Re: Got some shitty news today...
I am glad it went well for you. I hope you get a good pathology report and early stage.
I am glad it went well for you. I hope you get a good pathology report and early stage.
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Got some shitty news today... Updated 5/9/2012...
- Thread starter oneshot onekill
- Start date
Re: Got some shitty news today...
Prayers to you, for good biopsy results.
Glad the surgery went well.
Prayers to you, for good biopsy results.
Glad the surgery went well.
Re: Got some shitty news today...
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Downrange1x</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Oneshot :NOT TRYING TO BE A PAIN IN YOUR ASS. Just making sure everything went o.k. today bro. You're probably in la-la land rightnow. Prayers still going out to ya!Check up on ya tomorrow. P.S. spank the nurse on her ass for us all. </div></div>
No worries man! So far so good. Waiting for the biopsy report...
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Downrange1x</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Oneshot :NOT TRYING TO BE A PAIN IN YOUR ASS. Just making sure everything went o.k. today bro. You're probably in la-la land rightnow. Prayers still going out to ya!Check up on ya tomorrow. P.S. spank the nurse on her ass for us all. </div></div>
No worries man! So far so good. Waiting for the biopsy report...
Re: Got some shitty news today...
NO sweat bro., got word lastnight from the big man above. He says everything is a ok!! Put your mind to rest. Mental preception is 99% of the fight.Just a few more days and you will be slamming beers and chowing on ribeyes!! Spirits up and bottom down. Oh ya don't forget to spank that fine looking young nurse on the ass for the HIDE!
NO sweat bro., got word lastnight from the big man above. He says everything is a ok!! Put your mind to rest. Mental preception is 99% of the fight.Just a few more days and you will be slamming beers and chowing on ribeyes!! Spirits up and bottom down. Oh ya don't forget to spank that fine looking young nurse on the ass for the HIDE!
Re: Got some shitty news today...
The Doc came in tonight to mess with me! He's actually funny as hell but laughing hurts the shit outa' me and of course he had my Wife and I both belly-laughing! I swear that SOB was trying to kill me! They pulled the cathater and all of the I.V.'s. He said if I'm feeling well enough and can have a BM by tomorrow night he'd be letting me go home but more likely Friday. Still no pathology reports. They should be in tomorrow. Keep Prayin' a little longer!
Thanks Guys!... You're saving my Life!
The Doc came in tonight to mess with me! He's actually funny as hell but laughing hurts the shit outa' me and of course he had my Wife and I both belly-laughing! I swear that SOB was trying to kill me! They pulled the cathater and all of the I.V.'s. He said if I'm feeling well enough and can have a BM by tomorrow night he'd be letting me go home but more likely Friday. Still no pathology reports. They should be in tomorrow. Keep Prayin' a little longer!
Thanks Guys!... You're saving my Life!
Re: Got some shitty news today...
OK... Here's the latest. The surgeon pulled 27 lymph nodes for biopsy. 3 of them are affected. Basically what that means is that I start chemo-therapy in 3 to 6 weeks. Not the best news but I'm still convinced I'm gonna whoop the shit outa this and come out just fine!
I asked if I would need a port and he said yes. I asked him where it goes and he said below my collar bone. I asked him which side and he looked at me kinda' funny and asked... "Why do you care which side?"... To which I responded... Of course... "Because I can't have it affecting my ability to shoot!" To which he responded.. "I'll put it on which ever side you want."
I think this Doctor and I will get along JUST FINE!!!
Thanks again for all the Prayers and support!!!
John
OK... Here's the latest. The surgeon pulled 27 lymph nodes for biopsy. 3 of them are affected. Basically what that means is that I start chemo-therapy in 3 to 6 weeks. Not the best news but I'm still convinced I'm gonna whoop the shit outa this and come out just fine!
I asked if I would need a port and he said yes. I asked him where it goes and he said below my collar bone. I asked him which side and he looked at me kinda' funny and asked... "Why do you care which side?"... To which I responded... Of course... "Because I can't have it affecting my ability to shoot!" To which he responded.. "I'll put it on which ever side you want."
I think this Doctor and I will get along JUST FINE!!!
Thanks again for all the Prayers and support!!!
John
Re: Got some shitty news today...
Sorry to just read all this John, but with your attitude and outlook, I'm sure you'll be fine.
Prayers lifted up for a speedy and succesful treatment.
God Bless,
David B.
Sorry to just read all this John, but with your attitude and outlook, I'm sure you'll be fine.
Prayers lifted up for a speedy and succesful treatment.
God Bless,
David B.
Re: Got some shitty news today...
Damn bro! I thought they outlawed cruel and unusual punishment. I remember that feeling. Sorta like having a saw briar drug through there.Keep your spirits and chin up.The coast is clear!!98% attitude.
Damn bro! I thought they outlawed cruel and unusual punishment. I remember that feeling. Sorta like having a saw briar drug through there.Keep your spirits and chin up.The coast is clear!!98% attitude.
Re: Got some shitty news today...
Now I'm home! Finally! Just got in a little while ago. It's nice to see my Dog and be in my own home! Doc says I can live life as normally as the pain allows. No special diet. No physical restrictions. Just don't think I'll be hittin' the Beach Volleyball for a couple weeks. Might go to the range next week some time though. Next move is to have a port installed. Then I'll be starting Chemo after the first of the year. Thanks again for the prayers and support. I'll keep you posted. It helps me to keep updating this thread. I hope it's not too much bother for y'all.
John
Now I'm home! Finally! Just got in a little while ago. It's nice to see my Dog and be in my own home! Doc says I can live life as normally as the pain allows. No special diet. No physical restrictions. Just don't think I'll be hittin' the Beach Volleyball for a couple weeks. Might go to the range next week some time though. Next move is to have a port installed. Then I'll be starting Chemo after the first of the year. Thanks again for the prayers and support. I'll keep you posted. It helps me to keep updating this thread. I hope it's not too much bother for y'all.
John
Re: Got some shitty news today...
sounds like you are on your way to whooping it! Keep the positive attitude and keep living life like you did before this affected you. Next thing you know the doctor will tell you that you are 100% healthy.
sounds like you are on your way to whooping it! Keep the positive attitude and keep living life like you did before this affected you. Next thing you know the doctor will tell you that you are 100% healthy.
Re: Got some shitty news today...
You and your family are in our prayers. As a Kidney cancer survivor and two brothers currently fighting brain and lung cancer, I know how you and your family are feeling and my heart goes out to you. My very best friend is a survivor of colon cancer, so I my prayers are that you will find the same healing. It is not an easy road you and your family is walking, but I hope you find the closeness I and my little brother have found to God during our walks. Dispite the bad news, do the best to make this the best Christmas you have ever had with your family. It is still a time to celebrate, because every day above ground is something to celebrate.
Hugs, love, and hope,
Susan
You and your family are in our prayers. As a Kidney cancer survivor and two brothers currently fighting brain and lung cancer, I know how you and your family are feeling and my heart goes out to you. My very best friend is a survivor of colon cancer, so I my prayers are that you will find the same healing. It is not an easy road you and your family is walking, but I hope you find the closeness I and my little brother have found to God during our walks. Dispite the bad news, do the best to make this the best Christmas you have ever had with your family. It is still a time to celebrate, because every day above ground is something to celebrate.
Hugs, love, and hope,
Susan
Re: Got some shitty news today...
+1 on the positive attitude friend. My wife beat a soft tissue sarcoma this last year surgery was the only option chemo does not work on it and it was in her left wrist area and radiation can't be used. We are one year down range now and all things are clear. Prayer and a good attitude are crucial. My prayers are with you.
+1 on the positive attitude friend. My wife beat a soft tissue sarcoma this last year surgery was the only option chemo does not work on it and it was in her left wrist area and radiation can't be used. We are one year down range now and all things are clear. Prayer and a good attitude are crucial. My prayers are with you.
Re: Got some shitty news today...
Once again many Thanks for all of the great support and Prayers! Today I see the Oncologist for the first time to find out about my Chemo- therapy. Not too thrilled about it but it's a necessary evil I guess! I'll keep posting. It's very therapeutic !
Thanks again!
John
Once again many Thanks for all of the great support and Prayers! Today I see the Oncologist for the first time to find out about my Chemo- therapy. Not too thrilled about it but it's a necessary evil I guess! I'll keep posting. It's very therapeutic !
Thanks again!
John
Re: Got some shitty news today...
The chemo is gonna kick your ass. It sucks, but it's neccessary. Keep your positive attitude! It is what will make you heal. I'm not much for prayer, but I will be thinking of you and your family. Never give up, you will beat this crap! -MSD
The chemo is gonna kick your ass. It sucks, but it's neccessary. Keep your positive attitude! It is what will make you heal. I'm not much for prayer, but I will be thinking of you and your family. Never give up, you will beat this crap! -MSD
Re: Got some shitty news today...
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: oneshot onekill</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Once again many Thanks for all of the great support and Prayers! Today I see the Oncologist for the first time to find out about my Chemo- therapy. Not too thrilled about it but it's a necessary evil I guess! I'll keep posting. It's very therapeutic !
Thanks again!
John </div></div>
Thanks for the updates!!
Prayers continue for successful treatments and recovery.
God Bless,
David B.
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: oneshot onekill</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Once again many Thanks for all of the great support and Prayers! Today I see the Oncologist for the first time to find out about my Chemo- therapy. Not too thrilled about it but it's a necessary evil I guess! I'll keep posting. It's very therapeutic !
Thanks again!
John </div></div>
Thanks for the updates!!
Prayers continue for successful treatments and recovery.
God Bless,
David B.
Re: Got some shitty news today...
To deal with Chemo, understand that your immune system will be in the tank for awhile, so pamper yourself regarding drafts, chills, and exposure to infectious sources (including litter boxes). I hate to say it but dogs can be risky for folks with bad immune systems. A large percentage of body heat loss us through the scalp, and when the hair goes, wear a hat.
Lymph nodes may get treated the same as Lymphoma. I beat it twice, using ABVD Chemo once, Radiotherapy the other. If you're a smoker, <span style="font-weight: bold">STOP!</span>, and stay off it after. I didn't, and I have the damaged heart to show for it.
Your ability to sustain treatment depends on your overall physical condition. Gain weight now, while you can. When nothing else will stay down, Carnation Instant Breakfast just might, better 'n anything else; and it's danged good nutrition. Probably a key factor in my own survival, especially for the second round. Oh, yes, if it comes back, it can stll be beat, I am living proof.
You're on the merry-go-round now, and the ride isn't over until the music stops. Stay on your hobbyhorse, no matter what.
Greg
To deal with Chemo, understand that your immune system will be in the tank for awhile, so pamper yourself regarding drafts, chills, and exposure to infectious sources (including litter boxes). I hate to say it but dogs can be risky for folks with bad immune systems. A large percentage of body heat loss us through the scalp, and when the hair goes, wear a hat.
Lymph nodes may get treated the same as Lymphoma. I beat it twice, using ABVD Chemo once, Radiotherapy the other. If you're a smoker, <span style="font-weight: bold">STOP!</span>, and stay off it after. I didn't, and I have the damaged heart to show for it.
Your ability to sustain treatment depends on your overall physical condition. Gain weight now, while you can. When nothing else will stay down, Carnation Instant Breakfast just might, better 'n anything else; and it's danged good nutrition. Probably a key factor in my own survival, especially for the second round. Oh, yes, if it comes back, it can stll be beat, I am living proof.
You're on the merry-go-round now, and the ride isn't over until the music stops. Stay on your hobbyhorse, no matter what.
Greg
Re: Got some shitty news today...
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Greg Langelius *</div><div class="ubbcode-body">To deal with Chemo, understand that your immune system will be in the tank for awhile, so pamper yourself regarding drafts, chills, and exposure to infectious sources (including litter boxes). I hate to say it but dogs can be risky for folks with bad immune systems. A large percentage of body heat loss us through the scalp, and when the hair goes, wear a hat.
Lymph nodes may get treated the same as Lymphoma. I beat it twice, using ABVD Chemo once, Radiotherapy the other. If you're a smoker, <span style="font-weight: bold">STOP!</span>, and stay off it after. I didn't, and I have the damaged heart to show for it.
Your ability to sustain treatment depends on your overall physical condition. Gain weight now, while you can. When nothing else will stay down, Carnation Instant Breakfast just might, better 'n anything else; and it's danged good nutrition. Probably a key factor in my own survival, especially for the second round. Oh, yes, if it comes back, it can stll be beat, I am living proof.
You're on the merry-go-round now, and the ride isn't over until the music stops. Stay on your hobbyhorse, no matter what.
Greg </div></div>
Greg,
I really appreciate your advice and will follow it closely. I'm at a bit of an advantage in that I'm pretty healthy. At 47 I still play Beach Volleyball and go on 50 mile+ bicycle Rides relatively often. I'm 6'6" and weigh around 220. I don't smoke and I only have a drink or two a couple times a month... maybe. I'm preparing myself mentally for this and hopefully for a short time between my pain from surgery subsiding and my first Chemo treatment I'll be preparing physically as well.
My friend, you're an inspiration and I appreciate you taking the time to help me with this.
Thanks again,
John
PS: I still can't believe you don't have a .308 right now!
<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Greg Langelius *</div><div class="ubbcode-body">To deal with Chemo, understand that your immune system will be in the tank for awhile, so pamper yourself regarding drafts, chills, and exposure to infectious sources (including litter boxes). I hate to say it but dogs can be risky for folks with bad immune systems. A large percentage of body heat loss us through the scalp, and when the hair goes, wear a hat.
Lymph nodes may get treated the same as Lymphoma. I beat it twice, using ABVD Chemo once, Radiotherapy the other. If you're a smoker, <span style="font-weight: bold">STOP!</span>, and stay off it after. I didn't, and I have the damaged heart to show for it.
Your ability to sustain treatment depends on your overall physical condition. Gain weight now, while you can. When nothing else will stay down, Carnation Instant Breakfast just might, better 'n anything else; and it's danged good nutrition. Probably a key factor in my own survival, especially for the second round. Oh, yes, if it comes back, it can stll be beat, I am living proof.
You're on the merry-go-round now, and the ride isn't over until the music stops. Stay on your hobbyhorse, no matter what.
Greg </div></div>
Greg,
I really appreciate your advice and will follow it closely. I'm at a bit of an advantage in that I'm pretty healthy. At 47 I still play Beach Volleyball and go on 50 mile+ bicycle Rides relatively often. I'm 6'6" and weigh around 220. I don't smoke and I only have a drink or two a couple times a month... maybe. I'm preparing myself mentally for this and hopefully for a short time between my pain from surgery subsiding and my first Chemo treatment I'll be preparing physically as well.
My friend, you're an inspiration and I appreciate you taking the time to help me with this.
Thanks again,
John
PS: I still can't believe you don't have a .308 right now!
Re: Got some shitty news today...
Your plight is mine. I know it can be daunting at times, but the mission is really very simple; never give in. Stay fit, and regain fitness after, ASAP. That's a big part of how I survived the second bout. Your Docs will give you the word about what and how much you can do at a given time.
I'm 6' 5"(-ish), and just weighed myself in for the day at 197. If you have fat (any) try to trim it down, some toxins will find fat and remain permanently. No fat, no residual toxins. Better for you in the long run. My residual toxin is Dioxin (agt orange),
My last remaining .308 was a Savage 112BVSS, borrowed and returned to my Elder Brother. Great chambering, but as long as I can reload, there are better ones. I prefer the .30-'06, and have pretty much always considered the .308 to be a '.30-'06 Lite'...
BTW, I allowed my Chemo-frailty to persuade me to sell my 1903, shooting it was getting a tad abusive. Dumbest firearms decision I ever made...
Greg
Your plight is mine. I know it can be daunting at times, but the mission is really very simple; never give in. Stay fit, and regain fitness after, ASAP. That's a big part of how I survived the second bout. Your Docs will give you the word about what and how much you can do at a given time.
I'm 6' 5"(-ish), and just weighed myself in for the day at 197. If you have fat (any) try to trim it down, some toxins will find fat and remain permanently. No fat, no residual toxins. Better for you in the long run. My residual toxin is Dioxin (agt orange),
My last remaining .308 was a Savage 112BVSS, borrowed and returned to my Elder Brother. Great chambering, but as long as I can reload, there are better ones. I prefer the .30-'06, and have pretty much always considered the .308 to be a '.30-'06 Lite'...
BTW, I allowed my Chemo-frailty to persuade me to sell my 1903, shooting it was getting a tad abusive. Dumbest firearms decision I ever made...
Greg
Re: Got some shitty news today...
I just found your post. I want you to know you have a friend in Michigan who is praying for your recovery. Stay as positive as you can and look for gratitudes every day. Merry Christmas, my friend!
I just found your post. I want you to know you have a friend in Michigan who is praying for your recovery. Stay as positive as you can and look for gratitudes every day. Merry Christmas, my friend!
Re: Got some shitty news today...
Oneshot, Merry CHRISTmas brother. We're all still praying for your speedy and complete recovery. God Bless
Oneshot, Merry CHRISTmas brother. We're all still praying for your speedy and complete recovery. God Bless
Re: Got some shitty news today...
UPDATE:
Well, I had a Pet-scan yesterday and will be getting the results on Monday. If all goes well the surgery got all of the Cancer and there's no other Cancer anywhere in my body. That's what I'm counting on.
I get a port installed on the 7th of January and my Chemo will start on the 13th. I'll be taking pills and I.V. Chemo. I don't remember the name of the drugs right now but I'll post them as soon as I get a chance. Anyway, I Really Appreciate all of the support from my Snipers Hide Family and I'll keep posting as I get more information.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! I Love this place!
Thanks again,
John
UPDATE:
Well, I had a Pet-scan yesterday and will be getting the results on Monday. If all goes well the surgery got all of the Cancer and there's no other Cancer anywhere in my body. That's what I'm counting on.
I get a port installed on the 7th of January and my Chemo will start on the 13th. I'll be taking pills and I.V. Chemo. I don't remember the name of the drugs right now but I'll post them as soon as I get a chance. Anyway, I Really Appreciate all of the support from my Snipers Hide Family and I'll keep posting as I get more information.
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! I Love this place!
Thanks again,
John
Re: Got some shitty news today...
You got my prayer. my mom passed two years ago from lung cancer. hope all is good for you.
You got my prayer. my mom passed two years ago from lung cancer. hope all is good for you.
Re: Got some shitty news today...
Happy New Year,Bro.Prayers will continue,hope all is well. Pete
Happy New Year,Bro.Prayers will continue,hope all is well. Pete
Re: Got some shitty news today...
Happy new year to you also John. Will still keep you in my prayers.MM
Happy new year to you also John. Will still keep you in my prayers.MM
Re: Got some shitty news today...
Got some much needed better news yesterday. My Pet-scan came back negative. Yippee!!! I guess that means there's no other Cancer anywhere else and hopefully the Chemo will take care of any other potential for Cancer. At least in the short-term.
Thanks again for all the Prayers and Support!
John
Got some much needed better news yesterday. My Pet-scan came back negative. Yippee!!! I guess that means there's no other Cancer anywhere else and hopefully the Chemo will take care of any other potential for Cancer. At least in the short-term.
Thanks again for all the Prayers and Support!
John
Re: Got some shitty news today...
Way to go bro! Told ya the great physican takes care of his own. Heard you have been burning up the barrel of my old baby. She really loves Hornady 172's and Federal Match 168's . Check out Palmetto State Armory they are having a sweet sell on several 7.62 match grade ammo's.You can score Federal 168's for around 17.95-18.95 per bx. also Prvi and Hornady. Really good folks to deal with. They are just north of you in S.C. . Keep the faith and positive outlook.
Way to go bro! Told ya the great physican takes care of his own. Heard you have been burning up the barrel of my old baby. She really loves Hornady 172's and Federal Match 168's . Check out Palmetto State Armory they are having a sweet sell on several 7.62 match grade ammo's.You can score Federal 168's for around 17.95-18.95 per bx. also Prvi and Hornady. Really good folks to deal with. They are just north of you in S.C. . Keep the faith and positive outlook.
Re: Got some shitty news today...
One shot: I have walked in a pair of shoes that were like the ones that you are walking in now. I was diagnosed with colon cancer in December 2005. I was 43 years old. Immediate surgery, radiation, chemotherapy, another surgery, more chemo, and another surgery. 2 year ordeal. This is what I learned, Prayers do work. Your faith and attitude will play a big part in this. Don't stop making your long term plans. (say when I beat this, instead of if I beat this.) Stay active, get out and do something, even if it's only for 2 or 3 hours a day. Laugh alot and never cry. May God bless you and best of luck. Donnie Hay Taloga OK
One shot: I have walked in a pair of shoes that were like the ones that you are walking in now. I was diagnosed with colon cancer in December 2005. I was 43 years old. Immediate surgery, radiation, chemotherapy, another surgery, more chemo, and another surgery. 2 year ordeal. This is what I learned, Prayers do work. Your faith and attitude will play a big part in this. Don't stop making your long term plans. (say when I beat this, instead of if I beat this.) Stay active, get out and do something, even if it's only for 2 or 3 hours a day. Laugh alot and never cry. May God bless you and best of luck. Donnie Hay Taloga OK
Re: Got some shitty news today...
To all members of snipers hide: If your family has a history of colon cancer, or you are having problems,(blood in the stool, cramping, etc.) Man up and go see a doctor. Colon cancer is very beatable if detected early. There is no straight guy that likes the thought of having anything shoved up his backside. If I had went and had a scope done when I first started having problems; It probably would have saved me from having a lot of stuff shoved up my backside later on. Enough said. Donnie Hay Taloga OK
To all members of snipers hide: If your family has a history of colon cancer, or you are having problems,(blood in the stool, cramping, etc.) Man up and go see a doctor. Colon cancer is very beatable if detected early. There is no straight guy that likes the thought of having anything shoved up his backside. If I had went and had a scope done when I first started having problems; It probably would have saved me from having a lot of stuff shoved up my backside later on. Enough said. Donnie Hay Taloga OK
Re: Got some shitty news today...
Amen to that Brother! My first signs were years ago! I figured it was no big deal to have a little bleeding. A little mis-information about it probably being "internal hemorrhoids" and that was all it took! I was in my very early 40's and figured I wouldn't get a colonoscopy until I was at least 50... WRONG!!!
Amen to that Brother! My first signs were years ago! I figured it was no big deal to have a little bleeding. A little mis-information about it probably being "internal hemorrhoids" and that was all it took! I was in my very early 40's and figured I wouldn't get a colonoscopy until I was at least 50... WRONG!!!
Re: Got some shitty news today...
So happy to hear that it went well. Hopefully, all the prayers will continue working...by the way, you just got another one sent upstairs for you.
So happy to hear that it went well. Hopefully, all the prayers will continue working...by the way, you just got another one sent upstairs for you.
Re: Got some shitty news today...
I really owe you ALL and can NEVER hope to repay you! I'll be starting Chemo next week and I'll keep you all advised as to how that's going as time passes. Keeping up with this thread is very therapeutic. Once again... Thanks for the Prayers and Support!!!
John
I really owe you ALL and can NEVER hope to repay you! I'll be starting Chemo next week and I'll keep you all advised as to how that's going as time passes. Keeping up with this thread is very therapeutic. Once again... Thanks for the Prayers and Support!!!
John
Re: Got some shitty news today...
Hopefully your chemo will be some of the milder stuff.My wife had 6 months of some of the really bad stuff.It was tough!With your attitude you will do fine,just as she did.Get ready for the fight of your life,and know that we are with you. Pete
Hopefully your chemo will be some of the milder stuff.My wife had 6 months of some of the really bad stuff.It was tough!With your attitude you will do fine,just as she did.Get ready for the fight of your life,and know that we are with you. Pete
Re: Got some shitty news today...
Doesn't matter whether it's the milder stuff.
You get onto this merry-go-round when they tell you, and you don't get off until they say, either.
Folks who lose this one don't lose because they did the fight, they lose because they couldn't.
I've been in your shoes not once but twice. I can't help you by sugar coating any part of it. You do it, or you don't; in between is not any part of reality.
Greg
Doesn't matter whether it's the milder stuff.
You get onto this merry-go-round when they tell you, and you don't get off until they say, either.
Folks who lose this one don't lose because they did the fight, they lose because they couldn't.
I've been in your shoes not once but twice. I can't help you by sugar coating any part of it. You do it, or you don't; in between is not any part of reality.
Greg
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