So minding my own business in the shop today.... behind a gate. Up a long driveway... that specifically says keep the fuck out. And a sign on the door that says by appointment only... So keep the fuck out.
And in walks some broad in a spendy white Suv-truck and a puffy coat that only a flatlander moron would wear...
She introduces herself as my neighbor... (Thought to self, 'not a fucking chance in hell you stupid bitch, you're some idiot who built a McMansion within the last 2 years because Vermont will be safe for your Trans Kids or something.. .')
Well, my "Neighbor" ignored all my signs and violated the sanctity of the Schloss... because she has lost her beagle. Three days ago. It was wearing an orange vest...and probably Ugg Boots. Bet the vest came from Macy's.
"Nope, haven't seen a beagle in an orange vest here. Sorry. Thanks, have a nice day"... motioning towards the door...
Well... that doesn't end it... Nope. That could have been the end... no harm no foul. Just a lost dog. Happens. Can't get too upset about that (though betting the dog was not on a leash, which is mandatory here.)
Nope... that doesn't end it. Because next she blurts out that she has consulted a.... wait for it... wait for it...
Fucking Pet Psychic!
Apparently thiis broad called some clairvoyant dude who is probably sitting in his parents basement sucking down Cheetos and getting $29.99 a minute from stupiid people... and this fat grifter had a White-claw-addled vision and said her fucking beagle in the orange vest was "on a big property with lots of buildings and was probably hiding under a shed or barn."
"Nope, says I. No beagles in orange vests under my buildings. Nothing can get under them. Have a nice day... Motioning worwards the door." (And at this point I am trying not to call her batshit crazy to her face and mention that she needs to look for a coyote with pieces of orange vest hanging out of its ass...)
Well, still doesn't end there...
Apparently, the Oracle-of-Delphi-wanna-be pet psychic has also envisioned that there is a 'maroon van' on the property. And do I have a Maroon van?
Fighting off the urge to say "Just the one that I use to bait little kids with free candy..." I say sorry, no maroon van. Wrong place. If I see your orange-clad beagle, I'll let you know." (Though my brain is saying, look for buzzards in the spring and follow the smell of Decomp.)... I finally send her ass packing out the door.
Holy mother of fucking God... these people vote! And I guarantee all "Progressive."
Well, if any of you guys see a little beagle in an orange vest from Macy's and probably a set of little Ugg boots... Drop me a PM. It's the least I can do to help do my civic duty.
Wow... just wow...
Sirhr
PS. No houses got burned...
PPS. Oh and this is how you rant... for those still learning the craft! ;-)
And in walks some broad in a spendy white Suv-truck and a puffy coat that only a flatlander moron would wear...
She introduces herself as my neighbor... (Thought to self, 'not a fucking chance in hell you stupid bitch, you're some idiot who built a McMansion within the last 2 years because Vermont will be safe for your Trans Kids or something.. .')
Well, my "Neighbor" ignored all my signs and violated the sanctity of the Schloss... because she has lost her beagle. Three days ago. It was wearing an orange vest...and probably Ugg Boots. Bet the vest came from Macy's.
"Nope, haven't seen a beagle in an orange vest here. Sorry. Thanks, have a nice day"... motioning towards the door...
Well... that doesn't end it... Nope. That could have been the end... no harm no foul. Just a lost dog. Happens. Can't get too upset about that (though betting the dog was not on a leash, which is mandatory here.)
Nope... that doesn't end it. Because next she blurts out that she has consulted a.... wait for it... wait for it...
Fucking Pet Psychic!
Apparently thiis broad called some clairvoyant dude who is probably sitting in his parents basement sucking down Cheetos and getting $29.99 a minute from stupiid people... and this fat grifter had a White-claw-addled vision and said her fucking beagle in the orange vest was "on a big property with lots of buildings and was probably hiding under a shed or barn."
"Nope, says I. No beagles in orange vests under my buildings. Nothing can get under them. Have a nice day... Motioning worwards the door." (And at this point I am trying not to call her batshit crazy to her face and mention that she needs to look for a coyote with pieces of orange vest hanging out of its ass...)
Well, still doesn't end there...
Apparently, the Oracle-of-Delphi-wanna-be pet psychic has also envisioned that there is a 'maroon van' on the property. And do I have a Maroon van?
Fighting off the urge to say "Just the one that I use to bait little kids with free candy..." I say sorry, no maroon van. Wrong place. If I see your orange-clad beagle, I'll let you know." (Though my brain is saying, look for buzzards in the spring and follow the smell of Decomp.)... I finally send her ass packing out the door.
Holy mother of fucking God... these people vote! And I guarantee all "Progressive."
Well, if any of you guys see a little beagle in an orange vest from Macy's and probably a set of little Ugg boots... Drop me a PM. It's the least I can do to help do my civic duty.
Wow... just wow...
Sirhr
PS. No houses got burned...
PPS. Oh and this is how you rant... for those still learning the craft! ;-)
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