Maggie’s Motivational Pic Thread v2.0 - - New Rules - See Post #1
- Thread starter Snake-Eyes
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- motivational pictures
H.S. Thompson is my spirit animal.
What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked...
12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR and you don't want to be a pussy in front of your older brother's friends.
It's suppose to be grape flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.
12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.
12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted shit in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser.
Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.
12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...
12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The shit/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down.
Is that blood?
False alarm.
That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your asshole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid shit fart as it gurgled out of your ass.
1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have shit out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your asshole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it.
You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats.
You meet Jesus.
8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours.
You're broken.
Your asshole's broken.
Your spirit's broken.
Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a shit stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.
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'Meth-gators': Police warn flushing drugs could create hyper-aggressive alligators
"Folks … please don’t flush your drugs m’kay," the Loretto Police Department wrote in a Facebook post.www.nbcnews.com
Ever shit so hard, you speckle the underside of the toilet seat? I don’t know if it spinning when it comes out, hits so hard it bounced off the water like blood off of ice. Ever yell “Demon, OUT!” halfway through?
Looked like the fight was over for a second, but I was confident she would lick her in the end.
No...but I've done the Austin Powers toilet scene in a crowded bathroom.
Q
QuickNDirty
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Motivates me to remind my family to always carry. Those four little shitfucks ganged up on a store clerk, with a gun, and then hid from the police. I wouldn't be surprised if they sue the police department for "brutality" or some other bullshit.
Too bad the clerk couldn't give them some lead-poisoning, but of course, then Verizon would fire him, I'm sure.
Just rattle can the camper camo and call it good .
I've shit so hard that it shot out between the seat and the bowl and splashed all down the wall!!
I’m not going to say thy I haven’t looked into it.
Well, I saw some shit flying by in the last 50 years, but that woman really scared me.
They have ghillie suits now... we are all doomed!
^^^ And that is why I want to take the bunny-hugging moonbats who are protesting coyote hunting out back and throttle them...
Nature is hard. Coyotes make it harder.
They need an apex predator just like everyone else. 55 grains of hate will solve that Coyote problem!
Great picture.
Sirhr
Nature is hard. Coyotes make it harder.
They need an apex predator just like everyone else. 55 grains of hate will solve that Coyote problem!
Great picture.
Sirhr
