Why am I house-sitting?

[Cardboard55]

Long-time friends wanted to get away for a week, they've always had pets so wasn't really possible.

Now they're down to two: one is a kitten that is pretty cool. Does usual kitten stuff. The other one is a "rehomed" giant nightmare cat that is missing it's front teeth. Came from a house with dozens. This one may have been the alpha. Terrorizes the kitten. Destroyed all their furniture. Knocks over water dish and scatters food everywhere. Damn thing started headbutting me about 3am. Planted a claw on my head. Grrr. Got up and fed it, Knocked water dish over, scattered food, then went back and parked it's ass on my pillow.

Not wanting to scrap, grabbed my shit and headed for a bedroom with a door. (Room I was staying in had the only TV, no door). Kitten followed. Fine. Until shithead headbutts the door open this AM. (Door doesn't latch shut)

Will barricade door tonight.

I'd ask for advice, but the obvious answer is don't be a dumbass and house-sit when unknown critters are involved.

FM.

I'll ask anyway. Let's hear your worst. I could add a poll with one choice: "don't be a dumbass"

Eh, only 4 more days, any creative suggestions?

 

[MtnCreek]

Spray bottle with water will make the cat leave you alone.

 

[roostercogburn98]

They make drops for cats that will make them relax

Hemp drops

 

[MtnCreek]

They make drops for cats that will make them relax

Probably needs to be at least 30 ft.

 

[Cardboard55]

Spray bottle with water will make the cat leave you alone.

Thanks!

Hmmm...

Can it be any kind of water?

 

[Redmanss]

 

[Cardboard55]

They make drops for cats that will make them relax

Hemp drops

*Rummages through medicine chest... Lipitor...Flomax... Nitroglycerin

 

[Maggot]

Probably needs to be at least 30 ft.

Onto concrete.

 

[Cardboard55]

View attachment 8005612

You want me to jerk off the cat to a tennis bimbette?

 

[BJames]

CDB oil. Recommend the drops. Worked on my kids asshole cat

 

[roostercogburn98]

 

[Redmanss]

You want me to jerk off the cat to a tennis bimbette?

Just an easy on the eyes way of saying turn the fucker into tennis strings.

 

[Two36]

Sounds like my wife's cat.. go buy a few cans of fancy wet food and keep that fucker in a food coma for the duration of your stay.

 

[sirhrmechanic]

Cat treats work wonders on even the most unruly cats. When you are their food source, they get friendly real fast!

If they have any tunafish in water in the cupboard... start parsing that out on a spoon.

Look at the bright side... they could have left you with 6-year-olds...

Sirhr

PS... unless you like projectile cat diarrhea don't go with the Tuna in Oil. Well, maybe on the day your friends are coming home...

 

[Cardboard55]

Sounds like my wife's cat.. go buy a few cans of fancy wet food and keep that fucker in a food coma for the duration of your stay.

Been trying that. Eats some, has no front teeth so have to turn the bowl around. Eats a bit more then knocks the water and food over. Has breath like Medusa. The choice of critters that women re-home is mystifying.

I think a good name for the cat would be Artie, aka R.T. aka "reactive target"

 

[Rthur]

What is chose poorly for 500 Alex?

R

 

[Maggot]

My old standby, works everytime.

 

[MCSO1357]

put engine coolant/antifreeze in bowl, problem will sort itself out..

 

[Cardboard55]

Fucker just dropped a Nimitz-class tuna burger in the kitten's litterbox.

 

[Maggot]

Fucker just dropped a Nimitz-class tuna burger in the kitten's litterbox.

He's telling you how much he appreciates you. He's giving you a special gift.

 

[FWoo45]

The only people who should be house sitting are teenagers who want to get out of the house to bone. Assume that they banged everywhere. Once they’re out of their parents house they can’t be trusted to not throw a party.

 

[ajwarrior]

Trazodone, or large pillowcase.

 

[acudaowner]

maybe you wanted to try out there my pillows for your self first hand dam they are nice pillows .

 

[2aBaC̶a̶]

Only two options. put the cats head in your mouth to establish alpha male dominance or hold him down and piss on him. your choice.

 

[10ring'r]

You do own a gun and a shovel....right? Mac

 

[whatsupdoc]

Put sheet on floor food in center, catch cat, tie knot in sheet, fill bathtub with water, waterboard cat.

 

[JLP83]

This is an easy one. Just fucking leave and get new friends

 

[AllenOne1]

Get rid of the cat for good they will probably pay you extra for the house sitting, or they will never ask you to house sit again. It's a win-win situation.

 

[hlee]

The only excuse I can come up for why you would endure this, is that you are banging the wife.

 

[sirhrmechanic]

The only people who should be house sitting are teenagers who want to get out of the house to bone. Assume that they banged everywhere. Once they’re out of their parents house they can’t be trusted to not throw a party.

Are you watching too much Charlotte Stokley? I heard about her from a SH dude from some PNW state... so not exactly sure who all is being referenced...

Sirhr

 

[n2ishun]

Have none of you guys ever heard of "catnip" ?

Get the shit so stoned it can't move....use it as a foot warmer while it's stoned to the gills.

 

[C.Hazelton]

Tylenol

 

[Wisconsinner]

Duct tape on the bottom of the cat's paws is always entertaining.. Doesn't help your situation any but might as well enjoy it and have a good laugh!

 

[zeroz]

do them a favor. the cat had an accident.

 

[Cardboard55]

Went with Operation Food Coma. Every chance I get, they get fed.

Result?

They continue to raise hell while I have to go to the bathroom.

I'm sitting here on the throne, and they are trying to get in.

Actual picture. STG.

Did I mention the doors don't close very well?

FM.

 

[Eostech]

A dose of paracetamol in some milk is a good cure for cats.

 

[FWoo45]

Are you watching too much Charlotte Stokley? I heard about her from a SH dude from some PNW state... so not exactly sure who all is being referenced...

Sirhr

Not sure who she is but it sounds like I should find out. My girlfriend in high school used to house sit quite a bit. Better than the back of a gmc Jimmy. Just know some folks who have come home to find their college aged house sitters filled the garbage can with solo cups and thrashed the house.

 

[Cardboard55]

A new day dawns, revealing the aftermath of Project Food Coma. I hesitate to open my now-puffy eyelids. What will great me this fine morning? Bucolic Rockwellesque homestead? Or apocalyptic hellscape?

Hairballs the size of icebergs...the smaller one rides my shoe like the facehugger in Alien, the larger skulks about, seeking new place to evacuate its bowels and stomach

I shall spare the images, being Thanksgiving and all...

I believe that after God created cats, He invented barns, so that they would have a proper place to live.

I shall sleep for days after this test.

 

[Sean the Nailer]

Chicken Chow Meow

 

[nikonNUT]

Thanks!

Hmmm...

Can it be any kind of water?

Works great but I house sat for my Aunt once and her tabbie liked to get on the counter. He was a great cat acutally (Identified as a German Shepard. I've seen him chase racoons off!) but I was beyond pissed with his antics so I grabbed the spray bottle and let him have it! Turns out my aunt had ants and was told that a 50/50 water and white vinegar mixture would destroy their pheromone trail (or some such bullshit). When I "spritzed" him you would have thought I hit him in the face with Thor's hammer! He never got on the counters again and wasn't seem for 3 days. Might <cough>solve your issue.

 

[sirhrmechanic]

Fucker just dropped a Nimitz-class tuna burger in the kitten's litterbox.

So drop a deuce of your own in his litter box... Have to stoop to their level... er... establish dominance.

Sirhr

 

[Aftermath]

CB stands for Cat Bullet

 

[Snipe260]

Spray bottle with water will make the cat leave you alone.

This thread is gay as fuck!

 

[sirhrmechanic]

This thread is gay as fuck!

HALLLLOOOOOO!!!! Big Boy!

Sirhr

 

[Cardboard55]

As if things weren't bad enough, the keyboard on my phone quit working

Google Pixel 6. Less than year old.

Phone wouldn't reset, everything was haywire

Someone suggested I try closing a few tabs...

Gave it a shot

*click* long silent pause

Screen reappears with message:

"Closed 1357 tabs"

---

---

 

[sirhrmechanic]

Tabs or Tabbies?

What thread is this?

Sirhr

 

[Cardboard55]

Tabs or Tabbies?

What thread is this?

Sirhr

"Tabs"

Now I'm startin to wonder if that's what was wrong with my old phones

 

[myronman3]

i am saving my devious tricks, and waiting for the cat to start a thread on how to rid his house of a squatting asshat. just sayin'....

 

[hlee]

"Tabs"

Now I'm startin to wonder if that's what was wrong with my old phones

It’s not the arrow, it’s the Indian…

 

[acudaowner]

yea I'll pass on giving a cat milk again not unless it's going to stay outside all night , as most cats are pretty lactose intolerant . A cat with uncontrollable farting sitting on your lap or worse yet chest , I am just willing to play those odds .
https://www.ctvsh.com/services/cats/blog/why-cats-and-cows-milk-dont-mix
like a dog with the shits it's never going to end well for you the owner triple true when you have kids they can make messes that you would think a demon had to have possessed the child . But oh how wonderful a time it makes should you make slides of there mess and happen to show there friends and girlfriend when they cop an attitude in high school revenge is sweet ,