I usually clean the carpet a couple times a year.
We have three teenagers who are not allowed to wear shoes in the house, but they constantly try to forget that.
Did I mention having a fat, dirty cat and an 84lb hair factory of a dog.
Pic of the cat doesn't do justice to his Jabba looking ass.
The other hair factory.
Anyway, my oldest daughter comes over with her new husband and even newer 1yr old dog. (1yr old and lived in a rescue his entire life...)
This is him on the left with my mutt giving him the stink eye just before a little dose of "we don't behave that way".
Christmas morning:
The kids arrive, and to my fantastic surprise, they have my youngest daughter in tow. A nice secret trip down for a few days visit.
Yaaaaay, dad is happy.
(For a while)
They get out of the car and Buddy the dog escapes their grasp and heads down the street...
Anybody see where I'm headed?
The perp is captured and made to go potty before coming in.
I repeat, does anyone see where this is going?
They get inside and all is well for about an hour.
He's been drinking too much.
No, not me. Buddy...
Meanwhile, we've opened presents and Neal gets a doggy care and cleanup kit, mostly sort of a joke that can actually be used.
He no sooner sets down the kit and...
Buddy pisses in the middle of my living room.
He's stopped and immediately taken outside to finish his business.
Neal looks at me and remarks that he knew he'd use it but didn't expect it to be so soon...
My daughter brings Ol' Buddy inside and while cleanup is being completed, he decides to shit next to the piano.
Now I can go into detail how the rest of the day went, but suffice to say that shitting 3 times and pissing 7 times is a bit much for me.
The kids leave and my youngest stays with us.
You may ask yourself where this is all leading to?
Remember I mentioned carpet cleaning way up there ^^^^^^^ ?
I got up this morning, made coffee and took my very well behaved hair factory out for her morning potty break. She's happy. She got to run a squirrel away from the squirrel feeder and strutted around the lawn until I called her in.
I get inside and pour my cup full, sit on my spot on the couch.
For some reason my eyes are drawn to piss spot #6.
In the early morning light, I notice a weird glow in the distinct pattern of his urine.
It's fucking glowing. I look around and every spot where he's "tinkled" has the same Christmas glow to it, and the "clean" spot is lighter in color than the rest.
Fuck...
Remember way back there ^^^ I mentioned carpet cleaning?
Merry Christmas dad. Can you clean the carpets?
Oh, and to top it off, as they were getting ready to leave last night, Ol' squatty piss boy decided to lift his leg, and pissed on me...
Merry Christmas you buncha filthy animals.
