Maggie’s One Liners

Re: One Liners

dont bullshit a bullshitter

are you running that mouth in for an idiot

I've heard a duck fart before

is there a door banging

isnt there a village looking for you somewhere

sweating like a cornered Virgin

sweating like a paedophile on a school bus

shut your gob and give your ass a chance, it might make more sense

are you really as stupid as you look

as much use as a chocolate fireguard

as much use as indicators on a submarine

 
Re: One Liners

More Booster than Payload.

He was runnin' faster than a raped date.

Best part of you ran down your mom's leg.

Did your Mom have any other children that lived?

She's had more turns than a doorknob.

If brain's were ink, you couldn't dot an "i"

What kind of meat do Priest's eat?.......NUN!!!
 
Re: One Liners

Sweatin' like a fat bird in pie shop.

Sweatin' like a raghead on a rape charge.

As welcome as a bastard at a family reunion.

Grow a pair and use 'em.

May your next shit be a hedgehog.

You need a pull through with a christmas tree.
 
Re: One Liners

That's as useful as a screen door on a submarine

That makes as much sense as a snake with no slither

It's heavier'n a wet sack o' dead cats

He's dumber'n a sack o' rocks

She's cute as a bug's ear

You're smarter'n you look

Slicker'n greased owl snot
 
Re: One Liners

Dad when we were leaving to go out on a date with a girl:

"Don't come with anything terminal...like a kid"

"Don't come home with anything a brillo pad and a penicillin shot won't fix"

Gotta love old sailors
 
Re: One Liners

More fucked up than a football bat.

She's so ugly, she'd knock maggots off a shit wagon.

She fell out of the ugly tree & hit every branch on the way down.

She looks like someone put a fire out on her face with a rake.

If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of ya.

How can you be so ugly with only one head?

Wow, you're hung like a fucking wasp.

I'd crawl half a mile thru broken glass on my hands & knees just to wank in her shadow.

Stop squawking like a magpie down a rabbit hole.

You're lower than snake shit in a wagon rut.

Fucking her is like throwing a cocktail sausage in the back of a deuce & a half.

She's so fat that when I climbed on top to fuck her I burnt my arse on the light bulb.
 
Re: One Liners

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: MedicGordo</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Here is one for medical people,it never fails when a NON-caucasian to be politically correct gets stabbed they always ask. "DID THEY GET ME TO THE WHITE MEAT" </div></div>

That one's been heard a few times down here, too.
 
Re: One Liners

A few from one of my mentors and a great American:

She's about as scared of a 12" dick, as I am of a 12" man.

<span style="font-weight: bold">Violator</span>: You're only writing me this ticket because I'm _______ (insert stereotype here).
<span style="font-weight: bold">WD</span>: NO. I'm writing you this ticket because you were speeding. I'm enjoying writing you this ticket because you're _______.

When poked fun at because of his thinning hair, he would always say, "I've never had a woman moan for more hair."