Maggie’s best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

#101
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

I had one tell me the sniper in his platoon would switch scopes while shooting between 800 and 1000 yards and the spotter would cover him during the process...I was speechless....

seriously... c'mon
 
#102
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

I was at Dicks getting some needed workout clothes when at the register a 20-ish looking guy was ringing me up. He looks at me and asks "are those tru-spec pants"? My reply was no they are Carhartts. That made me start thinking maybe he's ex-military or something, so I asked. He looked around and says "PARA, you know...off the books stuff". I immediately resist the urge to die laughing and let him continue. "I trained with 101st, local SWAT, and had a Ranger contract but didn't sign". Thank god you didn't sign. I almost asked if his checkout spot at Dicks was part of something bigger haha
 
#103
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

There have been quite a few over the years but here's a favorite. At a local hospital where my wife worked there was a contractor replacing seat covers on waiting room chairs. Somehow ended up talking to one of the guys. He saw my USMC pin and proceeded to tell me he was "a jarhead too".
"Yea man, I was a Marine... Forced (yes he said Forced) Recon"
I see.
"Yea, fought in the first gulf war"
OK
"My team was the first to go into Iran. We were there for a week hiding before the war started"
Man! For real?
"I even had sex with a female Gunny in a tank on the frontlines"
Damn dude, you've seen it all
"Yea I was only in for a year before they let me get out because of how well my outfit did over there"
Man, I've been to a World's Fair and two Goat-Fuckings and I've never seen some shit like that.
"Yea man it was cool because we were bad ass in forced recon. People I went to school with are scared of me because I killed people"
No shit. You said you were Recon, right?
"Yep"
1st, 2nd, 3rd, what?
"I was in Jacksonville North Carolina"
So... 2nd.
"Yea man"
So if you were at 2nd Recon Bn you can tell me what's painted above the dive locker at 2nd Recon.
"That must be new. We didn't have lockers"
Really... because if you were with 2nd Recon, you would think you know a little more about details like that.
"You know how it is man. Can't talk about that secret stuff"
Thanks for wasting my time, you fucking idiot. Next time try to sell that shit to some dumbass civilian.
 
#106
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

This isn't really a bs story, but it is funny. A friend and I recently went to a very popular indoor range and gun store in Summerville, SC. My buddy wanted to rent and fire an MP5 (his first full auto experience). The 20 something year old behind the rental counter was decked out in all black 5.11, had a compact 1911 on his right hip and 4 count 'em 4 mags on his left. Tell-tale bulge on his ankle. The guy tried to get my buddy to rent a sten instead of the MP5 because it's "a far better machine gun". Here's the funny part... when the mall ninja tool bag turned around to get our ammo off the shelf, I noticed his 3 matching throwing knives protruding from his rear pocket. I guess he's got all the bases covered.
 
#107
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

I've got too many good ones to mention but since my work hires a lot of temporary help we have a revolving door of what I like to call "gun hardasses" Funny part is most of them can't legally purchase a gun.
 
#109
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

LandPirate,

I have an acquaintance who professes to have served in the Air Force during the Viet Nam war who was a line mechanic, Air Force Recondo, LRRP and all sorts of crap like that but he was on TDY. Strangely enough, his DD214 doesn't show a Viet Nam Service Medal because he wasn't there long enough and he was on TDY.
 
#110
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: airborneranger</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I would help a friend in his gunshop a few days a week, so im behind the counter and this guy comes in with a rifle, says that something is wrong with his scope and wants us to look at it, So I look at it and ask him who mounted the scope on the rifle, he says he did, and before i could say anything else he goes into how he was a Marine Sniper in vietnam, with like 60 confirmed kills and how he knows his way around a rifle, and all the good bs, so I just sit there listening to him spew his crap and when he is done i look at him and tell him its on backward's he looks at me picks up his rifle without saying a word and walks out the door never to return </div></div>

Best ever.....
grin.gif
 
#112
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

Had a wpns plt ssgt tell me he held off an attack by firing a Mk19 from the hip in a previous OIF tour. Funny thing is the people with him on that deployment didn't remember that story. Also had a Bn Gunner tell our truck to change out our Mk19 barrel one time.
 
#113
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

I work with a guy that tops anything that you have done.
A co-worker told him of a tree he has,(made up a name for the tree) and the guy has one.
Co-worker told him that the fruit were yellowish purple and only the size of golf balls. The guy tells the co-worker that his fruit grow to the size of oranges.
 
#114
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

Yea, i know my wife is trying to pull a fast one when she says i have a big johnson & i'm the world's greatest lover. I just ask her what the hell shes spent $$ on this time. ... Lord help us all.
 
#115
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

I by no means know every cal. ever made nor am I an expert. So I pose this question for you-n's! I work with a guy that was special forces ranger and I even think him and chuck Norris were members of Delta Force together. He is a big guy at 6'5" and weighs in at an even 500 so he maintains his work out regiment so I don't call him out but.... Has anybody heard of a .480 sniper rifle sometimes it is .380. No BS though he really is that big.
 
#118
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

I had a range day today, at our pseudo local shooting range (which I haven't been to in some time, I wonder why?) and there was an old boy who was shooting a .22. When I took my rifle out of the case, I guess it was the green flag for him to empty his infinite knowledge of military sniper rifles.
Apparently, he found my rifle so intriguing, that he had to one up my by telling me about his enfield he was turning into a period sniper rifle. He kept telling me how good it shot, what he's done to it.
He says that he kept the original stock ... well, original, but he floated and glass bedded the barrel and action, and even kept the barrel band. Then he said he wanted to mount a 'tactical Leupold' scope. I asked him about his immediate plan changes, and apparently wants to keep it a period 'sniper' with modern glass, than asked me what kind of scopes they used for the enfields back then.
He then goes on some rant that the .303 was bigger than the .308 (wtf is this guy smokin?) and that he could shoot circles around me. I went and retrieved my target (7 shot 1" group) and told him to bring it.
Satisfied with my rifle, I brought out my dad's classic Rem 700 bdl (walnut stock, amazing bluing beautiful rifle) to make sure it's still good and sighted in. After a few rounds let loose, he asks what caliber. Since he couldn't open his eyes I told him it was 7mm mag. I then was told that in the 70's the USMC used a Winchester rifle in 7mm mag for their sniper rifle, since it was an upgrade from the 1908 Springfield.
I finally looked at the guy and told him if he wanted to keep talking out of his ass, find someone that would actually pay attention to him because I was trying to shoot.

It was then that I decided that if I opened a shooting range, part of the membership process will involve an iq test.
 
#119
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

1) Did you guys know that the .22 LR was the prefered weapon of choice for Vietnam Snipers ------ Marine Corp Sniper attached to the 3RD Ranger Brigade, I met him at Academy Sports it was awesome.

2) 3RD Ranger Bat is at FT. Lost in the woods MO.---- A ranger I met at Lowes.

3) The longest shot in OIF was 1800 meters from a Black Hawk in high wind.---- The SEAL sniper who pulled the shot, he works at the Apple store now.....
 
#120
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

Gun store owner telling how his friend who is a crack shot (what kind of crack is anybodies guess). They were out deer hunting and he had his supper duper $100 scope that rangers every thing and shot a doe in the eye at 900 yards, and it walked a few steps before it fell down and died immediately. Oh wait did I tell you it was with his 22-250 with 55 grain bullets.
 
#122
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

This older guy I knew in gunsmithing school was a regular source of amusing anecdotes...

This guy thought the .45 ACP was crap because "it wouldn't pierce the Russian's winter coats in WWII".

Concerning the Vietnam war:
Apparently the Rockefeller's owned a big oil refinery in North Korea and it was off limits to U.S. bombers. Well, a U.S. General decided he wouldn't stand for this, went rogue, secretly gathered a few bombers and the necessary ordnance in Cambodia, and told Nixon he was going to bomb the Rockefeller's oil refinery. Nixon was scared of the Rockefeller's so he decided to just end the war and send everybody home.

This same guy would also always use the speaker-phone function on his cell phone to avoid getting brain cancer.

Same guy would eat donuts and coffee 10 minutes before a school test because "studies show that sugar and caffeine enhance memory and brain function".

Same guy tried to prevent a small cell phone repeater being mounted on the roof of our 4 story school building because of cancer causing radio waves.

Same guy wanted to buy a truckload of corn as his main SHTF food supply.

Another guy behind the counter at Dick's Sporting Goods: "You don't need sights on a handgun because in a fight you won't look at them anyway"

Couple guys I worked with for a few weeks, both prior military with desk job MOS's: Talking about guns they would refer to the "NATO" round (meaning 7.62). Apparently the "NATO" round will blow limbs off, and hunting praire dogs with a .50BMG you can't even tell if you hit them because even if you miss by 3ft the shockwave will make them explode.

A douche of a squad leader in the Army swore his stock Chevy Silverado would make it over the Rubicon trail without breaking anything, and that when it hits 250,000 miles he's going to send in a picture of the truck to Chevy and they'll give him a new truck.

Unfortunately this is barely scraping the surface of idiotic comments I've heard...
 
#123
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

C'mon... there's got to me more of these in 2012? This is my favorite thread and don't want to see it die. I wish I had some of these stories myself but not yet... I'm sure it's a matter of time.
 
#124
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

While at Cabelas, around last christmas, I met a man who had a buddy that could hit a beer can at 1 mile with a 308 everytime. I thought I miss heard him so I had him repeat the story. He continued to talk about the money this guy had won with this bet at a mile. I laughed and walked away.
 
#125
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

I was chatting with a guy while playing on Poker Stars a couple of nights ago. He said he had a carbine that "Would knock a man down at 800 yards, every shot. No shit!" He went on to say he had over $8K in the carbine but when I asked him who built it and what caliber it was, he checked out.
 
#126
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

I was out shooting my new mosin last weekend and some guy came over and started talking to me. He told me a story of how one of his friends got a new .308 for Christmas, then went to the gun store and bought a spam can of 7.62x54r because he thought it was the same round as a .308, just with more kick. Said his friend almost went to take the gun back after he couldn't chamber the rounds. The sad thing is it wasn't even the first time the guy did that shit. Supposedly he also bought a box of .22mag when he bought his 10/22 a couple years before. I can't believe they let that dumbass own a gun at all.
 
#128
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

Today the topic of weapons came up. A co-worker went on to informed me that a company called “Glock” invented the first porcelain “gun”. This “gun” is undetectable by metal detectors or x-ray machines at the airport. These porcelain “guns” are the most smuggled and highly prized possessions of terrorists. I told him the “gun” sounds pretty much invisible…he thought for a minute and said, “yes, it is more or less an invisible gun”.
SHIT I need one of these invisible “gun”.
 
#129
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: daybreak1199</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Today the topic of weapons came up. A co-worker went on to informed me that a company called “Glock” invented the first porcelain “gun”. This “gun” is undetectable by metal detectors or x-ray machines at the airport. These porcelain “guns” are the most smuggled and highly prized possessions of terrorists. I told him the “gun” sounds pretty much invisible…he thought for a minute and said, “yes, it is more or less an invisible gun”.
SHIT I need one of these invisible “gun”.
</div></div>
A lot of misinformation like this spread in the mid 80s, only made worse by movies like Die Hard that helped propagate the myths.
 
#130
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jhnmdahl</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: daybreak1199</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Today the topic of weapons came up. A co-worker went on to informed me that a company called “Glock” invented the first porcelain “gun”. This “gun” is undetectable by metal detectors or x-ray machines at the airport. These porcelain “guns” are the most smuggled and highly prized possessions of terrorists. I told him the “gun” sounds pretty much invisible…he thought for a minute and said, “yes, it is more or less an invisible gun”.
SHIT I need one of these invisible “gun”.
</div></div>
A lot of misinformation like this spread in the mid 80s, only made worse by movies like Die Hard that helped propagate the myths. </div></div>


My shop professor, who has parts on the ISS and helped maintain Patriot Missiles during the first gulf war (Don't remember exactly, it's been a while...he knew his shit), told me about a plastic that's out now that you could make a firearm with. Don't know how long it would last, but apparently it could be done. They also made a functioning ICE with it that ran for a while.
 
#131
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

I was told by a blocklayer at work last week of his buddies programmer only 12 valve Cummins (figure that one out) putting down 1100 hundred horse.

The best part was when he paused mid-sentence to come up with a number.
 
#132
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

I went to fire one of my associates once for excessive tardiness and he explained to me that he was late cause he was forced to have sex before he came to work. The sad part was that he was having sex with his mother.
 
#133
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

Im known as a 1911 fan at my workplace.

A guy walks up and says he 2 guns for his birthday. I ask what he got (half interested, as he normally purchases High Points and the like) and he says one of them was a 1911. Well I was immediately interested, and asked him what brand he got. He just stares at me with this puzzled look on his face . . .

So I think maybe I wasn't clear. "Was it a Springfield? A S&W? A Ruger?" Oh Yea its a Ruger!! So I start talking about what I like in the SR1911, still just a confused look on his face.

He quickly changes the subject to his other new gun, the .22 pistol. Oh, well what kind is that one? More confused looks. At this point I leave the conversation and walk away.

How can you have a new gun and not know a single thing about it? haha
 
#134
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

A guy called me to say that he just bought a brand new 22lr from Wal-mart and I needed to adjust the firing pin for him because it wasn`t hitting it in the center of the cartridge.

Another guy called and said he bought a lever action rifle chambered in 44mag but since he couldn`t afford the 44 mag shells and Dick`s had a sale on 38 specials that he could afford, could he shoot those instead.

One fellow said his 30-30 wasn`t very accurate, would (gunsmith) take a look at it for him. He brought the gun and ammo that he was firing, he was shooting 35 rem in it. He said every lever action made 30-30. Read that in Magazine
 
#135
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Lefty Diesel Nut</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
It was then that I decided that if I opened a shooting range, part of the membership process will involve an iq test. </div></div>

Amen to that...
 
#136
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: LeviBerg</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I was told by a blocklayer at work last week of his buddies programmer only 12 valve Cummins (figure that one out) putting down 1100 hundred horse.

The best part was when he paused mid-sentence to come up with a number.

</div></div>

Hey, it's possible! My buddy has a 12'er that made 900 on a chip by itself ... I think it was called 'Doritos.'
 
#137
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

This thread is wonderful! I guess that I am glad that I am not around people this dumb that also own guns, but I am around some really stupid people.

My wife's uncle is the biggest blow hard I know and I only enjoy being around him so that I can call him out on his BS. A couple of years ago at Thanksgiving Dinner we are all passing plates and he says, "Isn't it cool that the Turkey is the fastest flying bird?". I was sure that I heard him right but before I embarrassed him at dinner I wanted him to repeat himself! So I said, "What was that?". After he repeated himself I asked him where he heard that and he informed me that it was common knowledge. I told him that it wasn't that common because I have seen the occasional turkey "fly", if you can call it that, and they aren't fast. In fact, when they take off they make a lot of noise before they can even get off of the ground. After he argued for a minute to really pin himself in a corner we let google tell us the answer. A turkey has a top end speed around 55 mph. A peregrine falcon on the other hand travels around 125 mph in it's dive during a hunt.

Over Easter I got to hear about how machine guns and suppressors are illegal. After I informed him otherwise and explained the process my father in law, who is literally a genius, tells his brother "I think he knows his stuff".

Indeed. And if I don't then I don't go around claiming things as fact when they are easily verified on the good 'ol interweb!
 
#139
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

I worked with a guy who said he flew b52 bombers for the air force. And once they let him use it to take his wife on there honey moon. But soon after he crashed it and now is 3 inches shorter. Let's just say he was missing all his teeth.
 
#140
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: remaction</div><div class="ubbcode-body">65nut, That sounds like the same guy I ran into here in WI, or his SeaL brother, as this guy said "When I was in the Seals, they custom built my "AR". It would shoot 3 shot bursts that would touch each other at a half-mile. Every time. Went through 7 barrels in training, but they all could shoot that good". I asked where he went to training. He kind of paused and looked at me and my son. I asked, did you go to San Diego or Virginia Beach (hell, what do I know, I'm a civilian). Seeing an opening he said "Oh, I trained in San Diego but they transferred me to Virginia Beach because I had relatives there". I said that that was nice of them, and parted ways... </div></div>

I met a guy like that in western WI, his nickname was shorty. Sounds familiar. If he had 13 hookers in his semi, and shot an elk at 1000yds from ridge to ridge with zero holdover, it may be the same guy! He owns a salvage yard, so he said.
 
#141
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

I went by a small gun shop about 2 weeks ago. The guy that owns it is a former Marine. He is a very angry little man... he has some serious battle stress going on and he often blows his stack with customers because "they just aint that smart".

I over heard him telling a customer that Hornady TAP ammunition for pistols was the best self defense round ever made. The man asked him why is it so special? "That small red polymer disc acts as a drill when it hits it bores a small hole so that the hollow point bullet can pass thru that much easier to cause massive tissue damage and blood loss." Was his reply.

I busted out laughing and said "damn thats a hell of a round! Give me all you have Master Salesman!"

He cussed quietly and went to the back room.
 
#142
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

Guy tells me about all his military training and that that weekend he had to head up to Fort Branch to do some special weapons training. Funny thing is that there is no fort at Fort Branch--its just a town.

This was an obvious case as he resembles a weeble wobble and is about 100 pounds overweight. Just so you know, I don't have anything against fat people, but everything this guy said insulted my intelligence.
 
#143
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

According to a friend, the longest confirmed kill occurred when a soldier engaged a target with an M2 at a distance of 5400 yards.

When i asked him how one could even spot a person from that distance, he got very quiet.
 
#145
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jerseymike</div><div class="ubbcode-body">A guy told me his 1911 is more relaible than my glock. :) </div></div>

I hate Glocks and love my 1911--funny thing, guess what I carry and trust my life to everyday? My Glock and I wouldn't trust anything else when my and my family's protection is concerned. But I still like my 1911 better...
smile.gif
 
#146
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

I met a guy who told me he was a navy seal. He was one of the very few who went on solo missions, and was actually on an undercover mission acting as a chauffeur for one of the PLO bigshots in Jordan. He also met every president since Clinton because he did super secret security work for the Secret Service.

He also started BUDS but did so well, he didn't have to complete training, and they assigned him to a team after a couple of weeks.

He used to be a sniper for the seals, but the funny thing was when I saw him at the rifle deck of a local gun club, he was having difficulty getting his AR15 to operate, and couldn't shoot worth a damn.

I began to question the authenticity of what he said....all of it... The solo work as a seal was my first tip off as there just aren't any solo seal missions. They are called "teams' for a fairly obvious reason.
 
#147
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

I was never in the Military, but alot of my co-workers were. While attending a special training, I was unlucky enough to be teamed up with a.... well, lets say he was short and from Jersey. No, not Snookie, but anyways... So for about a week, this individual is going on and on about all of his hard core battle stories, "S-F friends" "101st pals" "I killed this guy and that guy" and "Combat buddies". He knew his shit, I guess, so we deduced that he actually was enlisted at some point.

After another guy in the stack had enough of the tough guy stories, he hit him up about specifics. Unit, dates, MOS, all that, this guy would have known, he was the real deal. Reply? "Uhhhh, well, I.... " Hmmmmm... evasiveness? Check. Finally, after getting said person shit-faced, the truth comes out. "I was a National Guard parachute rigger." Never in combat? Check. Once he realized what he had admitted, he quickly tried to cover it up. "You guys dont know what the fuck you're talking about." Trying to look cool in front of the guys and ending up a douchebag story on SH? Check.
 
#148
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Bennyboy</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jerseymike</div><div class="ubbcode-body">A guy told me his 1911 is more relaible than my glock. :) </div></div>

I hate Glocks and love my 1911--funny thing, guess what I carry and trust my life to everyday? My Glock and I wouldn't trust anything else when my and my family's protection is concerned. But I still like my 1911 better...
smile.gif
</div></div>

Too Funny, but I second the opinion.
 
#149
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

A guy at a gun show last weekend had a used savage 10fp with glass and a bipod for $800 so I went up to check it out. Now I'm only 21 and i look like I'm 13, so I'm used to not being taken seriously at gun shows; but this guy tried to sell me by saying it was a $2500 rifle and $2000 glass. I just smiled and said that seems like a great deal, then walked away.
 
#150
Re: best bull shizzle someone told you and was serious

Ok, So here is one of my favorites. It involves a guy that used to work with me that was "in the Navy SEALs". I was the break officer and walking on to the unit he was working I saw his screen background had a moto-poster of a SEAL shooting a Barret of the back of a ship and cases all around (I'm sure you have seen this poster). I got closer and said I've shot a couple rounds out of one of those and got his response of "I shot lots of rounds out of one of those" as i'm saying under my breath "well here we go" he chimes in with "He's shooting Browning High Power ammo out of it. Wanna know how I know that?" "See how all the cases are black on the front? Thats cause they put extra powder in there so the bullets fly farther." I guess Browning makes all my .22lr also huh cause the "fronts" get all black. This guy was a never ending supply of B.S.!
 
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