Maggie’s shithouse poet

[SScott]

Re: shithouse poet

Instructions for using the last square to toilet paper to wipe your ass.
Fold once corner to corner, tear small piece out in the middle of the fold and save, unfold and insert finger, wipe ass with inserted finger, withdraw finger from paper cleaning along the way, now use the little piece you tore off to clean finger nail.
SScott

 

[TOP PREDATOR]

Re: shithouse poet

please put down the seating once you are done eating

 

[aussiem1a]

Re: shithouse poet

here i sit in total bliss
listening to my trickling piss
now and then a fart is heard
followed by a sloppy turd

 

[Awesymoto]

Re: shithouse poet

We have a Wagner in our platoon... he sees Wagner loves cock everywhere....

Saw an Argument up in Kandahar...
Army "Restrepo as hard as it gets... rolling stones"
Marines "To bad we had to be there to provide security for your HVI's"
Army "Go Home in 6 months we'll take care of the rest of the year"
Marines "Not our fault we do in 7 what it takes you 12"
took a picture... was funny.

And then this up in Geronimo....
"Here I sit Head hung low, giving birth to another SNCO"

 

[mackdrvr]

Re: shithouse poet

I saw this today....A puddle of diarrhea shit at the bottom that was moving around because there were about 500 maggots swimming around in it. It was gross, and fascinating at the same time.

 

[PKRobbins]

Re: shithouse poet

I you've got a short bat,
don't be afraid to crowd the plate.

 

[predatornut]

Re: shithouse poet

Saw this one when I was a kid and it has stuck with me for some reason.

Here I sit in fumes and vapor
Waiting for some toilet paper
How much longer must I linger
Before I'm forced to use my finger?

 

[Strickland]

Re: shithouse poet

Most of what I've ever seen is already posted above.

However, the damndest thing I ever saw was one time in Jr High while living in Saudi Arabia in the early 80's, I had to go grab a stall.

So I get in and close the door and saw that someone had drawn a 2ft smiley face on the back of the door.... with a turd....

 

[ArmaHeavy]

Re: shithouse poet

From a Port-a-shitter in Germany...

"Here I wipe with an MRE wrapper, buried with turds, in the Army's crapper."

 

[rendrenner]

Re: shithouse poet

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: pyrotechnic</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: rero360</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Not poetry, but a recurring theme was "Post is gay" I guess Post was a lower enlisted Infantry guy who was on the same FOB I was back in '07, saw that written in porta johns on every single FOB I went to all over Baghdad, Anaconda, Kuwait, and in the bathrooms of the barracks we were staying in at Ft. Dix. Also saw it written into the road surface in downtown Baghdad where they re poured cement to fill in an IED hole. </div></div>

Pretty sure they were referring to standing guard duty.


"</div></div>

Post was real person. An E-5 type from a guard unit there in 06-07.

 

[DP425]

Re: shithouse poet

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: rero360</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Not poetry, but a recurring theme was "Post is gay" I guess Post was a lower enlisted Infantry guy who was on the same FOB I was back in '07, saw that written in porta johns on every single FOB I went to all over Baghdad, Anaconda, Kuwait, and in the bathrooms of the barracks we were staying in at Ft. Dix. Also saw it written into the road surface in downtown Baghdad where they re poured cement to fill in an IED hole. </div></div>


HAHAHA! Post is a dude in the MI NG and although I've never met him, I know plenty of dudes who have and apparently he is truly a dick lover.

 

[DP425]

Re: shithouse poet

Any number of "gilbert pumps cats"... all over Iraq in 04-05. Perhaps my two favorites:

I've been to the top of the mountain... And I've Pumped Cats.
-SPC Gilbert

If pumping cats is wrong, I don't want to be right.
-SPC Gilbert

 

[Guest]

Re: shithouse poet

Not sure where I saw it.
Everybody pisses on the floor, be a hero and shit on the ceiling!

 

[Twisted .308]

Re: shithouse poet

saw one the other day...

BIG Arrow pointing down ..written above it was DALLAS COWBOY's NEW ARENA 2012 Season

 

[texasmotor]

Re: shithouse poet

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: predatornut</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Saw this one when I was a kid and it has stuck with me for some reason.

Here I sit in fumes and vapor
Waiting for some toilet paper
How much longer must I linger
Before I'm forced to use my finger? </div></div>

+1

 

[coldboremiracle]

This one was too good, had to breathe some life into this thread:

 

[Unknown]

One fellow sees another one fishing in the shultzy with a stick and asks what he is doing. "I dropped my jacket in there, says the fellow with the stick." Other fellow says, "Well it is ruined, and you can't use it now." Fellow with the stick says "Yeah, but I had a sandwich in the pocket."...

 

[Rthur]

I saw this one in Texas many years ago.

Mexicans are living proof that Indians had sex with buffalo.

 

[Foul Mike]

Here I sit in misty vapors
Someone pissed on the toilet paper
The time has come, I can not linger
Look out ass here comes my finger

Lots of draftees in RVN so no love lost with the Lifers
Lifers are like flies,
They eat shit and bother people.

That fly you just swatted was either the company commander or the 1st Sgt. Can you tell which one?
Doesn't matter as long as you smashed his ass.

 

[xringaccuracy]

There are a thousand variations to this one so post yours about the man from Nantucket. This is the one I read:
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whos dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it

 

[alreadygone]

"Be like Dad, not like Sis, raise the lid before you piss.

Bob

 

[HAZORD]

Saw this one in Yellowstone National Park about 30 years ago: "Flush hard, it's a long way to Jack In the Box"

 

[TOP PREDATOR]

...you should the giggles in the stalls when i break into song - "let it go" from frozen - applicable on soooo many levels:

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen.
A kingdom of isolation,
and it looks like I'm the Queen
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in;
Heaven knows I've tried

Don't let them in,
don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel,
don't let them know
Well now they know

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore

Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care
what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on.
The cold never bothered me anyway

It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all

It's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me,
I'm free!

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on

My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I'm never going back, the past is in the past

Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on

The cold never bothered me anyway!

​

 

[rooster2/16]

I've fucked in London I've fucked in spain I've even fucked in the USA but I'll never be happy and I'll never be free till I fuck the Army like they fucked me.

 

[kapp_badbloodz]

I saw this one the other day:

Roses are tits
Violets are tits
I love tits
tits tits tits


Whoever wrote that is a fucking GENIUS!

 

[Maggot]

To the tune of Folsom Prison Bluse by Johnny Cash.


I feel that loaf a slidin
Slidin down the tube
I know that its a comin
But I sure could use some lube
Cause its stuck inside my sphincter
And it wont break free
I sure hope it drops soon
cause its a killin me.


Took a dose of exlax
and a bit of feenamint
Now Ill drink some prune juice
Just to blast that baby loose
Cause its stuck inside my sphincter
and it wont break free
Sure hope it drops soon cause
its a killin me.

 

[justin amateur]

Let's make this clear when y'er in here
always squat to take the shot,
'cause its' not safe to sit and $hit.

The last plop you heard
was y'er wallet

I told him not to light a match to kill the smell...

 

[Super91]

Here I sit cheeks a flexing giving birth to another Texan.

 

[Nomad0001]

From military school:

Flush twice;
It's a long way to the mess hall !

 

[idpasteve]

" I wish I was a golden ring,
upon my true love's hand,
So every time she wiped her ass,
I' see the promised land"

 

[Maggot]

Let's make this clear when y'er in here
always squat to take the shot,
'cause its' not safe to sit and $hit.

The last plop you heard
was y'er wallet

I told him not to light a match to kill the smell...

I wonder what he had for supper last night?

 

[yoteman]

if your peters to short
an your pumper to weak
stand alittle closer
or you will piss on your feet

 

[LR338nut]

If you have a short barrel or low muzzle velocity
Please stand closer to your target

 

[Twisted .308]

Maybe should be in the Unacceptable Humor thread but it is shithouse related .........during the Zimmerman fiasco , someone at work spray painted a cardboard sign and put it in front of our skid-o-cans ........Trevon Martin Donation Center , give till it hurts !