Maggie’s Motivational Pic Thread v2.0 - - New Rules - See Post #1

[hermosabeach]

 

[oneshot86]

A prime example that just because you can doesn't mean you should.

parked at trader joes, what the fuck

 

[Threadcutter308]

parked at trader joes, what the fuck

"Cali"..........

 

[hermosabeach]

What you call love.... was invested by guys like me... to sell nylons

 

[2ndamendfan]

Best use of a Volvo ever.

 

[THEIS]

Hi,

Celebrating the completion anniversary of the "Jacked and Tan" plan.
Yes I know it is folded incorrectly but this is how it was presented to me and for a few reasons I am obliged to keep it as presented.

Sincerely,
Theis

 

[Rthur]

Plumbers cleavage...
Solid change.

R

 

[hermosabeach]

Viva Love- Viva Mexico

Embedded media from this media site is no longer available

 

[Rthur]

Sadly we have a similar version in Town.
Free cell phone sign up.
Advert reads "Call yo Momma Now!"

R

 

[hermosabeach]

Hipster Tiger Print camo?

 

[hermosabeach]

 

[hermosabeach]

LOL

 

[hermosabeach]

 

[hermosabeach]

 

[hermosabeach]

 

[hermosabeach]

 

[hermosabeach]

 

[hermosabeach]

 

[Sean the Nailer]

As well as carrying (or dropping) propane tanks. Just sayin'....

 

[Sean the Nailer]

It's a CorveMino, don'tcha know?

 

[hermosabeach]

 

[CMH]

It's a CorveMino, don'tcha know?

Complete with trailer hitch.

 

[Sean the Nailer]

Those are KelTec guns, not quite Hi-Point, but close.
I support women with guns, but prefer they are guns that go boom when the trigger is pulled.
If you arm your woman with a KelTec, make sure she can throw too.

Yes, you want it to go 'boom'.
No, you don't want it to go 'kaboom'.

 

[hermosabeach]

 

[hermosabeach]

 

[powerspc]

NO WAY!!! Sneaky Bastards!

 

[Fig]

Those sneaky bastards!

Beat me to it by seconds!

 

[BullGear]

I guess she took that slogan wholeheartedly.... Be All That You Can Be.

 

[oneshot86]

Complete with trailer hitch.

or trailer bitch

 

[oneshot86]

you can tell she has a strong neck, she have happy boyfriend

 

[Thumper580]

LOL

The nick name we gave our boss...because he was a dick head.

 

[hermosabeach]

Should you see the media.... other names to keep in mind

 

[Tucker301]

Natalie Decker in Pocono for this weekend's race.

 

[timesublime]

 

[Titan85]

Natalie Decker in Pocono for this weekend's race.

Damn I would eat that like a bull dog drinking water

 

[bp7178]

Lots of dummy going on above the neck...

 

[Titan85]

 

[jrassy]

Hipster Tiger Print camo?

I know, I know hipster torn "boyfriend jeans", and she spent a couple hours out in the sun ,I'd say between 11:00am and 1:00 pm on a Saturday.

What'd I win ?

 

[my human host]

The Electric fence and The Lawn Mower


We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot poop, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just shit your pants 3 times. It seemed like
there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences ... but Dad always had those piece of shit chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die .... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day .... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire ....

I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1 - Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4 - My left eye will not open.

5 - My right eye will not close.

6 - The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).


That day changed my life.
I now have a newfound respect for things.
I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
View attachment 6908253

I actually got myself and my motorcycle wrapped up in an electric fence when I was 10 yrs old. Wire wrapped around the swingarm, back tire, and my right leg. Laid there for 5- 10 minutes before my stepbrother cut me loose.

People normally get a "so that's what happened" look on their faces when I tell the story. LMAO.

 

[168BTHPM]

 

[CMH]

Guinness book of world records 1970sView attachment 6908142

I remember that pic or one like it. Weren’t there two of them and they the world’s heaviest twins or something?

 

[hermosabeach]

The worlds fattest twins is correct

 

[hermosabeach]

Doug Standhope is off the chains

Don’t tell America that after a hard day of work we can’t fuck in the front hole!!!

 

[Maser]

Here's the way I feel anytime faggot ass SJWs get pissy with me and try to get me kicked off the internet.

 

[Titan85]

Here's the way I feel anytime faggot ass SJWs get pissy with me and try to get me kicked off the internet.

You feel like fucking a squirrel?

 

[Maser]

You feel like fucking a squirrel?

Best animal to bust a nut with don't you agree?

 

[Titan85]

Never tried but I’ll take your word for it, but if that squirrel isn’t dead then genetically your the one that got fucked

 

[308Gunner]

Never tried but I’ll take your word for it, but if that squirrel isn’t dead then genetically your the one that got fucked

For the win?

 

[Maser]

Never tried but I’ll take your word for it, but if that squirrel isn’t dead then genetically your the one that got fucked

You better take my word for it. Maybe you weren't here long enough, but I used to be a hamster fucker. I grew up and went to squirrels.

 

[168BTHPM]