Straight from Babylon Bee but pretty neat and might not even be considered satire. I love #1 & #5
- You guys have enough guns to blow up the world four times over!: Heck yes we do.
- You don't speak any language but English: Because we're winners. Appreciate the reminder.
- You call football "soccer" and you're terrible at it: Yeah, we're not all gay. Thanks for noticing!
- Nobody uses public transit: Absolutely. Isn't freedom amazing?
- You still believe in God: Thanks, pretty cool having the light of Reason.
- You have military bases in every country: Aw, you're welcome little bro.
- Your portion sizes are ridiculous: We know, isn't this 72-ounce steak beautiful? Brings tears to your eyes.
- You don't have universal healthcare: Yup, it's pretty cool getting to see a doctor instead of waiting until you're dead.