This may sound trite.
I am not a person who suffers from any kind of depression or anything like that, but this time of the year is an annual foray into a funk for me. Growing up, this time of year was dealing with adults who couldn’t be counted on to keep theirselves together. A 2 week bender usually complete with fights and crying and sometimes aunts, uncles and deputies trying to help put things back to some semblance of functional.
When I was young, first married it was terrible and terrifying. I didn’t even know I was in a funk and most definitely didn’t understand why. It put a strain on my beautiful young wife, she helped me tremendously though. It is not as evident now, I swallow it better. My grandson has certainly helped me to enjoy things better.
I gave him his first dirt bike yesterday and I am getting him early from preschool today so he can ride more. I enjoy him and his love of this season….
But still I struggle. I really really struggle and it is very hard to admit it or talk about it. My sister obviously understands and she suffers as well. We talk some but we are not good for each other this time of the year.
I don’t like this. I don’t wallow in it but I can’t seem to ever really beat it either. I have forgiven them, I truly have so I would appreciate y’all praying for me to be able to let go. Release whatever demons hang out in my head and cause me sleepless nights and bad moods. My wife is on it and really helping me and maybe knowing that others “know” and are praying will help too. God has a plan and I am who I am because of what I experienced, I don’t second guess Him. I accept it all, I just want peace.