Maggie’s Can you add to this?

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but not all was as it seems. Little did he know the weightlifting team held the world record for mall ninja kung fu, and mommy dearest was trying to set him up for the worst ass whippin since david and goliath. Just before he heads out with his baseball bats, the phone rings...
 
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...with a roller applicator. Later he wakes up from a ruffie induced haze, face down in the middle of a high school gym with a pre-lubricated baseball bat in one hand and...........
 
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..the bullet missed him but hit ex-crongressman Weiner in his weener. He thinks to himself "Better him than me", then flashes back to the dutch rudder he got back on page 23. Then in a moment of sheer panic he grabbed his..............
 
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a pop tart, a moon pie, and a six pack of PBR. He made quick work of the beer and goodies which dulled the senses enough to pull the rip cord on those beads he had forgotten about for a moment. Having experienced what must have been the sensation of a covey of quail flushing from the cover of his now thoroughly violated nether orifice, he passed out. Waves of darkness washed over him like maple syrup washing over the buttery flesh of.....
 
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... a team of midget mud wrestlers. He awoke in a jail cell wearing nothing but one boot, a neck tie, and a new tatoo of Geraldo Rivera on his left inner thigh. He said to himself, "I have to lay off the Moon Pies." Now if I only had a..........
 
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unclog the toilet at Shank's girls friend's house, but for now I am still stuck in jail and the other inmates are starting to stare at my new tatoo.

The next day Colonel Troutman showed up and asked me to accept a secret mission in exchange for my freedom. All I have to do is..........
 
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...as it grew closer I could distinguish it as hoof beats, soon I could see that it was a group of 666 beautiful naked Amazon women riding bareback towards me. They were of the mountain clan Wewannafuckyu. Their leader sporting a 38 DD rack swept me up on her steed and.....
 
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I suddenly woke up from my dream and realized I was naked, and all four limbs were ties to bed posts as the retarded girl we made fun of in high school was walking circles around the bed saying "Whos shitting themselves today?" Something shiny catches her attention, and while she busy with that, you try to....
 
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.. cut one of the ropes with my secrect decoder ring. She walks over and opens the door to let in Rosie O'Donnell, Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda, and the entire cast of The Wizard of Oz, all of whom are dressed in leather. As I look at them I can't help but notice how much Rosie looks like my Lazy Boy recliner. Suddenly there was a blinding flash of light......
 
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O'Donnell, Streisand and Fonda were now on the ground with their heads firmly implanted in each others asses, forming a sot of douche bag doughnut. The retarded girl from high school did in deed shit herself as the tin man turned to the scarecrow and said......
 
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fuckfest extravaganza! Unbeknownst to me however, the Amazons were in fact zebra riding transexuals. As they approached (dressed in their RuPaul originals) it became readily apparent that this was definitely not going to work for me so I immediately.........
 
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....drove to Chuck Norris' house to ask him for advice. He advised me not to worry about the transexuals riding zebras as they only attack AR15.com members. I was relieved, but still felt the need to drive down to the local gun shop to get a case of.............
 
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....singlehandedly capture off all 666 of them. I take my pick of the 10 best looking ones to sample for myself, after which I offered them up for free in the "Pay it forward" thread. The other 656 of them I put up for sale in the Group Buy section for a mere $1000 each, or trade for a Model 700 short action and a buggy whip so's I can......
 
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...go and get them all back and f_ck them all, as much and as many times as I want. Lowlight demands 5 of them for allowing the group buy, and is not seen again for weeks. He then reappears, having spent himself so thoroughly that he can't even walk under his own power...