The Official Unofficial Annual Horrible Christmas Gift Thread. Now with prizes and unwanted insights into your life.

[Tempest 455]

From my daughter-in-laws brother: a pineapple.

A. Fucking. Pineapple.


ETA: IDK if that's the worst, but gotta be the weirdest.

 

[Jigstick]

I do, and when I was in the Army being a fag was illegal. It should have stayed that way.

Pineapples are reserved for my wife.

It’s actually you that eats the pineapple. To benefit your wife

 

[oneshot86]

I wrench on tractors and stuff 6 days a week 8 to 14 hours a day. My tools cost a fuckin shit ton. I got this:View attachment 8032414

you lucky dog...

 

[Jscb1b]

you lucky dog...

Give me your address and it is yours.

 

[Snipe260]

My dad got me a macys gift card. What the fuck am I going to buy at macys?

A scarf?

 

[mi650]

It’s actually you that eats the pineapple. To benefit your wife

I'm aware.

And I'm told pineapple juice is preferred.

 

[_Windrider_]

A scarf?

To hang myself with?

 

[OREGUN]

To hang myself with?

To keep your neck warm you masochist. Jeezus.

 

[mbeavers1]

Maybe I earned this one? The best part was the card. Once you opened it, you were greeted by the sound of flabby cheeks meeting sagging balls....at full volume...with no off button.

My 'friends' got me good...

 

[JJMoody]

So, I’m a shitty gift giver. It’s just my wife and I and we pretty much buy whatever we want throughout the year and are usually slammed at least a month out on every single gifting occasion- ( we also got married on opening day of elk season- was a great idea, when she liked to hunt…), but now there’s a gifting occasion right when I’d like to not have to think about that.
This year my wife really wanted a new IPad and I had zero time to go out and fight the crowds downtown ( read that as I didn’t want to and knew she’d just order the one she wanted anyway). We’re also big DIYers, and I thought she’d appreciate this….. nope…

 

[Familydude]

I wrench on tractors and stuff 6 days a week 8 to 14 hours a day. My tools cost a fuckin shit ton. I got this:View attachment 8032414

This is bad. Really bad.

 

[greentick]

My mother in law got me a bottle of sparkling wine that I don't drink, but my wife does. (I think it's payback for when my FIL got my wife a chainsaw for her birthday a few yrs ago lol). Last year she got me a Han Solo shirt.

Even better is my mom got me a Buffalo Bill's "choose love" shirt done in memory of the Tops shooting. Wrong on many levels. On the plus side, it's 100% cotton so has, ironically, made its way to my gun cleaning ragbag.

 

[JoshPutman]

So, I’m a shitty gift giver. It’s just my wife and I and we pretty much buy whatever we want throughout the year and are usually slammed at least a month out on every single gifting occasion- ( we also got married on opening day of elk season- was a great idea, when she liked to hunt…), but now there’s a gifting occasion right when I’d like to not have to think about that.
This year my wife really wanted a new IPad and I had zero time to go out and fight the crowds downtown ( read that as I didn’t want to and knew she’d just order the one she wanted anyway). We’re also big DIYers, and I thought she’d appreciate this….. nope…View attachment 8032736

What woman doesn't like home made crafts? They are straight from the heart.

ETA: Upon further reflection, she may have been upset that you ruined one of her perfectly good manhole covers. You should have dug in the trash and "repurposed" one of her used ones.

I mean really, what kind of heathen are you? What with all this "green" shit being forced down our throats. Come on, man! It's for the environment!

 

[davsco]

I wrench on tractors and stuff 6 days a week 8 to 14 hours a day. My tools cost a fuckin shit ton. I got this:View attachment 8032414

Well, does it live up to the hype? I'm looking forward to buying your snap on socket sets on the cheap.

 

[Jscb1b]

Well, does it live up to the hype? I'm looking forward to buying your snap on socket sets on the cheap.

Give me your address and it is yours.

 

[rjacobs]

Maybe I earned this one? The best part was the card. Once you opened it, you were greeted by the sound of flabby cheeks meeting sagging balls....at full volume...with no off button.

My 'friends' got me good...
View attachment 8032689

far and away not the worst, by a mile. Possibly one of the best... Maybe not to you, but for everybody else AROUND YOU when you opened it...

 

[earthtrekker1775]

@mi650 An upside down pineapple in your cart is a signal to swingers that you are available for group buggering. Is your BIL trying to tell you something, or are you trying to tell us something?
After what my govt did to me for the past 3 years I have permanently lost my appetite for getting fucked by a bunch of random old people.

Edit: just realized I replied to the wrong post. Haven't had my coffee yet.

 

[Jscb1b]

Where is that cheap ass poore German with the prizes and bad advice?