Grab a paper bag, breathe into it and calm your ass down. You're hyperventilating because you ain't never seen a deal like this before. Nowcollect yourself, then keepreading this incredibledescription that barely serves to do justice to my 12 foot Alumacraft fishing boat. Yes, a 12 footer. Also known as the greatest boat the city of Star Prairie has ever had the privilege of existing around.
What makes this boat so much better than every other boat that has ever beenpaddled? Glad you asked. It starts with the paint scheme. It looks like Iron Man if Iron Man were a boat. That's bold, son. Curb appeal. When I bought this boat, the tireswere shot. I replaced themwith something even more boss. Not only new tires, but new wheels. The next thing is the genuine aluminum seats. My taint has had a love/hate relationship with thisparticular bit of the machine. The sun warms these up like no other. However, I willinclude some flashyweatherproof carpet that is meant to be cut to perfectionand stuck to each of the 3 rows. Personally, I can't stay mad that these heated up seats have likely burned my prostate to the point of rendering fatherhood impossible. But let's face it, I'd rather have have a boat than a kid. And now days, heated seats are a luxury. Only difference is, with this rig, you won't have to payextra.
What else? Let's talk about that included trailer with brand new wiring. It's asgnarly as it is exotic. Like the tropical, saw-toothedplatypus. Which is a species that doesn't even exist. Fortunately this crazy asstrailer does. It's brand newwheels and tires are freshly greased with nothing but the best marine grease O'reilly's has to offer, so this puppy is good to go. This trailer does not offer those fancy poles with flags to show you where you're going when you'rebacking it into the lake, but what this boat does offer is a one-way ticket to legits-ville. Find a bowling ball. Then find another one. Your nuts must be at least that big to evenconsider making this whip the dreamiest object to ever take up too much space in your garage. But you'll be filled with joy once you hop into this American made* dream.
What else? Joey, the paint's a little dinged up. Yeah, well, that's called real life. It comes at you fast, bro. Besides, you really want this glimmering, shimmering sex machinecatching the eye of some small time thief? You really don't want to be living your own version of PeeWee's big adventure. Consider the lived-in feel a natural crime deterrent. If this boat were denim jeans, it'd be called "de-stressed" and you'd be paying extra for the privilege. I'm not gonna charge you extra for it, though. Cause I'm not trying to take advantage of you. But you should takeadvantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
By now, you should be well aware that the majesticbeauty of this boat rivals earthly treasures such as: the color of the sky at sunset, the laughter of a small child, and puppy calendars. Single, and looking to add a little game to your life? Drive this aluminum shadow of hope to the boat launch with no pants on, and chicks will literally knock you out of your truck trying to grope you. The line of women wanting a ride (pun intended) will be longer than the line of people to launch lesserboats. With this gem, your days of buying ladies drinks at the bar are over. This boat is what you have been waiting for your whole life. You know it, I know it, and the world is about to find out. Are you ready? Because this 12 foot Alumacraft is.
But, aren't you sad about selling the greatest boat on earth? No. When you ride in this boat once it permanentlyeliminates your ability to feel sad about anything ever again. Even for little puppieswho are afraid to walk down the stairs, because the stairs...they're so big, and they're so little. Puppies who are young, but have already discovered the world to be a cold, unforgiving place. But you won't care, because you'll be on your awesome new boat living the dream.
Joey, does that chain look like a rusty piece of crap on the front? Yes. Why? Because this boat is the shit. Andyou've just learned something else about me. That's right, my name is Joey. And your name is Lucky Sonofagun if you make the best choice of your life and pay me cold, hard cash for this deliciousride.
*Not really sure if Alumacraft is still American made. They used to be made in Minnesota, but who knows anymore. Sorry to burst your bubble, homie, but globalization has been restructuring the way products get manufactured and sold since the 80's. Some believe it's eroding theAmerican middle class. If you're the last to know, sorry for party rocking. Read "The World Is Flat." Form an opinion. Join the dialog. By the way, the book is like 12 years old so this shouldn't be news. Shit's fucked up, but we didn't start the fire. No we didn't light it, but we tried to fight it. Now buy this bitchin' ass boat.
Location: Star Prairie, WI
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests.
What makes this boat so much better than every other boat that has ever beenpaddled? Glad you asked. It starts with the paint scheme. It looks like Iron Man if Iron Man were a boat. That's bold, son. Curb appeal. When I bought this boat, the tireswere shot. I replaced themwith something even more boss. Not only new tires, but new wheels. The next thing is the genuine aluminum seats. My taint has had a love/hate relationship with thisparticular bit of the machine. The sun warms these up like no other. However, I willinclude some flashyweatherproof carpet that is meant to be cut to perfectionand stuck to each of the 3 rows. Personally, I can't stay mad that these heated up seats have likely burned my prostate to the point of rendering fatherhood impossible. But let's face it, I'd rather have have a boat than a kid. And now days, heated seats are a luxury. Only difference is, with this rig, you won't have to payextra.
What else? Let's talk about that included trailer with brand new wiring. It's asgnarly as it is exotic. Like the tropical, saw-toothedplatypus. Which is a species that doesn't even exist. Fortunately this crazy asstrailer does. It's brand newwheels and tires are freshly greased with nothing but the best marine grease O'reilly's has to offer, so this puppy is good to go. This trailer does not offer those fancy poles with flags to show you where you're going when you'rebacking it into the lake, but what this boat does offer is a one-way ticket to legits-ville. Find a bowling ball. Then find another one. Your nuts must be at least that big to evenconsider making this whip the dreamiest object to ever take up too much space in your garage. But you'll be filled with joy once you hop into this American made* dream.
What else? Joey, the paint's a little dinged up. Yeah, well, that's called real life. It comes at you fast, bro. Besides, you really want this glimmering, shimmering sex machinecatching the eye of some small time thief? You really don't want to be living your own version of PeeWee's big adventure. Consider the lived-in feel a natural crime deterrent. If this boat were denim jeans, it'd be called "de-stressed" and you'd be paying extra for the privilege. I'm not gonna charge you extra for it, though. Cause I'm not trying to take advantage of you. But you should takeadvantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
By now, you should be well aware that the majesticbeauty of this boat rivals earthly treasures such as: the color of the sky at sunset, the laughter of a small child, and puppy calendars. Single, and looking to add a little game to your life? Drive this aluminum shadow of hope to the boat launch with no pants on, and chicks will literally knock you out of your truck trying to grope you. The line of women wanting a ride (pun intended) will be longer than the line of people to launch lesserboats. With this gem, your days of buying ladies drinks at the bar are over. This boat is what you have been waiting for your whole life. You know it, I know it, and the world is about to find out. Are you ready? Because this 12 foot Alumacraft is.
But, aren't you sad about selling the greatest boat on earth? No. When you ride in this boat once it permanentlyeliminates your ability to feel sad about anything ever again. Even for little puppieswho are afraid to walk down the stairs, because the stairs...they're so big, and they're so little. Puppies who are young, but have already discovered the world to be a cold, unforgiving place. But you won't care, because you'll be on your awesome new boat living the dream.
Joey, does that chain look like a rusty piece of crap on the front? Yes. Why? Because this boat is the shit. Andyou've just learned something else about me. That's right, my name is Joey. And your name is Lucky Sonofagun if you make the best choice of your life and pay me cold, hard cash for this deliciousride.
*Not really sure if Alumacraft is still American made. They used to be made in Minnesota, but who knows anymore. Sorry to burst your bubble, homie, but globalization has been restructuring the way products get manufactured and sold since the 80's. Some believe it's eroding theAmerican middle class. If you're the last to know, sorry for party rocking. Read "The World Is Flat." Form an opinion. Join the dialog. By the way, the book is like 12 years old so this shouldn't be news. Shit's fucked up, but we didn't start the fire. No we didn't light it, but we tried to fight it. Now buy this bitchin' ass boat.
Location: Star Prairie, WI
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests.
