Maggie’s Mysteries to Ponder

[fx77]

SOME TIMES IT HURTS TO THINK!!

I was thinking;
If only 11 million people have Obama-Care, how will 24 million people die if it is repealed?
Will an additional 13 million people be randomly shot?

I was thinking;
If Donald Trump deleted all of his emails, wiped his server with Bleachbit and destroyed all of his phones with a hammer, would the Mainstream Media suddenly lose all interest in the story and declare him innocent?

I was thinking;
If women do the same job for less money, why do companies hire men to do the same job for more money?

I was thinking;
Each ISIS attack now is a reaction to Trump policies, but all ISIS attacks during Obama's term were
due to Climate Change and a plea for jobs.

I was thinking;
We should stop calling them all 'Entitlements'. Welfare, Food Stamps, WIC, ad nausea are not entitlements.
They are taxpayer-funded handouts, and shouldn't be called entitlements at all. Social Security and Veterans Benefits are Entitlements because the people receiving them are entitled to them. They were earned and
paid for by the recipients. The others were not.

I was thinking;
If Liberals don't believe in biological gender then why did they march for women's rights?

I was thinking;
How did the Russians get Debbie Wasserman Schultz and the DNC to steal the Primary from Bernie Sanders?

I was thinking;
Why is it that Democrats think Super delegates are fine, but they have a problem with the Electoral College?

I was thinking;
If you don't want the FBI involved in elections, don't nominate someone who's being investigated by the FBI.

I was thinking;
If Hillary's speeches cost $250,000 an hour, how come no one shows up to her free ones?

I was thinking; (this was the best)
If Democrats don't want foreigners involved in our elections, why do they think it's all right for illegals to vote?

Now my head hurts, I'm going to quit thinking for a while!

 

[armorpl8chikn]

If Superman is faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.....
Then how is it that a simple dose of exlax can knock the shit out of him?

 

[Bender]

Is it normal that when I squeeze the middle one that the other two get bigger?

 

[mtwarych]

Where does all of the worn off tire dust go?

 

[wbm]

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

 

[sirhrmechanic]

When French people swear... do they say "Pardon my English?"

 

[quietmike]

Why was it necessary to nail down the lids of coffins?
Is the S or C silent in scent?
Is sand called sand because it's between sea and land?

 

[Alabusa]

Why do we drive on a Parkway and park in a Driveway?

 

[BullGear]

Women???????

 

[Milo 2.5]

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Damn, made me laugh, what a waste of good gear, right.

 

[hondo1312]

If you spin an Oriental person until they're dizzy, do they become disoriented?

Why are hemorrhoids in your ass and asteroids in space?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

 

[quietmike]

Why are packages on a ship cargo, and packages in a vehicle a shipment?

 

[Jscb1b]

Why did I read this?

 

[Maser]

Why do orphan kids play baseball when they don't know where home is?

 

[Yasherka]

Where does the white go when the snow melts?

 

[Bender]

Why do cats blink when hit in the face with a hammer?

 

[Sean the Nailer]

Who came up with the word "dislexic" for those who can't spell?

Who came up with the word "lisp" for those who chew ears?

 

[HiDesertELR]

Why can a door be ajar, but a jar cannot be a door?

A restraining order is when she wants you tie her down, right?

Why is the difference between being an astronomer and a pervert merely the angle of your telescope?

Why does quicksand work slowly?

Why doesn't "all expenses paid" include bail?

 

[DarnYankeeUSMC]

Why do your feet smell and your nose run?

 

[Rickstir]

If olive oil comes from olives and peanut oil comes from peanuts where does baby oil come from?

 

[oneshot86]

good food, help

 

[DavidK]

Why is "panties" plural, but "bra" is singular?

 

[longshooter]

Why is there a fence around a cemetary?

 

[BullGear]

Why is there a fence around a cemetary?

Because people are just DYING to get in..........

 

[Bender]

I was surprised to find my parents having sex once.



That’s the last time I go to that website.

 

[Jscb1b]

How come cops can speed?

 

[Tack425]

Do deaf people need hearing protection? Do blind people need goggles?

 

[Jscb1b]

How come when the boss asks you to do something it is an order?

 

[Rookie]

Universal Truth
After a couple decades of reloading I can say with absolute certainty that a fully prepped case when dropped will always always always land on the mouth and flatten it.

 

[justin amateur]

I was thinking...

If y'er not supposed to drink and drive...

....then why do bars have parking lots?

 

[remmynikon.308]

If olive oil comes from olives and peanut oil comes from peanuts where does baby oil come from?

Babys

 

[Jscb1b]

Babys

You have to squeeze and shake them first.

 

[sirhrmechanic]

If Frank smokes weed, does he get high? Or Medium?

Cheers,

Sirhr

 

[sea2summit]

Why do we say “www” when it’s faster to say “world wide web”?

 

[Mister Ridge]

Why couldn't the Peanuts get a second tree?

If a mosquito bit Spiderman and then bit you, would turn into Spiderman or Mosquitoman?

 

[Marinevet1]

When do you know that sour cream has gone bad?

 

[remmynikon.308]

I posted this on another thread, but it fits here too

 

[sirhrmechanic]

Why do we say “www” when it’s faster to say “world wide web”?

Why do we say K-9 when it is faster to say dog?

cheers, Sirhr

 

[Maser]

If Frank smokes weed, does he get high? Or Medium?

Cheers,

Sirhr

I'll bet Snoop Dogg smokes blunts bigger than Frank.

 

[JBF]

If your travelling at the speed of light, reach up and hit the headlights.. what happens?

 

[Jscb1b]

If your travelling at the speed of light, reach up and hit the headlights.. what happens?

Are your headlights traveling twice the speed of light?

 

[sirhrmechanic]

If your travelling at the speed of light, reach up and hit the headlights.. what happens?

This was the question Einstein asked himself before publishing all his "Miracle Year" papers in, I think, 1905. His thought experiments revolutionized physics and cosmology forever.

Sometimes stupid questions can change the world!

Cheers,

Sirhr

 

[Mike Casselton]

When do you know that sour cream has gone bad?

It always happens on the same day you notice the buttermilk has gone off

 

[Kamerad]

It always happens on the same day you notice the buttermilk has gone off

Gary Larson taught us how to know when potato salad goes bad.

 

[Dirty D]

Why do cats blink when hit in the face with a hammer?

They never blink in my microwave ?‍

 

[Dirty D]

Why is the difference between being an astronomer and a pervert merely the angle of your telescope?

Either way you get to see a moon

 

[DavidK]

Is that page still blank when they print "Intentionally left Blank' on it?

 

[Unknown]

Why can't you tickle yourself?

 

[The DFC]

How it's possible for the Flintstones to have a Wild West themed episode?