The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

[EricCartmann]

Thought about posting this in the training session, but thought I would post this here first.

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<span style="font-size: 14pt"><span style="font-weight: bold">The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up now, slots limited.</span>
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Being on gun forums for about 10 years now (on and off), I have seen many training classes offered. These classes have many positives, such as:

- Teach you how to engage 3 targets at once by yourself while out in the open like Clint Eastwood in the movie the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

- They also teach you (Civilians) how to get in an aggressive frame of mind, a ready to kill frame of mind. They have you yell at the target as if preparing you to do a bonzai charge on a well dug in and well supported American Marine machine gun nest.

- Another positive these classes offer is they instill in you Civilians that an AR, a Glock, or an AK is not a hobby piece but a tool. You will learn to call your AR a tool and not a toy. You will learn that Ferrari's, Airplanes, and Yachts are toys.... while guns, Snap-on socket set, and DeWalt Power Drills are tools.


<span style="font-size: 14pt"><span style="font-weight: bold">However these classes lack real Military Training that the Cartmann class will offer. In the Cartmann class:</span></span>

- Get woken up at ungodly hours at random and stand in formation in your underwear and boots while it is 40 degrees outside while Cartmann critique's you on how slow you were to getting to formation. Then Cartmann will take his time telling you the days mission before telling you to fall out and get dressed.

- When you are about to go home or out for the weekend, Cartmann will announce "Barracks Lockdown this weekend" and then make everyone police Cartmanns yard and scrub Cartmanns pool for the entire weekend.

- you will be pulled at random to "volunteer", for duty that you don't want to "volunteer" for the entire day. Such as painting Cartmanns house or building that Gazebo that Cartmann has always been meaning to build.

- Make you wear your Helmet strapped in at all times. If anyone unstraps their helmet Cartmann will make them do 100 pushups while saying "Who do you think you are? John Wayne?". Then Cartmann will make you vacuum his floors and scrub his toilets.

- It is easy to be in the Killer frame of mind when your belly is full, you are well hydrated, and not tired. In the Cartmann class, you will be taught to be in the killer fram of mind after a 20 mile road march and while having an empty stomach. After the March, we will all go to Cartmann's moms house and paint her house and yell "paint paint paint" with the killer frame of mind while on an empty stomach. Those who are too tired to paint will prove that they do not have the killer frame of mind.

- Most Importantly, Cartmann will teach everyone discipline by having everyone jump up and stand at attention when Cartmann enters your living quarters. Then Cartmann will proceed to announce a "surprise inspection". Then proceed to scream how everything is laid out all wrong, throw everything on the ground, then having everyone pick everything up when Cartmann screams "Clean up this mess".

<span style="font-size: 14pt"><span style="font-weight: bold">This is just a glimpse of what you will get in the Cartmann real Soldier training class. Sign up now, slots are limited.</span></span>

 

[High Binder]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

 

[JelloStorm]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

DI Cartman during inspections:

 

[Maggot]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

Your treating them like pussies, Cart-dawg. I mean if yor gonna have them outside in undies, in 40% weather, you need to hoseem down with water.

 

[EricCartmann]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

^^^ LOL @ Maggots post.

 

[Queequeg]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

Will we have to call you Gunny Cartman?

 

[EricCartmann]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: queequeg</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Will we have to call you Gunny Cartman? </div></div>

I never even been to BNOC and ANOC, much less Drill Sargent School.

I was going to hire a real Drill Instructor to call formation, March the troops, as well as organize details.

 

[High Binder]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: queequeg</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Will we have to call you Gunny Cartman? </div></div>

 

[jcm331]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

 

[Queequeg]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

 

[Hasgun Willtravel]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: queequeg</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

</div></div>

For the win.

 

[Maser]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

 

[EricCartmann]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: HasgunWilltravel</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: queequeg</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

</div></div>

For the win. </div></div>

Winner!! OK??

 

[Veer_G]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Maser</div><div class="ubbcode-body">http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v507/Maser/avatars/03474a66.jpg </div></div>

Fixed it for you:

 

[mission_fail]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

Do we get stress cards?

 

[mission_fail]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: queequeg</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

</div></div>

This is the corpsman for the class, right?

 

[Maggot]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: mission_fail</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: queequeg</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

</div></div>

This is the corpsman for the class, right? </div></div>

SSShhhhhhh!!! That s the instructor.

 

[EricCartmann]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

Training is Serious Business!

Come on, you guys know that training and guns and internet is serious business! people have been banned for a year because they did not take the internet and their shooting seriously.

 

[mission_fail]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

 

[Veer_G]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: EricCartmann</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Training is Serious Business!

Come on, you guys know that training and guns and internet is serious business! people have been banned for a year because they did not take the internet and their shooting seriously. </div></div>

Hmm ... and where did that happen, and does Milo <span style="font-style: italic">really</span> have a really nice "alarm clock radio"?

 

[EricCartmann]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

Internet Gunfighting is like MMA, mix martial arts. to be good you have study many forms and techniques. Karate, Judo, Sambo, freestyle wrestling, Tai Kwon Do, etc.

The Cartmann real soldier training is not the only aspect of gun fighting, just another tool to help you in the "Octagon" of Internet gun Fighting.

 

[jasonk]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

I have to admit, I prefer your how to cook posts.

I think you make a better Martha Stewart than Major Payne.

 

[BALLISTIC]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jasonk</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I think you make a better Martha Stewart than Major Payne.</div></div>

Edited for content...LMAO!

 

[mission_fail]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

Will we be like grammaton clerics when we finish the course in terms of our gunfighting ability?

 

[EricCartmann]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: mission_fail</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Will we be like grammaton clerics when we finish the course in terms of our gunfighting ability?

</div></div>

I think that might be in a different universe. In this universe, the average weight of a civilian gunfighter is 350 lbs.

 

[EricCartmann]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: jasonk</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I have to admit, I prefer your how to cook posts.

I think you make a better Martha Stewart than Major Payne. </div></div>

Awwww! I think that is the sweetest thing that anyone ever said to me.

 

[mission_fail]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: EricCartmann</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: mission_fail</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Will we be like grammaton clerics when we finish the course in terms of our gunfighting ability?

</div></div>

I think that might be in a different universe. In this universe, the average weight of a civilian gunfighter is 350 lbs. </div></div>

So we would be more like the guy in the brown jacket rather than Christian Bale?

 

[EricCartmann]

Re: The EricCartmann Real Soldier training -- sign up

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: mission_fail</div><div class="ubbcode-body">

So we would be more like the guy in the brown jacket rather than Christian Bale? </div></div>

That guy in the brown jacket is pretty skinny compared to the average "gun guy".