Pondering in the throne room

[101stinfantry]

As I was perched on the throne this morning, I got to wondering why the hell does the toilet paper roll have a 1.75"(or there abouts) card board tube, but the actual spindle it goes on is only about .75"? What the fuck? If the tube gets smashed out of round, then it's all out balance, and ca-clunks around when you pull the paper off it. I know there are more pressing issues in the world, but this one has me stumped. Tolerances are way too loose on these things.

 

[Ric O'shay]

Squib protection.

 

[JBoomhauer]

Not a problem for everyone.

 

[Threadcutter308]

As I was perched on the throne this morning, I got to wondering why the hell does the toilet paper roll have a 1.75"(or there abouts) card board tube, but the actual spindle it goes on is only about .75"? What the fuck? If the tube gets smashed out of round, then it's all out balance, and ca-clunks around when you pull the paper off it. I know there are more pressing issues in the world, but this one has me stumped. Tolerances are way too loose on these things.

Because the vast majority of society is way too fucking stupid to be able to successfully put a 1.75", slightly out of round roll onto a 1.5" spindle. I've worked on the equipment in paper mills that make TP. The bigger question is; Why is it that the rolls come off the machine perfectly round, yet they come off the store shelves all pretzeled to shit ? Give up ? Same segment of society mentioned above.

Don't get me started on the consistency of the perforations for each sheet.

 

[Threadcutter308]

Not a problem for everyone.

Does that come with instructions ? For the window lickers..............

 

[101stinfantry]

I should have known one of you fuckers had solved this problem already! Lol!

 

[rtB]

More important, are you an inny or an outy.

 

[Sean the Nailer]

The 'core' used to be smaller. The thing is, the marketers decided that if they make the cores larger, then the roll looks larger when sitting on the shelf at the store. So people think they're getting 'more'.

They're charged more for it, but they're getting the same (or less) and walk away happy.

 

[JBoomhauer]

Does that come with instructions ? For the window lickers..............

I imagine the window lickers would leave the empty cardboard tube there and walk away in defeat.

 

[acudaowner]

sounds like you need to treat yourself to that extra special triple ply quilted tp with lotion lol .

 

[101stinfantry]

The 'core' used to be smaller. The thing is, the marketers decided that if they make the cores larger, then the roll looks larger when sitting on the shelf at the store. So people think they're getting 'more'.

They're charged more for it, but they're getting the same (or less) and walk away happy.

Kinda like the dog food people, at first it was a 50lb bag, then 42, 36, 32, etc. Price never went down though, if anything it went up!

 

[JBoomhauer]

While we are on the subject of pondering in the throne room, window lickers, and empty rolls....

When someone finishes off a roll and leaves a tube, is it because

A: Luck was on their side and it happened to be exactly what they needed

B: They see a few sheets left and use em up because they are an asshole

C: They just say fuck it that’s good enough and leave with a dirty ass

 

[--BLACKOUT--]

Raise your hand if you ever had to go back to the bathroom... just to re-write.

??

 

[The DFC]

At first I read "pandering" in the throne room

 

[Threadcutter308]

Kinda like the dog food people, at first it was a 50lb bag, then 42, 36, 32, etc. Price never went down though, if anything it went up!

Wavy Lays potato chips............

 

[101stinfantry]

While we are on the subject of pondering in the throne room, window lickers, and empty rolls....

When someone finishes off a roll and leaves a tube, is it because luck was on their side and it happened to be exactly what they needed, they see a few sheets left and use em up because they are an asshole or they just say fuck it that’s good enough and leave with a dirty ass?

Never. Ever. Commit w/o making sure you have what you need!

 

[hlee]

The 'core' used to be smaller. The thing is, the marketers decided that if they make the cores larger, then the roll looks larger when sitting on the shelf at the store. So people think they're getting 'more'.

They're charged more for it, but they're getting the same (or less) and walk away happy.

Yep. And that is the same reason hotel soap is dished out and has cavities molded into it. It looks and feels like a more substantial bar than it is. Marketing and sales is all perception.

 

[Rthur]

Mr Wipple is a stingy prick.
As they increase the size of the roll less shit paper.

R

 

[armorpl8chikn]

When they quilt it, they are really sticking it to you. You get even less, but think it's more.

 

[Maggot]

Use your finger and you wont be troubled by all this deep thought.

 

[DarnYankeeUSMC]

The real question is.......
Over the front or off the back? Which way to install the new roll.



Front for me and my house.

 

[Threadcutter308]

The real question is.......
Over the front or off the back? Which way to install the new roll.



Front for me and my house.

There is no question about it, you are correct.

 

[Sean the Nailer]

The real question is.......
Over the front or off the back? Which way to install the new roll.



Front for me and my house.

Of course, this is the ONLY way. Anything else summons the devil.

 

[101stinfantry]

When they quilt it, they are really sticking it to you. You get even less, but think it's more.

How about the John Wayne toilet paper, rough, tough, and doesn't take shit off nobody!

 

[sharpshot50]

You all just need to adopt a better method. When you get done doing your business, you take one square of TP and poke a finger through the center. You then use your finger to clean yourself off and then you clean the finger with the square of paper as you bring it back through the hole. 500 craps per roll.

What could go wrong?

 

[Foul Mike]

Pisses me off that they reduce the width to get more rolls from a long stock roll. Make it narrower.

Here I sit in misty vapors
Some prick pissed on the toilet paper
The time has come, I cannot linger
Hang on ass here comes my finger

 

[Threadcutter308]

Of course, this is the ONLY way. Anything else summons the devil.

 

[Threadcutter308]

You all just need to adopt a better method. When you get done doing your business, you take one square of TP and poke a finger through the center. You then use your finger to clean yourself off and then you clean the finger with the square of paper as you bring it back through the hole. 500 craps per roll.

What could go wrong?

Been to the Soviet Union, have you ?

 

[mtrmn]

Ever find a roll completely UNrolled onto the floor? The larger tubes are a good cure for this. Just mash it out-of-round so that it will do the clunkety clunk eccentric rotation that pisses you off. At least it won't feed off the roll under it's own weight after you walk away.....

 

[Barneybdb]

The extra space is where the spiders live......

 

[Ravenworks]

Have any of you been to a place that has a hole in the wall telling you to insert your fingers for cleaning by human lips after you wipe?

Don't believe it, there's a monkey on the other side with a hammer waiting to smash your fingers once inserted.

 

[Barneybdb]

 

[CaptBrian]

Pisses me off that they reduce the width to get more rolls from a long stock roll. Make it narrower.

Here I sit in misty vapors
Some prick pissed on the toilet paper
The time has come, I cannot linger
Hang on ass here comes my finger

That’s some funny there Bro! Probably the start of some ‘Here I sit posts’ So:
Here I sit on this pooper giving birth to another Florida State Trooper!

 

[Maser]

Install a bidet. Problem solved.

 

[JBoomhauer]

Install a bidet. Problem solved.

Nah different problems

The last person to use it would have the temperature set to scald, the power to 11 and it aimed at the ball sack.

 

[Threadcutter308]

The extra space is where the poisonous spiders live......

FIFY..........

 

[101stinfantry]

If you had seen the outhouses at Ft. Benning back in the day! Those motherfuckers were absolutely chock full of Black Widows!

 

[12Bravo]

How about the John Wayne toilet paper, rough, tough, and doesn't take shit off nobody!

We used to complain about the paper we got from "the lowest bidder". It was so cheap that the paper still had splinters in it!

 

[Snuby642]

I have had 2 labradors that would get hold of a brand new roll by the end and run through the whole house.

Never could figure out how they did not break it.