Veteran in need, not me but I'm looking for advice to help him

atomic41

atomic41

Sergeant
Full Member
Minuteman
Apr 4, 2013
3,811
9,170
#1
Guys, got an Army vet that needs help and there are enough people here that know what to do, hoping one of you that does reads this.

Basically we have a good guy with a family that is showing strong signs of suicide and his wife has found him right before he ate his gun (I think more than once). He Has been down on his luck with career issues, and been in treatment for alcohol. This is a few years in the making but I fear it's not going to end well if he doesn't get help soon.

I'm wondering if there is a veteran hotline or something that can call him from an anonymous tip. I don't know if this exists but if there are professionals that can call him and just start talking, it is probably the best way.

If anyone knows of a suicide prevention team for veterans that will reach out, please PM me. He's a good dude, I can't sit by and let him throw it all away.
 
#4
Part of it depends on if he wants to talk it out. National suicide prvention hot line number.
1-800-273-8255 press 1 for vets.

Not a fan of Red Flag Laws, so suggest to him that you take care of his stuff.
 
#6
Most police departments have a "CIT" officer or similar. It stands for Crisis Intervention Team. Its a way of officers being able to force (if needed) someone to get help if they're suicidal. It happens without an "arrest" or criminal charges if they can be avoided. He or his wife can call 911 and request this type of help.

In my area, I've dealt with vets having those types of issues. They usually go voluntarily. We take them to our local ER where medical staff take over. They'll determine courses of actions with a care team.

If I can help answer any other questions feel free to PM me.
 
#7
Don't know where you are located but this organization seems to get high ratings in the Houston area. The phones are answered by Vets.

 
#8
If he is not willing to get help himself most areas should have a way to petition him for treatment as a danger to self, forced treatment. This is where you have to get someone who knows the system in your area. The worst will be the county run facility, then there are different volunteer and focus run programs, these go from crap to great. If you have a larger local PD, they may have a CIT coordinator. Try and get ahold of this person over your average CIT officer. “I have some specific questions i would like to ask the coordinator.” The coordinator will be passionate about getting the RIGHT help for your friend, and know all of the resources.
 
#9
There are some great people ready to help.
They're Vets for Vets,,not ,VA affiliated.
Being a Marine,,been there,,helped a few.


 
Last edited:
#10
This is good advice. I deal with suicidal people daily at work. I work on the crisis line in the county I live in. Get him help quickly, stats show that vets are 2 times higher than the general population in dying from suicide. Currently we are loosing 22 vets a day from suicide.

PM me if needed.
 
#11
You mentioned he’s had a rough go career-wise lately, so the only other thing I can add is that if possible, maybe help him find a meaningful role to fill. For most people, that’s through their work, but volunteering, coaching, or even just joining an organization like Kiwanis, the Masons, etc. can suit that purpose as well.

Most men often define themselves by their work…and those of us who volunteered for the service even more so.

Reminding him that there’s more to life and more worth living for than a job helps. A lot.
 
#12
I agree with helping him get help but I would offer something else, be a friend to him and talk with him. I say this as someone that has a friend that went through similar circumstances. I talk with him every day on our way to work as we both are on the road at the same time. If I don’t hear from him by 6:20, I’m calling him. These “morning talks” have been going on for four years even after his counseling sessions have ended. Just be their to listen and talk, not to fix. If he doesn’t know God, specifically Christ, then that would be a good topic.
 
#13
Post up at least the city/state. He needs someone right there in front of him to talk with about what's going on. Trust me the more I talked to people in front of me the more I realized I wasn't the problem.
 
#14
Keep talking to him 5:00am , 1:00 pm when you are buried in work! Keep engaged with him always 10 min or 2 hours . One of my best friends had sunk into that pit talking about the easy way out INSTANT NO! was /is my response switch the convo to fun ,soothing? topics things that we did and are doing more of . leave work get to him and get him moving food, shooting help him clean the garage be the sounding board no matter the time or place
 
#15

He's in Minneapolis. Guys, thanks for the replies. You've given me some places to look. I did not put all of his story above as it's long but he did have PD take him for help in an ugly scene, his wife did get his guns away for now, and he's been in and out of help. This is why I want to try a different angle by having a veteran group do a cold call. Maybe I'm wrong but I just think it's the best option as he might view it as a sign if that makes sense.

Any other ideas are welcome, thanks guys.
 
#17
there are a few questions that need to be answered TRUTHFULLY BY HIM AND ONLY HIM

if he is unwilling to come clean about everything from the day he was born anything you or anyone else does is only kicking the can down the road

does he know he needs help
does he want help
is he willing to talk about the demons inside

if those 3 basic answers are not a truthful 100% yes then he needs to be committed to a 24/7 program for intense treatment when suicidal

its great if someone is willing to talk on the phone everyday but what happens if your cell phone is dead that day.. you cant be the only lifeline he confides in

my friend committed suicide about 2 years ago, myself and 2 other guys would contact him regularly

he was going to a shrink but i knew he wasnt telling the shrink the whole truth when i asked "what did you talk about etc"

i went to his parents (he was back at home after he had his breakdown) and said he was having suicidal thought etc

like most parents they didnt want to believe it, so i pushed a little but didnt get the result i wanted. but they had enough money and love for him that i figured they knew best and had a little more insight being the parents

he needed to be institutionalized and broken down to the core...i didnt call the place myself like i know i should have and thats on me now.. i truthfully think that was the difference

someone has to take control when you see the other avenues arent working, might cause loosing a friend but if not your going to loose him anyway someday

just my experience
 
#18
Veteran's Suicide Hotline: 800-273-8255

If he is not actually in treatment, the single most important intervention is to discontinue alcohol.
Second, is to obtain counseling.
3d is involuntary commitment, although many states have no real ability anymore, besides which, VOLUNTARY commitment works far better.
Sounds like his wife is already doing her part, but will need support of family, and other sources to keep up the level of effort.
The vets hot line will not do a cold-call (I don't think anyone will), he has to call them.
He probably would benefit from a visit with someone he served with, same mud, same blood.
The cycle of frustration, disappointment, then depression, all greased with Alcohol, far too often leads to breaking the cycle with death, and not often enough with recovery, and overcoming the issues.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Good luck.
 
#19
Best thing you can do is call the police and try to find an officer willing to put in the time.

IMO he needs to be on a hold before he winds up dead. If wifey already caught him making out with a pistol twice it's imminent.

Try to impress upon the officer he's a good dude, ask them to take the extra time and get the guy some additional resources. Anybody can put him on a hold.

There's usually a CIT coordinator with access to additional resources but the officer will have to go the distance in requesting it and involving them.

Good luck, worst suicide of my career was a veteran. 😒
 
#21
Does his wife have contact with some of his old Mill buddies? A lot of us lost friends and good guys to suicide and many would go out of the way to help, or talk to them. I would suggest reaching out to some of his old buddies and get them talking to him (prep them that he is struggling and thinking about suicide). They chewed the same dirt, saw the same stuff and can relate easier.
 
#23
Might sound a little out there but... Ayahuasca treatment done properly can help severely depressed/suicidal people.


Ayahuasca properly used can pull people from depression and suicidal thoughts.

"Ayahuasca is a psychoactive tea that originates from the Amazon region. Psychoactive substances affect the brain and cause people to experience changes in their mood, thinking, and behavior."


Ayahuasca Ingestion Modulates Brain Activity​

The deep changes in perception and cognition elicited by Ayahuasca ingestion are underlined by a profound activation of limbic, paralimbic and neocortical brain areas, which are involved in trauma, memory formation, memory retrieval and emotional regulation, as well as a region-specific shift of electrical activity. These changes lead to an altered state of awareness underlined by introspection, retrieval of traumatic memories, and visions. Imaging studies have shown that Ayahuasca hyperactivates the inferior frontal gyrus (IFG) and the anterior insula, the right anterior cingulate/subcallosal gyrus and the left amygdala/parahippocampal gyrus, while decreasing activity within relevant hubs of the default mode network (DMN), such as the precuneus/posterior cingulate cortex and the medial prefrontal cortex

The inferior frontal gyrus (IFG) is a brain area involved in semantic unification, emotion perception and regulation and processing of negative emotional stimuli . This suggests that activation of this brain area during Ayahuasca ingestion could be involved in the processing of trauma. Significantly, veterans diagnosed with PTSD display decreased IFG activation in response to contextual cues, suggesting that modulation of this brain area might be beneficial in PTSD treatment . Similarly, the anterior insula is hyperactivated following Ayahuasca ingestion, and this region is involved in emotional processing and in the conscious perception of errors . The amygdala is involved in fear response, emotional arousal processes, reconsolidation of fear memories and fear memory extinction, and this brain region has been shown to be hyper-responsive in PTSD

Template public:_media_site_embed_youtube not found. Try rebuilding or reinstalling the s9e/MediaSites add-on.
 
#25
Great advice above for assorted resources.

Below is for the mental health care the OP:

I can tell you he's not being honest with himself, or anyone else. He's overly stressed with things out of his control (past and present), not focusing on things within his locus of control, and being a reactive victim of circumstances.

We don't know what's causing his issues. He's a veteran, so maybe he saw some people/friends get shot/blow apart. That happed to a lot of us. Maybe it has nothing to do with military service because he got diddled by his uncle when he was a child.

Who knows? Only he does and it's destroying everything around him.

Like @brianf said reference him knowing/accepting he has a problem. Figuring out the best course of action to take the initiative, be proactive in his own life's future instead of wallowing in his own sorrows whatever caused them.

There's 5 stages of grief/dealing with a traumatic experience: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. When people refuse to accept things as they occurred, that's when they get all fucked up and the cycle continues.

People experience all kinds of terrible things in life and power through like champions. Others can't stop replaying the incident asking "If only it happened this other way...." etc.

You, as a friend, are doing wonderful things by seeking assistance for him. That's a beautiful thing. Just know he's also an adult and will do whatever he's going to do, and YOU have no control over this horse/water situation.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back
Home
Forums
Merch
Alerts