Chuck Norris jokes

[JoshPutman]

Ok, who here has some good Chuck Norris jokes?

I get a kick out of reading them when they pop up online.

I know it's stupid, but even Chuck gets a laugh out of it.

This will be something light hearted to counter all the depressing shit that gets posted every day in here.

 

[LuckyLuke80]

There are no chuck Norris jokes, they’re all true

 

[wvfarrier]

My kids have a book of Chuck Norris jokes, will see if I can find it.

 

[ken226]

Godzilla and King Kong had an arm wrestling match. You know who won?



Chuck Norris!

 

[XLR308]

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet he just scares the shit out of it.

Chuck Norris has a full sized stuffed grizzly bear in his living room, the bear isn't actually dead its just to scared to move.

 

[Lightning8]

The boogie man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris

 

[Mudburner]

Ah... fond memories...

The overflowing shitters on Camp Arifjan, Kuwait had many, many Chuck Norris graffitti.

Good times!

 

[SBRSarge]

Chuck Norris doesn’t do push ups. He pushes the earth down.

 

[RPN]

Batman and Superman have Chuck Norris pyjamas

 

[JoshPutman]

Chuck Norris and Superman got in a fight. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside from then on.

 

[spswatip]

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack because his heart would never be foolish enough to attack him.

 

[LuckyLuke80]

death once had a near Chuck Norris experience

 

[sroc112]

Chuck Norris doesn’t do push ups. He pushes the earth down.

How many push ups can Chuck Norris do?



All of them.

 

[Makinchips208]

Chuck Norris turns the light off, and is in bed before the room gets dark.


Chuck Norris invented the giraffe by uppercutting a horse.

 

[GTOJOSH]

Once a year, on his birthday, Chuck Norris picks one lucky kid to throw into the sun.

Chuck Norris once got bitten by a rattlesnake. After a few days of excruciating agony, the snake finally died.

Did you know Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer? Too bad though, because Chuck never cries.

When Chuck Norris jumps into a pool, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised.

What does Chuck Norris give you for Christmas? A roundhouse kick to the face. What do you give Chuck Norris for his birthday? A lucky kid to throw into the surface of the Sun.

And now- Did you hear Chuck Norris is the new face of Glock? When he packs one, he doesn't carry IT, the Glock packs a Chuck Norris.

 

[Rocketvapor]

Alexa,
Tell me a Chuck Norris joke.

 

[n2ishun]

 

[n2ishun]

 

[n2ishun]

Oh yea.....and in keeping with the theme of this site, may I present for your viewing pleasure.....

 

[sroc112]

Chuck Norris once went to a feminist rally.

He returned with 3 ironed shirts and a sandwich.

 

[Waco Kid]

Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands… now they’re just the Islands.

 

[Slash0311]

 

[LeonBlank]

His watch does not have any numbers or hands on it.....It just says "time to kick ass"

Behind his beard is another fist.

His tears cure cancer....too bad nobody can make him cry.

 

[fpgt72]

I don't have one, but it does kinda sorta fit in with this thread.

Just like Chuck, (I almost did not use a cap. C but it was just not possible) the actor that played hitler in that movie really got a kick out of all the remakes of that scene.

 

[TheHorta]

View attachment 8424698

THIS… is epic.

 

[Blue Sky Country]

The very first time Mark Zuckerberg took Facebook online in 2005, he already had one friend request, from Chuck Norris.

 

[papershredder]

I view this thread, then hop on over to youtube and now my recommendation feed is inundated with CHUCK NORRIS!!!!! videos. There has to be a joke here

 

[JJMoody]

Chuck Norris once impregnated all the nuns at a convent.
The children were the ‘72 Dolphins.

 

[LuckyDuck]

He swims the Atlantic as we speak...

You imbecile, we stole the Kraken from Chuck Norris' aquarium...

The Atomic Device was modeled after Chuck Norris' BBQ...

Holy crap that was awesome and had my rolling, thanks for sharing!

-LD

 

[LuckyDuck]

I used to love the Chuck Norris jokes, some of the ones I haven't seen mentioned yet...

Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table of Elements because he only believes in the element of surprise...

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you just answered the wrong phone...

Chuck Norris walked into a Burger King and ordered a Big Mac, he got it...

Chuck Norris sleeps with any woman he wants but still hasn't lost his virginity because Chuck Norris never loses...

If Chuck Norris is running late, time slows down out of fear...

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret...

Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have an escape key....

-LD

 

[M4orturnate]

Chuck Norris pees his name in concrete
Glock carries Chuck Norris for protection

 

[Ronws]

Endangered species: a type of animal that has not yet met Chuck Norris.

 

[Holliday]

 

[Bullfrog08]

View attachment 8424898

She gave you the eye patch.....buddy!

 

[Ronws]

PTSD from having encountered Chuck Norris is covered in VA care.

 

[LuckyLuke80]

I used to love the Chuck Norris jokes, some of the ones I haven't seen mentioned yet...

Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic Table of Elements because he only believes in the element of surprise...

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you just answered the wrong phone...

Chuck Norris walked into a Burger King and ordered a Big Mac, he got it...

Chuck Norris sleeps with any woman he wants but still hasn't lost his virginity because Chuck Norris never loses...

If Chuck Norris is running late, time slows down out of fear...

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret...

Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have an escape key....

-LD

Haha! The phone one got a good chuckle from me

 

[Ronws]

We know what happened to the dinosaurs.

They gave Chuck Norris the wrong kind of look.

 

[JoshPutman]

 

[Ronws]

Chuck Norris is Hillary-proof.