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Maggie’s Motivational Pic Thread v2.0 - - New Rules - See Post #1

my Lower GI doc is Dr Miller. typically, when he comes into the op room to do a colonoscopy, he declares “ It’s Miller Time!”
One of the nurses was helping with the back of my gown, which I could not reach. She saw the lump on my spine that has been there for about 20 years. Probably a fatty toma. I said, I have no idea but I should declare it as a dependent on my taxes.

She laughed.

I stole that joke from myself. One day, one of my bosses and I were discussing Lemmy Kilmister from Motorhead.

Boss asked, "What is that thing on his face?"

I replied in a heartbeat, matter-of-fact, "It's a tax write-off."
 
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One of the nurses was helping with the back of my gown, which I could not reach. She saw the lump on my spine that has been there for about 20 years. Probably a fatty toma. I said, I have no idea but I should declare it as a dependent on my taxes.

She laughed.

I stole that joke from myself. One day, one of my bosses and I were discussing Lemmy Kilmister from Motorhead.

Boss asked, "What is that thing on his face?"

I replied in a heartbeat, matter-of-fact, "It's a tax write-off."
I told the colonoscopy team that they couldn't drive a needle up my ass with a sledgehammer, the male nurses laughed the one female not so much , the whole procedure was a good experience the team cut up and joked the whole time I was conscious, VA kerrville texas , always treated well by my doctors there.the one time I went to Audie Murphy in S A , sucked.
 
Good Dog..........


Bad dogs....

 
I told the colonoscopy team that they couldn't drive a needle up my ass with a sledgehammer, the male nurses laughed the one female not so much , the whole procedure was a good experience the team cut up and joked the whole time I was conscious, VA kerrville texas , always treated well by my doctors there.the one time I went to Audie Murphy in S A , sucked.
See PM
 
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Proof That The World Is Nuts!


In
Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.


(Like THAT makes sense.)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


In
Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.


(Do they look different reversed?)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Muslims
are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.


(A brick?)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


The penalty for masturbation in
Indonesia is decapitation. (Glad I don't live in Indonesia!)


(Much worse than 'going blind!')


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


There are men in
Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time.




Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

In
Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.


The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.


(Ah! Justice!)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Topless saleswomen are legal in
Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.


(But of course!)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


In
Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.


(Makes one shudder at the thought.)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


In
Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.


(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


In
Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Condoms may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'


(Is this a great country or what?)


Well,... not as great as Guam!


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for these tests?)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


The
Ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.


(From drinking little bottles of ???)


(Did our Government pay for this research??)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Butterflies
taste with their feet.


(Ah, geez.)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


An
Ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.


(I know some people like that.)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Starfish
don't have brains.


(I know some people like that, too.)


*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


And, the best for last?


Turtles
can breathe through their ass.


(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)


Thank you all for reading this.


If you need to reach me in the future, I will



be in
Guam!!