Maggie’s Want telemarketers to stop calling you? Sexually harass them.

[hermosabeach]

From Reddit- https://www.reddit.com/r/UnethicalLifeProTips/
ULPT: Want telemarketers to stop calling you? Sexually harass them.

I signed up for healthcare.org 6-8 months ago for "free quotes" and I have been getting 20+ calls day since then....and they are TERRIBLE offers btw.
I have registered on the do not call list, reported them, etc. Didnt stop. I lost my shit today and called them back for 60-90 minutes straight and sexually harassed everyone I talked to, male or female. Most hang up quick as soon as you ask if they're into butt stuff, but some of them are so desperate to sell the conversations get hilarious lol.
Anyhow, my number is blocked now, so apparently it worked.
I guess not everyone wants to have nutella spread between their butt cheeks and get blown like a bull horn by some dude named Tyrone.
May this ULPT serve you well.

 

[2ndamendfan]

They blocked him, but doesn't mean they can't dial his. Blocking doesn't work that way.
Funny as hell though.

 

[Sean the Nailer]

so, what you're saying is,,,, this is the appropriate method of answering unknown phone calls then.

 

[W54/XM-388]

I had great success in answering the phone in Japanese and seeing them get flustered.
But these days I'm just too jaded to bother even trying, I just hang up on them.

 

[cattleman99]

I had a call today... every day it’s “this is your final warning about your cars warranty”. I asked to speak to a manager, and they said to me “Fu** you and your country, bi***”, then they hung up. I was upset about this, so I called back. No one answered. A recording came on from my carrier and said that number doesn’t exist. I’m flustered.

 

[KZP]

I had a call today... every day it’s “this is your final warning about your cars warranty”. I asked to speak to a manager, and they said to me “Fu** you and your country, bi***”, then they hung up. I was upset about this, so I called back. No one answered. A recording came on from my carrier and said that number doesn’t exist. I’m flustered.

If you haven't heard yet, they spoof the caller ID numbers. I can tell a spammer is calling because it has the same area code as my number, which is from a state I haven't lived in for 10 years. Sometimes they will use my phone number and change the last digit for the ID. I guess they are appealing to curiosity for a pick up.

 

[cattleman99]

If you haven't heard yet, they spoof the caller ID numbers. I can tell a spammer is calling because it has the same area code as my number, which is from a state I haven't lived in for 10 years. Sometimes they will use my phone number and change the last digit for the ID. I guess they are appealing to curiosity for a pick up.

That’s what it is I imagine. I have a lot on Craigslist so my number is out there a bit. I guess I shouldn’t answer calls I don’t recognize. If they need me they can leave a message.

 

[Codiekfx400]

The only way to avoid these scumbags completely is to get rid of your phone. I am liking the whole harassment scenario sounds funny I might have to try that.

 

[tnichols]

That’s funny. I mess with telemarketers all the time (use a British accent, tell them I was hoping it was the suicide hotline calling back, etc...), my kids think it’s funny as hell. But you sir WIN! LMAO!

 

[KZP]

That’s what it is I imagine. I have a lot on Craigslist so my number is out there a bit. I guess I shouldn’t answer calls I don’t recognize. If they need me they can leave a message.

I do the same, send all unknown numbers to voicemail. Sadly there is a specific group of spammers that target voice mail only as well. The phone won't ring but I get a VM alert tone. Just can't win!

 

[Deleted member 10043]

You'll get a letter from the EEOC, lol.

 

[DannC]

Just wait until you get a call from Nigeria telling you have won a ten million dollar lottery that you have never heard of and have not entered. A man tells you that you have won a Beeg Prize and he is so happy for you followed by him asking for your bank and credit card numbers so they can send my Beeg prize. I give him a random set of numbers and he almost instantly tells me i have made a mistake and to give him the numbers again for my Beeg prize. We do this several times with him at first being excited and then frustrated. I tell him that I am so excited that I am having difficulty reading the numbers. He then gets another man who speaks better english to help me. I tire of this charade and tell him what I did last night to his mother's mouth and his sister's rear end. I hear a chair screech across the floor and a thumping sound that I believe is him jumping up and down while he is shouting I WILL KEEL YOU, i WILL KEEL YOU, i PRAY TO ALLAH I WILL KEEL YOU.
Have not had another call from Nigeria since. Worked so well I use it for all telemarketers.

 

[Threadcutter308]

That’s what it is I imagine. I have a lot on Craigslist so my number is out there a bit. I guess I shouldn’t answer calls I don’t recognize. If they need me they can leave a message.

I quit putting my number in C/L ads years ago. I was getting all kinds of scams and bizarre bullshit. My standard statement in C/L ads is: "If you are interested in xxxxx, please e-mail me back with your phone number and I will call you as soon as possible to discuss". It weeds out the tirekickers and scammers pretty well.

 

[Rthur]

This can be effective:

R

 

[TripleBull]

Long ago, I adopted the following responses:

To male telemarketers: "Would you call back later? I'm busy fucking your wife (or mom or daughter)."

To female telemarketers: "I was just thinking about the last time I was ass-fucking you, you know, the time you sucked the shit slime off after I finished?"

When a telemarketer hangs up on you, cut another little notch in the phone. Win.

 

[Cheyenne Bodie]

I'm not proud of this, but a long time ago I pretended to be retarded. After a short conversation my GF at the time "took the phone from me" and convinced the guy that he was facing criminal charges for manipulating a mentally handicapped person. I hope that guy killed himself because of it, telemarketers are the lowest common form of asshole.

 

[W54/XM-388]

Long ago, I adopted the following responses:

To male telemarketers: "Would you call back later? I'm busy fucking your wife (or mom or daughter)."

To female telemarketers: "I was just thinking about the last time I was ass-fucking you, you know, the time you sucked the shit slime off after I finished?"

When a telemarketer hangs up on you, cut another little notch in the phone. Win.

You could simplify it by just simply using the second option for all callers.
It should work well enough no matter what they "identify" as.

 

[bigdaddydmd]

My brother has Downs syndrome. When he is around I just hand the phone to him and listen to the hilarity. My brother will always attempt to talk about Walker Texas Ranger to the telemarketer. He loves that damn show. Damn hard not to piss yourself laughing as he goes on and on and attempts to explain what his take is on each season. Longest I've seen a telemarketer last on the phone was about 6 mins.

 

[XLR308]

I'm not proud of this, but a long time ago I pretended to be retarded. After a short conversation my GF at the time "took the phone from me" and convinced the guy that he was facing criminal charges for manipulating a mentally handicapped person. I hope that guy killed himself because of it, telemarketers are the lowest common form of asshole.

I have employed a similar tactic a few times and it works pretty universal.
If they are selling something auto related tell them you were paralyzed by a drunk driver and can hardly leave the house for fear of all the cars.
Or medical insurance you are terminal and modern medicine has failed you.
So on and so on, but I will have to try out the getting freaky with them that might be pretty entertaining.

 

[Ledzep]

I like to take in a deep breath, then scream NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! as loud and long as I can, then hang up.

Or if I'm feeling froggy I start asking them questions starting with How did you get this number? and progressively get more and more invasive into their operation.

 

[Toast]

You're a fricken genius. I did it today. OMG did it work. "Rose Parker" with a thick Indian accent transferred me to her supervisor, so I started hitting on him. He told me it was an illegal phone call. I told him Rose called me. And if she expects me to pay $1600 for an ambulance bill (that wasn't mine), I need to know what Rose is wearing and looks like. He asked if I really wanted to go down that road and I said yes. He said he'd mark my file and hung up. I'll let you know if they call back.

 

[dspjaggar]

Had life insurance people calling me for months. Most of the time i don't have my phone and miss the calls. Tried hitting 5 to be put on the do not call list, tried talking to a person and asking them to be put on the do not call list nicely, tried cussing them out and telling them to stop fucking calling. Finally talked to them And convinced them I was interested and got some quotes for insurance and they transferred me like 5 times until i was talking to a "liscenced agent" wasted about an hour of their time asking for whole life insurance vs term life insurance. Went over my financial situation and when they said they didn't have whole life insurance or a return of premium option. I finally said I'll tell you what... I actually have no need for any insurance and i was driving home so i decided to see how much of their time i could waste. Got an hour. They called the next day asked one question stopped mid sentence, and I guess the read the notes on my number and said oh sorry for calling and hung up. Nothing since then

 

[Srgt. Hulka]

Had life insurance people calling me for months. Most of the time i don't have my phone and miss the calls. Tried hitting 5 to be put on the do not call list, tried talking to a person and asking them to be put on the do not call list nicely, tried cussing them out and telling them to stop fucking calling. Finally talked to them And convinced them I was interested and got some quotes for insurance and they transferred me like 5 times until i was talking to a "liscenced agent" wasted about an hour of their time asking for whole life insurance vs term life insurance. Went over my financial situation and when they said they didn't have whole life insurance or a return of premium option. I finally said I'll tell you what... I actually have no need for any insurance and i was driving home so i decided to see how much of their time i could waste. Got an hour. They called the next day asked one question stopped mid sentence, and I guess the read the notes on my number and said oh sorry for calling and hung up. Nothing since then

THIS is exactly what I do. I ask all kinds of questions. Get transferred to managers for the more in depth questions. Keep them on the phone for as long as I can, and waste as much of their time as I can. That pisses them off more than anything. I even had a manager cuss me like a sailor once for wasting his time. But he never called back.

 

[Headquarterz]

Reminds me of this skit. Worth a listen

 

[LeftyJason]

This one was entertaining.

 

[Niles Coyote]

 

[silhouette]

If everyone did this, they'd be out of business.

I can't wait until an artificial intelligence program comes out that can be downloaded to a smart phone to do it for us.

Someone needs to make an app so that you can choose to answer the number via the app and it prompts the caller to answer your prerecorded questions, like "how many times a week do you masturbate?"

 

[Stooxie]

I used to get 4 to 6 calls a day for everything from my car warranty to credit card stuff. When the elections were coming close, I was also getting calls from those folks as well.

Then I got to wondering, if I was in their position, I'd want to reach as many people as possible right? The key word in that sentence is PEOPLE. Not computer modems, not fax machines, not a doctors office with "dial 1 for this department" etc.
I figured that somewhere in the programming language of the software, there has to be a mechanism to filter out undesirable numbers that just waste time.

So what I did was to download a sound clip of a fax machine. You know the GRRRRSSSSHHH BEEEEEP GRRRRRSSS sound thing? When they call, I just play that sound clip for them and it appears they never try calling back as my number gets classified as non-human or something.

I only get one or two calls per week now instead of 5 a day.

Brilliant! Next time I see a telemarketer on the caller ID I will hit the answer button on my fax machine.

-Stooxie

 

[Patty]

My favorite thing to do with telemarketers is attempt to sell them something of mine. A dresser, a tv stand, a washing machine, whatever. Any time they try to get back to their subject, I direct the conversation back to my item for sale. When they finally get fed up and either hang up or tell me they don’t want my damn furniture, justice has been exacted.

 

[Rant Durden]

Oh gosh, where to start...
Yes, hello? OK, He's dead, but there's just so much blood, when are you coming? I can't get the chainsaw started.

Why I think that's a great idea, hold on. Ok, sorry about the wait, who are you calling for? Oh, hold on one second...this could go on a while.

Place the phone in front of a TV, stereo, or put some butter or peanut butter on the phone and give it to the dog.

I work in law enforcement and once had the IRS call me and say they are coming to my work to arrest me. I told them to hurry up.

 

[308pirate]

put some butter or peanut butter on the phone and give it to the dog

 

[408w]

My favorite is to let them talk and hear them out for 30-40 seconds. Then interrupt them and say/ yell: Oh shit I have to go, my grandpa is drunk and is pissing on the carpet.

 

[Namekagon]

I started hitting on a telemarketer lady that called me once. Asked her what she was wearing. She said "Cloths." I said "What kind of cloths? Wanna take any of them off?" She responds "I don't think you are very interested in what we are selling."

I screamed "You're damn right!!" and hung up.

Looking back, I wish I had said "That depends whats for sale sweetie."