Maggie’s RULES OF THE SOUTH‏

[mrhog]

The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.


2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.


4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-75 goes north and south. Pick one.


5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.


6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.


7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.


8. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.


9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.


10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.


11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.


12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!


13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. ( don't you love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.


15. Yeah, we have golf courses. but don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.


16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta' there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.


17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.


18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

 

[THRASHER]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH‏

Amen

 

[LanceS4803]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH‏

Love it.
Found some new ones in there.

 

[ggmanning]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH‏

19. Down here a farm is not 4 acres and 2 alpacas. Our real farms that have been here for generations next to your hobby farm have been smelly, loud and dusty long before you got here and complained. Deal with it.

 

[runningwithscissors]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH‏

ahhhhh the South..where warm molasses flows like wine and catfish aint a meal without hushpuppies/coleslaw...your southen popcorn is fried okra and your drink is sweet tea and don't get me started with pulled pork on a roll with slaw!!!!Peach cobbler and banana pudding..im hungry

 

[Ol Rob]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH‏

We give our kids their first gun when they are old enough to understand what they have. I was getting reloading components for my Lee shotshell reloader for Christmas at age 12.
Rob

 

[shooterrdy]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH‏

May the South Rise Again!!

 

[Longshotbill:)]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH‏

#18 is great for me due to a quote from one of my old neighbors way up here in the nw corner. We were all in our early 20's partying a good bit and having live bands and a few hundred people over at a time when it was band night.

I contacted him after the first big party which was 150+ more than expected. He was 80? at the time. Nice fellow thank god!

He said, quote: I don't care if you boys have some fun and all that, Rock and roll is fine with me. My shop blocks most of the noise from the parties, BUT IF I HAVE TO HEAR ANY OF THAT GODDAMN SPEAR CHUCK'IN CAMPFIRE DANCIN MUSIC I'LL CALL THE COPS!!!

For the best part my roomie pulls up at this very time with 2 12" subs booming rap... I promptly had him shut it off and discussed our new friends dislike of bass thumping.

Roomie concurred this was not cool and the old fellow was cool as shit the whole time we live there.

 

[pull'n'pony]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH‏

This is a good rule of thumb for all those people who think we are a bunch of dumb rednecks. Maybe more of the world should embrace our way of life. Thanks for posting!

 

[Indiansinger]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH‏

My mama said she was 16 years old before she learned that "damn yankee" was two words.

Indiansinger

 

[ZLBubba]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH‏

Quite a few of those rules made me chuckle. However, no southern chili beats Cincinnati style chili. A Skyline Chili 4-way with onions and extra hot sauce would be my last meal before getting lethal injection. Yeah, it's that good.

 

[runningwithscissors]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH‏

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: shooterrdy</div><div class="ubbcode-body">May the South Rise Again!! </div></div>

what he said

southen born and bred!

 

[Rhys]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH&#8207;

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: ZLBubba</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Quite a few of those rules made me chuckle. However, no southern chili beats Cincinnati style chili. A Skyline Chili 4-way with onions and extra hot sauce would be my last meal before getting lethal injection. Yeah, it's that good. </div></div>



Skyline Chilie???

Oh you mean Hamburger Helper!

 

[portun81]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH&#8207;

Sorry to hear that you might soon be execuuted.
But for real Southerners that Yankee chili IS a lethal injection.
Bet you put beans in it too.
If so I can surely understand why you got the death penalty.
RIP.

LOL

 

[jdh4376]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH&#8207;

Rule one should be to know Florida is not a southern state it is a state in the south. Cotton pickers here are $600,000 ,and they aint called strippers.Strippers are are west of here.And roads here are dirt .City folk have not started dumping gravel yet.

 

[portun81]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH&#8207;


I was born on a US Army base in Japan and raised in LA ( Lower Alabama ) .
My great-great grandfather was wounded at the battle of Gaines Mills in the War of Northern Aggression.My family had 2 farms and a Southern Auto Parts store ( junk yard ).
Now I'm in Texas but I've worked and lived in the border areas of Yankeeland ( Maryland ) and in places where Yankees or liberal governments have taken over (Raliegh , Miami , New Orleans).
Some of the formerly good areas of the South have been ruined by the importation of certain Yankee ideas and in some cases actual Yankees (liberals) which turned places like Atlanta , Montgomery , Raleigh , Austin and most of Southern Florida into debt ridden copies of northern liberal paradises like Detroit , Cicago and Pittsburg, at least so far as government meddling by liberal do-gooders has been able up to now.
The South is not just real food , real people and stubborn individualism. It's a culture of self reliance and an ingrained knowledge that we are not owed anything from our neighbors but will gladly pitch in to help them when they really need it. We know they'll do the same.
What I noticed most when north of the Mason-Dixon was the rudeness , dishonesty and downright greed prevalent in so many of the places which have been crushed by unaffordable social programs , confiscatory taxes , idiotic regulations and everyone being out for whatever they could get. Doesn't mean everyone there is somehow bad but the contrast between dependence and self responsibility couldn't be more stark.
So when we say "We really don't care how you do it up North" what we mean is we've seen how well it works and you can keep it.
If you like it up North , fine , please stay there. If you like it here then assimilate to us instead of thinking we need to be "helped".
Recently the owner of a small electronics manufacturing company came by my shop to visit.
He told me about the taxes , regulation and difficulties in finding good help in New Jersey. We went to eat supper (the meal you eat in the early evening or night ) And he told me about the gun laws in the Garden State.
Can this possibly be correct ? ;
1 - one gun a month
2 - must apply for and pay for a permit from the state and get permission from local law enforcement for EVERY gun separately and in advance ...and takes months to get the permit. Don't dare apply for more than one at a time either.
3 - no carry permits , period
4 - many types of guns banned and so are many common magazines ( Pedophilia Monthly" magazine OK , PMAG a felony )
5 - a BB gun is considered a "firearm" and it is a felony to posess one without a gun permit . In Alabama every boy older than 12 either had or hunted with a 12 gauge.
6 - you go to jail for defending yourself with a gun and have to prove there was no possible other way for you to have lived other than shooting the attacker to get out

If even one of these is true then no wonder the crime rate is so high there and the rest of Red Amerika. And so low in the "free zones" outside liberal run cities in the South.


In Texas people brag about how many guns they have esp. if they got a good deal and bought 15 at once like from an estate sale.
-
Assault weapons (ha, ha - I mean semiuto rifles with a flash suppressor) are legal , actual assault with a weapon an get you shot.
-
Concealed carry requires a course and a permit and is "shall issue". Still has some pesky strange restrictions like not in hospitals , "over 51% revenue from alcohol" and schools though. Amazingly , to liberals anyway , crime or gun use outside the law by permit holders is practically nonexistent. Just as it is in every other state that allows concealed carry( i.e. most of the South )
-
You can shoot someone at night for trying to steal your property outside and all day long inside.
-
The "duty to retreat" is for the criminal not the homeowner.
-
Murderers get the death penalty and pay it.
-
The women may have a pink or purple gun but they can pick a horsefly off a bull's nose at 100 yards and look good doing it. And they can actually have a gun when walking through that dark parking lot at night after work
-
Most law enforcement arrest criminals not gun owners.
-
If they try to take our guns away the governor and attorney general both said they'd arrest any federal official who attempted to do it. And prosecute , convict and imprison. Who knows, they may even put a bounty on them....

So , in Texas you can shoot someone who tries to kill your dog (sorta ) and in New Jersey if you try to even own a gun they treat you like a dog.

Now can someone tell us again how brilliant and wonderful it is up North ?

Rule 20: If it ain't broke , don't fix it.

Now grab a biscuit and some sweet tea with fresh picked mint and kick back. Don't forget to take out some blackberry preserves and peach cobbler or maybe pecan pie for Sunday dinner tomorrow ( that's the meal you have after church with your whole family every week on Sunday before football , NASCAR and pig hunting from helicopters later in the day).

Y'all take care now , ya hear.


American by birth , Southern by the grace of God.

 

[mission_fail]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH&#8207;

I'll take Montana over Alabama any day.

 

[portun81]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH&#8207;

Plesse do.
Freezing your rear off for 2/3rds of the year so you can actually stand to be outside the rest of the year doesn't sound like much of a good idea to us Southerners.
Do tey have any cecent food up there ?
And , really , if you'd take the Montanna women over Alabama women I do declare you've likely been snowed in by yourself for way too long.
You did see Miss Alabama on the news a few days ago , didn't you ?
Nuff said.

 

[runningwithscissors]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH&#8207;

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: flex28</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
I was born on a US Army base in Japan and raised in LA ( Lower Alabama ) .
My great-great grandfather was wounded at the battle of Gaines Mills in the War of Northern Aggression.My family had 2 farms and a Southern Auto Parts store ( junk yard ).
Now I'm in Texas but I've worked and lived in the border areas of Yankeeland ( Maryland ) and in places where Yankees or liberal governments have taken over (Raliegh , Miami , New Orleans).
Some of the formerly good areas of the South have been ruined by the importation of certain Yankee ideas and in some cases actual Yankees (liberals) which turned places like Atlanta , Montgomery , Raleigh , Austin and most of Southern Florida into debt ridden copies of northern liberal paradises like Detroit , Cicago and Pittsburg, at least so far as government meddling by liberal do-gooders has been able up to now.
The South is not just real food , real people and stubborn individualism. It's a culture of self reliance and an ingrained knowledge that we are not owed anything from our neighbors but will gladly pitch in to help them when they really need it. We know they'll do the same.
What I noticed most when north of the Mason-Dixon was the rudeness , dishonesty and downright greed prevalent in so many of the places which have been crushed by unaffordable social programs , confiscatory taxes , idiotic regulations and everyone being out for whatever they could get. Doesn't mean everyone there is somehow bad but the contrast between dependence and self responsibility couldn't be more stark.
So when we say "We really don't care how you do it up North" what we mean is we've seen how well it works and you can keep it.
If you like it up North , fine , please stay there. If you like it here then assimilate to us instead of thinking we need to be "helped".
Recently the owner of a small electronics manufacturing company came by my shop to visit.
He told me about the taxes , regulation and difficulties in finding good help in New Jersey. We went to eat supper (the meal you eat in the early evening or night ) And he told me about the gun laws in the Garden State.
Can this possibly be correct ? ;
1 - one gun a month
2 - must apply for and pay for a permit from the state and get permission from local law enforcement for EVERY gun separately and in advance ...and takes months to get the permit. Don't dare apply for more than one at a time either.
3 - no carry permits , period
4 - many types of guns banned and so are many common magazines ( Pedophilia Monthly" magazine OK , PMAG a felony )
5 - a BB gun is considered a "firearm" and it is a felony to posess one without a gun permit . In Alabama every boy older than 12 either had or hunted with a 12 gauge.
6 - you go to jail for defending yourself with a gun and have to prove there was no possible other way for you to have lived other than shooting the attacker to get out

If even one of these is true then no wonder the crime rate is so high there and the rest of Red Amerika. And so low in the "free zones" outside liberal run cities in the South.


In Texas people brag about how many guns they have esp. if they got a good deal and bought 15 at once like from an estate sale.
-
Assault weapons (ha, ha - I mean semiuto rifles with a flash suppressor) are legal , actual assault with a weapon an get you shot.
-
Concealed carry requires a course and a permit and is "shall issue". Still has some pesky strange restrictions like not in hospitals , "over 51% revenue from alcohol" and schools though. Amazingly , to liberals anyway , crime or gun use outside the law by permit holders is practically nonexistent. Just as it is in every other state that allows concealed carry( i.e. most of the South )
-
You can shoot someone at night for trying to steal your property outside and all day long inside.
-
The "duty to retreat" is for the criminal not the homeowner.
-
Murderers get the death penalty and pay it.
-
The women may have a pink or purple gun but they can pick a horsefly off a bull's nose at 100 yards and look good doing it. And they can actually have a gun when walking through that dark parking lot at night after work
-
Most law enforcement arrest criminals not gun owners.
-
If they try to take our guns away the governor and attorney general both said they'd arrest any federal official who attempted to do it. And prosecute , convict and imprison. Who knows, they may even put a bounty on them....

So , in Texas you can shoot someone who tries to kill your dog (sorta ) and in New Jersey if you try to even own a gun they treat you like a dog.

Now can someone tell us again how brilliant and wonderful it is up North ?

Rule 20: If it ain't broke , don't fix it.

Now grab a biscuit and some sweet tea with fresh picked mint and kick back. Don't forget to take out some blackberry preserves and peach cobbler or maybe pecan pie for Sunday dinner tomorrow ( that's the meal you have after church with your whole family every week on Sunday before football , NASCAR and pig hunting from helicopters later in the day).

Y'all take care now , ya hear.


American by birth , Southern by the grace of God. </div></div>

I like how you think! Got family that live outside Austin now, but family that came over from Tn that helped with that mission a while back.
And your right, the mentality there is "come and get it"
God Bless

 

[mission_fail]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH&#8207;

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: flex28</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Plesse do.
Freezing your rear off for 2/3rds of the year so you can actually stand to be outside the rest of the year doesn't sound like much of a good idea to us Southerners.
Do tey have any cecent food up there ?
And , really , if you'd take the Montanna women over Alabama women I do declare you've likely been snowed in by yourself for way too long.
You did see Miss Alabama on the news a few days ago , didn't you ?
Nuff said. </div></div>

It might be cold for you, but for me it's just right. Low population sounds good as well. For every "southern belle" there's five "southern hogs."

 

[0481]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH&#8207;

^^^^ this is why I am lookin into moving to Texas or Arkansas. I have live in this shit hole my whole life and its time to move out. Just have to talk the wife into it.

 

[Sniper Uncle]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH&#8207;

I do have to say, I agree with you (Rule#20) about the Failed Liberal Ideas that have co-opted and destroyed many a city, but it isn't just the South. I grew up in NH, which was, until Bill Clinton got elected, a staunch conservative stronghold. It was overrun by liberal weenies from Taxachusetts, Connect-a-&**t and Rhode Island. Those pukes have since polluted the conservatism of NH so that Obummer could be the winner there, go figure.
I really hope that you Texans can withstand those fools and keep your way of life. Don't say it can't happen there too, because they have their sights on you, believe me.
Love the Rules of the South.
Stand firm for the 2nd Amendment!

 

[tbird1960]

Re: RULES OF THE SOUTH&#8207;

Hey man don't discount the hogs. When you get older you will appreciate anything that is warm.