Are you my fucking pussy neighbor, or someone else's?

[BoilerUP]

It’s ironic how the vast majority of the posts here involve a Hide member doing something wrong or being inconsiderate to a neighbor and then getting pissed off because said neighbor does not “man up” and confront them directly, but rather involves the authorities.

Part of being "neighborly" involves talking to your neighbors like grown-ass adults if you have an issue or concern, and giving them an opportunity to correct the issue (that they may or may not know exists) prior to dropping a dime and having Barney Fife or some other .gov agency out.

----

Few years back wife and I are in bed in mid-October; we have a newborn in the house. She wakes me up around 1145p and says "Did you hear that?" No, what are you talking about? "Somebody is on the back deck!" Oh bullshit, I'll go look....drag myself groggily out of bed, flip on the deck light, open the curtain...and see some drunk college kid decked out like a zombie trying to get into my back door. I punch the glass and startle him and ask him what the FUCK he's doing, and he starts saying ____________ (name of one of the college kids that had moved nearby a few months prior) should let him in. Informed him he was at the wrong house, he turned and walked away, I went and grabbed my G19 and a Streamlight, then proceeded to clear the back, side, and front yards.

Oh, the college kids next door were having a Halloween party.

I went and pounded on the door where a couple slutty nurses answered. There I was, barefoot with no shirt showing my Dad Bod in full glory in 40F temps, saying "I need to talk to whoever is responsible for this house RIGHT NOW." An older college kid who was a local EMT came to the door and apologized up and down, explained to me what had happened and that they had somebody sober take the offender home, and I told him I had a newborn and if I'd have actually believed my wife and thought somebody was trying to get in my back door I'd have had the gun in my hand when I left the bedroom and its likely that kid would be bleeding out. He apologized again and I left him to have a good time with his party.

Could I have called the cops? Sure, and I'd have been within my rights. But ya know what - they were PERFECT neighbors the rest of the time they lived there, *way* better than the fucksticks that called the cops on my unleashed dog that was literally locked inside my house. Mission accomplished without pulling a dick move and getting any kids busted doing shit I did when I was in college.

 

[FS1]

Well I have limited space so I can take your women folk if you like?

 

[diverdon]

I once went for a run and came back to an officer sitting in his cruiser outside my house. Waved at him and he rolled down the window, and I asked "Can I help you, Sir?"

"Do you live here?"

"Yes Sir."

"I got a call about an unleashed dog at this house pooping on people's lawns."

I look at the officer and say "Well Sir I do have a dog, but he hasn't been outside for at least the last <looks at GPS watch> 35 minutes and 27 seconds."

"Yeah, when I walked up to the door I saw him through the window wagging his tail at me."

----------

Turns out a chickenshit neighbor on one side thought my dog was 'killing her rabbits', as we've got about four hundred thousand wild bunnies in our neighborhood in the spring, and had pooped once about 4" over the property line in her front yard when I was out of town and my wife had let the dog out front to use the bathroom one evening.

I went over to the neighbor's house, knocked on her door, and said "I understand Jake may have pooped in your yard, I'm sorry for that happening as we don't allow him to do that, and if you ever think poop in your yard might be his come tell me and I'll happily clean it up because I want to be a good neighbor."

Her response? "The police aren't supposed to tell you I called!"

"Uh, they didn't...wasn't too hard to figure out."

Why do I visualize you answering her "The police aren't supposed to tell you I called!" With "the chief is my brother-in-law and they consult me on Homicide cases."

 

[BoilerUP]

Why do I visualize you answering her "The police aren't supposed to tell you I called!" With "the chief is my brother-in-law and they consult me on Homicide cases."

She was once arrested for attacking her husband...with White-Out. Then while she was at the police station being processed, she somehow got push tacks in her mouth and wouldn't spit them out...so officers tased her.

My mother-in-law was watching my newborn son that day and had a news crew knock on the door asking for a statement, which is how my wife and I found out about such stupidity.

She later told another neighbor I had 'guns and ammunition' that I wasn't legally allowed to own; I had to consult a lawyer and file a police report on that as such an accusation could cost me a multi-million dollar career.

Medication seems to have mellowed her out a bit these last few years...

This is the same family I once ran 100' of extension cord to after a blown transformer caused an extended power outage so they could run their refrigerator off my big generator...and they couldn't be bothered to plug the fucker in. That's cool though, wife and I had every light in the house on and were watching football and drinking wine with the windows open while the rest of the neighborhood was dark.

 

[W54/XM-388]

She is a no-shit-taking character from one of my favorite movies KUNG-FU HUSTLE.....

That was a pretty good movie, lots of great fun.

 

[Diver160651]

It’s ironic how the vast majority of the posts here involve a Hide member doing something wrong or being inconsiderate to a neighbor and then getting pissed off because said neighbor does not “man up” and confront them directly, but rather involves the authorities.

So a kid is crying "every" night with the window open. You'd be just fine with cops showing up or the guy who called them, rather than your neighbor or you at some point, asking if maybe you can close a window? Lets bring an armed officer over.. that's always a safe situation in the dark.

Raccoon eats your chicken and the dogs that normally don't bark is an offense to have an armed officer come to your home?

Having a backyard Brisket is doing something wrong? The pussy call the fire department because they had plans to have a party in their new home and don't want to smell anything..


Wait, wait are you the facebook programmer that just moved in the house behind me?

 

[W54/XM-388]

Well I have limited space so I can take your women folk if you like?

Have you ever tried to have multiple women under one roof?
Have you watched enough "shows" where people act out to know that a woman will get you killed faster than anything unless they are one of the few that really has their head on straight and understands stuff.
You might find that you are much happier and better off if you take in all the men and let the women go do their own thing.

Just something to think about for planning your survival in hard times. The women are who will get you killed and the more of them you have together, the more the chance you are going to wind up dead, killing them all, or striking out on your own with just what you can carry.

 

[Unknown]

Good on you but FUCK HOAs. I will never, ever live in a place that has them. Once was enough.

I know that many people hate HOA's, and usually for very good reasons. I seem to have stumbled into a good one. After my last house without an HOA, I love having an HOA. Neighbor #1 would start up his peter built truck around 3am and leave it running for hours. Neighbor #2 put zombie mannequins up around halloween, and left them up for years, adding new ones on top of his house, and on his porch until he had about 6 zombies in permanent t residence around his house and front yard. Neighbor #3 built, and often test fired black powder cannons when he got drunk. Neighbor #4 had a dirt track car, and thought it would be a good idea to race it up and down the street to test it out...every freaking week.

My current HOA eliminates all this nonsense. These shit neighbors mentioned above moved in AFTER I bought the house, so I sold the house and moved into my current place. I'm sure glad I have a decent HOA that isn't petty.

I forgot to mention neighbor #5 who built a pirate ship crow's nest behind his house with an old telephone pole after the Pirates of the Caribbean movie series came out. He wanted something for his grandkids to play on, and left it up. I have to admit he did a really neat job building it with cross beams, a basket crow's nest, rope ladders to climb, and it looked like it would be really cool, but it belonged in a playground, not a residential neighborhood. It was high enough that kids could easily fall and break their necks, but they were his grandkids....not mine.

 

[QuickNDirty]

I know that many people hate HOA's, and usually for very good reasons. I seem to have stumbled into a good one. After my last house without an HOA, I love having an HOA. Neighbor #1 would start up his peter built truck around 3am and leave it running for hours. Neighbor #2 put zombie mannequins up around halloween, and left them up for years, adding new ones on top of his house, and on his porch until he had about 6 zombies in permanent t residence around his house and front yard. Neighbor #3 built, and often test fired black powder cannons when he got drunk. Neighbor #4 had a dirt track car, and thought it would be a good idea to race it up and down the street to test it out...every freaking week.

My current HOA eliminates all this nonsense. These shit neighbors mentioned above moved in AFTER I bought the house, so I sold the house and moved into my current place. I'm sure glad I have a decent HOA that isn't petty.

I forgot to mention neighbor #5 who built a pirate ship crow's nest behind his house with an old telephone pole after the Pirates of the Caribbean movie series came out. He wanted something for his grandkids to play on, and left it up. I have to admit he did a really neat job building it with cross beams, a basket crow's nest, rope ladders to climb, and it looked like it would be really cool, but it belonged in a playground, not a residential neighborhood. It was high enough that kids could easily fall and break their necks, but they were his grandkids....not mine.

All those things you say you don't like are precisely why I like not living in an HOA.

When I was a kid we climbed all the way to the tops of trees like this on a daily basis. No broken necks.

 

[Unknown]

Work is a different story. Today I was told my neighboring manager is tired of me telling her she is full of shit at work. So now, as penance, I'm on my way to a two day all expenses paid vacation in Albuquerque to attend an Alternative Resolution Development symposium all by myself in the role of mediator. As for her? She has to attend one mandatory therapy session with a local shrink to determine if she wants more sessions on a voluntary basis. True story. I can't make this shit up. Nobody likes a tattle-tale.

I used to have fun with the mandatory "training" sessions my agency sent us to. There was a group of 3 of us that would tell the presenter we didn't believe the underlying presumptions they were functioning under. Another thing we would do was to ask the presenter to tell us the most common arguments used against their presumptions, and what their responses to this negativity were, because we wanted to evaluate all sides of the issue.

If they refused to discuss alternatives to their presumptions, it indicated that they really weren't sure of the underpinnings of their logic, it was fun to watch them realize we thought they were full of crap. Many presenters want to either talk people into submission, or use peer pressure to get people to stop asking thorny questions. When these don't work, about all they have left is reporting that we didn't buy into their program.

 

[Unknown]

All those things you say you don't like are precisely why I like not living in an HOA.

When I was a kid we climbed all the way to the tops of trees like this on a daily basis. No broken necks.

The freedom of choice really is a great thing. I don't mind if people live in, or out of an HOA, what bugs me is when people live in either in or out of one, and rather than fixing the problem, they continue to gripe about where they live.

 

[FS1]

Have you ever tried to have multiple women under one roof?
Have you watched enough "shows" where people act out to know that a woman will get you killed faster than anything unless they are one of the few that really has their head on straight and understands stuff.
You might find that you are much happier and better off if you take in all the men and let the women go do their own thing.

Just something to think about for planning your survival in hard times. The women are who will get you killed and the more of them you have together, the more the chance you are going to wind up dead, killing them all, or striking out on your own with just what you can carry.

Life without Women is Death. JMHO

 

[Headquarterz]

Personally, I'd like to read some more neighborly stories. Just sayin

 

[QuickNDirty]

Personally, I'd like to read some more neighborly stories. Just sayin

A couple years ago I got something stuck in my radiator which got it to leaking like a son of a bitch.

Bought a new one, and started working on it, ambient temps in the upper 90s, also raining like hell, also late as shit.

Neighbor walked over, asked if I wanted help. I said, "Sure.", cuz I've helped him work on his Shelby a few times.

So, there we were, wrenching on a '93 XJ at 10PM or so, getting rained on.. Goddamn retained screw done stripped its thread and you can't get that bitch out for nothing... I brought out the DeWalt reciprocating saw and cut the offending screw right off, in the direction of my neighbor's hand but in such a controlled manner he didn't even flinch.

He looked over at his kid and said, "This guy is like me!"

I offered him some whiskey even though I know he don't drink.

Fuck rust. That's the moral of that story.

 

[Dirty D]

Personally, I'd like to read some more neighborly stories. Just sayin

My neighbor straight across the street from me and I were fond of telling everyone else on the street not to worry because we had most of the street covered in overlapping fields of fire. No one else talks to us very much... ?

 

[hic28]

Personally, I'd like to read some more neighborly stories. Just sayin

My pops was a motorcycle officer for 30+ years, his partner lived in the countryside where it’s legal to shoot any animal attacking your livestock (he had chickens and goats)

His neighbor had a dog that would constantly dig under the fence and get into the chicken coop and kill chickens. So he reinforced the coop and the fence. The neighbors dog would keep finding some way into his yard.

Each time a chicken was killed he would go knock on the neighbors door and let them know their dog killed a chicken (all this was on video). He told them they need to keep their dog out of his yard or he would be forced to deal with it. They slammed the door in his face.

Few days later the dog is in his back yard again and it caught a 124gr .357 squared in the face. The casing was taped to the front door of the neighbors house and 2 weeks later their house was on the market for sale.

 

[QuickNDirty]

My pops was a motorcycle officer for 30+ years, his partner lived in the countryside where it’s legal to shoot any animal attacking your livestock (he had chickens and goats)

His neighbor had a dog that would constantly dig under the fence and get into the chicken coop and kill chickens. So he reinforced the coop and the fence. The neighbors dog would keep finding some way into his yard.

Each time a chicken was killed he would go knock on the neighbors door and let them know their dog killed a chicken (all this was on video). He told them they need to keep their dog out of his yard or he would be forced to deal with it. They slammed the door in his face.

Few days later the dog is in his back yard again and it caught a 124gr .357 squared in the face. The casing was taped to the front door of the neighbors house and 2 weeks later their house was on the market for sale.

That's not very neighborly on the cocksucker's part....

 

[seansmd]

This thread made me feel a lot better. I was so pissed, it was a good thing I had time to cool off.

I was pissed, not because this was the first time, but because the other two times officials were called, involved smoking a brisket and the (i think same person) called the fire department because they wanted to have people over to their new house and didn't like smelling the of the BBQ. What they told the fire department, was I was illegally burning trash and possibly toxic chemicals. Then the building department was called when I build a shed 100% legally, to code. Both the other times, the officials said they were obligated to investigate and actually apologized.

Any fool who would call the cops on a brisket.....

 

[PDXGS]

I had a neighbor who tried to form an HOA for our street.
I broke it to him that I moved there because there was no HOA....and that nobody, NOBODY, wears black socks with shorts and Birkenstocks!
Got the blank stare....it was so satisfying.

 

[Dirty D]

Neighbors?

View attachment 6942658

Tucker used to live in town, all of his former neighbors (and probably 1J too) chipped in to get him a place a little further away. Money well spent (except for 1J who didn’t know that teh interwebz still works out in the sticks).

 

[Whit]

I must have been lucky so far. Growing up may parents had a neighbor move in. The neighbor was an older gentlemen. We were like 13 or so. Me and some friends had a bon fire and was out joking around. We were doing stuff that may or may not have been causing really big booms and having a big fire. He came out the back door and we were like fuck. He came over started laughing and asked if we needed anything. We said no and he started to walk back to where he built a shed went in and came back out and brought us pops. Then told us to have fun and went back in. My next neighbors was when I lived in Marine Barracks for several years. Those that been there knows what that's like. Neighbors after that lived about 100yds away. He use to ride his 3wheeler over and drink a lot of beer with me. He was an insomniac who would watch our house when we was gone. One time during a tornado a few shingle blew up. I was on the roof with my Gortex on putting them back down. He just shook his head and told me I was fucking crazy. I have a lot stories with him. One night we ran out of wood. I went over and cut down my wife's clothes line poles and used them. They were made out of 4 by 4's. That was nothing. He ran out of wood one night and threw there couches on. He said his wife wanted new ones anyways. Now we live in a different house and the closest neighbor is 200yds away. He is a farmer. I talk to him every once in a while. He comes over when he want me to weld stuff for him. I will never live in town ever again.

 

[Forgetful Coyote]

Neighbors?

View attachment 6942658

Nice. I aint got no fancy drone pic but..

 

[Threadcutter308]

Nice. I aint got no fancy drone pic but..

Damn nice........AND.....you have Ze Cherman mechanics on "Kurzwahl", right ?

 

[Forgetful Coyote]

Thanks. Somewhat funny story honestly... my great grandpap for some reason had the strange intuition to cash in his Exxon Mobil stock in 1929 right before the crash and bought the 2500 acres + built the house you see there + some tobacco land down the road. Whatever he saw or felt that made em do that, damn lucky I'd say LOL. He was the forestry professor at UGA for a long while, wrote their forestry curriculum actually. 2500 acres of VERY neatly planted pines for a long ways in every direction around the house. 14 acre lake right out back. However I CAN take credit for the porch; pap my bro and me built the porch as you see it. LOL obviously dad led the way but I put a ton a elbow grease in that SOB.

Only one of those cars is my dads, the Porsche and the other Benz is customer's cars. Paps a mechanic, mainly focusing on diesels and German cars...

 

[bikeracer]

None of my neighbors talk to me or my wife or make eye contact because we both hold security clearances and they're periodically being interviewed by a USG investigator. Awesome.