-the-closet phase I could not convince her it wasn't so. Night after night. Took the dog in there and left him check it out, tried everything. Five minutes later she's back down the stairs scared of the monsters.

    So finally I told her "Look, you want to know the truth? People make up stories about monsters to scare you. They're not real. The only real monsters are Democrats, and I swear to God, there are absolutely no Democrats in this house."

    This worked wonders for a good 3-4 years. No more fear of monsters, Daddy would NEVER allow a Democrat in the house. Many laughs when she would bring this up with her friends and around other adults. Only a couple times I had to make something up to explain a way out of it when she went into this discussion in front of an actual Democrat.

    As kids do she grew up some and eventually walked by the TV while I was watching the news and froze, listened, and turned to me and said "Daddy they're talking about Democrats. Those are people. Are Democrats PEOPLE, Daddy? You LIED to me!!"

    Yeah, she was pretty upset with me about that for awhile. But it was worth every laugh.
     
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    #36
    spaniel said:
    When my daughter was in the monsters-in-the-closet phase I could not convince her it wasn't so. Night after night. Took the dog in there and left him check it out, tried everything. Five minutes later she's back down the stairs scared of the monsters.

    So finally I told her "Look, you want to know the truth? People make up stories about monsters to scare you. They're not real. The only real monsters are Democrats, and I swear to God, there are absolutely no Democrats in this house."

    This worked wonders for a good 3-4 years. No more fear of monsters, Daddy would NEVER allow a Democrat in the house. Many laughs when she would bring this up with her friends and around other adults. Only a couple times I had to make something up to explain a way out of it when she went into this discussion in front of an actual Democrat.

    As kids do she grew up some and eventually walked by the TV while I was watching the news and froze, listened, and turned to me and said "Daddy they're talking about Democrats. Those are people. Are Democrats PEOPLE, Daddy? You LIED to me!!"

    Yeah, she was pretty upset with me about that for awhile. But it was worth every laugh.
    Click to expand...

    Write her out of your will..........problem solved !
     
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    #38
    jrassy said:
    My first wife wanted to go honeymoon at Niagra Falls, I told her it was damned up,shutdown and a huge rubbish pile all dried up, she believed me for twenty years until one evening on tv ,there was Niagra falls in all its glory. I could be the navigator on that " going to hell " bus.
    Click to expand...

    But you were right, the city of Niagara Falls, NY is a turd world Hellhole. Even the view of the Falls is better from Canada.
     
    #39
    In my shop there is an old stool with red paint stains all over it. That is where my young sons believe I murdered a son before they were born for messing around in my work shop. His name was Fred. We play a game where I chase them around the house and catch them to claw out their guts exclaiming “Freddy’s got you now”. One day they’ll figure it out, but for now nobody fucks around in my shop.
     
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    #40
    Mr.Kirk said:
    In my shop there is an old stool with red paint stains all over it. That is where my young sons believe I murdered a son before they were born for messing around in my work shop. His name was Fred. We play a game where I chase them around the house and catch them to claw out their guts exclaiming “Freddy’s got you now”. One day they’ll figure it out, but for now nobody fucks around in my shop.
    Click to expand...
    FB27D420-2CF4-42FC-8684-5C5AB44C03BF.jpeg
     
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