In my head, It seems if I seat the primers to an exact same depth beyond flush, than some might bottom out less than others. Is this actually better than running them in until they bottom out? Maybe I’m missing something in the process.
Primers aren't a one-piece thing. There's the cup, the anvil, and the compound. The primer as a whole should be seated deep enough to where the anvil is contacting the bottom of the pocket, but (usually) not so far as bottom out the cup in the pocket. You can't (generally) compress the cup itself. The post before this shows this graphically.
Measure the depth of the primer pocket - say 0.125". Measure the height of the entire primer - including the legs - e.g. 0.121". Now take the tip of the blades of your calipers and measure the height of the cup itself. This part is a little tricky, getting in between the legs of the anvil, and with the radius of the cup, etc. Let's say this part is 0.113".
Given those numbers, you'd ideally want the primers seated at least 4 thou below flush - the primer pocket depth (0.125") minus the primer height (0.121"). The primer pocket depth (0.125") minus the primer *cup* height (0.113") gives you a total depth range of about 12 thou. So somewhere between 4 and 12 thou would be an acceptable range, given these specific numbers. 3-5 thou of 'crush' seems to be a pretty common range that works for various folks.
Usually when you see people refer to primer 'crush', they're referring to feeling the primer 'bottom out' in the pocket, and then begin to compress, consolidate or 'crush' (depending on which literature you're referring to) the anvil a small amount. Lots of people do it entirely by feel, and have perfectly good results. Other people like being able to attach a number to things, and go down that path. Whatever works for you.
You can take some/most of those measurements using a simple set of dial calipers, though they're not really ideal for the task. For a long time, Accuracy One / Hoover was about the only game in town with a dedicated tool that made measuring primer pocket depth / primer seating depth a lot easier / more consistent. There's
a new option on the market now... not cheap, but it does all of the above plus some (rim thickness).