They live among us.

Maggot

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood"
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Minuteman
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  • Jul 27, 2007
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    Virginia
    Got this from a friend, thought it worth the share. Add yours.


    My husband and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
    Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
    She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
    I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'
    She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
    I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
    The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
    Do not confuse the people at MacD's.
    We had to have the garage door repaired.
    The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
    I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
    He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
    I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
    We haven't used that repairman since...
    I live in a semi rural area.
    We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
    The reason: 'Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
    IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.
    My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.
    She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
    He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
    'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
    To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
    He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
    The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
    I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
    She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
    I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
    Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
    She is a government employee.....
    When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a
    service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
    We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
    As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
    ‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
    His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
    STAY ALERT!
    They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…....
    You now have 2 options...
    Delete it…..
    or
    Send it along to put a smile on someone's face today!.
     
    Had a new apprentice on a job , this guy was fresh out of the army , so not a dumbass teen , told him to go up to the 10th floor where a guy was welding and to top off his machine with oil, it used about a quart every 2 days and needed to be checked and topped off daily, a little while later the welder came to me and said his welder was smoking, we went to the 10th floor and the dumbass apprentice filled the crankcase all the way to the top of the filler tube that was about 7 inches above the crankcase, unbelievable. Later that week same apprentice comes to me and tells me he won't be in Monday or Tuesday because he had friends coming in from out of town , I told him noway I needed him there all week and he had just started last week and if he didn't show up he was fired, quess what, he was a no show , but shows up wensday like it was no big deal , told him to go to the hall and wait for his check, I get a call from the hall and the business agent begs me not to fire him , unbelievable.
     
    Had a new apprentice on a job , this guy was fresh out of the army , so not a dumbass teen , told him to go up to the 10th floor where a guy was welding and to top off his machine with oil, it used about a quart every 2 days and needed to be checked and topped off daily, a little while later the welder came to me and said his welder was smoking, we went to the 10th floor and the dumbass apprentice filled the crankcase all the way to the top of the filler tube that was about 7 inches above the crankcase, unbelievable. Later that week same apprentice comes to me and tells me he won't be in Monday or Tuesday because he had friends coming in from out of town , I told him noway I needed him there all week and he had just started last week and if he didn't show up he was fired, quess what, he was a no show , but shows up wensday like it was no big deal , told him to go to the hall and wait for his check, I get a call from the hall and the business agent begs me not to fire him , unbelievable.
    WTF's wrong with you. Dont you understand that he's 'Special', and the world revolves around his needs. Shame on you.
     
    We were out and about one day and there was a shack selling “SOFT TACOS”. Idiots.
    Family was hungry so we ordered and got flour tortillas with bean/meat mix and some burrito fixins on it, all open on a plate. I wanted to go tell them “this isn’t a taco, it’s not even a burrito, scammers!” But my wife made me shut up and eat it…
     
    We were out and about one day and there was a shack selling “SOFT TACOS”. Idiots.
    Family was hungry so we ordered and got flour tortillas with bean/meat mix and some burrito fixins on it, all open on a plate. I wanted to go tell them “this isn’t a taco, it’s not even a burrito, scammers!” But my wife made me shut up and eat it…
    Actually, according to Merriam Webster, youre incorrect. Taco is a flexible term.


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    taco​

    noun

    ta·co ˈtä-(ˌ)kō

    pluraltacos ˈtä-(ˌ)kōz
    : a crispy or soft corn or wheat tortilla that is folded or rolled and stuffed with a mixture (as of seasoned meat, cheese, and lettuce)
     
    Actually, according to Merriam Webster, youre incorrect. Taco is a flexible term.

    Dictionary

    taco​

    noun

    ta·co ˈtä-(ˌ)kō

    pluraltacos ˈtä-(ˌ)kōz
    : a crispy or soft corn or wheat tortilla that is folded or rolled and stuffed with a mixture (as of seasoned meat, cheese, and lettuce)
    Actually, according to me you are incorrect. But it wasn’t folded or rolled. It was open!
     
    Had a new apprentice on a job , this guy was fresh out of the army , so not a dumbass teen , told him to go up to the 10th floor where a guy was welding and to top off his machine with oil, it used about a quart every 2 days and needed to be checked and topped off daily, a little while later the welder came to me and said his welder was smoking, we went to the 10th floor and the dumbass apprentice filled the crankcase all the way to the top of the filler tube that was about 7 inches above the crankcase, unbelievable. Later that week same apprentice comes to me and tells me he won't be in Monday or Tuesday because he had friends coming in from out of town , I told him noway I needed him there all week and he had just started last week and if he didn't show up he was fired, quess what, he was a no show , but shows up wensday like it was no big deal , told him to go to the hall and wait for his check, I get a call from the hall and the business agent begs me not to fire him , unbelievable.
    " . . . go to the hall . . . "
    " . . . call from the hall . . . "
    " . . . business agent . . . "

    Are those union phrases?
     
    " . . . go to the hall . . . "
    " . . . call from the hall . . . "
    " . . . business agent . . . "

    Are those union phrases?
    Unfortunately yes, you wouldn't believe the shit I had to put up with just to run off a useless pos, and the hall would back them up 9 times out of ten , I came from a non union back ground for 10 years before I joined and don't regret joining, but Damm the shit you gotta put up with.
     
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    My GF read a fakebook post to me ..... I don't do that FB shit.
    It was some stupid chick who posted, ''What do we even need farms for anyway?''

    I have learned 3 very important life lessons. This thread proves them.

    1. Can't fix stupid.
    2. Stupid is as stupid does,
    3. Stupid breeds stupid.
     
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    I will swing it back to a what the hell happened thread.

    I watched this one, but to give credit the person checking me out did not use it. It was a while ago as they had an actual person running the register.

    Grocery store, get ready to pay my bill, pay in cash it was only a few items. I hand them the bill she enters it into the machine, I was told they had to do this so the computer can keep track of the money in the drawer. I can see that.

    On the screen there are little pictures of coins, a penny dime quarter. With a number next to it. I am standing there looking at it while this kid is trying to hand me my change.

    Here sir.....Oh sorry, (when did I become sir? Guessing around 2000)
    ahh is that screen telling you how many of each coin to give me back
    Yes, some people can't do basic math in their head.
    Are you kidding me.
    To this the older employee standing behind her (I bought booze and the kids can't touch it and had to call for someone older)
    Says you would be amazed, but this one is smart.

    She blushed a little, and I went on my way.
     
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    This became a taco thread when an unnamed party who is clearly a thread subject admitted going to The Cheesecake Factory.
    And ordering vegetarian tacos on top of it…

    Same subject was not aware of street taco normalcies and posted about what idiocy it was as well.



    At my work, plenty of genius folks try to question how I do things and why.
    So, since they are either sick or in pain, I explain it nicely.
    “That dont make no sense, I dont get it”.

    Yet still wants to tell me Im wrong cause they saw some episodes of House or ER at some point…. (Has been quoted as their reference of knowledge more than a few times over the years).
     
    We were out and about one day and there was a shack selling “SOFT TACOS”. Idiots.
    Family was hungry so we ordered and got flour tortillas with bean/meat mix and some burrito fixins on it, all open on a plate. I wanted to go tell them “this isn’t a taco, it’s not even a burrito, scammers!” But my wife made me shut up and eat it…

    you got a chalupa, son. what you chose to do with it after it came to you open faced was your call. roll up as a burrito, fold as a taco. throw it up later and have horchata. It was a pick your own adventure mexican plate.
     
    How did this become the taco thread? :ROFLMAO:
    Sorry. 🙁 Guess I am one of the ones that lives among you.

    Back on subject though, sort of, a guy I know pays with debit card, but he always puts custom cash back amount, of whatever odd change brings the total to an even dollar amount. Nerd? Probably. But the clerks almost always get hung up on it and he is like “just give me my 1.37 and my receipt please.”
     
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    This became a taco thread when an unnamed party who is clearly a thread subject admitted going to The Cheesecake Factory.
    And ordering vegetarian tacos on top of it…

    Same subject was not aware of street taco normalcies and posted about what idiocy it was as well.



    At my work, plenty of genius folks try to question how I do things and why.
    So, since they are either sick or in pain, I explain it nicely.
    “That dont make no sense, I dont get it”.

    Yet still wants to tell me Im wrong cause they saw some episodes of House or ER at some point…. (Has been quoted as their reference of knowledge more than a few times over the years).
    I used to watch that show all the time. They would damn near kill a patient with assorted diagnoses and treatments and then find out it was moldy bread or a toothpick fragment.
     
    I was working on a school remodel and had a smart aleck helper. I asked to go out to my truck and get the Greenlee wire stretcher.

    About ten minutes later I noticed he had not come back. He was outside having a cig break. He knew I was fooling him, so he thought he would strike back.

    He would sometimes bum a cig from me and I was trying to break him of that habit. I would light his cigarette and ask, "Come here often, sailor?"

    I know my friend Lee put him up to it. He replied, "Only when the ship comes in."

    So, who was the dummy?

    Sometimes I run into the really stupid people like those who cannot make change and I am reminded of this:

    "The files are in the computer!"
     
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    I was at a cousin's house watching the World Series when the Loma Prieta earthquake hit. The shock was strong where I was at in Sacramento. The broadcast went off air for a short time and when it came back the MetLife blimp was showing the amount of destruction the earthquake had left in its wake. A young woman who was shocked by the scene displayed said in complete seriousness,
    but to everyone else's amusement: "boy, when that earthquake hit I bet the guys up in that blimp got really scared!"
     
    Bill Engvall was talking about his son learning to play piano. Bill's signature line was "Here's your sign."

    So, his son says, "Dad, I am going to play something from Harry Potter."

    Before he could stop himself, he asked his son, "From the movie?"

    Son replies, "No, Dad, from the book." Here's your sign.
     
    you got a chalupa, son. what you chose to do with it after it came to you open faced was your call. roll up as a burrito, fold as a taco. throw it up later and have horchata. It was a pick your own adventure mexican plate.
    In my best Homer Simpson voice...

    UmmmmHorchata.
     
    welcome if you come here legally , but illegally I really hope they snatch you up at 3 am and strip you of all your possessions just before being hurled over the wall with a trebuchet
     
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    Had an employee, fill and empty one of those 30 gal air tanks 3 times to fill one pick-up tire enough to get it in the shop.....He said not sure why it took so many(tire was still flat on rim, btw) but he swore the air was going into the tire, he could "hear" it....after 1/2 hr of this, I finally put him on something else, the tire was off the rim on the inside...kid graduated at the top of his hs class.
     
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    Reactions: BurtG and Maggot
    I am a 30 year machinist and have had my fair share of trainees. I have come to ask 2 questions of new ones.

    How many degrees are in a circle? The best answer...."how big is the circle?"

    How many 64ths are in an inch? Most get a stupid look on their face and say "I use to know but I forgot".
    Is that circle mil or moa????
     
    Had an employee, fill and empty one of those 30 gal air tanks 3 times to fill one pick-up tire enough to get it in the shop.....He said not sure why it took so many(tire was still flat on rim, btw) but he swore the air was going into the tire, he could "hear" it....after 1/2 hr of this, I finally put him on something else, the tire was off the rim on the inside...kid graduated at the top of his hs class.
    You let an employee burn 30 min pumping air into a flat tire???
    Regardless of him being a panty waist, you sound pretty fuckin dumb yourself
     
    • Haha
    • Wow
    Reactions: Maggot and Alabusa