The Official Unofficial 2021 Horrible Christmas Gift Thread

[TheGerman]

Its about that time again.

My wife is already coming home with a bunch of junk from all of the office staff at work in their annual attempt to beg for a nice gift or bonus via horrible assortments of lotion samplers, horribly handmade ornaments, weird shit that you didn't even know could be personalized and a plethora of random, cheap shit that is actually an ironic lesson as to why they always complain about being broke, yet continue to buy cheap useless shit all of the time. Surprising. Who knew?

Post your horrible 2021 Christmas gift in this thread; please try and limit it to 1 unless you just really end up being the person everyone seems to hate and your gifts just end up going from bad to worse to someone giving you a SPRMS mount.

Winner will be selected and will win.......something.

Rules:

- Must be a gift you received
- Gift must be current/received during the 2021 holiday season
- Must post a picture for it to be considered an entry
- We don't care that your wife is pregnant and/or that you popped out a fuck trophy this week
- COVID, herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, crabs and a UTI do not count; yet we will accept HIV or dismemberment
- Please give as much detail about the gift as you can. What it is, where and who it came from and why its horrible
- Bonus points if its that bitch Carole Baskin's fault

Feel free to post other horrible gift stories about that half opened jar of pickles your wife got from your mom or whatever as well, but the entries are for your gift(s) only.

 

[Sheldon N]

It was a white elephant gift received last weekend at a Christmas party... but secretly I like it.

 

[vinniedelpino]

Havent received anything crappy yet. Just booze and coffee.

I just sent this to my shittiest employee. Lets see if they get the hint.

Jelly Of The Month Club

 

[TheGerman]

It was a white elephant gift received last weekend at a Christmas party... but secretly I like it.

Someones' work bathroom has 1 less paper towel machine.

 

[TheGerman]

Havent received anything crappy yet. Just booze and coffee.

I just sent this to my shittiest employee. Lets see if they get the hint.

Jelly Of The Month Club

I'd be confused as its still $176.

 

[theLBC]

lol, merry christmas, and look at the crappy shit the poors gave us for presents!

 

[vinniedelpino]

I'd be confused as its still $176.

I did six months at $90.

Everyone else got a cash bonus. Man, that employee sucks.

 

[TheGerman]

lol, merry christmas, and look at the crappy shit the poors gave us for presents!

I am literally waiting for my wife to come home and say that out loud one year.

 

[TheGerman]

I did six months at $90.

Everyone else got a cash bonus. Man, that employee sucks.

lmao the half year thing would bother me

 

[Jscb1b]

My mom wanted to gift us an above ground swimming pool.

 

[oneshot86]

It was a white elephant gift received last weekend at a Christmas party... but secretly I like it.

You loose, that thing is bitchin

 

[HiDesertELR]

I think I saw a latch hook rug thing in the "to be wrapped" pile the other day...

Better not be for me. But it was a soccer ball, so it might be. Can't wait

 

[IowaPlinker]

We had our family gift exchange with my in laws yesterday.
no picture, so I know I am not eligible. MIL asked what I really wanted this year soI told her, Milwaukee 18v, 1/2” impact wrench.
Shockingly, that is what I unwrapped. However when I took it out of the new, looked factory sealed, box, I found a heavily used, cracked housing, blue spray paint on the handle, no trigger Milwaukee 18v, 1/2” Impact wrench.
I asked her when all her grandkids were done with gifts and getting loaded on sugar.
Did you mean to give me a used tool?
She opened the box and looked at it and went straight to pissed off. She bought it Black Friday at the local Farm Fleet and had no idea.
She took it with the intention of going back today to raise hell.

I wish I had a picture of the tool, and I wish I had a picture of her face when she took it out of the box.

 

[Im2bent]

Is this your employee?

 

[oneshot86]

I think I saw a latch hook rug thing in the "to be wrapped" pile the other day...

Better not be for me.

Hahahahaha

 

[TheGerman]

I think I saw a latch hook rug thing in the "to be wrapped" pile the other day...

Better not be for me. But it was a soccer ball, so it might be. Can't wait

Oh we definitely need a picture of this.

 

[vinniedelpino]

Is this your employee?

I can only hope he's that disappointed.

Says he has irritable bowel syndrome. He spends 20 minutes every hour in the bathroom on his cell phone, I'm convinced he's whackin' it in there. If there was a such thing as the ky jelly of the month club I would have gotten him that instead.

 

[TheGerman]

I can only hope he's that disappointed.

Says he has irritable bowel syndrome. He spends 20 minutes every hour in the bathroom on his cell phone, I'm convinced he's whackin' it in there. If there was a such thing as the ky jelly of the month club I would have gotten him that instead.

Why not just fire him? Sounds absolutely useless.

 

[HiDesertELR]

Oh we definitely need a picture of this.

Yeah... If it's for me, I'll post it.

Right next to the two pair of Italian leather gloves, fox fur scarf, and $400 boots I got her.

 

[TheGerman]

Yeah... If it's for me, I'll post it.

Right next to the two pair of Italian leather gloves, fox fur scarf, and $400 boots I got her.

I see there's now 2 chances of winning for you.

 

[vinniedelpino]

Why not just fire him? Sounds absolutely useless.

CPA firm and tax season is right around the corner. Finding new help now is a lost cause. I just hired him in August.

He'll be the least productive by a long shot. Just hoping he comes close to covering his wages and allows me to service everyone I made a commitment to already. He's gone come May and we all know it. Him included.

 

[Not a Sniper]

I did six months at $90.

Everyone else got a cash bonus. Man, that employee sucks.

Throw a loaf of wonderbread at that bitch.

Just sayin'. Give it some context.

Loaf of bread or stack o' cash....

 

[TheGerman]

CPA firm and tax season is right around the corner. Finding new help now is a lost cause. I just hired him in August.

He'll be the least productive by a long shot. Just hoping he comes close to covering his wages and allows me to service everyone I made a commitment to already. He's gone come May and we all know it. Him included.

If he has IBS, its not too late to change it to the hot sauce of the month club.

Now it only being 6 months since hes gone in May is even more hilarious.

 

[Im2bent]

Ahhh if he knows he's gone isn't he a massive liability? What if he deliberately fucks things up?

 

[vinniedelpino]

Ahhh if he knows he's gone isn't he a massive liability? What if he deliberately fucks things up?

I review everything he does with a fine tooth comb and send it to clients myself. His PTIN is on the returns anyway. He'd lose his license if he pulled any funny business.

If he can't at least cover 75% of his pay he's gone mid season. The couch in the office is a pullout. I've pulled through before and I will again.

 

[TheGerman]

Ahhh if he knows he's gone isn't he a massive liability? What if he deliberately fucks things up?

Ok, so in the lead, we have Vinnie's pending federal lawsuit.

 

[Billdoe708]

It was a white elephant gift received last weekend at a Christmas party... but secretly I like it.

They didn't get you the matching hands free lotion dispenser?

 

[Thorny]

To be fair, it's not bad with morning coffee.

 

[rlarsen462]

I am more simple when it comes to shitty employees and providing shitty gifts. We only have 15 total, 14 of them were invited to the Christmas party and received bonuses, free meals, booze, and paid rides home. The other I'm planning to fire this Saturday.

 

[ACard]

Ohhh fuck...gonna have to make more popcorn, this should be fun!

 

[Flintdog2011]

I briefly possessed this beauty before some white elephant shenanigans.

 

[ACard]

I will have an entry on Christmas Day if history is any indicator... my wife's Aunt only gives gifts she finds at garage sales... if tiny ass town Texas will have enough phone signal for me to post, lol.

 

[TheGerman]

They didn't get you the matching hands free lotion dispenser?

It could only have been better, if when he had activated it, that the paper that came out had a dick drawn on it.

 

[TheGerman]

View attachment 7765864
To be fair, it's not bad with morning coffee.

Is it bad that I thought this was pizza at first?

 

[TheGerman]

I am more simple when it comes to shitty employees and providing shitty gifts. We only have 15 total, 14 of them were invited to the Christmas party and received bonuses, free meals, booze, and paid rides home. The other I'm planning to fire this Saturday.

Yesssss. This is what I'm talking about.

Oh hey, so like, did I miss the Christmas party or something?

Good news, we're about to talk about that.

 

[HiDesertELR]

View attachment 7765864
To be fair, it's not bad with morning coffee.

Pepperoni fruit cake?

 

[HiDesertELR]

I see there's now 2 chances of winning for you.

I always win

 

[TheGerman]

I always win

I mean, the easy win here is for her to just wear the scarf, gloves and boots and then you two can get it on ontop of your soccer ball rug thing.

 

[HiDesertELR]

I mean, the easy win here is for her to just wear the scarf, gloves and boots and then you two can get it on ontop of your soccer ball rug thing.

Yup, leather and fur for Christmas, rug burns for the Anniversary.

 

[Jefe's Dope]

It was a white elephant gift received last weekend at a Christmas party... but secretly I like it.

I found a pallet of these in our warehouse. Apparently one of the GMs ordered them for the restaurants and then they quit making paper rolls for them. I mentioned it to my wife, another GM, and she said "the ones I have four rolls for?". She has a "new" machine that doesn't take those rolls. I'm thinking I might scavenge enough rolls for my garage to last quite a while.

 

[TheGerman]

Christmas gift thread.

We already have 2 people excited about hand towel dispensers.

What in the fuck is going on?

 

[D̷e̷v̷i̷l̷D̷o̷c̷A̷Z̷]

All I got were soft Tacos and sugar free pudding.

 

[Jefe's Dope]

Christmas gift thread.

We already have 2 people excited about hand towel dispensers.

What in the fuck is going on?

Dirty hands in the gayrage. No touch towel dispensing brings the boys to the yard.

 

[Jgunner]

Grandmother got me hand woven place mats from the 70’s in a yellow and brown pattern. I was 13 and it was in the 90’s. She bought them at a garage sale and had no clue what to get me, although i had one major hobby and it was all i did. Maybe she hated me.

 

[TheGerman]

Dirty hands in the gayrage. No touch towel dispensing brings the boys to the yard.

Ok so now I kind of want one.

 

[TheGerman]

All I got were soft Tacos and sugar free pudding.

You will be rewarded with cocoa butter and fail.

 

[akmike47]

If he has IBS, its not too late to change it to the hot sauce of the month club.

Now it only being 6 months since hes gone in May is even more hilarious.

To be fAir I have the worst guts in history and hot stuff doesn’t bother me at all. Even my jelly is half habaneros.

However some days I can drink a glass of water and about shit my pants. Shit makes no sense, literally.

I ask for money for gifts, no one will buy what I want, and I’m tired of getting things that don’t fit or don’t work. They whine about it but I’m the easiest person to give to, or not it doesn’t matter to me.

 

[TheGerman]

 

[HousePlant]

We had our family gift exchange with my in laws yesterday.
no picture, so I know I am not eligible. MIL asked what I really wanted this year soI told her, Milwaukee 18v, 1/2” impact wrench.
Shockingly, that is what I unwrapped. However when I took it out of the new, looked factory sealed, box, I found a heavily used, cracked housing, blue spray paint on the handle, no trigger Milwaukee 18v, 1/2” Impact wrench.
I asked her when all her grandkids were done with gifts and getting loaded on sugar.
Did you mean to give me a used tool?
She opened the box and looked at it and went straight to pissed off. She bought it Black Friday at the local Farm Fleet and had no idea.
She took it with the intention of going back today to raise hell.

I wish I had a picture of the tool, and I wish I had a picture of her face when she took it out of the box.

This happened to me on a Makita impact -- from their distribution center. Ended up storming into the nearest store, waiting in line at CS for like 20 min, finally explain the situation fuming and she goes... "Weird, I returned that 3 days ago." WTF???????? Made their employee go get me a new one and told her I want to watch her put a defective or loss prevention tag on it. She did.

 

[akmike47]

You ever takes the dirt road home?

They could be long lost relatives, my family helped settle that part of Canada...sorry.