a blonde heard if you take a bath in milk it will make you beautiful.So she wanted to be beautiful so she put a note out for the milkman to leave her 25 gallons of milk.Milkman comes and reads the note and he is sure it is a mistake so he knocks on the door and she opens the door he say's I think you made a mistake I'm sure you meant 2and a half gallons and not 25 gallons she said no I want 25 gallons to bath in because it is going to make me beautiful. He said okay did you want that pasturized ?She said no Just up to my tits !!
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Maggie’s Blonde Joke!!
- Thread starter dup1028
- Start date
Re: Blonde Joke!!
Two blondes are standing on either side of a creek. One blonde yells to the other,
"Do you know how to get to the other side?"
The other blonde laughed and replied, "I hate to break it to you, but you're already on the other side."
Two blondes are standing on either side of a creek. One blonde yells to the other,
"Do you know how to get to the other side?"
The other blonde laughed and replied, "I hate to break it to you, but you're already on the other side."
Re: Blonde Joke!!
A blond calls the fire department stating, "Please come quick, my house is on fire". The 911 dispatcher says: "calm down Ma'am, how do we get there"? She replies’, "Daaa, Big Red Fire Truck".
A blond calls the fire department stating, "Please come quick, my house is on fire". The 911 dispatcher says: "calm down Ma'am, how do we get there"? She replies’, "Daaa, Big Red Fire Truck".
Re: Blonde Joke!!
Two blondes walking through the forest and stumble upon some tracks..... the first blond say's they are moose tracks, the second blond say's no they are elk tracks, an argument ensue's. Then they get hit by a train.
Two blondes walking through the forest and stumble upon some tracks..... the first blond say's they are moose tracks, the second blond say's no they are elk tracks, an argument ensue's. Then they get hit by a train.
Re: Blonde Joke!!
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Re: Blonde Joke!!
Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side
How does a blonde turn on the light after hhaving sex?
She opens the car door
How can you tell a blond has been using a computer?
There is White Out on the screen
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a "Scratch and Sniff" at the bottom of a pool
Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side
How does a blonde turn on the light after hhaving sex?
She opens the car door
How can you tell a blond has been using a computer?
There is White Out on the screen
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a "Scratch and Sniff" at the bottom of a pool
Re: Blonde Joke!!
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: RADcustom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">What did the blonde say after sex?
"Are all you guys on the same team?" </div></div>
LMAO!!
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: RADcustom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">What did the blonde say after sex?
"Are all you guys on the same team?" </div></div>
LMAO!!
Re: Blonde Joke!!
Q: What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: I'm sooo drunk
Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: Are all the blonds gone?
A blonde and a redhead jump out a 30th floor window. Which hits the ground first?
The redhead, the blonde had to stop and ask directions.
Q: What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?
A: Artificial intelligence
Q: What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: I'm sooo drunk
Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: Are all the blonds gone?
A blonde and a redhead jump out a 30th floor window. Which hits the ground first?
The redhead, the blonde had to stop and ask directions.
Q: What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?
A: Artificial intelligence
Re: Blonde Joke!!
A blonde is driving down a country road when she sees another blonde in a boat fishing in the middle of a cornfield. Blonde #1 stops and yells at blonde #2 "You dumb bitch! What the hell are you doing?!! You don't fish in a cornfield. You're the reason everybody thinks blondes are so dumb!" Blonde #2 yells back "Go screw yourself, I'm gonna catch some fish!" Blonde #1 yells back "If I could swim, is come out there and kick your ass!!"
A blonde is driving down a country road when she sees another blonde in a boat fishing in the middle of a cornfield. Blonde #1 stops and yells at blonde #2 "You dumb bitch! What the hell are you doing?!! You don't fish in a cornfield. You're the reason everybody thinks blondes are so dumb!" Blonde #2 yells back "Go screw yourself, I'm gonna catch some fish!" Blonde #1 yells back "If I could swim, is come out there and kick your ass!!"
Re: Blonde Joke!!
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: predatornut</div><div class="ubbcode-body">A blonde is driving down a country road when she sees another blonde in a boat fishing in the middle of a cornfield. Blonde #1 stops and yells at blonde #2 "You dumb bitch! What the hell are you doing?!! You don't fish in a cornfield. You're the reason everybody thinks blondes are so dumb!" Blonde #2 yells back "Go screw yourself, I'm gonna catch some fish!" Blonde #1 yells back "If I could swim, is come out there and kick your ass!!" </div></div>
Thats a classic, that was the one I was going to tell.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: predatornut</div><div class="ubbcode-body">A blonde is driving down a country road when she sees another blonde in a boat fishing in the middle of a cornfield. Blonde #1 stops and yells at blonde #2 "You dumb bitch! What the hell are you doing?!! You don't fish in a cornfield. You're the reason everybody thinks blondes are so dumb!" Blonde #2 yells back "Go screw yourself, I'm gonna catch some fish!" Blonde #1 yells back "If I could swim, is come out there and kick your ass!!" </div></div>
Thats a classic, that was the one I was going to tell.
Re: Blonde Joke!!
How do you get a one armed Blonde out of a tree?
You wave at her.
What was the Blonde doing in the tree?
Raking leaves.....
How do you get a one armed Blonde out of a tree?
You wave at her.
What was the Blonde doing in the tree?
Raking leaves.....
Re: Blonde Joke!!
Blonde motorist get pulled over by a blonde trooper:
"License and registration, please."
Looking frantically in her purse.."Whats the license look like?"
"It's got your picture on it"....driver comes up with her makeup mirror.."Here"
"Hell, why didn't you say you're a cop--have a nice day!"
Blonde motorist get pulled over by a blonde trooper:
"License and registration, please."
Looking frantically in her purse.."Whats the license look like?"
"It's got your picture on it"....driver comes up with her makeup mirror.."Here"
"Hell, why didn't you say you're a cop--have a nice day!"
Re: Blonde Joke!!
Why was the blonde happy she finished the jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
It said 2 to 4 years on the box.
Why was the blonde happy she finished the jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
It said 2 to 4 years on the box.
Re: Blonde Joke!!
What is the blonde's highest ambition in life?
They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
What are the six worst years in a blonde's life.
Third grade.
What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
How to you keep a blonde busy all day?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner
What is the blonde's highest ambition in life?
They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
What are the six worst years in a blonde's life.
Third grade.
What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
How to you keep a blonde busy all day?
Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner
Re: Blonde Joke!!
A blonde with a coach ticket boards an airplane and promptly runs to the first class section taking the front seat.
The flight attendent comes up to her to explain her seat is in the rear of the plane.
The blond indignantly replys, I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Califonia to be a star, and I'm going first class!
Other attendents come over to assist in getting her to the correct seat, but she will not be reasonable and just keeps repeating I'm Blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to California to be a star, and I'm going first class!
The Captain of the plane seeing all the commotion comes over to help and once again she replies, I'm Blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to California to be a star, amd I am going first class!
The Captain bends down and quietly whispers in the blonds ear, and she immediatly junps up, gathers her belongings, and runs back to her assigned seat.
The plane takes off and arrives in California without further incident.
After all the passengers have left, the crew surrounds the Captain wanting to know what he had whispered in her ear.
I mearly told her that this section of the plane does not land when we get to Califonia.
A blonde with a coach ticket boards an airplane and promptly runs to the first class section taking the front seat.
The flight attendent comes up to her to explain her seat is in the rear of the plane.
The blond indignantly replys, I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Califonia to be a star, and I'm going first class!
Other attendents come over to assist in getting her to the correct seat, but she will not be reasonable and just keeps repeating I'm Blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to California to be a star, and I'm going first class!
The Captain of the plane seeing all the commotion comes over to help and once again she replies, I'm Blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to California to be a star, amd I am going first class!
The Captain bends down and quietly whispers in the blonds ear, and she immediatly junps up, gathers her belongings, and runs back to her assigned seat.
The plane takes off and arrives in California without further incident.
After all the passengers have left, the crew surrounds the Captain wanting to know what he had whispered in her ear.
I mearly told her that this section of the plane does not land when we get to Califonia.
Re: Blonde Joke!!
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!' The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blond took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead gator's all lying belly up. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the gator.
Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration......
Sonofagun!! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!' The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go give it a try?'
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blond took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank.
Nearby were 7 more dead gator's all lying belly up. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the gator.
Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration......
Sonofagun!! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!
Re: Blonde Joke!!
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DanGuy</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Why do blondes have TGIF printed on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
</div></div>
Why do blondes have TGIF printed on their shirt tags?
Tits go in front.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DanGuy</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Why do blondes have TGIF printed on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.
</div></div>
Why do blondes have TGIF printed on their shirt tags?
Tits go in front.
Re: Blonde Joke!!
Q: What does a blonde and a Boeing 747 have in common?
A: they both have black boxes!
Q: What is the difference between the Titanic and a blonde?
A: They know how many people went down on the Titanic!
Q: What does a blonde and a Boeing 747 have in common?
A: they both have black boxes!
Q: What is the difference between the Titanic and a blonde?
A: They know how many people went down on the Titanic!
Re: Blonde Joke!!
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: trooper71</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Q: What does a blonde and a Boeing 747 have in common?
A: they both have black boxes!
Q: What is the difference between the Titanic and a blonde?
A: They know how many people went down on the Titanic! </div></div>
what do a blonde and a Boeing 747 have in common?
theyboth have huge cock pits
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: trooper71</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Q: What does a blonde and a Boeing 747 have in common?
A: they both have black boxes!
Q: What is the difference between the Titanic and a blonde?
A: They know how many people went down on the Titanic! </div></div>
what do a blonde and a Boeing 747 have in common?
theyboth have huge cock pits
Re: Blonde Joke!!
What do you get when you stand a blonde on her head?
A brunette with bad breath
What do you get when you stand a blonde on her head?
A brunette with bad breath
Re: Blonde Joke!!
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
Re: Blonde Joke!!
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all preggo, were sitting around talking about their conceptions...
The brunette said: "I was on the bottom, so I'm going to have a girl..."
The redhead said: "I was on top, so I'm going to have a boy..."
The blonde burst into tears...the other two gals asked what was the matter...
Tearfully, the blonde replied: "I'm gonna have....puppies!!"
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all preggo, were sitting around talking about their conceptions...
The brunette said: "I was on the bottom, so I'm going to have a girl..."
The redhead said: "I was on top, so I'm going to have a boy..."
The blonde burst into tears...the other two gals asked what was the matter...
Tearfully, the blonde replied: "I'm gonna have....puppies!!"
Re: Blonde Joke!!
A blonde walks up to the soda machine and puts in two quarters and pushes the Sprite button. Low and behold a Sprite falls out to the tray to which she jumps up and down and shouts, "YAY!!"
She inserts two more quarters and pushes the coke button and a Coke apprears and she shouts, "YES!!! This is my luckiest day ever!!"
She inserts two more quarters and is about to hit the Dr. Pepper button when a co-worker who is waiting patiently behind her asks, "What the hell are you doing??"
The blonde slowly turns to the co-worker and with frustration looks him dead in the eyes and says, "DUH!! WINNING!!"
How can you tell when a blonde majored in mathematics??
She knows nine inches when she sees it.
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."
A blond is driving down a deserted highway when she gets pulled over. The cop gets out of his car and asks if she has been drinking and she replies, "No."
So he radios the station and asks what to do. The cop at the station asks, "Is she a blond driving a lipstick red corvette?" The cop replies, "Yes."
So the other cop says, "What you do is pull out your dick and present it through the window."
The cop does exactly what the other cop says. He whips out his dick and puts it to her face. The blonde slowly turns left, sighs and resigns, "Oh no not another breathalizer!"
A blonde walks up to the soda machine and puts in two quarters and pushes the Sprite button. Low and behold a Sprite falls out to the tray to which she jumps up and down and shouts, "YAY!!"
She inserts two more quarters and pushes the coke button and a Coke apprears and she shouts, "YES!!! This is my luckiest day ever!!"
She inserts two more quarters and is about to hit the Dr. Pepper button when a co-worker who is waiting patiently behind her asks, "What the hell are you doing??"
The blonde slowly turns to the co-worker and with frustration looks him dead in the eyes and says, "DUH!! WINNING!!"
How can you tell when a blonde majored in mathematics??
She knows nine inches when she sees it.
Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over a 100 miles per hour.
"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following us?"
The blonde turned around for a long look. "As a matter of fact, I do."
"Oh, NOOOO!" yelled the brunette. "Are his flashers on?"
The blonde turned around again. "Yup...nope...yup...nope...yup..."
A blond is driving down a deserted highway when she gets pulled over. The cop gets out of his car and asks if she has been drinking and she replies, "No."
So he radios the station and asks what to do. The cop at the station asks, "Is she a blond driving a lipstick red corvette?" The cop replies, "Yes."
So the other cop says, "What you do is pull out your dick and present it through the window."
The cop does exactly what the other cop says. He whips out his dick and puts it to her face. The blonde slowly turns left, sighs and resigns, "Oh no not another breathalizer!"
Re: Blonde Joke!!
Q: What do you call the brunette standing between to blondes?
A: a translater!
Q: What happened to the blonde cheerleader when she did a split?
A: she stuck to the gym floor!
Q: What do you call the brunette standing between to blondes?
A: a translater!
Q: What happened to the blonde cheerleader when she did a split?
A: she stuck to the gym floor!
Re: Blonde Joke!!
Why is a blonde like a stamp?
A: Both get licked, then stuck, and finally sent on their way.
Why is a blonde like a stamp?
A: Both get licked, then stuck, and finally sent on their way.
Re: Blonde Joke!!
Q: What's the difference between a blond and a washing machine?
A: If you put a load in the the washing machine it won't follow you around the next day.
Q: What's the difference between a blond and a washing machine?
A: If you put a load in the the washing machine it won't follow you around the next day.
Re: Blonde Joke!!
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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