That’s my take on it.
If I am going to mess with someone’s car, there will be 5 sticks of Semtex involved. Not Vaseline or hammers ;-).
That said, in this case, Semtex would have been warranted!
Cheers, Sirhr
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The Official “All Audi Drivers are Douche bags” Thread
- Thread starter sirhrmechanic
- Start date
If I am going to mess with someone’s car, there will be 5 sticks of Semtex involved. Not Vaseline or hammers ;-).
That said, in this case, Semtex would have been warranted!
Cheers, Sirhr
Bernie has 5 houses here!!!
I doubt he lives in any of them more than a couple of days a year. Isn’t socialism awesome?
Sirhr
I have wristwatches that cost more than an A3!
It’s like a Jetta with Special Olympics rings stuck on with tape!
Bah hahhahaha…. It’s always the poors who think they are somehow ‘un poor’ when they finance some half-price poseur POS!
Bah hahahahah…
Sirhr
Agreed, only know one owner whom isn’t a fuck head, and he into diesel.
If it hasn't already been said, Audi drivers are just VW drivers with worse narcissism.
Both companies were quite literally products of the Third Reich…
Auto Union - Wikipedia
Then again, half the Japanese carmakers today are derived from the entities that built the planes that bombed Pearl Harbor…
Sirhr
I never realized the Asshole Audi thing until I spent a month tooling around Italy about a decade ago. They have some great highways there with good speed limits (130kph/80mph) with a shit ton of speed trap cameras that they even give you a head's up are ahead, and the vast majority do the speed limit dead on with a fair bit of shuffling around trucks that do a good bit under. Then, here comes the Audi doing a solid 140mph a few inches off the side or blasting right up on the rear bumper flashing the lights like it's the Autobahn and you're the one in the wrong, usually with Swiss plates but not always. It wasn't Beemers or Benzes doing this, not even the Porsches or the occasional Ferrari and Lambo, it was always Audis. In the cities it was just as bad, no turn signals, no staying in their lane, no getting in a lane when expecting to take a turn ahead as they just take it from one to three lanes over and oncoming be damned.
It was then I realized in order to buy an Audi, the dealership makes a buyer sign a contract to drive like a complete and total prick fuck. Finding one driving like a sane person was the exception. Back in the States where I never gave Audis any attention prior to that trip, I noticed the same thing. They are the biggest dumbasses and assholes on the road, bar fucking none. It's like the sports car for the "rollin' coal" tools that like to mash the throttle right next to elementary school kids, and it would come at zero surprise to me to see the two parked next to each other at the same house.
So yes, all Audi drivers are douche bags, guaran-fucking-teed and 100% of the time. If I was at a rental desk and given the option to have a free upgrade from a Prius to an A8, I would take the faggy Prius just so I wouldn't have to sign the mandatory "you must drive like a douche bag" MOU.
It was then I realized in order to buy an Audi, the dealership makes a buyer sign a contract to drive like a complete and total prick fuck. Finding one driving like a sane person was the exception. Back in the States where I never gave Audis any attention prior to that trip, I noticed the same thing. They are the biggest dumbasses and assholes on the road, bar fucking none. It's like the sports car for the "rollin' coal" tools that like to mash the throttle right next to elementary school kids, and it would come at zero surprise to me to see the two parked next to each other at the same house.
So yes, all Audi drivers are douche bags, guaran-fucking-teed and 100% of the time. If I was at a rental desk and given the option to have a free upgrade from a Prius to an A8, I would take the faggy Prius just so I wouldn't have to sign the mandatory "you must drive like a douche bag" MOU.
Agreed. I have told these guys to not get me involved in the pranks. I'll laugh at all of you but if you pull a prank me. It'll be a very bad day for you.
My ex-FIL noose hung a road kill squirrel off a buddy’s hitch, a Karen called it in and got the guy pulled over for it. No ticket at least.
Buddy of mine used to do the wiper prank, with motor oil.
Awhile back I was frequenting a local watering hole. I had recently put my dog down, and I needed a change of scenery to keep my mind off things. The alcohol helped. Anyways, I became a well liked regular in no time. month or so later, this contractor comes in. He's from quite away from out of state, working the locals for storm damaged homes. A week goes buy of his nightly, arrogant, and annoying remarks. He's the best, making a killing, blah .... blah.... blah. One night he got real drunkenly obnoxious, comes out of the bathroom in hysterics, left a large tab, and said, see ya tomorrow assholes. Someone checked the bathroom to find he pissed all over the toilet, walls, floor..... it was a fuckin mess. He was never allowed back in. I used to walk there since I lived so close. It only took 5mins and I didn't have to worry about getting pulled over. I always cut through a parking lot at an apartment complex, and there it was. His contracting truck. The next night I brought along my valve stem tool. I unscrew 2 of the inner valves just a wee bit. Every morning, for about a month, he kept waking up to 2 flat tires on diagonal corners. I give every detail because, I hope he's reading this.
Yup, that was me. I got you, bitch boy.
Awhile back I was frequenting a local watering hole. I had recently put my dog down, and I needed a change of scenery to keep my mind off things. The alcohol helped. Anyways, I became a well liked regular in no time. month or so later, this contractor comes in. He's from quite away from out of state, working the locals for storm damaged homes. A week goes buy of his nightly, arrogant, and annoying remarks. He's the best, making a killing, blah .... blah.... blah. One night he got real drunkenly obnoxious, comes out of the bathroom in hysterics, left a large tab, and said, see ya tomorrow assholes. Someone checked the bathroom to find he pissed all over the toilet, walls, floor..... it was a fuckin mess. He was never allowed back in. I used to walk there since I lived so close. It only took 5mins and I didn't have to worry about getting pulled over. I always cut through a parking lot at an apartment complex, and there it was. His contracting truck. The next night I brought along my valve stem tool. I unscrew 2 of the inner valves just a wee bit. Every morning, for about a month, he kept waking up to 2 flat tires on diagonal corners. I give every detail because, I hope he's reading this.
Yup, that was me. I got you, bitch boy.
Around here douchebags drive trucks and jeeps that say "Rocky Ridge" or some such faggotry on them
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I took this pic and created the meme. Douche bag drivers come in all shapes.
Note that the pickup is not only lifted and squatted, but also parked across 3 parking spaces. If the black vehicle next to it had parked a bit closer, the white one would have been completely at their mercy. No way is that thing crawling over that curb. It might get dirt on a wheel rim.
Not every douche bag in my area drives a pickup like this. But, everyone that drives a pickup like this is a douche bag.
We don’t see many Audis around here. But, last year there were at least 4 G wagons in the student parking lot at the high school.
Note that the pickup is not only lifted and squatted, but also parked across 3 parking spaces. If the black vehicle next to it had parked a bit closer, the white one would have been completely at their mercy. No way is that thing crawling over that curb. It might get dirt on a wheel rim.
Not every douche bag in my area drives a pickup like this. But, everyone that drives a pickup like this is a douche bag.
We don’t see many Audis around here. But, last year there were at least 4 G wagons in the student parking lot at the high school.
Oh man don't move to Arizona half the people here drive a walmart version of that truck. Usually a 90s diesel that blows smoke and leans to one side.
Indeed. My aim was for that slow, annoying, and hard to find leak.
Took about 3 weeks for him to figure it out.
Big rubber dildo tied to the bumper and tucked loosely under the bumper, hit a bump and they are trolling
Since you're suggesting rubber, use a slightly longer tether so it bounces around on the pavement.
Funny thing, I actually drove one of those little micro trucks when I was stationed at Travis AFB back in the early 2000s. I was the DO for the squadron that also happened to ‘own’ all the ground vehicles for my group…mostly HMMWVs, forklifts, loaders, etc., but we also had a few cars, trucks, and other vehicles with actual license plates and allowed to be driven around the base.
As the DO, I had access to all of them, and often drove one of those little micro trucks around the base. No top end at all, like maybe 30 MPH or so, but it carried everything I needed it to carry, and could park it anywhere. Very handy when running late to a staff meeting or other appointment with Senior leaders on base, and being late wasn’t an option.
Can’t recall exactly, but think it was a Daihatsu, or maybe a Mitsubishi. Loved that little thing!
Clearly you never had to drive one of them with all your Chem gear on.
Them tiny doors aren't easy to close with all that.
However, I'd still love to have one in 4wd for a hunting vehicle. Or, a tiny van painted black for a "goin' shootin" vehicle.
A/C would be mandatory with tinted windows and a loud assed stereo.
Yeah, every time I get a hankering for one like that, I start by looking at golf carts, then inevitably progress to side-by-sides, and then go right off a cliff looking at $40K Can Am Defenders with a/c and doors. Eventually realize my gas-powered golf cart does everything I need here where we used to be out in the country, but now well within the outer fringes of suburbia.Clearly you never had to drive one of them with all your Chem gear on.
Them tiny doors aren't easy to close with all that.
However, I'd still love to have one in 4wd for a hunting vehicle. Or, a tiny van painted black for a "goin' shootin" vehicle.
A/C would be mandatory with tinted windows and a loud assed stereo.
Would like more suspension travel so I don’t have to slow down over the speed bumps though! LoL
One of my office associates recently bought a new Audi SUV. She told me that they really stressed that she must use premium gasoline. She justified it to me by saying she was used to paying for diesel for her F-250 and the Audi got 25 MPG.
Texas thing I guess
Texas thing I guess
Well shit… if you want 4x4, doors, A/C, more ground clearance, and all the pain of squeezing into a Diahatsu but in German you can build a Smart-runner!
Not gonna lie... I kinda like the little fucker! And if it runs outta fuel all you have to do is catch another squirrel!
Truth is spoken here.
All Audi people I know voted for Biden.
Granted I only know 3 audi people, and prefer more innie people, but that just a centralist thing.
All Audi people I know voted for Biden.
Granted I only know 3 audi people, and prefer more innie people, but that just a centralist thing.
Well shit… if you want 4x4, doors, A/C, more ground clearance, and all the pain of squeezing into a Diahatsu but in German you can build a Smart-runner!
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Not gonna lie... I kinda like the little fucker! And if it runs outta fuel all you have to do is catch another squirrel!
Needs a roof rack.
Rifles ain't gonna fit inside.
I'm not so sure about that... but... I will say driving an electric car makes all other drivers seem slow. When you car does 0-60 in 2-3 seconds... Anyway....
We were up in Boston and needed a rental car. The only thing they had that would fit the bill was a Audi Q7... so we took it.
What a piece of crap. Jesus, I'm German...and I'm still flummoxed that they could screw up a "high end" Audi that badly. The transmission was awful, the ride was so-so... I'd take the ride of a Toyota Corolla over that POC. My wife was like "we better have gotten a great deal on this POC."
Honestly, if those cars are now that crappy, I can't understand what's to be smug about? I hope an A8 is alot better.....
I was in Boston and they gave me an Audi Q7.
What a piece Of crap. Seriously, the transmission was awful… it had no balls to speak of… and I was left wondering who in theit right mind would test drive that car and say “man, I’ve got to buy this!”
What a piece Of crap. Seriously, the transmission was awful… it had no balls to speak of… and I was left wondering who in theit right mind would test drive that car and say “man, I’ve got to buy this!”
They must rent out some turds in Boston.
A forum member above you had nearly an identical experience.
Hired a C class Benz recently. Bout 10k on the odo, rattly trim and no W126 series ‘bank vault‘ clunk, as the door closes anymore. The Toyota Camry I got the week before was screwed together better. I Have a 90’s mk 2 golf that is refusing to die, just cockroaches it way thru the decades. Another family member has a 2 year old golf that’s dumped a transmission, and various other components. WTF Chermans? I suspect there are fewer Otto Wurstbangers on the production line these days, and more immigrant workers. And components not made in Wolfsburg anymore.
Ah… they are built in Alabama now.
What you think you are getting:
What you are actually getting:
Sirhr
As much as I bag on German cars and their stupid ass engineering something about the S8 Plus and RS6 just does it for me. Really thinking of getting the 17-18 S8 as my next beater.
This is only practical for a guy who carries a big rubber dildo with him.
Or you plan ahead and run into said asshat often
Plus never hurts to be prepared, might only have one shot at exacting revenge
You might get roasted. Now, I like to have some sauce on a roast. I like food a little spicy. However, that cause some great wailing and gnashing of teeth here. In the Hide, you are only allowed gravy. So, what kind of gravy? White or brown? I would suggest a savory brown to go with the roast.
Maybe some grilled potato slices. Steamed broccoli.
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