Maggie’s You know you're getting old when.......

[supersniper]

You calculate your casino winnings in terms of how many
co-pays it will cover.

 

[Jig Stick]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

when u fart and shit comes out?

 

[goatsack]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

When you start farting dust.

 

[Blackhawk 1]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

After the vasectomy dust comes out. just add water. same results or so I am told.

 

[hankpac]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

You brag about the MPG of your scooter/chair.

 

[Foul Mike]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

You realize the only thing golden during your Golden Years is the front of your shorts.

 

[Tucsondave]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

Thinking about having sex is just as satisfying as actually having sex.

 

[hankpac]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

...Your doctor wants a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample, and you wife takes in a pair of your shorts...

 

[CamW]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

Three rules for getting old:
1. Never pass up a bathroom
2. Never waste an erection
3. Never trust a fart

 

[Bunnypunter]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

I tend to be sitting on my balls more often. Damn, I'm not even that old yet.

 

[Barneybdb]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

What was the question?

 

[rwleonard]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

I used to like a woman with a lot of endurance. Now, I appreciate a woman with a lot of patience.

 

[rwleonard]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

You know you're getting old when you consider the flushable, moist towlet to be one of man's greatest inventions.

 

[xs hedspace]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

You take Viagra before deer hunting, just to keep your boots dry when you piss in the woods.
And you shut off your hearing aid when you want to make a quiet stalk.

 

[MarkinAZ]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

You know you are getting old when you are absolutely invisible to 18 year old girls.

Damn, I hate it when that happens!

 

[Greg Langelius *]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

You suddenly realize that your Medicare coverage can help subsidize an electric scooter.

You then realize that senior citizens and their scooters represent the real picture of green transportation in America. Following which, you begin to recognize that your daily schedule is based around your scooter's battery charge rate and charging schedule; and your itinerary is calculated based on its battery life.

You have already mounted a farm equipment orange triangle behind the seat, an International Orange Pennant on a whip antenna for the scooter, and are trying to figure out how to outfit it with headlights, taillights, and directionals. That puny little basket is slated for replacement with something that's actually substantial. You actually begin seriously weighing the merits of inventing and marketing scooter cabs, heating/air comditioning systems, and all weather tires.

That quad you thought was overkill for the past couple of decades is suddenly beginning to look like a shrewd acquisition.

Viagra no longer works, but that's not the issue because the physical effort needed to achieve satisfaction converts sex into a race between climaxing and your defibrillator going Whammo!.

Your emotional reaction to nubile teens has evolved into benign fatherly appreciation. Immediately afterward, you recognize the reasoning behind why Harems are traditionally administered my eunichs.

Your urine constitutes a highly valuable source for obscenely pricey pharmaceuticals.

You begin to laugh uncontrollably at terms like "empty nest" because your life and home are filled with several times as many Grandchildren. One of them is arriving in five minutes to drive you to your VA medical appointment, and you're using the time to take a leak so you won't need to stop along the way.

Yoor VA travel pay is your customary source of beer money; and that annual trek to get your Pacemaker evaluated will pay for a nice dinner out for you and your Wife.

Greg

 

[unrepentant]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

When changing motor oil...

You hold a magnifying glass in the weak hand and a box wrench in the other to take off the oil pan plug because you can't see the damn thing with bifocals and your jewelers' binocular magnifiers can't get you close enough either.

Oh, and doing it without glasses isn't possible because your nose is 2" under the plug to see it.

 

[supersniper]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

Greg,

I sincerely hope that all those are not from personal experience.

 

[Greg Langelius *]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

I've either experienced or heard all of them firsthand.

 

[MilsurpShooter]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

Lord, I know that's wrong and I apologize

 

[Falsecrack]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

When you injure yourself while sleeping (in the wrong position).

 

[hondo1312]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

You guys mean it gets worse? I'm only 36, and this morning I heard a super bike tear-assing up the street, and thought I was getting old for thinking "that's really dangerous" instead of "I wonder how fast he got?"

All a matter of perspective, I suppose.

 

[pyplynr]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

I got home the other night from visiting my folks after I got off work and there were some kids down the road about 1/4 mile playing, yelling, and just making noise. While I was walking into my house to go to sleep, I thought to myself, "those damn kids better not keep me awake." I walked in, took a shower, and crawled into bed. Looked over at the clock to set the alarm for 4:30 like always and noticed it was only 8:30. I'm only 31 years old.

 

[sgtkeebler]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: pyplynr</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I got home the other night from visiting my folks after I got off work and there were some kids down the road about 1/4 mile playing, yelling, and just making noise. While I was walking into my house to go to sleep, I thought to myself, "those damn kids better not keep me awake." I walked in, took a shower, and crawled into bed. Looked over at the clock to set the alarm for 4:30 like always and noticed it was only 8:30. I'm only 31 years old. </div></div>

Lol sound just like me and I'm only 27. Having to wake up at 0400 5 days a week you get used to going to bed around 2100.

 

[Ol' RD]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Sgt Keebler</div><div class="ubbcode-body"><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: pyplynr</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I got home the other night from visiting my folks after I got off work and there were some kids down the road about 1/4 mile playing, yelling, and just making noise. While I was walking into my house to go to sleep, I thought to myself, "those damn kids better not keep me awake." I walked in, took a shower, and crawled into bed. Looked over at the clock to set the alarm for 4:30 like always and noticed it was only 8:30. I'm only 31 years old. </div></div>

Lol sound just like me and I'm only 27. Having to wake up at 0400 5 days a week you get used to going to bed around 2100. </div></div>
Yep, and as you get Older,you go to bed earlier.... and it ain't to get some. Well, I guess it is..... more sleep that is. 0400 ain't as easy as it once was.

 

[sirhrmechanic]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

Personally, I can hide my own Easter eggs. And I meet new people every day. I haven't trusted a fart since I turned 45. And sometimes, I feel the need to take a leak... while taking a leak. Now you have something to look forward to!

On the bright side: age, experience and treachery beat youth, exhuberence and enthusiasm every time.

Cheers,

Sirhr

 

[mattr25]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

A sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

 

[tnichols]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

You didn't do a damn thing, and you have to go to the chiro 'cause you can barely walk.

Team Motrin

 

[my human host]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

The first time I heard "Smells Like Teen Spirit" on a classic rock station, I knew I needed to start paying more attention to my IRA.

 

[Jayne]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: xs hedspace</div><div class="ubbcode-body">And you shut off your hearing aid when you want to make a quiet stalk. </div></div>

OK that is just not funny.... ok maybe it is because I've done just that. Damn loud twigs and leaves.

Wearing hearing aids makes a guy feel old, even if he's in his 30s.

 

[tbird1960]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

When you start looking at women that are 50 to 60 and thinking they don't look too bad and the 18 year old ones look like children.

 

[powerline78]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

When you look at a highschool girl and wonder what her
mom looks like.

 

[TNT]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Rick</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You know you're getting old when you consider the flushable, moist towlet to be one of man's greatest inventions. </div></div>

I am 26 and have thought this for at least 9 years.

 

[--BLACKOUT--]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

when you're taking a shower before bed and the thought of "gettin some" tonight crosses your mind... then you think, "I'm tired..."... and beat off real quick to get a nut and save 5 minutes for "next time."

 

[ZombieHitman]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

When you're at the grocery store, and you're actually paying attention to the nutritional aspects of what you're buying...
When you actually care about your intake of fat, fiber, vitamins, and whole grain.
When you can do the portion cost in your head on the fly, then forget why you were looking at it in the first place.
When you shop for a vehicle that's more practical than cool.....
When you give your woman a Dutch oven, and 5 minutes later she returns the favor...
When you start considering Velcro straps on your sneakers...
Just sayin...

 

[ZombieHitman]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

When you're at the grocery store, and you're actually paying attention to the nutritional aspects of what you're buying...
When you actually care about your intake of fat, fiber, vitamins, and whole grain.
When you can do the portion cost in your head on the fly, then forget why you were looking at it in the first place.
When you shop for a vehicle that's more practical than cool.....
When you give your woman a Dutch oven, and 5 minutes later she returns the favor...
When you start considering Velcro straps on your sneakers...
Just sayin...

 

[Sean the Nailer]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

When you start hitting enter, because you can't remember doing so, 3 minutes prior! HAH.
10:26am<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DDMPrecision</div><div class="ubbcode-body">When you're at the grocery store, and you're actually paying attention to the nutritional aspects of what you're buying...
When you actually care about your intake of fat, fiber, vitamins, and whole grain.
When you can do the portion cost in your head on the fly, then forget why you were looking at it in the first place.
When you shop for a vehicle that's more practical than cool.....
When you give your woman a Dutch oven, and 5 minutes later she returns the favor...
When you start considering Velcro straps on your sneakers...
Just sayin...</div></div>
10:29am<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DDMPrecision</div><div class="ubbcode-body">When you're at the grocery store, and you're actually paying attention to the nutritional aspects of what you're buying...
When you actually care about your intake of fat, fiber, vitamins, and whole grain.
When you can do the portion cost in your head on the fly, then forget why you were looking at it in the first place.
When you shop for a vehicle that's more practical than cool.....
When you give your woman a Dutch oven, and 5 minutes later she returns the favor...
When you start considering Velcro straps on your sneakers...
Just sayin...</div></div>
....just sayin'

 

[mrlhunt]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

You have to carry "cheater" glasses in your pocket to read EVERYTHING

 

[Maggot]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

When you ankles hurt and
your knees hurt and
your hips hurt and
your lower back hurts and
you mid back hurts
and your upper back hurts and
your neck hurts adn
your head hurts and
your elbows hurt and
your wrists hurt and
your fingers hurt and
you dont have to worry about dental bills cause "no teeth" and
what the hell was I talking about.

 

[Maggot]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

Your greatest source of social interaction is posting on the Hide.

 

[WillAdams]

Re: You know you're getting old when.......

The cutie at the counter says, "You remind me of my grandfather."