What's your claim to fame? Tales of holiday pissing contests.

TheGerman

TheGerman

Oberleutnant
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Minuteman
    • Jan 25, 2010
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    the Westside
    #1
    Was talking to some friends over the holidays and drinking led to more drinking which led to the unavoidable pissing contests between friends, family and the random people that got invited. Had some legitimate and interesting things come up (most of which I already knew) in that some people held certain records like my grandfather held a world record in light athletics that didn't break until the late 90s, some of us have dated a famous person, some did some unbelievable shit and some just happened to be in the right (or wrong place) at the right time.

    I have 2.

    The first is I dated off and on a gold medal winning swimmer (after she won most of it) when I was in college. If you know how old I am and where I was, shouldn't be impossible to figure out who it was.

    The second is more of a luck,m right place right time thing. But for any history buffs that want to take a stab at it, again if you can figure out my age, it happened the minute I stepped foot in Kosovo. I'll send whoever figures it out one of my favorite La Gloria Serie R cigars.
     
    #16
    My mother in law doesn't listen to anybody so she finally learned her lesson Christmas day. She went into our pantry to get some tea and I told her to NOT take the "Smooth Move" tea. Guess which one she grabbed....I don't know if any of you know what Senna is but it's basically like drinking Draino, soooooo... take an Espresso which was what she drank to wake up because the grand children got us all up at 6am and a laxative and you get lava spewing out of your ass for an entire day......


    Edit: completely brain farted this is bragging post (sorry German) so I guess my claim to fame is I made my mother in law shit herself
     
    #18
    I once took a lap around the Daytona road course in a 15-passenger van, driven by Hurley Haywood. I also once scammed a couple laps around the Nurburgring on a borrowed Ducati 996SPS (no lap records were set).

    Sorry, I got nothin'.
     
    #19
    So there I was,
    Just standing there, minding my own business.

    When all of the sudden!


    (enter good story here)


    "Rub some dirt on it, and it'll be fine"

    And they all lived happily ever after. Until the next day, when:

    "It was a dark and stormy night...."

    Ya'll lead "exiting'er" lives than me, so I'm just throwing that out there. And anything I actually COULD talk about would get redacted and who-knows-what-else.
     
    #20
    I've ridden a bull, caught a live wild turkey by hand, caught a 6-7lb salmon by hand, pet a wild shark (not at a resort or staged), caught a 10lb largemouth, aaaaaaaand killed a zebra. Life is good.
     
    #23
    One of mine is written in a bronze star citation and the other in an article 15.........both from the same day! May 27th, 2007 was a good day.
     
    #27
    Delta4-3 said:
    One of mine is written in a bronze star citation and the other in an article 15.........both from the same day! May 27th, 2007 was a good day.
    Click to expand...

    As a guy who has lived a pretty remarkable and unique life, yours takes the cake. No Article 15's in my record. Bronze Star, yes, but to do them other in the same day takes some talent. I knew a guy who showed up at his Article 15 hearing (for being drunk on duty) completely trashed... We were in the middle of a table twelve qualification.
     
    #32
    gimpy said:
    As a guy who has lived a pretty remarkable and unique life, yours takes the cake. No Article 15's in my record. Bronze Star, yes, but to do them other in the same day takes some talent. I knew a guy who showed up at his Article 15 hearing (for being drunk on duty) completely trashed... We were in the middle of a table twelve qualification.
    Click to expand...

    High praise from a guy who was the first amputee to re-enlist! ;)
     
    #33
    i'm gonna go with Dana Torres and no idea on the Kosovo event. If you'd have said 'Saraevo' I might have guessed you would be an olympian.

    However, on the to the great stories. I was thinking it would be a lot easier if you dated an ice skater. I immediately pictured in my mind Katarina Witt skating out onto the ice. And thinking "you lucky son-of-a-bitch". Because, I can't speak for everyone here, nobody I've ever known has watched her do that and not gotten a mental picture of her in a dominatrix suit and whip and thinking, "I'll take whatever you got to get me some of that!"
     
    Last edited:
    #34
    Delta4-3 said:
    High praise from a guy who was the first amputee to re-enlist! ;)
    Click to expand...

    Technically, the first 11B. As time has shown, the dedication of the Infantryman lives on in the younger generation of amputees humping it overseas.

    Division was hesitant to send me back overseas for fear I would get shot in the leg again. The irony of the whole thing was never lost on me.
     
    Last edited:
    #36
    Early Cuyler said:
    I've ridden a bull, caught a live wild turkey by hand, caught a 6-7lb salmon by hand, pet a wild shark (not at a resort or staged), caught a 10lb largemouth, aaaaaaaand killed a zebra. Life is good.
    Click to expand...

    I got you beat, caught a 13 lb 2 oz largemouth this year and a couple of years ago I caught the world record capezone, if I knew what a capezone was. You got me on the bull and I don't think I could shoot horse with stripes unless it had horns.
     
    #37
    gimpy said:
    Technically, the first 11B. As time has shown, the dedication of the Infantryman lives on in the younger generation of amputees humping it overseas.

    Division was hesitant to send me back overseas for fear I would get shot in the leg again. The irony of the whole thing was never lost on me.
    Click to expand...
    Still, my hat is off to you...I was medically retired for a spinal injury from an EFP and it pretty much wrecked the use of my right leg. I was done by the time they got done dicking around, and was glad to go home. Im impressed. You should have told them youd leave your leg CONUS so it wouldnt get shot! :rolleyes:
     
    #38
    I sent the USS Long Beach to general quarters pierside in San Diego with a water balloon slingshot and an orange. Marines came pouring out of hatches and doorways, some still wearing underwear with flak jackets and loaded M-16's. :)
     
    #40
    Oldcoast said:
    I got you beat, caught a 13 lb 2 oz largemouth this year and a couple of years ago I caught the world record capezone, if I knew what a capezone was. You got me on the bull and I don't think I could shoot horse with stripes unless it had horns.
    Click to expand...

    Touche on the bass. My 10lb-er is still the (current) best at the family dinner table though! Plus yall got some dagum massive ones out in California from what I've heard. Zebra aren't that hard to shoot once you get a shot. I had to walk 20-25miles over 5 days in South Africa with my DTA to get her back in June. Amazing time!

    (BTW everything in my original post is true. Even catching the turkey.)
     
    #41
    Delta4-3 said:
    Franziska_van_Almsick

    pm me for the address to which the cigar can be sent.
    Click to expand...

    Damn you!

    I actually thought this would go way earlier as she was really the flash in the pan for German women swimmers and it was when she was very young. I met her in 1998 some months after she was in Perth while I was in Berlin as I went to the Frei Universitat there and was drafted later that year (German civil service until I went mountain infantry and re-upd). Made quite a few cross country trips from Mittenwald while in mountain infantry school and from Fussen (she did come there once to go skiing) where I was stationed until deployed. Nothing ever really came out of it (more of a hot/cold thing) and when I deployed I was the young officer that had a celebrity girlfriend, but that was a bit of a stretch. The funny part was that it somehow stayed with me the entire time when I was deployed stemming some tall tales to the point that we got new people rotated in and after introducing myself at a briefing I had one of them come up afterwards and ask if I was the guy that was MARRIED to FvA.

    The good ol days.

    So, cigar to you my good sir.


    ETA - I was in there in the pre-tramp stamp era.
     
    #42
    anepuqur.jpg

    Serious?
    Beats the shit out of my fishing story.
     
    #44
    Yep, serious. I PM'd Delta how we met, but long story short she had friends that went to the college I went to (shes from a suburb near Berlin) and I had no idea who she was other than she was a cute chick someone knew (edited to add: I remember the thing that stood out about her, she had a fucking DARK tan that confused the hell out of me as it wasn't summertime - she got it while in Australia for whatever championships that year) This got back to her, and ironically was what she remembered me for/approached me with the next time we ran into each other some weeks later at a mutual friends get together/party.

    I do believe that pic is post 1998 however; that seems to be in the tramp stamp era, which post dates me. Hmmm, maybe I drove her to get a tramp stamp??

    ETA - This fact annoys my wife to no end. :)
     
    Last edited:
    #46
    Early Cuyler said:
    Touche on the bass. My 10lb-er is still the (current) best at the family dinner table though! Plus yall got some dagum massive ones out in California from what I've heard. Zebra aren't that hard to shoot once you get a shot. I had to walk 20-25miles over 5 days in South Africa with my DTA to get her back in June. Amazing time!

    (BTW everything in my original post is true. Even catching the turkey.)
    Click to expand...

    dybe8uqy.jpg

    We're they fighting like this? I though about catching one but the other would probably start kicking my ass. This was with an iphone at 3 feet.
     
    #47
    When I coached high school football, the kids thought this was "badass"... in '95 I played against Brian Urlacher in the New Mexico 3A state championship football game. We lost.

    Haha, if a kid wore his Bears jersey they had to run 10-50yd sprints. That shit was a long time ago but every year for 8 years I had to tell the story.
     
    #48
    When Cindy Crawford's people decided to put together her official website, they contacted me and asked if I would put a link on my site to theirs.
    I obliged and asked for nothing in return, thanking them for not enforcing copyright claims and trying to shut my own site down, which was a fan site. (Yeah, I had it bad for her back in the day)
    A few days later, I received a personally autographed photo from Cindy as thanks.

    I also once had a website that was listed in a British Newspaper as a site worth checking out - or something like that. I had no idea until some Brit emailed me and told me about it. He even sent me a copy of the paper.

    I bought Alyssa Milano's husband a beer, but I didn't know he was married to her until later on. Nice guy. Good musician.
     
    #49
    Oldcoast said:
    dybe8uqy.jpg

    We're they fighting like this? I though about catching one but the other would probably start kicking my ass. This was with an iphone at 3 feet.
    Click to expand...

    haha, nope. It was a baby chick in the Summer. I was fishing off a bank and saw the mother and her chicks walking through a big opening on a hill. I wasn't catching a dagum thing so I figured what the hell and started creeping up the hill. When they went over, I sprinted. I cut off the last chick of the line and caught it.

    So it wasn't an ADULT turkey, but it WAS a turkey, haha.
     
    #50
    I once told NASCAR driver Ryan Newman I didnt need any help with my sons 4 wheeler. We were riding trails at Carolina Adventure world and his stalled out on one of the trails. We were on the side of the trail adjusting the carb and a Robby Gordon edition 4 seater Polaris pulled up and asked if we needed a hand or a tow or anything. I said thanks, but i can get her fired up. He said OK and drove off. I got the 4 wheeler running and we continued to ride. Later that night, my wife was looking at CAWs facebook and they were thanking Ryan Newman for visiting their establishment with pics of him in his new Polaris 4 seater. Thats my closest brush with fame.

    Ryan
     
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