Maggie’s Looking For A Job

[Dougie308]

After 25 plus years as a recruiter (headhunter) recruiting everything from neurosurgeons to engineers who designed space-based surveillance systems, I am thinking of retiring and taking up something less exhausting. Right now I am leaning towards becoming an Internet troll. I was wondering if you guys knew if there were any openings on the Hide? I didn't see a "careers" tab to search on my own.

I believe I have the qualifications. I am a cynical 55 year-old smart-ass. I have a way with words. I am a die hard conservative. I have been shooting my whole life and have a collection of firearms ranging from very early Winchesters to a SCAR 17S (and of course the obligatory custom Remington 700 "sniper" rifle). And last but not least, I speak sarcasm fluently.

I would be glad to provide examples of my work.

 

[Dirty D]

Tucker beat you to it.

 

[1J04]

You don't have 100 posts yet. Please apply later.

 

[Rthur]

You don't have 100 posts yet. Please apply later.

Epic^^^

Please fill out an entire personal dossier to the bear pit.
We promise to keep it confidential.

R

 

[1J04]

Epic^^^

Please fill out an entire personal dossier to the bear pit.
We promise to keep it confidential.

R

lmfao

 

[Cartman]

Not much of a future in this job. There's so many of us competing here we end up working day and night for peanuts.

Also, I noticed you've been reading this board since 2011. In a fast moving industry you need to go with the hot trends and/or find a niche. Try signing up with a new user name and join date, post about recently buying your first guns -- say a Barrett 82 .50BMG -- claim you shoot bugholes at two miles, offhand, and start accusing everyone on the Hide (especially Lowlight) of not knowing what the eph they're talking about. You'll have plenty work.

 

[Dougie308]

Not much of a future in this job. There's so many of us competing here we end up working day and night for peanuts.

Also, I noticed you've been reading this board since 2011. In a fast moving industry you need to go with the hot trends and/or find a niche. Try signing up with a new user name and join date, post about recently buying your first guns -- say a Barrett 82 .50BMG -- claim you shoot bugholes at two miles, offhand, and start accusing everyone on the Hide (especially Lowlight) of not knowing what the eph they're talking about. You'll have plenty work.

Good advice. Thanks Cartman!

 

[1J04]

Good advice. Thanks Cartman!

For gods sake, please, don't encourage him..........

 

[Alphatreedog]

What er ya wearin ?

 

[Cartman]

For gods sake, please, don't encourage him..........

If he wanted advice on how to be a loveable, but simple minded, troll, don't you think he would have asked for you by name?

 

[1J04]

If he wanted advice on how to be a loveable, but simple minded, troll, don't you think he would have asked for you by name?

How long exactly, Forrest, did it take you to cum up with that? I'm gonna send you a nasty picture mister.

 

[sirhrmechanic]

I understand that being a headhunter makes you qualified to fly a helicopter... Try that!

Cheers,

Sirhr.

 

[sirhrmechanic]

Holy crap, Batman... is that Jackie Chan in the background?

Cheers,

Sirhr

 

[Guest]

Bwaaahahahaha. I love you guys.

Dougie, Any good with a zero turn or snow plow??

 

[Cartman]

Holy crap, Batman... is that Jackie Chan in the background?

Cheers,

Sirhr

I thought that was president Duterte of the PI threatening to kill the rebels and eat their hearts.

 

[Rthur]

I understand that being a headhunter makes you qualified to fly a helicopter... Try that!

Cheers,

Sirhr.

Stick and rudder indeed...

R

 

[tnichols]

Cmon R, for a helicopter, it would be stick, collective, and anti-torque pedals

 

[Dougie308]

I understand that being a headhunter makes you qualified to fly a helicopter... Try that!

Cheers,

Sirhr.

A common misconception. It actually qualifies us for getting high and crashing. An easy mistake.

 

[Dougie308]

Bwaaahahahaha. I love you guys.

Dougie, Any good with a zero turn or snow plow??

No. I have a hernia.

 

[Fitz.]

Doug,

Since your moving on.

I'm one of those undervalued/unappreciated engineering types (not cool engineering like space based surveillance systems).

I have five questions for you:

1) How does every recruiter seem to have my work, cell phone and personal email?
2) How do recruiters know to call at the most in opportune times?
3) Do recruiters coordinate to ensure a continuous barrage of phone calls and emails?
4) In your current profession aren't you trolling for applicants?
5) How the Hell did Sirhr jump from recruiter/headhunter to a cross-eyed naked aborigine with a plastic banana penis in a helicopter?



Fitz.

 

[Dougie308]

Doug,

Since your moving on.

I'm one of those undervalued/unappreciated engineering types (not cool engineering like space based surveillance systems).

I have five questions for you:

1) How does every recruiter seem to have my work, cell phone and personal email?
Easy Peazy. All of that info is on the web. If you have ever been to a conference of any kind you filled out something with that info on it. They sold it to a company that then sells it to whoever wants it.
2) How do recruiters know to call at the most in opportune times?
Market research. I.e. your company publishes something about layoffs or budget cuts. Another way is simply by referrals or piecing together the info by talking to literally hundreds of people a week.
3) Do recruiters coordinate to ensure a continuous barrage of phone calls and emails?
Ensured by the fact that there are a shitload of recruiters all fishing in the same pond and while being hammered daily to make more calls than they did the day before.
4) In your current profession aren't you trolling for applicants?
My methodolgy is a bit more like sniping. I.e. a few very specific calls peddling a real opportunity and actually telling people the truth. However, the general industry trend is to have some poorly trained kid make a bunch of calls with canned half-assed presentation and hope potential candidates don't ask questions that require a hard answer.
5) How the Hell did Sirhr jump from recruiter/headhunter to a cross-eyed naked aborigine with a plastic banana penis in a helicopter?
While I do not know Sirhr, I would guess that he ain't right.



Fitz.

 

[Alphatreedog]

That's not a plastic banana penis it's a dick cozy . Shit gets colder as you go up in altitude .

 

[Threadcutter308]

Cmon R, for a helicopter, it would be stick, collective, and anti-torque pedals

DeHavilland Twin Otter........wings, no rotor.......Throttles directly above Jacky Chan's head.

 

[Dirty D]

If he wanted advice on how to be a loveable, but simple minded, troll, don't you think he would have asked for you by name?

Rude!

 

[Rthur]

DeHavilland Twin Otter........wings, no rotor.......Throttles directly above Jacky Chan's head.

Vindication lol


R

 

[Threadcutter308]

Nah.....just wanted to make sure folks knew what they's lookin at........

always made me uncomfortable with two guys holding hands on the throttle on take off, but knowing why helps....

 

[Threadcutter308]

You know, in thinking about this, I think you guys have forgotten all about the dick koozie........

you haven't lost track of it, have you ?

 

[Cartman]

You know, in thinking about this, I think you guys have forgotten all about the dick koozzie........

you havent lost track of it, have you ?

No way. It's in the kitchen making me dinner right now.

Edit: I now realize you're talking about the future American immigrant, lifelong welfare recipient, and asset to America's greatest strength featured on the previous page. My bad.

 

[Threadcutter308]

Hah!

pics, or it didn't happen.....