I just need to vent a little , I have a niece that's marrying a butch woman , got the invitation back in the summer , the weddings next week , I never responded to the rsvp , mostly because I don't condone same sex marriage, so my brother calls (he's the grandfather) and asked if I'm going ,I let him know my stance on the matter and I won't be attending , I'm a Christian and I know I shouldn't judge others lest I be judged , but I'm not going to celebrate something I consider a sin , and yes I'm a sinner too , but the difference is I'm ashamed of my sins I don't celebrate them , still can't believe we have a pride month, my mom who's 86 said she's not attending either so at least I won't be the only family member not going , I'm I being a prude for not caving in to this shit , it will probably ruin my relationship with her father who I am sorta a second father to , but I guess that's the price I have to pay for standing up for my beliefs, what say the hide .
Hey
@ironman56 ,
I'm a bit late to the 'party' but looks like you've already received the gamut of anticipated Pit responses.
For what little it's worth- I think I understand the inner struggle you were communicating. Lord knows it gets harder and harder to try to adhere to their Christian faiths & values while trying to navigate through today's world.
As for a little about me (reckon that'll at least give you a frame of reference where I'm coming from at least) I was raised Catholic for the first 20 years or so of my life (that alone might be enough for you to dismiss things and I'm ok with that honestly). But I'm talking the whole 'shebang', went to Catholic School, was an Alter Server, the works.
One thing different (at least in my eyes/experience) is while I was taught Roman Catholicism all those years, I was raised "Irish" Catholic. I don't intend for that to come across as a snarky response either- there were a few nuances to Irish Catholicism that was very DEEPLY entrenched in my family that is not likely understood/acknowledge outside of those who grew up that way. The priest I grew up with (who for a good Irish Catholic Family ) was frequently at our house for dinner was also an Irish WWII pastor. As an aside- regardless of what I think about religion (after all this is not the place to argue one way or another on that topic), he was a very good man and the only point I wanted to share about him dealt with the small differences between stout Roman Catholicism and Irish Catholicism and to say as small as those difference were, he was often at odds with the Bishop of the Diocese here. That doesn't necessarily go over well in the 'rank & file' Roman Catholics but I digress.
Religious beliefs are just what they are, I won't argue that you were either right nor wrong, but rather just wanted to support you for standing by your faith and to give you an otherwise 'non-bear pitt' type response in saying I support you sticking with your guns.
The only counterpoint (and it's just that/not an argument but a different way of looking at things)- I'm sure you can surmise how I was taught the first 20 years or so of my life about same-sex marriage and without knowing the specifics, I'd still say I have to defer to the DSM-IV likely being more accurate on these type of matters but that's now where society is moving towards (again to the point of it being hard to hold longstanding/established beliefs these days).
Were the shoes reversed- I honestly would offer that I'd at least would have RSVP'd (maybe you were oscillating on what to do so by no means meant as a personal strike against you) just to save yourself the inevitable call that you mentioned on what you're planning on doing for the ceremony. I just think it would have made it easier on you is all, RSVP that you aren't able to make it and then you don't have to provide any further commentary on the matter is all. So not a judgement on whatever you believe from me- just pointing out that would have been the proverbial 'easy button' is all.
With
ALL of that said, and sins aside- as much as I dislike (and I
really don't care for attending weddings anymore), if you wanted to go and the only thing holding you back was it been two women getting married... idk- I think I would have attended (assuming that was the only roadblock).
I'd likely 'hem & haw' over it but at the end of the day, I'd want to take advantage of spending time with my family and would have personally attended. But then again, I likely don't have as 'hardline' of a belief either (and that's ok either way). You might not see it the same way- but just as an analogy- have you ever had a friend that maybe wasn't savvy with their finances and seemed to be regularly struggling paying there bills only to later find out they bought a new car? (True story from my end, I just had this conversation two days ago myself).
Anyway- sorry for rambling. Fully support you doing what you feel is right per your personal beliefs but since you asked, just wanted to say you likely could have approached it with perhaps a slight bit more tact.
As I said I was raised by a family of very devote Irish Catholics, and eventually married a woman who was also raised Roman/German Catholic but we did not do so personally inside of the Church which by their teachings made our union "sinful" so that likely shapes my response here- we were both prepared to be shunned by either one of our families for pursuing a wedding using civil rather than religious means but much to our surprise our hardline catholic families likely chose a similar route to be there for when we made it "official". Trust me- that was a very difficult conversation to have not once but twice that either they support us approaching our marriage through civil means and they could be there in person or we'd elope in Vegas without them. Fast forward to the last 2 weeks- my wife's parents have had Christmas Eve/Christmas Day/New Years dinner here and my sister-in-law has crashed here 3x this week alone.
All that to say- the parents might not have agreed with how we did things but by them looking at it things differently as just supporting us we still have a very healthy relationship just as one human to the next that likely wouldn't have existed nearly as much as it does today if they drew a line in the sand and said that's not the catholic way and you'll be shunned if you don't change your mind.
-LD
